-Jacey-
Caleb had kissed me.
The thought rolled around and around in my mind.
Caleb had kissed me.
Caleb had kissed me!
Sure, the events that followed after had momentarily washed the desire and confusion from me, but now that I was alone on my cot, there was nothing to do but think about his firm, inquisitive lips on mine.
He’d also put his tongue in my mouth, which had caused a burst of sensations I hadn’t even known I was capable of.
The heat ratcheted up when I remembered I’d also given him a hard-on. Me!
Even though the temperature had fallen overnight, and I should be happily cocooned in my sleeping bag, I couldn’t stand the heat. I was laying on top of my sleeping bag now, remembering the kiss that had started this fire in me.
I sawed my legs together, the heat going exactly where I didn’t want it. It was delicious, but our parents were ten feet from my tent. There was a shorter distance between my tent and Caleb’s. I couldn’t give myself sweet relief.
Frustrated, I sat up on the cot and felt around for my shoes. After pulling them on, I felt for my flashlight and then headed for the flap of my tent. I quietly opened the flap and screen, only to realize the flashlight wouldn’t be necessary. It was a full moon, and the stars were bright enough to light the way.
Our campsite was different than others in the Canadian wilds in that my father had built and hidden a wooden port-a-potty closer to the top of the hill in the trees. I trudged up the path, watching for roots and stones.
I didn’t realize someone else was there until I smacked right into a wall of naked chest. I dropped my flashlight, and it rolled somewhere into the night.
“Jocelyn?” a familiar voice whispered, reaching out and grabbing my upper arms to steady me.
“Caleb?” I looked up and, sure enough, I was facing my stepbrother. Worse, I had my hands on his bare chest.
It was too dark to see the color of his eyes, but there was a glimmer in them in the starlight. “Going to the john?” he asked.
I nodded dumbly.
“Well, it’s free. But I accidentally knocked the toilet paper down, so I was getting another roll. You might want to wait a minute...” Caleb said. But then, he didn’t move, or take his hands off me.
His thumb traced the spaghetti strap of my cotton camisole. I blushed, realizing I was standing in front of him in an old Care Bears camisole and shorts set. A more sophisticated woman would have brought some kind of lacy lingerie, but not me.
I could only pray he couldn’t see the pattern in the dark.
“Wish Bear?” Caleb chuckled softly.
My cheeks heated up. “Yes, well, seems appropriate for pajamas.”
Caleb flicked his eyes down the short path to where our tents were set up. “You know, if our parents come wandering out, this might look a little compromising.”
“Huh?” I asked.
Caleb looked down, and I realized my hands were still pressed against his bare chest.
“Oh crap.” I carefully lifted my hands away.
Caleb caught my wrist, tugging me back up the path, past the outhouse and further into the woods.
“Where are we going?” I asked, stumbling after him.
“Somewhere where prying ears can’t see and prying ears can’t hear,” Caleb said. “Though, Hank’s snoring could cover an air raid.”
When he deemed we’d gone far enough, Caleb pushed me back against the pale, papery bark of a birch tree. “We have to decide what we’re doing here.”
“Doing?” I squeaked, feeling Caleb’s hot eyes on me, even in the dark.
Caleb leaned an arm against the birch tree, looming right into my space. We were breathing the same breaths. “You know what I’m talking about, Jocelyn.”
My heart thudded erratically in my chest. “I... don’t understand what’s going on, honestly. I thought you hated me.”
“No such luck,” Caleb said with a sardonic smile, his teeth white against the dark. “I’ve wanted you since you first told me you love me. But... I was older than you and I needed to do the adult thing and stay away.”
“You’re still older than me,” I pointed out softly.
Caleb smoothed a strand of hair behind my ear, following the motion through to cup my cheek and run his thumb over my lower lip. “You’ll be eighteen the day after tomorrow.”
“Age of consent in Minnesota is sixteen,” I told him.
Caleb had to hush his hearty laugh. “Looked this up before, have you?”
“Maybe,” I mumbled, dropping my eyes.
“Good to know, but I still won’t have sex with you for at least two days,” Caleb said. He played his fingers down over my throat softly, then lower until they were drawing a heated line between my breasts.
I thought I might spontaneously combust.
“Do you want that?” Caleb asked.
“Want...?” I echoed hazily.
Caleb nuzzled my ear. “Do you want me to be your first?”
If the tree wasn’t there, I may have swooned. As it was, I had to squeeze some sense out of my brain if I was really going to have this conversation with Caleb.
“I... I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t want you to be my first, unless there was a possibility that you would also be my last,” I managed to gasp.
Caleb arched an eyebrow at me. “You’re a romantic.”
“Yes,” I said defensively.
“Hmm. That surprises me.” Caleb regarded me for a long moment. “What happened with your mom...”
I stiffened. I couldn’t believe he was bringing up my mother! “What does she have to do with anything?”
Caleb’s expression lost its seductiveness, and he took a small step backward. “Jocelyn, I’m sorry if I hit a nerve. But I figured since she left you—”
“Don’t.” I held up a hand. “Don’t bother. I don’t want to hear the rest of that explanation.” I shoved past him and headed back down the hill.
“Jocelyn!” Caleb called softly after me.
I stormed to my tent, yanking the zipper up so hard I almost took the zip right off the teeth. I zipped the flap and the screen shut.
To his credit, Caleb was not stupid enough to try to pursue me all the way to my tent. I heard him trudge to his own and go inside, zipping it closed.
I couldn’t believe I’d ever found him attractive. Okay, I still found him attractive, but I was going to work on that.
Just because my mother left us when I was five, that meant I wasn’t supposed to be a romantic? That I’d want to just sleep around? That I’d want to be Caleb’s fuck toy?
Was I somehow worth less because my mother had left, but his father had died?
I couldn’t stop fuming. Tears of anger and frustration stung my eyes into the wee hours of the morning when my father came over and shook my tent.
“Rise and shine, cupcake! It’s time to help me make breakfast,” he said.
I dragged myself out of my sleeping bag and pulled on real clothes—a sweatshirt and jeans. Then I walked out in a pair of tennis shoes to help my father.
“So,” my father grinned, while mixing pancake batter, “you were up late last night.”
“Huh?” I replied. “What do you mean?” How did he know? WHAT did he know?!
Not that there was really anything to know. Not anymore.
My father reached into his pocket and pulled out my flashlight. “Must have lost this when you were walking up to the john.”
“Oh. Yeah.” I took the flashlight and slipped it into my pocket while I toasted bread over the camp stove.
“Is it your... you know... time of the month?” my father asked, just as Caleb walked toward the cook tent.
Oh God. “No.” I was sure I was scarlet from head to toe.
“It’s just all the toilet paper I had up there last night is gone,” my father explained.
“I bumped it by accident, and it fell in the toilet,” Caleb said, saving me from further embarrassment.
Perhaps I wouldn’t resolve to hate him for ALL eternity.
My father scowled at Caleb. “That’s very wasteful, son.”
Caleb scowled right back. “I’m not your son.”
As I was trying to figure out how to avert a fight between them, the toast I’d stopped paying attention to started smoking.
“Jacey!” my father cried, taking a tongs and yanking the wire toasting ring off the burner. “Goddammit, TWO meals in a row?!”
“Sorry, Dad. I wasn’t paying attention,” I said with a wince.
“Will you stop fucking yelling at her all the time? Jesus, it’s supposed to be her fucking birthday celebration or some shit,” Caleb snapped.
“Caleb, why are you shouting?” Jeanie asked, sticking her head out of the tent she shared with my father.
Caleb snorted. “Of course. Mom gets to sleep but make sure Jocelyn is helping in the kitchen.”
“I like helping,” I defended my father’s decision.
Jeanie’s eyes welled up again. “Please don’t fight. We’re supposed to be having a nice family vacation.”
“Then tell your husband to stop being a prick!” Caleb yelled so loud even the seagulls were scared off.
“Guess somebody doesn’t want breakfast,” my father seethed.
“Guess somebody’s on a hell of a power trip,” Caleb shot back.
Jeanie wrung her hands and looked at me as though there was something I could do.
Honestly, I was just tired. Tired of all of it. I walked out of the cook tent and down to the shoreline. “I’ll be back later!” I called up to camp as I untied the canoe and stepped into it.
“Wait, Jacey. We haven’t finished breakfast!” my father called back down.
“I can help with breakfast,” Jeanie said, her voice soft on the wind.
“Jeanie, darling, you’re a guest. Why don’t you get a little more sleep?” My father’s reply made my blood boil.
Apparently, it did Caleb’s as well, because before I could push off, my stepbrother came tromping down the path. “I’m coming with you. Don’t argue. We don’t have to talk. But I’m getting the fuck out of here.”
I took one look at Caleb’s face and decided I wouldn’t argue. “Can you shove us off?” I asked.
“Can I run the motor, actually?” Caleb replied.
“Seriously? I’m the one trying to escape, and you want to—”
Caleb raked a hand over his hair and gave me a pleading look. “Please?”
I sighed and got out of the canoe so Caleb could crawl in the back. Then I shoved us off.
Caleb started the motor just as my father came thumping down to the beach.
“You two—!” he said, stabbing a finger at us.
With a sneer, Caleb opened the motor up full bore, and we went pelting across the lake.