Chapter 73

I woke with a sore throat, my head fuzzy. My eyelids were heavy when I tried to open them. My room blurred into view and I scrambled to remember how I had gotten here but had nothing.

Was it all a dream?

“Simone,” a soft, thundering voice skittered over me and lit me up from within. “You’re awake.”

I nodded or thought I did, my lids drifting shut.

Ezra.

I forced my eyes open. I craved his face. I needed him to tell me it was real. His beautiful dark features drifted in and out of view.

“You lose a lot of blood, my love.” A cool hand pressed against my forehead and then my cheek. I tried to turn toward it.

“The pack doctor gave you something to help you sleep so your wolf could heal you after you were treated,” he explained.

“How long?” I croaked.

“Only a few hours,” he explained. That filled me with relief. “Everything is okay. It's all being taken care of. Go back to sleep.”

I believed him. I had no option anyway, but I trusted him implicitly.

I let myself sink back into the warm abyss, grasping for his hand before I drifted away from reality.

***

The next time I woke, gray had overtaken the afternoon sky. Dread sunk in cold and heavy. I wanted to be out there, to control what was being said and done after the challenge, but instead, I was stuck in here, away from it.

I knew Ezra was more than capable of handling it, maybe even more so than I, but I was desperate to be in control of the narrative that I had created.

I tried to reach out to Aksala, but she was silent.

I tried to move my leg, and a dull pain radiated through my body. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought it would be, though. I wondered when I could stand. I hoped nothing was broken beyond repair, but I was fairly certain there would be more lingering pain.

My throat felt both raw and thick. I shifted up in bed, searching for water I hoped was in arms reach.

A dark figure came from the shadows, and my heart picked up pace, but it slowed down when I realized it wasn’t him.

A tall man with dark red hair and a short beard stood eerily still; his stillness reminded me of Ezra. “Can I get you something?” he asked.

“Water,” I croaked.

He disappeared into the bathroom and came back with a full glass. He helped lift it to my lips and gently tilted it down my throat. I was about to protest, but my body was aching; I was grateful for the help.

“Thank you.”

The mad nodded and retreated to the shadows. “I’m Slater,” he said. “One of Ezra’s friends.”

“One of his brothers,” I corrected.

A pause. “Yes.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for being here.”

“We’re here for him. And now for you.”

The implication of that settled over me in a comforting warmth.

He spoke again from the shadows, saying, “Thank you.” I searched the darkness. His face gave nothing away, but I thought I saw his Adam's apple bob a few times. “You have changed him more than you know. You helped him become the person he was supposed to be.”

I tried to grab at words to respond to what he said, but as I was trying to process his meaning, the sleepiness pulled me under.

***

When I woke again, I felt foggy, but there was no lingering pain. The night sky beyond the open window haunted me.

An entire day was wasted.

Each of the minutes I lay there were minutes that threatened to unravel the precarious hold I had over the place.

“Hungry?” his voice rumbled from beside me.

I jumped, my hand to my throat.

“Goddess, I wasn’t going to mark you in your sleep,” he chuckled, and the adrenaline moved from my heart to between my thighs.

“Was that a joke?” My voice was hoarse and I hoped he thought it was because I had been asleep for hours and not because of how those words affected me.

He shrugged slightly, the hard planes of his face flickering in the firelight. “Slightly.” He turned to me, his eyes darting over my face and down to the blanket tucked in neatly around me as if he could see through it. I knew he must have tucked me in, and it made my heart tighten.

“How do you feel?” he asked slowly.

We’re healed - Aksala rasped, and I jolted.

Joy and relief flooded me.

I’m going to rest now. Well done, human - she said with tired pride.

Thank you, Askala.

Mhm.

I assessed my body. I was stiff but besides that, there was no trace of pain.

“Good, actually,” I told him the truth. “A bit out of it still.”

He nodded. “You were healing faster than I had seen anyone heal.”

I thought that over. “Maybe it's tied to why I have heightened senses in human form; I still don’t understand that.”

“Did your parents—” He stopped. “Sorry,” he murmured.

“It’s fine.” I tried to smile as I opened the door to the memories I had spent years locking away.

“No,” I finally replied, “They didn’t mention it to me, at least. I don’t know if it could be related to the night; we couldn’t shift, so they didn’t tell me yet though. I was supposed to find all that out when I got my wolf.” I shuddered; the room suddenly felt very cold.

“Maybe it was the Goddess feeling bad for the last heir of an unbroken line that she felt she needed to help me a little,” I said dryly.

“Perhaps,” Ezra responded, but I knew he didn’t believe it. “Your wolf,” he said. “When you shifted, I know you weren’t probably paying attention.” He winced at the memory.

“Not particularly,” I responded; the reminder of that sharp, raw pain rang through me.

“When you shifted, it was unlike anything I had felt before.”

“I thought it might have just been me and my not-to-hidden infatuation with you.” He smiled briefly before his eyes went far away, back to hours earlier. “So I forced myself to look at everyone else. They were all completely still. The power that radiated from you felt like it washed over us. Some people reached up as if they could touch it.”

He shook his head. “It was different than just an Alpha aura; it was something else entirely. I can’t find the words.”

I shifted slightly to focus on him, happy to find there really was no pain from the movement.

“It was old, ancient. It called to me on an instinctual level as if I were basking in the Moon Goddess's light.” One of his shoulders tilted up, and he shook his head more vigorously than usual. “I know it sounds poetic and dumb—”

“It doesn’t,” I cut him. He eyed me, and I shrugged. “It’s hard to put to words things you have never categorized before.” I had to do it with my feelings for him, and I was still trying to piece that together.

“Yes,” he agreed. “Generally, it just felt good; it felt right in a way that other auras feel stifling.”

I chewed my lip and said, “When I shifted for the first time in front of the Alpha and his sons.”

A shutter traveled down my spine, and my first instinct was to plan for their deaths. But they were already dead, and I would somehow have to live with those memories of the torture they inflicted in another way now.

My throat constricted, but I pushed that thought away for now. I had other things to focus on. Too many other things.

“Simone?” Ezra asked, gently taking one of my limp hands in his.

I gave him a weak smile. “When I shifted, they had interesting reactions. The Alpha almost seemed scared. I remember them being a bit confused, maybe apprehensive. I didn’t think much of it.”

He nodded slightly. “It was undeniable,” he murmured. “Incredible,” he added under a breath.

I tucked that away for later. “How much longer?” I asked, motioning to my leg.

“The doctor said a few days, but it might be sooner,” he added when he saw my horrified expression. “Everything is okay, I promise you.”

“I trust you, but—” I threw my hands up. “I should have been there, I should have talked to them all, made plans, instead I just… I just… collapsed. The pain, mental and emotional, it all hit me, and it was too much—” I choked.

Ezra tightened his grip on my hand. “How do you feel? I mean, besides physically,” he clarified.

My heart constricted, and tears immediately pricked my eyes. “I don’t know. It’s a relief it’s over, but now I don’t have a purpose.” I swallowed.

“I mean, I do,” I rushed out, trying to put words to my emotions. “But I don’t have anywhere for the anger to be directed at. I can’t lock it away and solve all the negative thoughts by promising myself they will pay. They did pay, but now I—now I… I don’t have that to look forward to. Now it’s all just pain and anger left.”

I clutched at my chest as the sharp sting of loss ripped through me, threatening to tear me apart from the loose seams I managed to stitch myself back up with.

I tried to will it back down, but the leash I had on it was made of a promise of vengeance. Now that it had obeyed me this far, I couldn’t bottle it back up. I had nothing to feed it. Nothing to distract it.

It crept up fast.

The longing and loss, the pure rage that had no direction. The fact that even though they paid with their blood at my hand, they still did what they did for all those years. The fact I had to live with the memories of what they had done to me.

And there was no outlet in revenge.

Nothing to bottle it back up.

It came out in a torrent. This time, not as a scream but in silent, wracking sobs.

I cried for what I had, for what could have been, and for what I could not change.

Angry tears spilled for what they had done, what I knew that their deaths could not undo.

I sobbed for the injustice of it all. I let out the flood of tears I had held back for years.

I wept for my past self and for my future one, who were both alone in this world without a family.

Ezra tucked me against his warm chest and held me tight.

I swear that was the only thing that kept me from being ripped away in a river of my own rage. His presence was the only thing that kept me from drowning in the memories, both happy and sad.

***

I cried until I had nothing left to give. Even though I dipped back into my earth-shattering p.ain, I felt a bit better when I let it all out.

The memories brought back all that was unhealed, and I felt their deaths as if it were the first time over and over again.

I was so terrified of what would happen when I had to face it all. I knew it was one small step into a lifetime of healing, but getting that initial torrent out let go of the fear shrouding it.

When my sobs turned to hiccups, Ezra loosened his iron grip on me. Thankfully, I didn’t combust right there.

His shirt was soaked through, but I couldn’t find the words to apologize. I know I didn’t need to anyway.

The real world felt fuzzy compared to the visceral realness of my memories. Ezra slowly unwrapped his arms and shifted out of the bed. Moments later, he returned with a cold washcloth to dab on my face and tissues for me.

He resumed his position on the bed, pulling his shirt over his head, and tucked my back into him. I closed my eyes and focused on his calming scent and the soft, unrelenting beat of his heart.