Chapter 14

Jen had slept. At least that was what her clock told her, the numbers changing every time she rolled over and looked at it.

She’d checked the locks three times before going to lie down. Her apartment seemed a bit smaller, the rooms closing in on her as she sat on her couch with a fresh cup of coffee, trying to both wake up and calm down.

She had to go to work.

She wouldn’t let fear rule her life. If it was Tanner or some other monster looking to hurt her or the ones she loved, she wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of ruling her life.

It sounded great in her mind.

It didn’t stop her hands from trembling as she showered and dressed for work. Even a few jabs to her punching bag on her way out didn’t silence the demons muttering at the back of her mind.

The drive to the medical center was quiet like every night, with the majority of people already safely locked behind their doors. The evening shadows seemed to be longer and darker than she remembered. Each alley and street hid a multitude of sins and dangers.

She pulled into the parking lot and took the spot usually reserved for emergencies, pulling up as close to the door as she dared without scratching her bumper on the cement barrier.

Jen tried not to stare into the shadows as she walked to the office door, her car keys tightly clutched in her hand. Her pulse pounded in her ears as she mentally prepared for a fight, imagining her moves and counter-moves.

Nothing happened.

She walked into the lobby and saw the night guard behind his glass barrier, already working on a crossword puzzle.

My protector.

She chuckled and waved at the white-haired senior, who returned her attention with a smile and a nod.

The waiting room was empty.

“Hey.” Jen looked over to see Colleen already at the desk, flipping through some file folders left from the previous shift. “Looks like a quiet night. They didn’t leave us anything.” She covered her mouth as she yawned. “I can use one of those. Slept like crap today.”

“Me too.” Jen didn’t add she doubted it was for the same reasons.

Colleen cocked her head to one side and studied Jen. She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“We have to talk.” Jen hung up her coat and went to her desk. She opened a drawer and dropped her purse in. “Who’s here?”

“Here in front? Only thee and me—April’s in the back doing inventory, and I don’t count Phil, there, who’s about to catch a nap.”

“It’s—” Jen paused, searching for the words.

“It’s Tanner, isn’t it?” Colleen said.

Jen nodded.

“Fuck.” Colleen shook her head. “I hoped that little bastard would have gone straight after this. What’s going on?”

“He attacked a—” Jen stopped in her tracks.

How do I explain this without telling her the full story?

About me, Charles, Nathan, Hooded Pleasures?

Jen bit down on her lower lip, waging the argument in her mind.

You have to start somewhere, she told herself. And if anything happens to Colleen, you’ll feel bad for not warning her.

“Okay.” She drew a deep breath and glanced at the empty lobby. “But you have to promise me this is between us, secrets, pinky swear, whatever you believe in.”

Colleen smirked. “Honey I doubt you’ve got anything I haven’t heard before.”

“Wow.” Colleen’s blank expression said it all. “Wow.”

Jen let out a sigh. Her boss/friend hadn’t been as worldly as she’d boldly proclaimed. She’d stopped Jen multiple times to ask for definitions and clarifications of certain terms and details.

“I mean wow in a cool way.” The blonde shook her head. “That’s awesome.”

Jen blinked. This wasn’t exactly the way she’d ever envisioned telling someone she was a Domme-for-hire.

Much less the reaction she’d expected.

“Does your club charge a lot for memberships? Do they have a newcomers program? Do they have special nights for same-sex—” Colleen pulled up, short of breath.

The eagerness in her voice had Jen laughing, the relief pushing her to a giggling fit as she imagined her boss at Boots ’n’ Chains.

“You’re not freaked?”

Now it was Colleen’s turn to laugh. “You don’t think I’ve seen some odd things working as a doctor? Let’s just say I’m experienced in dealing with certain injuries courtesy of working night shift in the emergency room. People tend to put things where they shouldn’t, or worse, think their bodies can bend in totally unnatural ways.” She smiled. “I’ve seen Suzanne checking out some of the racier books online. It might be fun, a change in our routine. Spark up our bedroom antics.”

The relief must have shown on Jen’s face, because Colleen pulled her into a tight hug. “Don’t worry. You’re still the crazy woman I love to work with. This is just another side of you, that’s all.” She gave Jen a flirty wink. “And I kinda like it.”

Jen couldn’t help chuckling. “I’ll get you an information packet. You can use me for a reference if you’d like to visit some night.”

“Can I watch you work with a submissive?” Colleen’s eyes lit up. “Observing as a medical professional, of course.”

“We’ll talk about it later. Of course,” Jen echoed with a grin.

“Okay.” Her boss’s face turned serious. “But that’s not the part we should be talking about right now. You think Lucas Tanner’s coming after you? And your clients?”

“I’ve had a flat tire. You got your side-view mirror broken. I’ve had my car keyed, and we had the bomb threat. That’s a whole lot of coincidences taking place in a short amount of time. The rest of the staff that were here with me are gone—he might be targeting me first. If he wanted to get to me, he could.” She gestured at the door. “It doesn’t take much effort to figure out where I live and work.”

Colleen nodded. “When we spoke before, I had a chat with April. Brought her up-to-date with the situation. The bomb threat was a good place to start. I briefed all the staff on the past happenings. I didn’t point the finger at Tanner but used him as an example. Everyone agreed to be more careful and alert.”

“Good,” Jen said.

“And I”—Colleen pointed at herself—“spoke to Suzanne and brought her up-to-date. She’s being careful, and so am I.” She paused. “But I remember the trial. It was something we talked about in the coffee room, followed the news coverage. And he was totally focused on you.”

Jen flashed back to the screaming man in the courtroom, the bailiffs dragging him out as he cursed her name.

“Yes. Which is why I think you two are safe, along with the other staff members. I’m the likely target.”

“Except he’s going through your clients first. Which puts Nathan in the target zone,” Colleen said.

Jen felt a warm surge through her body at the mention of his name, flashing back to the few hours she’d spent in his bed. Alone but not alone, her guardian keeping watch over her while she slept.

“He wants to take this on himself,” she said.

“Not surprising. But maybe not the best course of action. He might be a good cop. A great cop. But if someone’s going after the, ah, individuals who partake of your services it’s out of your hands.” Colleen sat back in her chair. “My suggestion is for you to wait for Wendy to get back to you on what’s happening. From what you’ve told me, she’s got better connections and options than any of us.” She shook her head. “Overall, this sucks.”

“True. I don’t like this.” Jen chewed on the end of her pen. “I don’t like not being in charge of my own life.”

Colleen laughed. “That’s the Domme talking.” She stood up and adjusted her lab coat. “Now you know how it feels to be a sub. Sucks, eh?”

Jen shook her head and rose as the tiny bell on the front door went off, signaling an incoming patient. “I don’t know how those men do it.”

Colleen patted her on the shoulder as they moved toward the desk. “Because they love and care for you. Even I can figure that much out.”

Nathan sat in the parking lot cradling the cup of coffee in both hands. He’d brought a full container with him in preparation for the night watch.

It hadn’t been hard following Jen from her apartment to her workplace. After loading up on coffee and snacks, he’d gone back to her building and waited.

Along with keeping an eye out for anyone else along the way.

Ethical? Maybe not.

Necessary? Definitely.

He’d considered hanging around the halfway house, wait for Tanner to show up and confront the man.

But after meeting Dave his plan had changed. Now his priority had to be Jen, had to be to protect her by any and all means possible.

If it was Tanner, he had ways of slipping in and out of the halfway house without getting caught. He’d be able to give Nathan the slip easily enough, and that would leave Jen wide open.

So this was the next best thing.

He sipped the strong black drink. After returning to his house, he’d caught a catnap and was now ready to stand guard all night if needed. Another night booked off, another sick day sucked up.

A car pulled into the lot. It crept up to the entrance, headlights off.

Nathan put the cup down and reached for his retractable baton lying on the passenger seat. He wasn’t allowed to carry his assigned weapon off-duty, and it’d take too much time and too many questions to either get permission to carry his own or get another.

The passenger door opened, and a woman leaned out to vomit on the pavement. A man emerged from the driver’s side and ran around the front of the car to help his obviously very pregnant friend into the clinic.

Nathan slumped into his seat, the rush of adrenaline slowing.

It was going to be a long night.

Another car pulled up alongside his, turned around so the driver was facing him. Considering they were both at the end of the parking lot, it obviously wasn’t another patient.

Nathan reached for his baton as the passenger window rolled down.

“Hello.” The dark-haired man nodded at him. “Nathan, I presume.” He gestured at the still-closed window on Nathan’s car. “If you please.”

Nathan tapped the button with one hand, the other on the baton. The window went down with a low hum.

“You Nathan Harrowsford? The cop?”

Nathan stared at him. “Who wants to know?”

The man grinned. “Evan would like to see you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m going to reach for my badge slowly. Don’t overreact please.” The man pulled a private investigator’s identification from his jacket pocket and showed it to him. “Davis and Davis. We’re a security firm. I’ve been assigned to stand watch tonight on Jennifer Lowell. Company’s got an ongoing contract to keep her under observation, keep her safe. I was told if I found you here, I was to direct you to head to the office for a meeting with Evan.”

Nathan’s heart raced as he studied the badge.

It looked legit.

“What have you been told about this case?” he asked.

The thick-necked man shrugged. “Guard the girl. It’s not rocket science. Someone makes a move on her, I make a move on him. I was told if I found you here to give you the message. Again, not rocket science.” He jabbed a thumb toward the clinic. “I’ll keep her safe, ’kay? Go talk to your boss, or whoever Evan is.”

Nathan nodded. “Have a good night.” Before the investigator could answer, he turned the engine on and pulled out of the parking lot.

Evan.

This couldn’t be good.

The drive to the downtown office building that held the Hooded Pleasure offices seemed to take both hours and minutes. The nearby parking lot was empty, and it took him only a few minutes to walk to the well-lit front door and press the button, alerting the night security guard to his presence.

“Nathan Harrowsford. I have an appointment upstairs.”

He waited as the man checked his clipboard, trying hard not to shiver as the cold wind bit at him. The leather jacket and jeans might be good for sitting in a car, but they were hardly enough protection for a cold winter night, standing outside.

The door clicked open, and the guard motioned him inside. From his prior visit, Nathan knew no one accidently wandered into the HP offices—everyone had to be checked and cleared through the main security desk on the ground floor. There were other offices, other companies in the building, and Hooded Pleasures was only one of many that required a high security level.

“Thank you.” The uniformed man handed him a visitor’s pass. “Keep it visible at all times. Please go to the fifth floor. Do not go anywhere else.” He eyed Nathan. “I’ll know. And I won’t be happy about it.”

Nathan nodded and headed for the elevators.

As he waited for the doors to close, he flashed back to his entry interview a year ago, when he’d gotten up enough nerve to apply to Hooded Pleasures. It’d been an interesting road even to find the phone number and get an application—he’d been doing research into the lifestyle to try to see if he was honestly a submissive type of guy and tripped across the name on a restricted forum. After that, it’d taken a few phone calls under the guise of official business but he’d obtained the contact number and gotten up the nerve to call. The dispatcher had demanded more information than he was prepared to give, and he’d frozen up, too afraid to speak and too afraid to hang up.

Suddenly, a soothing voice came on the line, calming his shattered nerves. “Hi, Nathan. This is Wendy. I’m one of the owners of Hooded Pleasures. My husband’s the other one. Talk about taking your work home with you.” She laughed, and he felt the pressure on his heart ease. “I appreciate you calling us. I know it must have been pretty hard to pick up the phone. But rest assured, you’re not the first one to be nervous about us.” She kept talking, not giving him a chance to leave. “I understand you’re interested in our services. That’s great, I hope we can do something for you. Why don’t you come down here to the office and see me?” She’d read off the address. “How soon can you get here?”

“I—ah—” He’d looked at his watch, her tone demanding he comply. “I can be there within the hour.”

“Good. You come on in, and I’ll be waiting here for you. Just the two of us having a lovely chat. Promise. Total privacy, total confidentiality. I’ll put the kettle on for some tea and see you soon.” The phone went dead.

Nathan shivered as he remembered her voice.

Calm, soft.

Commanding.

He’d met dominating personalities before. His teachers, his training officers, his captain.

But this was different.

It’d been his first contact with a Domme.

Wendy had met him at the front desk and soothed his nerves, his concerns about being found out.

“We get a lot of first responders. Policemen, firemen, medics. You’re not alone,” she said as they sat in the boardroom drinking tea and nibbling on oatmeal cookies. “We understand what you need. I hope you’ll let us help you.” After that, he had filled out the papers and allowed them to check out his references as discreetly as they could without arousing any suspicions.

HP had a special discount for first responders and the military. They understood the low pay and the need for total anonymity.

They got it.

Nathan wished he had the nerve to go to one of the clubs, but he couldn’t risk it. Despite the supposed open-mindedness of the higher-ups, he knew it’d be a career-ender if they knew he was going to a BDSM club and even worse if they knew he was a sub.

There was a chance it wouldn’t—but he wasn’t ready to be the first out of the dungeon, so to speak.

The elevator doors opened, and he stepped out.

The receptionist smiled at him as if she always got midnight visitors. “Second door on the left.” She reached under the desk to unlock the door beside her.

Nathan walked into the hallway. A few steps had him at the door and another had him entering.

The lone man looked up.

Evan.

Nathan wasn’t a fool. The dark-haired man in the gray business suit sitting at the top of the table gave off waves of dominance that battered Nathan’s senses.

There was no doubt who this was.

“Nathan. So glad you could come in.” He stood and waved at the seat across from him. “Please sit down.”

Nathan tried hard to stay calm despite the frantic pounding of his heart.

You’re going to tell me my contract’s been canceled. Because I’ve broken the rules.

But that won’t stop me from protecting Jen.

“You know who I am,” Evan said.

“You’re the co-owner of HP.” Nathan cleared his throat before continuing. “You and Wendy.”

“Yes.” Evan sat down. “I don’t need to tell you what she would think of your little stunt tonight. Especially right after telling you to act normally, not to change your routine. You book off another shift and do almost the exact opposite to try to confront Tanner.” He stared at Nathan. “God knows what else you’ve been up to.”

Nathan felt his face burn. “I’m not Wendy’s employee. Or sub. I—”

The thin man leaned forward. “I know what you are. And who you are.” His low voice soothed Nathan’s jangled nerves. “Trust me. I know how it feels to care so much for someone, to be willing to do anything to keep them safe.”

The truth hit Nathan quick and hard.

He’s a sub.

Like me.

But—

“I’m a switch. A Dom when I’m with anyone other than Wendy. When I’m with her, she’s the Domme and I’m the submissive,” Evan said as if reading his mind. “And I do love Wendy with all my heart. So yes, I do understand what you’re feeling for Jen. You want to protect her, keep her safe. I get it.”

“But—” Nathan offered, unable to keep the smirk off his face. “There’s always a but.”

Evan glared at him. “And someone to smack that butt when it deserves it.”

Nathan didn’t flinch from the not-so-gentle admonishment. “When we let them.”

“Duly noted.” Evan smiled. “Wendy doesn’t know about this meeting. I don’t plan to tell her either.”

Nathan couldn’t hold back his frown. “Excuse me?”

Evan stood and walked around the table, his slow steady steps reminding Nathan of a lion. “Wendy is a good woman. A wise woman and one I am privileged to love, know and serve. But she doesn’t understand how men think.” He tapped his chest. “How I think. How you think. She tries hard and succeeds most of the time, but just as I don’t ‘get’ her in some areas, she doesn’t ‘get’ this. What being a submissive is all about and what being a man means. The two can and do work well together if done properly.”

Nathan stayed silent.

“Someone’s been watching Jake.” He eyed Nathan. “Jen’s other client.”

“What?”

“Jake does the neighborhood safety patrol for his townhouse complex. Recently, he’s been finding a pile of cigarette butts in a spot overlooking his house. Thought it was kids hiding from the parents and sneaking a smoke. Didn’t think much of it until we contacted him, and he realized he’s probably been under surveillance.”

“Damn,” Nathan whispered. “Did he call the cops?”

“And tell them what?” Evan asked. “No one’s going to put it together with anything on its own. But now add in the attack on Charles and—”

“Two out of three. That points the finger directly at Jen’s client list.” Nathan’s head began to spin. “So I’m either next, or she is.” He ground his teeth together. “It’s got to be Tanner.”

“Likely. But, as we’ve discussed, we’ve got nothing to take to the police. Charles is concerned but still won’t take it further. I don’t agree with it but I can’t force the man to open himself up to possible trouble. We can’t take Jake’s story because it means nothing on its own.”

Nathan couldn’t hold back an annoyed grumble.

“I didn’t say you had to like his decision or agree,” Evan commented. “But we have to respect it.”

He paused as if waiting for Nathan to object.

Nathan said nothing.

Evan continued, “There’ve been no other red flags, no threats on social media or suspicious behavior at Boots ’n’ Chains, our primary hangout. We’ve informed our employees to be extra careful and keep their eyes open.” His pacing continued. “As you know I’ve put a man on duty to watch Jennifer. He doesn’t know the details about her and HP, her and you, her and anything. He doesn’t need to know anything more than to protect her.”

Nathan let his breath out slowly.

“I’m telling you this because it means you don’t take more time off work, this means you don’t prowl around her workplace running yourself down mentally and physically. And you don’t go off seeking out Tanner on your own.” He orbited the table again. “You’re of no use to her if you make yourself sick and vulnerable.”

“I’m not going to—”

“Really?” Evan’s voice sliced through the air like the lashes of a flogger to land on Nathan’s words. “Are you going to keep taking time off, booking sick days to follow her everywhere, keeping her safe while endangering yourself from a lack of sleep or food? Because from where I’m standing, that looks like a great way to get yourself hurt or worse when this man comes at you, and we both know that’s coming.” He locked eyes with Nathan. “You owe her your best. You know that.”

Nathan shifted in his expensive leather seat, feeling the words dig in. “So you brought me here to what, chew me out like I forgot to put the toilet seat down? You could have let Wendy do it over the phone. No need to pull me in from the parking lot.”

He resisted the urge to snap at the man.

He’s doing what he thinks is best for the company. For Jen. For me.

I may not agree with it but I have to respect it.

“No.” Evan sat down. “That was the official notice from me as co-owner of Hooded Pleasures. Now I’m going to talk to you as a fellow submissive, man to man.” He reached out and stroked the smooth dark wood. “What do you want from Jennifer? From this relationship? Right here, right now, you need to make up your mind what you are to her, what you want to be.”

“I—” Nathan frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“You told Wendy you’re in this for the long game, but I don’t think you’ve thought that far. Jen wants to keep working because she won’t let this monster dictate her actions. That’s good for her, but what are you going to do when she continues being exactly who she is?” Evan scowled. “Don’t tell me it didn’t grind your guts seeing Charles. Not because he was hurt, but because he was one of hers.” He leaned in. “If I sent you to go meet Jake, go talk to him, would you be comfortable? Or would you feel like you’d been punched in the gut?”

Nathan swallowed hard, feeling his armor begin to flake off. “That’s not important right now.”

“No, it isn’t. Right now, Jen’s the priority, and we agree on that. But neither Jen nor Wendy knows how it feels, how it felt for you to go talk to Charles.” Evan touched his right temple. “They can’t understand. As subs, we want to think about how to serve them, how to show off our strength and how much we love our women. But now all you can think about, all you can see is her with Charles. Her with Jake.” He paused. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m full of it. Tell me you’re not mentally grinding your teeth together at the images flooding your mind’s eye of her with them, doing to them what she does to you. And know she’s going to go to Jake when it’s his turn in the rotation and you’ll be sitting outside in the car guarding her, waiting for her to come back out and leave him just as she leaves you every week.”

Nathan’s chest felt too tight, as if someone had put him in a vise and was slowly tightening it.

Jen. With Jake.

Nathan had no idea what the man looked like, but it was easy to substitute a generic image.

Flogging him, tying him to a St. Andrew’s cross, working him over with the paddle—

The nausea flooded his system and forced him to swallow hard.

Nathan shook his head. “That’s not important right now. I need to make sure she’s safe before I think about anything else.”

“True.” Evan leaned forward. “But when you’re punching out Lucas Tanner’s lights, are you going to be doing it for her or for you? And will it make a difference if she goes back to working with her other clients or quits HP altogether, leaving you high and dry?”

A pulsing pain started behind Nathan’s left eye, pulling at his thoughts. “What does that matter now? I don’t need to decide right now.”

“Yes. Yes, you do,” Evan continued, seemingly oblivious to Nathan’s discomfort. “How this situation ends will decide your future as a submissive. And I don’t want you to continue on without thinking about the possibilities. Even if you save her, you might not save yourself. Are you ready for that? Continuing to share her with other men when you’ve done so much for her, gone so far outside the rules?” He locked eyes with Nathan. “Are you ready to win the battle but lose the war?”

Nathan stood, the headache threatening to steal his vision. “Shut up. I don’t need to listen to this. I don’t have time to listen to this.” He turned toward the door. “I’ll do what I have to do and figure it out later.”

He flung the door open without waiting for a response.

The nausea threatened to overwhelm him as Nathan strode down the hall and back out past the receptionist who wisely stayed silent.

The elevator was there waiting for him.

Nathan waited until the doors closed before leaning against the door, the mental battle raging inside his mind.

No.

I can’t think about this now.

I have to do my job.

He bit the inside of his cheek as the elevator settled on the ground floor.

I can’t think about her with Charles or Jake or anyone else.

I don’t want to.