Chapter 121 Chapter 121

Chapter 121 Chapter 121
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-One

Irina

Midnight came too quickly.

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the locked door.

Alexei's offer echoed in my mind.

One hour a day with Nikolai. In exchange for giving myself to him every night.

Was it worth it?

Alexei had made that offer before and I had accepted. 

Accepting the second time for my baby won't kill me. 

But Dmitri was here.

Sleeping with his twin brother, knowing he was somewhere, suffering alone in a cell was heartbreaking. 

How could I face him after?

Would he ever forgive me?

I thought of Nikolai's face. The way he had stopped crying the moment I held him. The way he had settled against my chest.

He still remembered me. At least for now.

But for how much longer?

Every day, Alexei was bonding with him. Taking my place in my son's heart.

Soon, Nikolai would not remember me at all.

Unless I did something.

I had to accept the offer. Again.

I stood up and walked to the small mirror on the wall.

The woman staring back looked hollow.

Not the woman Dimitri had married. 

Not the woman who had once been strong.

"What would you do?" I whispered to my reflection. "What would Dimitri want me to do?"

But I already knew the answer.

Dimitri would tell me to refuse. To stay strong. To not give Alexei anything.

But Dimitri was not here. He was locked in a cell somewhere.

And Nikolai was forgetting me.

I had to make this decision alone.

I looked at the clock on the wall. Five minutes to midnight.

If I was going to accept, I had to go now.

If I was going to refuse, I would stay here. And never see my son again.

My hand went to the door handle, trembling.

What kind of mother was I? What kind of mother would sell herself just to see her child?

But what kind of mother would let her child forget her?

Tears streamed down my face.

I opened the door.

The hallway was empty and dark.

I walked slowly towards Alexei's bedroom. 

When I reached his door, I stopped. My hand raised and knocked.

"Come in," Alexei's voice called.

I opened the door.

Alexei was sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine in his hand. He looked up when I entered.

A slow smile spread across his face. He stood up and walked towards me. He circled me slowly. 

"I knew you would come," he said. "You're too desperate." He laughed.

"Just let me see my son." I said, keeping my voice steady.

"And you will," Alexei replied. "As long as you come to my bed every night." 

"I will see my son, starting tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah, starting tomorrow." Alexei nodded.

I let out a sigh of relief.

He stopped in front of me and lifted my chin with his finger.

"Do we have a deal?" He asked.

I closed my eyes. This was for Nikolai. Only for him.

"Yes," I whispered. "We have a deal."

Alexei smiled. "Good."

He leaned in. His lips brushed my ear.

"Then let us begin," he whispered, pulling off his clothes.

I left Alexei's room at dawn.

My body felt numb. My mind was empty.

I had done it. I had sold myself to the devil.

For my son.

I walked back to my room in a daze. 

Lucia was waiting outside my door.

"Mrs. Irina," she said softly. "Are you..."

"I am fine," I interrupted. My voice was flat.

"You went to him," Lucia said. It was not a question.

I nodded.

"Oh, child," Lucia whispered. She pulled me into a hug.

I stood there stiffly. Unable to feel anything.

"It was my choice," I said. "To see Nikolai. It was worth it."

But even as I said it, I was not sure I believed it.

"Come," Lucia said. "Let me help you clean up."

She led me to a bathroom, helped me wash and gave me clean clothes. All while I stared at nothing. 

Dmitri would hate me.

"Mr. Alexei has instructed that you are to have one hour with the baby each day," Lucia said. "Starting at ten o'clock this morning."

I looked at the clock. It was six in the morning.

Four more hours. Then I would see my son.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Lucia helped me back to my room and made me lie down.

"Rest," she said. "You need your strength."

She left.

I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. What had I done?

I had given myself to Alexei. The man who had raped me. Who had taken everything from me.

And for what? One hour a day with my baby?

Was it worth it?

I did not know anymore.

I closed my eyes. I was too yried to sleep.

But all I could see was Alexei's face. 

All I could feel was his hands on me.

I pressed my hands over my mouth to keep from screaming.

This was my life now. This was my choice.

I would survive it. For my son. For Dmitri.

At ten o'clock, Lucia came to get me.

"It is time," she said gently.

I stood up and smoothed my dress. 

Lucia led me to a small sitting room on the second floor.

And there, in a crib, was Nikolai.

My heart soared.

I rushed to him and lifted him into my arms.

He looked at me. His beautiful eyes widened with recognition.

Then he smiled.

My baby smiled at me.

"Nikolai," I whispered. Tears streaming down my face. "My sweet baby boy."

I held him close. Breathed in his scent. Memorized every detail of his face.

"Mama missed you so much," I said.

Nikolai babbled and reached for my face with his tiny hands.

I laughed through my tears. "Yes, baby. Mama is here. Mama will always be here."

I spent the hour holding him. Talking to him. Singing to him.

It was the most beautiful hour of my life.

And the shortest.

Too soon, Lucia appeared at the door.

"I am sorry, Mrs. Irina," she said. "But your time is up."

"Already?"
I asked. It felt like only minutes had passed.

"Yes," Lucia said sadly. "I am sorry."

I looked down at Nikolai. He was starting to fuss.

"I have to go now, baby," I whispered. "But Mama will be back tomorrow. I promise."

I kissed his forehead. Then reluctantly handed him to Lucia.

Nikolai started crying, reaching for me.

It broke my heart all over again.

"Tomorrow," I promised him. "Mama will be back."

I left the room quickly. Before I changed my mind. Before I tried to run with him.

I went back to my room.