Chapter 74

I don’t know if I fell asleep again or was just hovering between the fuzzy comfort of Ezra wrapped around me. But I slowly came back to a clearer reality filled with relief.

I squeezed him tightly and looked up at him. He was awake, his eyes penetrating over his stoic face. He silently brushed some of my tear-matted hair away from my face.

“Can you fill me in, please?” I was surprised that wasn’t my first demand, but his presence distracted me in ways I didn’t know I needed.

Now, I could focus on the future with a slightly clearer head now that I had shed some of that heavy lingering weight of grief.

His calloused fingertips trailed over my back. “Not as bad as I’m sure you’re thinking.” He eyed me. “The werecats have not entered the packhouse. They are waiting for you.”

I sat up a bit stiffly so I could fully see his face.

“I’m not entirely sure why. Ceremony maybe, respect.” He shrugged. “They are staying on the lands, though, securing them for you.”

“The other Alphas and Lunas?” I asked.

They were the ones I was most worried about. I couldn’t do the damage control I wanted, and if they left, they could come back with a small army.

A smile danced across his face. “They are terrified of you,” he said with pride. “Rightfully so.”

I shook my head. “That wasn’t what I wanted,” I muttered.

But wasn’t it? At least in the moment, maybe.

“Some stayed, some left, scurried home, actually.” His eyes glimmered. “But then they returned, or at least one of them did, after ensuring the threat of the werecats was well and truly gone. I think they wanted to see for themselves how it played out. Nosy bastards.” He grimaced, and I laughed.

“Nolan?” I asked, quieter this time.

“Just floating around.”

“How is he?”

“Okay, considering, but he’s going to need something to hold him together, something to focus on.”

I nodded, looking at his chest. “Nolan said he didn’t feel as bad as he thought he would, that losing the concept of a brother was harder than losing the actual person. I never had related to him more than that,” I admitted.

Ezra nodded and asked, “What is his fate?”

“I want the pack to know what has happened, everything that has happened.”

“They will,” he said so confidently that I knew it would be done and that he would make it so.

He would be such a good partner.

He will be such a good partner - Aksala corrected, and I smiled.

Ezra was everything I did not deserve. I wanted him in ways I did not know. But of all the terrible things I had done, the worst might be to take him from his true mate.

“Simone?” he asked.

I blinked away unshed tears. I was shocked I had any left. “I’ll talk to Nolan and see what he even has the want or capacity for. If he wants to lead them, I could maybe give some land from Blood Moon to make up for their loss.” I tugged at my hair, trying to make sense of it all. “I’m unsure what the best course of action would be. Any thoughts?”

He was silent for a moment, the silence when he was locked inside his mind.

“Why not have them join Blood Moon?” he asked. “They are rightfully your pack.”

A slimy feeling akin to fear or maybe hate gripped me.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I don’t know how much they knew of Raymond’s sins against my pack. I’m unsure how much they approved or were complacent to.”

“The other Alphas of the territory didn’t know the truth,” Ezra said gently.

“I do not want them in my pack,” I snapped. I heaved a breath, running my hands through my hair. “I’m sorry.”

He lifted my chin up so I met his eyes. “Is this because you are afraid that they will turn on you one day as Miles did, or is it because you have a dislike of them?”

I stilled, my brows pulled together, and I tried to look down, but Ezra didn’t let me. I forced myself to meet his gaze again.

“I think both,” I replied slowly. “Even though I do not believe a pack member could tear down my pack again, whatever pack there even might be. I think there is some lingering fear.”

“You took down a pack singlehandedly,” Ezra said, both sides of his lips curling up into a rare, radiant smile.

“I did,” I agreed, a bright smile of my own appeared. “But they aren’t me.”

“No. No, they’re not.”

“I do not want to lead anyone who does not want to be led by me. I do not want to force anyone to move, to lose their homes. I don’t even want them to think that not joining me would be something that might result in punishment for them,” I responded resolutely. “I’m fine with other Alpha’s fearing me. That might be beast, actually,” I mused.

He laughed, and it rumbled through his chest. I smiled up at him. I loved that sound.

“But I will not have anyone in my pack that has not chosen to be there.”

“What about those with nowhere else to go?” His voice was quieter. “Those without a choice?”

“We will welcome them with open arms.”

“We?” he asked, his voice raspy and expectant.

I nodded slowly.

“So there is a future?”

“Yes,” I admitted, and it locked that into place.

I would not run from this life. I had too much to do. Even though I could not live it for myself yet, I would live it for others. I would stay here for Ezra, to provide a safe space for The Omegas, to rebuild my legacy until I could find a reason to stay for myself.

Although Ezra was helping with my reasons, I could not. I would not put that on him.

I had to find a reason, just my own, but that didn’t mean I had to find it alone.

“With me?” he asked.

I hated to dash the hope that crossed his beautiful face.

I wanted so badly for that to be an easy yes. I knew beyond a doubt that I wanted what was best for him, and I was not his mate. Even if I had lost faith in The Goddess, it did not mean she had forsaken him.

And what of his mate? What of her?

Could I add any more terrible things to my list by denying her a mate? The thought of his destined mate met me with sadness and a hot jealousy. I bet she was fucking perfect. Because that’s what he deserved. He deserved true, unrelenting happiness. Not just because of the horrible things he went through; it was because of who he was.

“What of your mate?” I asked.

“I told you, we made sure we didn’t get one.” I sat up and turned his arm over, tracing the outlines of that mark he and his brothers shared. It felt cold at first but then sent a jolt through me. Ezra’s eyes widened. “Who is to say you’re not my true mate, anyway?” he asked.

I snorted. “I don’t think The Moon Goddess thinks that highly of me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I’m worried I’m not enough for you,” I whispered, my throat constricting against those words because I knew they were true, and I knew beyond a doubt I wanted him entirely.

He stilled as if it were possible for him to get even more stoic, but I felt as if I was attuned to him.

“Enough for me?” he asked incredulously. “Enough for me?” he repeated.

“We both have had difficult lives,” I tried to explain my fears even though I didn’t want to admit them. I wouldn’t hide anything from him. “But where you chose goodness and rigorousness, I chose death and destruction.”

“I don’t know if I would have chosen differently if I was in your position,” Ezra responded. “And you did not choose destruction. You chose honor for your family; you chose restoration and peace for the werecats. You challenged a line and a territory and saved the future from who knows how many countless evils.”

I opened my mouth to say those were just accidental outcomes, but he went on, “You had your own reasonings. I know they were more personal, but there is nothing you have done or could do that I would judge you for. There is nothing you can share that will not make me fall deeper in love with you.”

“What happened to you was…” His jaw clenched. “It was unforgivable. The situation you were put in would have broken most, but you have not only weathered through but you have come out as its master. I have never seen anything like you."

His eyes shone with something I couldn't discern, and his face was reverent yet pleading. "Simone, you are my constant,” he rasped.

“You are mine,” I responded.

He had been even before I knew it, but I didn’t think anyone, even him, could see me as anything resembling sturdy.

I opened my mouth to say more, to let more of my doubts spill out, but I was silenced by his lips pressed against mine, stealing my breath. They were hungry, and he palmed the side of my cheek, tangling his fingers in my hair.

I met his hunger. Leaning into him, expressing ourselves in a way words could not. He pulled back too soon, our breathing ragged, and my body filled with warmth and happiness that was unfamiliar before him.

The corners of his mouth tugged down. “I don’t want to hurt—” I put my fingers over his lips.

He breathed in sharply, and I let my fingertips trail over his lips, and then his scar there, and the rest of his face, wanting to memorize his haunting beauty.

“I’m okay, more than okay,” I told him the truth. “These moments are nice, to pretend there is nothing else.”

“This isn’t pretend." His hand came over mine and he gently pulled my palm to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. "This is real.” His voice was soft yet ragged. “My life is complete for once in a way I never even fathomed it could be.”

I nodded, unable to find words; he was so much better at this than I was.

He pressed his lips to my palm again his blue and brown eyes peered up at me.

“You are an Alpha. I am no one, a discarded orphan,” he said, his voice grim. “Even my brothers, who I love, I did not choose. But you.” He paused. “You are the only thing I’ve chosen, the only thing I’ve wanted for myself since my freedom.”

I swallowed.

“I am unworthy,” he said. Sincerity rang through his voice, and it cleaved me in half. It hurt me to hear he felt that way. “But I trust you. And the fact that you think I’m good enough gives me all the validation I need.”

Tears filled my eyes. That small part of me that wanted to save him from me begged me to reason with him. “We don’t know each other,” I sighed.

“We know the parts we have hidden from the world. The deepest parts no one else has seen. I’m fairly certain the rest will be easier.” His voice was serious, but his lips curled into a half smile.

“I don’t even know your favorite color,” I pointed out.

He looked into my eyes. “Gray,” he responded, and I felt my cheeks heat.

“But The Goddess-”

“Fuck The Goddess,” he snarled, his eyes flashing with raw anger.

I saw the assassin part of him and it would have frightened me if I did not know him so well. I placed a hand on his cheek and he shut his eyes leaning into it.

When they opened again, they locked on mine, seeming to search through me. “You are the only goddess I want. You are a terrifyingly beautiful goddess of death and justice. My fate lies with you. I’m done having others choose for me. I choose you.”

I met his eyes, and I stopped thinking. I just felt.

I wanted to believe that the goodness left in me could deserve him. I abandoned all logic and gave way to my deepest desires.

“I choose you too,” I whispered.

His eyes widened. “Simone,” he whispered and leaned ever so slowly down to place a long, chaste kiss on my lips.

A promise.

“Now what?” I asked.

A corner of his lip tugged up. “We live happily ever after.”

“An ex-assassin and a vengeful murdered?” I asked.

“I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving,” he responded.