Chapter 12

Kate.

He began to say her name and realized where he was, who he was with.

Alex coughed, the effort grabbing at his throat.

Monica, standing beside him, frowned. “Are you okay?” She patted his back to help him stop.

“I—” His heart felt like he was on a treadmill. “I’m fine.” He smiled at her, not sure how to even begin to explain. “I’m fine,” he repeated.

I’m fine considering the Dominatrix I paid to paddle my ass every week is standing right over there.

He’d spotted Kate at the buffet table, plate and napkin in hand as she studied the sandwiches. Before he could figure out what to do she’d retreated to her own table, studying the crowd.

“I’ll get you a drink,” Monica offered. “You stay right here.” She trotted off toward the bar, casting glances over her shoulder.

Probably worried I’ll faint and she’ll end up being blamed for it somehow.

He looked at Kate and saw her focus in on him, her intense stare raking him from top to bottom.

Alex shivered. It was like he was standing there naked with the entire room watching, waiting for her.

It took a concentrated effort not to touch his neck and imagine the collar there, waiting for her to give the commands.

He shifted from one foot to the other, trying to tamp down the arousal at the mental image.

She rose from the table and walked toward him, gliding along the floor. The black dress she wore wasn’t anything like what she wore for their sessions but it was just as sexy, if not more. Her face was unreadable, emotions tucked away from view.

Alex could only guess at what she was feeling, but he sure as hell knew what he was feeling.

Scared. Terrified.

Turned on. Just the mere sight of her had desire tearing through his body.

He thought he’d never see her again.

But now Kate was here, advancing on him like a juggernaut. A sexy, seductive juggernaut.

She stopped in front of him. “Alex.” Her tone was steady and measured as if they’d rehearsed this meeting.

“Kate.” He paused. “Katherine.” He lowered his voice, drawing it out.

I know who you are.

He remembered how she’d sounded, how she’d tasted. How she’d pressed against him, how she’d moaned into his mouth.

She might not know what she wanted, but he did.

He wanted her.

And he’d be damned if he was going to let her go without a fight. She might not know it yet, but he was the right man for her, the best one she was ever going to get.

He wasn’t going to let her walk away without letting her know he wanted her more than ever, wanted her in every which way possible. Needed to give himself to her totally and to hell with anything or anyone else.

He wanted her.

All of her.

She locked eyes with him and he knew he’d gotten through the armor.

Katherine.

The single word sliced through her mental shields like a laser, letting him into her inner sanctum.

Damn.

She drew a deep breath as she tried to put the emotional mask back on.

“Alex,” she said again, forcing her tone to remain low and steady. “What a surprise to see you here.”

“Not as much as it is for me to see you.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I thought you were sick. That’s what I was told every time I called.” He glared at her. “I told them to pass on a message. I hoped you were feeling better. I see you are.”

The accusatory tone bashed at her defenses. It was an odd feeling, a tingling under her skin growing to itch and burn.

Kate wasn’t used to being on this side, being interrogated instead of being the interrogator.

“I—I needed some time off.” She fiddled with her small purse, not having any pockets in her dress to hide her hands in. “I had some other commitments I needed to fulfill.”

It wasn’t a total lie.

It wasn’t the total truth either.

It’d have to do.

“What did I do wrong?”

Her mouth fell open, the question stunning her into silence.

Alex stared at her, and she saw the fire in his eyes, the desire mixed with anger.

“I said, what did I do wrong? I followed all your instructions. I did everything you asked. I let you into my house, into my dreams, into my needs. Into my world.” He moved closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Why did you leave?”

Kate shook her head. “It’s not like that.”

“Then tell me what it’s like,” Alex snapped, startling her. “Because from where I’m standing, I see a woman who liked being with me and who I loved being with and who stopped it because of something I either did or didn’t do. So tell me what happened.”

“It wasn’t you.” She scrambled to put her jumbled emotions into words. “It wasn’t anything you did.”

She couldn’t leave him like this, mad and pissed off. It’d make things even worse than they were already.

“It wasn’t you,” Kate repeated. “It was me. I fucked up.”

“What?” Alex frowned. “What did you do? What could you have possibly done?” He glanced around the room to make sure no one was close enough to overhear their conversation. “God, Kate—you did nothing wrong.” He drew a ragged breath. “I never felt so good, so alive before. It was like you opened up a part of me I never knew existed and let it all flow out, flow in and around me. I don’t know how I lived before you came into my life, and I don’t know how to do it without you.” Alex closed his eyes. “When I kissed you, it was like nothing I’d experienced before. It was perfect, so perfect.”

He opened his eyes and locked her in place. “It was the same for you. I know it. You know it.” He pulled his fingers into a fist. “Why are you denying yourself?”

The words choked the life out of her, grabbed her heart in a vise grip and refused to let go. It took a concentrated effort not to grab him right there and now, kiss him and bend him to his knees, show him how much she cared for him.

She couldn’t.

She wouldn’t.

“No,” Kate said. “It’s not me. It’s the experience.” She snapped her fingers. “You can get it from any woman, any Domme. Danielle—”

“She was okay, but she wasn’t you,” Alex retorted. “It’s not the same. Only with you, Katherine. Only you.” The firm tone in his voice caught her soul in a stiff grip, squeezing the life out of her.

He was breaking her heart, and she couldn’t stop him.

She forced the words out past the pain. “Forget about me. Go find your perfect Domme at the club, any club. You’re ready to go out there. You know what you want. What you crave.” She waved him off. “You don’t need me anymore.”

“I—” He stopped as a woman carrying two glasses of white wine strode toward them, coming within earshot. Her expression gave no illusion about what she thought of Alex talking to another woman.

Kate put on her neutral smile to try to calm the situation. The last thing she needed right now was some woman pulling her into a catfight. It’d draw attention to them, and she didn’t want to deal with that.

“Hello.” She nodded at the blonde. “I’m Kate.”

Time to disarm this bomb before it goes off.

“I worked with Alex on a project some time ago. I wanted to touch base with him. Glad to see he’s doing well.” She turned and made a point of waving at Ann, who gazed at her with a bemused look, holding her small buffet plate. Ann was at the table Kate’d recently vacated, waiting for her return.

“I’ve got to get back to my friend.” Kate nodded to Alex. “So good to see you.” She walked away before he could say anything and possibly turn this into more of a disaster than it already was.

It took every ounce of control to keep her steady pace the entire way back to Ann. When she arrived at the table, Ann studied her intently, nibbling on a slender cookie.

“I thought you didn’t know anyone here.”

“I thought I didn’t either.”

“Ex-boyfriend?” Her eyebrows rose, the concern on her face evident.

“No.” The response came out faster than she’d planned, making it sound frantic. “Just someone I didn’t expect to see here. An old friend, work buddy.”

“Yeah. Sure.” She studied Kate’s face. “You’re still one hell of a lousy liar.”

Kate forced a smile. “Hasn’t changed since high school.” It took everything she had not to turn around and see what Alex was doing with his date.

Let him go.

He deserves better.

“I’ll tell you all about it later, promise.” She shook her head. “Don’t push me.”

Ann studied her face for a second before nodding. “Okay. Here.” She pushed the loaded plate at Kate. “Don’t make me eat this alone. I picked up a little bit of everything, and now I feel like a pig.” She shoveled some of the tiny snacks onto Kate’s empty plate. “I was shoving these into my mouth before I got back to the table.”

Kate sat and picked up one of the petite cucumber sandwiches. “So how’s the evening going? Is it going to make your boss happy?” It took a concentrated effort to force herself to eat, her stomach churning from the encounter.

“Good, good. The centerpieces are getting a lot of compliments, and there’s an excellent chance we might get a few jobs out of it.”

They sat there and ate, Kate grateful for the silence. She couldn’t dispute Ann’s adoration for the food—the caterers had done a fine job of making even simple sandwiches and finger treats into tasty morsels that would tempt anyone to break their diet.

Ann popped the last crab puff into her mouth. “Okay I’m done for the night.” She put her near-empty plate next to Kate’s dish and napkin. “Let’s say our goodbyes and blow this pop stand. I need to get out of this outfit. My feet are aching, and my girls need to bounce free.”

Kate nodded. “I’m good with that.”

She needed to get out of here as soon as possible. It took all her self-control not to look over at Alex.

“So you worked with her?” Monica asked. She handed Alex a glass, keeping a tight grip on her own drink.

Alex could see the imaginary wheels spinning in her mind: Why am I here if he worked with her?

“I guess you could say that.”

It wasn’t a total lie.

It wasn’t the total truth either.

It’d have to do.

He swallowed a mouthful of wine, hoping the alcohol would help calm him down.

He’d forced Kate to give him an answer.

It wasn’t the one he wanted.

“Ah.” Monica nodded. She gave him a knowing smile. “I get it. You like her, but she’s your boss so you don’t think you can ask her out.” She sighed. “Been there, done that. It’s a bitch. You’re doing the right thing, in my opinion.” Monica gestured with her glass toward the retreating pair. “Not worth the trouble. That sort of thing can really screw with your mind.”

“Yeah.” He finished off the glass of wine in a single gulp. “It sure can.”

He kept up a running conversation with Monica, nodding and agreeing with her on a variety of topics from fashion to footwear. Alex discovered she loved cowboy boots over runners and felt the recent clothing trends didn’t work for the majority of women because they used anorexic models.

He agreed with her on that point.

His attention shifted every few minutes back to Kate and her companion.

Are they a couple?

I didn’t think she went both ways, but—

He held back a snarl, unable to keep his imagination from visualizing them in bed together.

It was a typical male fantasy, and he’d read more than his fair share of novels with that theme, most recently a graphic novel involving two women with a BDSM connection. His imagination recalled the images, substituting Kate for the Domme—

He coughed, pushing the unwanted pictures from his mind.

No. Not Kate.

Not my Mistress.

Alex forced himself to look bored, concerned Monica would notice and ask questions he wasn’t ready to answer.

He continued to watch the two women, forcing himself into an observer role and judging them by their actions as he would any other couple.

No. Definitely not a client.

Not the way she nudged her with an elbow and laughed, a private joke for them alone. There was an intimacy there, but not that of lovers. The body language was different, the way they touched each other giving their relationship away.

Friendship.

The two were friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

She’d come here without a man. Without a boyfriend or a client.

The thought lessened the weight on his heart. If Kate was already in a relationship the guilt would have put him off, forced him away. He wasn’t one of those selfish men who would destroy someone’s happiness to get what he wanted.

But as far as he knew, she was single and available.

He still had a chance.

Alex discreetly kept watching them, sipping his drink and continuing the bland conversation with Monica.

Finally, the two women moved off after thanking the event organizers edging toward the exit.

“Excuse me,” he said to Monica. “Can I get you something to eat?”

“That’d be great. Thank you.” She smiled and took the empty glass out of his hand. “You get the food, and I’ll get a refill on the drinks.”

As she moved off, Alex headed for the table Kate had just vacated.

He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Maybe something had been left behind, something to let him track her down without looking like a creepy stalker.

He snooped around the two plates, searching for something, anything that might give him a clue to who she really was outside of Hooded Pleasures.

Nothing.

No business cards, no ticket stubs to the charity auction, nothing to show who had been there.

Except—

A dark line peeked out from under the china. He reached out and pulled the napkin free.

The puckish elf smirked at him.

Holy…

He stuffed the paper into his pocket as Monica approached him, holding fresh drinks.

“Just wanted to save the table for us. You stay here, and I’ll get the munchies.” Alex grinned and headed for the buffet table. He twisted his head to see Kate and her friend leave, shaking hands as they made their escape.

Gotcha.

He loaded up two plates with fruit and cheese and headed back to the table to sit with Monica. Jane and Mike joined them a few minutes later.

“You look good.” Jane punched Alex’s arm playfully. “Everything going okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” Alex wasn’t sure how else to explain his emotional roller coaster. “Everything’s just fine.”

“Excellent. Eat up, drink up, put on your happy face, and let’s get back glad-handing.” Jane drew a deep breath. “Time to earn your keep, bro.” She gestured to a nearby pack of visitors. “Keep smiling and don’t forget to push for donations.”

Alex shoved a slice of cheese into his mouth and took the glass from Monica. “Understood.”

The rest of the night disappeared in a flurry of babbled pleasantries, shaking hands and trying to be as friendly as possible to people with big wallets and hopefully bigger hearts. Alex did his best, thinking of keeping his sister happy and doing right by his parents.

But in the back of his mind, he was already weighing his options, trying to figure out his next step.

Kate said she didn’t want him.

She was wrong.

That moan, that grip on the back of his neck and that kiss—it had been real. More real than anything else they’d done before.

Just because she didn’t want to accept it didn’t mean it wasn’t true.

But what could he do to make her see he belonged to her and her alone?

He couldn’t go back to the way things were before he’d signed on with Hooded Pleasures.

He wouldn’t settle for another Domme.

He wouldn’t settle for a vanilla relationship with anyone else.

Now what?

A few hours later, Alex sat in a chair, watching the last of the guests stagger out the doors. The waiters were already clearing off the tables, and the buffet was nothing but a pleasant memory. He resisted the urge to pull the napkin out and study it, sniff it, fondle it and imagine Kate drawing the image with short, stiff strokes of her pen.

The same strokes she used on his back.

The woman was an artist. A damned good one, if she’d scratched this out on a whim.

If he wanted to, he could probably find her now. Take the art and start the hunt. It was more than he’d started the night with, and between this and her gaming, it would be more likely than not he could track his lovely Katherine.

But if he found her—

The nagging question returned.

Where would he go from there?

Her words had changed the problem, reshaped it into a different one pointed directly at him.

How could he refute her statement that he only wanted a Domme, not necessarily her? She had to know he’d refused Danielle, but it could be explained away as a fluke, a case of personalities clashing.

The irksome question tugged at him.

He was sure it was the woman, not the scene. What he felt, what he felt from her, couldn’t be explained away as just the desire for the whip. Those minutes on the floor in his house had proven that to him, shown him his feelings for her went deeper than just wanting to get his ass spanked.

But how could he prove her wrong?

How could he make her realize what she kept denying, that she wanted him as much as he wanted her?

And why was she fighting it so much?

Alex ran his fingers along the edge of the soft fabric in his pocket, feeling the abrasions rub against his fingertips.

Time to explore his options.

He could rotate through the rest of the Dommes at Hooded Pleasures to see if it was Kate and only Kate he wanted, not any woman with a whip and an attitude. Take Kate the numbers and let her see it was her, only Katherine he wanted.

Alex’s analytical mind ran through the routine and imagined her answer.

She’d laugh and shake her head.

These women were paid to deliver the experience. Whether they enjoyed it or not, they’d go to the appointment.

There was a big difference between paying for it and receiving it as a gift, a present from your lover.

He hated to admit it, but her reasoning was sound.

Kate thought he’d never know the real emotions until he got the real thing, went to a club and found a Domme to take him in hand.

Both of them able to walk away at any time if the situation broke bad. Safe-word out without any issues, no operator waiting for a code tapped in on a cell phone to call the end to the session because of time restraints.

Nothing keeping them there but the desire for each other.

She expected him to settle for any woman with a whip.

He had to prove her wrong.

The answer came to him in a bleary rush accompanied by a stomach-twisting lurch in his gut.

He knew what he could do to bring Katherine to him.

What he had to do.

Jane approached him, carrying her high heels in one hand. “Ready to go home?” Jane nudged him. She beamed as she swept her hand around, encompassing the ballroom. “We made our target and more.”

“That’s fantastic.” He kissed her cheek. “Mom and Dad would be so proud of you.”

“Of both of us,” she replied. “I know you don’t like these things, but trust me, you being here tonight made a difference. Changed a whole lot of lives.”

He allowed himself a smile, unable to tell her how much it truly had.

“Am I taking you home or—” Jane nodded toward Monica, who was busy chatting with a group of women.

“Yeah.” Alex rubbed the back of his neck. “Home, please.” He forced himself to burp. “No offense, but I don’t think I’ll be interested in much else tonight other than my own bed. Alone.” He rolled his head back and forth, hearing bones pop. “Unless she likes holding my head above the toilet.” He hiccupped to complete the lie.

Jane scrunched up her face. “Uh, no. I’ll save her from that.” She paused. “Did you at least have a good time?”

“Yes.” He was honest now. “I had a great time.”

Kate knew the interrogation was coming.

Thankfully, Ann waited until they’d driven home, another white-knuckled experience. She’d invited Kate in, and Kate knew it’d be unwise to refuse.

A few minutes later, she was on the couch, and Ann approached with two cups of coffee. “Okay. What happened?” Ann fixed her with a steely look usually reserved for early morning chats after a walk of shame.

“Nothing.”

Ann glared at her.

Kate sighed. “There was this guy—”

“What did he do?” Ann picked up her coffee mug. “Pinch your ass? Stick his cell phone between your legs to get a photo of your panties?”

“Nothing.” Kate shifted her weight. “We talked. That was all.” She rubbed her hands together, finding them suddenly cold. “That was all,” she repeated.

“All enough to get you twisted out of sorts.” Ann eyed Kate. “Was he a gigolo? Did he proposition you? Offer you a roll in the hay for a wad of cash?”

Kate couldn’t help giggling. Then laughing. Then guffawing to the point that she fell over and buried her face in the cream-colored cushions.

Ann let out a snort and waited until Kate sat up, wiping her eyes.

“How much booze did you have?” She sipped her coffee, watching Kate. “I feel like I’m way behind.”

“Ah.” Kate sighed, feeling the momentary levity leave. “He’s one of my clients. Was, I mean.” She rubbed her cheeks. “The one we talked about before.”

She couldn’t bring herself to say his name.

Ann’s eyes went wide, and she put the mug down on the table with a loud thump. “No shit.” She covered her mouth in shock. “No. Shit.”

“Yeah. That.” Kate shook her head. “Of all the places—”

“Wait.” Ann put her hand up. “Alex showed up? What the hell happened? How did he end up there?”

“He—” Kate paused. The slow burn from hearing his name began in her gut, sending her stomach into nervous flip-flops. “His last name’s Hanson. It’s on the damned info booklet about the charity event we were all handed when we walked in. His family’s one of the big names sponsoring it. I didn’t put it together until he saw me and I saw him and—” She broke off, seeing Ann’s smile.

“So it’s like Cinderella.” She waved her hand in the air. “You think he’s a techie geek, and suddenly he’s there all cleaned up and waving a silver spoon.” She raised her eyebrows. “That’s kinda sexy.”

“No. No,” Kate said. “Not sexy at all.”

Ann ignored her, a dreamy look in her eyes. “Totally sexy. Oh my God. What are the odds of that happening?” She shook her head.

“I’m not interested in figuring it out,” Kate said. “All I know is that he was there and I was there and—” She covered her face, suddenly at a loss for words.

“So what did he do? What did you do?”

Kate mumbled between her fingers, “Nothing. He was there with another woman. I said hello and left.”

“Bullshit.” Ann reached for her mug. “No way you walked up to him, shook hands, thanked him for having a wonderful charity gala and said good-night.” She wagged a finger at Kate. “Not the way you were mooning over him. Give.”

“Okay. It was more than a talk.” She sighed. “He figured out I wasn’t really sick when I canceled our meetings. Pressed me for a reason why I didn’t want to see him again. Thought it was his fault. I told him it wasn’t.” Kate picked at an errant thread on her dress. “Then Alex got pissed when I told him it wasn’t me he wanted, it was the experience.”

Ann sucked in her breath through clenched teeth. “Ouch. I can see him getting a bit snarly. You telling him that you could be replaced with anyone, anything that could smack his ass.” She shook her head. “Especially when it’s not true.”

Kate glared at her. “Excuse me?”

“Honey, you wouldn’t even be worried about him if there was a bit of truth in the story you’re spinning. He didn’t believe it because you don’t believe it yourself.” Ann shook her head. “When you first told me about him, you were worried whether he loved you or was just getting off by being spanked by a woman, any woman. The fact he spoke to you in a public forum proves he cares for you far beyond just your business relationship. Right?”

Kate frowned.

Ann continued. “When he saw you, he didn’t have to do squat. He’s not a kid, he could figure out the truth about you supposedly being sick. He got that you didn’t want to see him, and definitely not in the middle of a thousand other people all standing around, looking for something to gossip over. So why even exchange words with you when he doesn’t have to?”

“But I went to him.” Kate’s mind began to spin. “He didn’t seek me out.”

Why the hell did I approach him?

Ann held up a finger. “I’ll get to that in a second. He could have turned away, given you the cold shoulder. Played like you made a mistake, picked the wrong guy. He could have treated you like crap—don’t forget, he’s the rich guy who used to pay you. He could have looked down his snooty nose at you and snapped his fingers to get your ass tossed out of the hotel. He did none of these, correct?”

Kate nodded.

“So he wanted to see you, to talk to you, even though he knew you might hurt him. And he didn’t expose your other persona right to the world even after you blew him off.” Ann paused. “So to speak.”

Kate flinched, both from the bad phrasing and the harsh truth.

She hadn’t even thought about that. All Alex had to do was say it out loud, call her out on her other profession. It might have hurt his social standing and maybe caused a few laughs behind closed doors, but it would have destroyed Kate’s status with Hooded Pleasures.

To start with.

She couldn’t begin to imagine how ticked off Wendy and Evan would be. It might destroy the company—at the very least, the exposure would hurt them economically as clients shied away and canceled their contracts for fear of being found out and exposed.

But Alex had stayed silent on that front.

“So you see him, go to him, tell him you did lie to him, but whatever, you won’t see him again and walk away,” Ann said.

“Yes.”

“But you didn’t need to do any of that. He knew you weren’t there for him,” she prompted. “You were there for your own reasons. For all he knew, you could have been there as a paid companion for some goon on the side.”

Kate scowled. “That’s not what I do. Not what I would ever do.”

Ann shrugged. “Point is, he didn’t have to say a word to you. And you sure as hell didn’t owe him anything, much less an explanation as to why you called your arrangement off. You could have stayed away and let him be, not go near him in the first place. So what does that tell you?”

Kate shook her head. “No. I told him it was over, I didn’t want anything else to do with him. It was time for him to move on. He didn’t need me anymore.”

“Except you need him. Bad.”

“No.” The word came out harsher this time, grating on her ears. “I don’t need Alex. He doesn’t need me. He needs any woman who can handle a whip, and it doesn’t have to be me. It can’t be me.”

Ann reached out and tapped her hand. “I know next to nothing about BDSM, but I do know, whether you’re using a feather or a whip, the heart wants what the heart wants, Kate. And your heart wants him. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be all torn up about it. The question is, what are you going to do about it now?

“I don’t know,” Kate answered. “I don’t honestly know.” She rubbed her forehead. “All I know is that I can’t go to him like this, not now. I don’t know what I want. I sure as hell can’t tell him what he wants.”

Ann nodded. “Then wait. Better to do nothing than to do the wrong thing.”

Kate laughed and sniffled, holding back tears. “That’s what I thought I was doing already.”