Chapter 18

Though I have not seen my mother in a decade, we now have something in common: paranoia. The constant feeling of eyes on me is driving me to near madness. I am now doing things differently than I naturally would, reacting in other ways because the intense fear that he is watching me is always on my mind. Before I make a decision, something as simple as taking a sip of water, he pops into my head. Do I want to drink this in front of him?

Marina has noticed this in the mornings. She stares at me as I reluctantly eat breakfast. My eyes glance out the window every few minutes before I take another slow bite. She has asked me if something is wrong, but I tell her no.

The only places that I can find privacy are in rooms with no windows, or if the curtains are pulled close. I can no longer fall asleep with the windows open either, even with Sebastian beside me. I worry that he will slip through and steal me away in the middle of the night.

It is hard to fear someone you have never seen before. My dreams of being chased have continued, and I am convinced that the beast is him. A blood-lusting, thunderous-growling monster is his form in my head. I wonder if my mother has dreams about him, though hers must be different, more real and lifelike. Part of me dreams of changing his mind, convincing him that I am no demon or witch that is thirsty for power.

My hopes for this died once Sebastian came back from the search and told me that a guard had spotted something lurking between the trees. The guard explained that it was watching him, stalking him with intense eyes. Sebastian only told me this because I begged him to let me know if anything happens, as I knew he would not want me to worry or to feel unsafe.

The guard chased after it until the watcher disappeared. The thing moved in a way that disoriented him, dragging him far from the group and into the dense forest, further into the unclaimed lands. Sebastian told me that unclaimed lands are areas that belong to no pack—a land free for rogues to roam.

Grandmother and I lived on unclaimed land. Right after learning about the dangers of unclaimed land for a werewolf like her, I panicked and wanted to force her over. It was safer when she lived with Grandfather, as they had each other to protect themselves. Now that she is aged and alone, dirty rogues can take advantage of her. I have also decided to call the bad rogues as dirty rogues. I believe they can clean up their act and become good. It makes me feel better about their situation.

This morning I find myself taking a few bites of breakfast only to look back out the window. My eyes scan the foliage, searching for others staring back at me. I have never caught anything, but that has not stopped me.

I begin to hear Marina’s voice in the background and another’s, but I do not pay enough attention to unveil them. My eyes stare at the undergrowth as it seems to sway back and forth. Could be the wind, or could be something peering through the dense leaves. My eyes study each gap, searching for the pair of eyes, searching for someth— “Evangeline.”

I jump in my spot as my heart jolts in my chest. Looking up, I see Sebastian standing in front of me. I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair.

“You scared me.”

“What are you looking at?” he questions and scans the trees himself.

“Nothing. I…Nothing.”

“She’s been looking out that window every morning,” Marina confesses for me.

I gaze up at her with pleading eyes, not wanting Sebastian to worry about me, or think I am even more insane than before.

“You have?” Sebastian focuses in on me, making me shrink. “Why?”

“I just look out the window. The scenery is beautiful in the morning.” I lie, though I do enjoy the scenery.

The birds’ songs sound much more magical after the sun rises and the day is just beginning.

Sebastian does not seem very convinced, but I did not expect him to be.

“Fiona, she wants to meet you.”

“Fiona, Andrew’s mate? The girl who let me borrow her clothes?”

“Yes. I thought I could bring you over. Distract yourself for a bit, no more staring out windows,” Sebastian says.

Distract myself, that sounds nice. I can no longer escape from the pesky thoughts in my sleep, so a friend should do me good. I cannot keep bothering Henry whenever I want to chat about nonsense anyway.

Fiona. I hope she is kind. I hope she does not mind that I borrowed her clothes when I first got here. Though I doubt Fiona would only want to meet me so she can yell about how she despises sharing. I have never had a friend that is a girl, besides the Moon Goddess, but I do not label her as a friend. The Moon Goddess is more of a mother figure to me. Henry is the only friend that I have had who is a boy. It seems quite sad now that I think about it. A life in hiding is a life alone, I suppose.

I should take advantage of this moment and enjoy making a new friend. My younger self would have conquered this opportunity with excitement, and she would have strived, determined to live life to the fullest. My younger self-imagined herself playing and laughing with the other kids, watching down from the attic window with tears in her eyes. I have to do this for her.

“Sebastian.” I grab his attention as I follow him along. “I was looking for him in the forest.”

“I know you were.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“I was hoping you’d say something different.”

I grab his arm, halting our movements for a moment. His eyes look into mine.

“I did say something different.”

“Yes, but you’re not a very good liar.”

I let go of his arm, missing the feeling of his skin against mine. The mate bond is sure to leave a longing in my heart.

“I don’t want you to worry.”

“Evangeline,” he says my name, toying with my emotions. “You believe a man is going to come and kill you.”

“Because he might.”

“You are frustrating.” He exhales.

“How?”