Chapter 164 ALWAYS

Chapter 164 ALWAYS
ONE HOUR LATER

ISAIAH

The drive home passed in complete silence. My eyes never left the road, yet I still caught Karima looking at me every now and then.

Every time my bruised knuckles tightened around the steering wheel, they reminded me of what had happened an hour ago. I couldn't tell which hurt more. My hand… Or my chest. It felt like someone had reached inside and twisted everything until I could barely breathe. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel again.

The moment we pulled into the driveway, I parked, switched off the engine, and unclipped my seat belt. I finally turned to her even though I barely looked in her eyes. "I'll carry Juls." The words came out before I could think.

I reached for the door.

"Isaiah..." Her voice stopped me.

I closed my eyes briefly.

"I think..." she sniffled softly. "I think we should talk."

"Yeah." I nodded once not facing her yet. "When we get inside."

"But—"

"Karry." I finally looked at her. God… That was harder than I expected. "I don't think either of us should do this right now." I rubbed a hand over my face. "A lot happened tonight." I glanced at Julian sleeping peacefully in the back seat. "He needs his bed."

Then I looked back at her. "So do us both."

A long silence settled between us. Finally… She nodded. "Okay."

Without another word, I stepped out of the car and opened Julian's door. I carefully unclipped his seat belt. His head slumped against my arm. I slid one arm beneath his knees and the other around his back before lifting him gently against my chest. He didn't even stir.

After shutting the door, I started toward the house. Karima unlocked the front door before I reached it. The silence between us somehow said more than words ever could.

I carried Julian upstairs and laid him carefully on the bed. Moonlight filtered through the curtains, washing the room in a pale glow.

I reached for his shoes.

"Let me." Karima's voice was barely above a whisper but I stepped back without arguing. I didn't even think I could.

She knelt beside the bed, easing off his shoes before helping him into his pajamas. I stood there watching them. Watching the little family I'd imagined could one day be mine.

The thought only made my chest hurt more. When she finished, she leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against Julian's forehead.

I swallowed hard. I couldn't stay in that room another second. I turned toward the door.

Before I could take another step… Warm fingers wrapped gently around my wrist.

I stopped.

"I..." She drew in a shaky breath. "I didn't push him away when he kissed me."

My chest tightened. I'd been trying not to think about that moment. She'd just dragged it right back to the surface.

"It wasn't because I felt something," she rushed on. "It was because everything happened so fast, and I—"

"You don't have to explain." The words came out before she could finish. I turned to face her. "I know you think I'm angry with you." I shook my head. "But I'm not."

And I wasn't. Not at her. If anything… I was angry at myself. At how easily I'd lost control. At how I'd let my emotions get the better of me. But most of all… At the truth, I'd spent the entire night trying not to see.

"Then why won't you look at me?" she asked softly, taking another step closer.

I released a slow breath. "Karry..." Our eyes finally met. "I don't think this conversation should happen tonight."

"You're avoiding it." Her voice cracked. "It's killing me knowing I hurt you."

"You didn't." I shook my head. "I was the one who hurt someone. Him.” I glanced down at my bruised knuckles. "I lost my temper." A bitter laugh escaped me. "And that's what I'm fucking angry about."

She stared at me. "No." Then she started shaking her head. "You should be angry at me. I caused all of this. And now… He's lying in a hospital because of me while you're standing here blaming yourself too."

Silence stretched between us. Then I asked the one question I hadn't wanted to. "You're still worried about him..." I held her gaze. "...aren't you?”

"You know that's not the point."

I let out a hollow laugh and shook my head. "Oh, Karry..." drawing in a slow breath. "That's exactly the point." I ran a hand through my hair, trying to steady myself but it didn't help. "You don't understand, do you?"

She stared at me in silence. Then something shifted in her expression. Something close to fear like something clicked just then.

"No..." She stepped closer and caught my hand. "No, Isaiah." Her fingers tightened around mine. "Tell me this isn't what I'm thinking."

I looked away.

"Isaiah." Her voice softened. "Look at me."

I forced myself to meet her eyes.

"You can't let what happened tonight ruin us." She swallowed. "I love you."

"I know." I nodded. "I never doubted that." Her shoulders relaxed for the briefest second. Then I shattered it. "But you still love Owain too." The words came out quieter than I'd intended. But once they'd left… I couldn't take them back.

She stared at me in disbelief. "What? I don't."

I couldn’t take it anymore so I turned and walked out of Julian's room. She followed immediately. "What do you mean I still love him? Because I don't… That man left me. You are nothing like him."

I stopped walking. Slowly, I turned back to face her. "That's exactly it." I stepped closer. "Owain didn't leave you." I rested my hands gently on her shoulders. "You heard what Collins said. You heard everything. And ever since then..." I searched her face. "You've been trying so hard not to believe it."

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. "Karry..." My voice cracked. "I asked you before. I'm going to ask you again." I held her gaze. "If you found out tomorrow... without a single doubt... that he never chose to leave you... that he loved you every single day he was gone..." I swallowed hard.
"Would it change anything?”

We both went silent because for me, deep down, I already knew the answer. "I think you're terrified it will… And that's why you keep fighting it.”

I rested my forehead gently against hers. "That's why..."

She didn't let me finish. Her hands pressed against my chest, creating just enough distance for her to look at me. "No." I caught the tears gathering in her eyes. "I know what you're trying to say."

She shook her head desperately. "No." Her gaze dropped to the floor as though refusing to meet my eyes would somehow make this conversation disappear. "I'm not changing my mind."

She looked back up at me. "I want to be with you."

The words cut deeper than I expected. I closed my eyes for a brief second before taking another step toward her. Close enough to feel the heat between us. "I know." I affirmed her.

My hand rose to cup her cheek, gently lifting her face until our eyes met again. "I know you do." I smiled sadly. "And God knows that's all I've wanted to hear." My thumb brushed away the tear rolling down her cheek. "But I can't be selfish with you.”

She started shaking her head again. I stopped her with a gentle touch. "Karry… I don't want you to choose me because you're trying to protect yourself. I want you to choose me because I'm the one your heart can't live without."

A long silence settled between us. I swallowed against the tightness in my throat. "And deep down..." My voice barely came out. "I don't think that's me."

Another tear escaped her eyes. I rested my forehead against hers once more. "That's why..." I forced the words out despite how much they hurt. "...it has to be Owain." I closed my eyes. Squeezing it tight. "Because no matter how much I wish it were different… It's always been him.”