Chapter 30

“We’ll come back to that,but don’t think you’re off the hook.”Tom clicked a few more times.New images appeared and disappeared.It stopped on one where Andy was looking directly into the lens.He closed his eyes,not wanting to see.

Andy felt Tom’s hand on his shoulder.“Please,love,look at the screen.”Andy opened his eyes,looked at Tom,then finally at the screen.“Even when you’re facing the camera,”Tom clicked the mouse a couple more times and zoomed in on Andy’s face.

“Your scars aren’t that noticeable.”

“That’s because you don’t have them.”Andy wasn’t convinced.He was ugly,deformed,disfigured.There was no getting away from it.

“No,look closer.”Tom blew the picture up even more.“Honestly,Andy,I’m not lying.Your scars aren’t that bad.I think maybe they’ve faded over the years.”

Andy made himself look.Grudgingly,he had to admit,just maybe,he didn’t quite look as hideous as he thought.The long scar that curved from under his right eye toward his nose was still there,but,yes,it didn’t look quite as angry as it used to.

“And like I said earlier,you can do lots of tricks with images on computers these days.”Tom clicked away;within a few seconds the scars that were visible had pretty much disappeared.“There.”Tom leaned back in his chair.

“I—”Andy automatically reached up to touch his face.“But that’s not really me.It’s—”

“You’re right.”Tom turned to him.Pointing at the monitor,he said,“That picture doesn’t tell us the real story of Andrew Johnson.It doesn’t show us what a warm,caring,strong,protective man you are.”

Andy opened his mouth to protest.

“No,listen.”Tom got out of his chair and climbed into Andy’s lap.Andy automatically put his arms around him.

“That picture,”Tom said,his nose inches from Andy’s,“only tells us what’s on the surface.There’s a hell of a lot more to you than that.I know it,Paddy knows it,and Luke sureas hell knows it.”

Andy remembered all the times Luke had said something similar.Previously he’d never believedhim.Now…

“Andy,it’s so obvious that Luke loves you,scars or not.Hell,you only have to look in his face to see it.”Tom turned round in Andy’s lap and brought back the first picture of the two of them.“He’s told you that he doesn’t care.And look,there’s the proof.”

Andy stared at the picture.It was hard to deny what Tom was saying,much as he wanted to.“Why?”

Tom turned himself round again.“Why does he love you?”

Andy nodded.

Tom shook his head and pointed his thumb back at the screen.“Just look at yourself in that picture.Your posture,your body language,the expression on your face.All of it screams,‘I care for you,I’ll do anything to protect you.”Tom kissed Andy’s left cheek.Whispering,hecontinued,“It also says,‘I love you.’”

Andy didn’t say anything.He closed his eyes and hugged Tom to him.Tom rubbed his hands along Andy’s back.

“I’m scared,”Andy eventually said.“Scared that he’ll leave me,he’ll get bored,he’ll—”Andy couldn’t put it into words.

“I know,love.But it’ll be all right.I know it will.”

After a minute had passed,Andy listening to Tom’s steady breathing,Tom said,“You need to go upstairs and talk to Luke.”

Andy made no move to let go of Tom.

Tom spoke quietly in Andy’s ear.“Be honest with him.Tell him what you’re really feeling.Ipromise,love,it’s the only way.”

Andy loosened his arms and Tom climbed off his lap.

Tom patted Andy’s arm before turning to the computer and disconnecting the camera.“Send Paddy down,will you?It’s time we were going home.”

Andy stood,and,after a moment’s indecision,set his jaw and turned for the stairs.

He could hear soft voices coming from the spare room.He wondered why Paddy and Luke were in there.But before he could think about it any further,he was at the open door.Luke was lying on the bed;it was obvious from his reddened eyes and the tear tracks on his face that he’d been crying.

“Tom says he’s ready to go home.”

Paddy nodded.“You’ll be okay?”he asked Luke.

“Yeah.And thanks.”

Paddy leaned down,kissed Luke on the forehead,straightened,nodded to Andy and left the room.Andy could hear his footsteps descending the stairs.

The only noise in the room was the ticking of an alarm clock on the bedside table.Andy sat on the side of the bed and reached for Luke’s left hand.This was one of the most difficult thingshe’d ever have to do.He knew it was also one of the most important.He had to get it right.

“Luke.I’m—”Andy’s voice cracked.“I’m so sorry.I hurt you and that’s…I don’t ever want to do that.”

Luke gave him a wary smile.

Andy squeezed Luke’s hand.“I fucked up.I misunderstood what Tom meant by an‘online printer.I thought the picture would go up on a website and I—”

“I thought you were ashamed of me,of us.I thought you didn’t want there to be a picture of the two of us.”

“No.”Andy shook his head.Hell.He hadn’t even considered Luke would think that.“It wasn’t you,I promise.It was me,my face.Ever since Afghanistan I’ve not let anyone take pictures.I am—”He struggled for the right word,“amazed that someone as perfect as you would even give me more than a passing look.”

“Andy,I—”

“Please,let me get this out,”Andy said,his voice sounding hoarse.

Not letting go of Luke’s hand,Andy got off the bed and knelt by it.Lifting Luke’s hand to his lips,he kissed the knuckles.“Tom made me look at the pictures.Really look at them.He forced me to see something in them that I think,hell,I know,I’ve been avoiding.Luke—”he swallowed again and looked directly into Luke’s eyes.His mouth had gone dry.“I’m falling in love with you and it scares the fucking bejesus out of me.”

Andy scrunched his eyes shut.Had he just made the biggest mistake of his life,opening himselfup like that?

“Andy,please look at me.”He felt Luke grip his hand more tightly.

Andy raised his head and gazed at the most perfect man he’d ever met.

Luke moistened his lips.“For a long time I’ve wanted to say the same to you,but I was scared.I didn’t think you could love me because…because of what I did for a living.”

“No,I don’t care what you used to do.You’re beautiful and perfect.I don’t know why you’d even consider wanting me,but I know you do,and that makes me the happiest,luckiest man on earth.God—”Andy ran his free hand through his hair.“I’m babbling.”

Luke smiled one of his angelic smiles.“I love you,Andy.All of you.Even when you’re tongue-tied or you’re babbling.”

Andy let out a long breath.The dread he’d been carrying was replaced by the most wonderful feeling of happiness.The past couple of minutes had been as difficult as he’d imagined.But he’d done it.And best of all,Luke loved him.Andy had wanted to believe Tom when he’d said Luke loved him.But until he’d actually heard Luke say the words,he hadn’t allowed it to be true.

“Can I kiss you?”Andy asked.

Luke smiled.“You don’t need to ask.You never need to ask.”

Andy leaned forward and tasted Luke’s lips.They were slightly salty,probably from his earlier tears.He vowed then that he’d never make Luke cry again if he could possibly help it.“That picture,the one where I had just kissed the top of your head?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think it’d be all right to put it on your website?”

Luke’s eyes widened.“You sure?”

Andy nodded.“I want everyone to know that Luke Matthews,formerly Luke Wales,is mine,and they better keep their mitts off him,‘cause I don’t share.”

“Oh,Andy.”Luke started to cry.