Cameron is in the hospital somewhere, refusing to go home in case I need him. My mind wanders back to the night I met his friends at his house when there was a tray of cocaine on the coffee table. Is this Joshua's normal? Is he a cocaine addict? His out-of-control partying and stripper days are a constant reminder of his unruly past but just how deep that runs I have no idea. I know that a lot of wealthy socialites start out taking it to party but because there is no money restraint it very quickly turns into a very real problem in their daily life. Has my beautiful man got an ugly habit that I am unaware of? I troll my brain for any evidence. I knew his friends took cocaine but I honestly would never have known he would have had anything to do with it He's a fitness fanatic … mmm, maybe that's why he's a fitness fanatic, to keep him on the straight and narrow, to keep himself on track. He is excessive with it, like … over-dedicated. Why do I have to look for a reason behind everything? Stop thinking like a psychologist, Natasha, don't do it to yourself. I stand up and lean over him and I smile. He's beautiful, nothing has changed. I lean and gently kiss his lips.
"Wake up sleeping beauty," I whisper. "I want to talk to you. I don't like you being asleep so long." No answer … why won't he wake up? I gently run my fingers through his facial hair and over the top of his head. I gently pull the sheets back to look at him and I frown at the sight. He is bruised on his torso, quite badly actually. What is that from? Hmm, fighting-he's been cage fighting again. I hate that sport or whatever you call it. I frown as I notice he has a bruise in the shape of a shoe print on his hip bone, as if he has been stomped on or kicked when down. This is no cage-fight bruising, this is real-fight bruising. My heart drops, Baby what in the hell have you been doing? I trace my name on his side with my finger and he flinches. My eyes shoot to his face. He frowns and I hold my breath.
"Joshua," I whisper. "I'm here, baby, wake up." He frowns again. "Joshua," I repeat. I bend and gently kiss his cheek. "I love you," I whisper. His eyelids start to flutter. I grab his hand and he squeezes it as he slowly opens his eyes. I smile at him. "Hi," I whisper.
He squints as he tries to focus his eyes.
"Tash," he whispers.
Tears fill my eyes, "I'm here, baby. It's ok, I'm here." He gives me a weak smile and I lean and gently kiss his cheek.
"What's going on?" he whispers through a husky throat.
"You're in the hospital, you took a cocaine overdose." His face drops and he lifts his arm to look at the intravenous drip into the back of his hand, then he shakes his head in shock.
"How long?" he shakes his head again. I buzz for the nurse. He frowns again and I know he is trying to remember what happened. The nurse enters the room and smiles. "Mr Stanton, how are you feeling?" He stays silent while staring at me. I think he is in shock.
I give him a weak smile. "She asked you a question," I whisper.
He shakes his head. "I'm ok," he gently answers. Cameron walks into the room and his smile nearly beams me off the bed.
"You ok mate?" He walks over and gently kisses Joshua's forehead and I melt. This is love; Cameron adores Joshua. I smile as my eyes tear up again.
The doctor walks in and nods to us all. "You have given your brother and wife here a hell of a shock, Joshua."
Joshua frowns at me and I smile in return. He's confused-he holds up his hand to look at his ring finger and frowns again. I bite my lip to stifle my smile-he thinks we are married.
"Do you know where you are?" the doctor asks.
Joshua nods. "In the hospital," he huskily replies.
"And why are you here?" he asks.
Joshua casts his eyes down in shame. "Drug overdose," he whispers. He coughs dryly and the nurse pours him a glass of water. He tentatively takes a sip. "Thank you" he whispers. He looks around. "Where's Adrian?" I smile at that question. He's ok. He's going to be ok.
"Only immediate family and spouses," Cameron replies.
The doctor looks into Joshua's eyes with a torch. "I will be keeping you in for observation for a few days but you are a very lucky man. You were close to death and have selfishly put your loved ones through hell."
"You got that right," Cameron interjects.
Joshua's eyes drop again. "Sorry," he murmurs. His eyes find me through the room and I melt into them. I have so missed this man-it is as if a part of me has been missing. I give him a weak smile and he holds out his hand for me. I gratefully take it and he kisses the back of my hand and rests his cheek against it.
Tears fill my eyes as Cameron smiles and rubs Joshua's head. "See you in the morning" and with that he leaves the room. The doctor stays for around another fifteen minutes and I stay silent in the corner waiting patiently for my time with him. A nurse comes and removes his catheter and after what seems like an eternity they leave us alone.
I gently cuddle him as I am overcome with tears. "I'm so sorry Josh, forgive me baby. I have done this to you."
He shakes his head. "No, Tash, I did this."
"I will never leave you again, I promise you Josh. I love you too much to be without you."
He looks down at my hand and frowns. "Did Adrian get your ring from the safe?"
I frown and shake my head. What's he talking about? There's a ring?
"Cameron just told them we were married to get me access to you."
His face drops. "Oh," he answers quietly. He gives me a weak smile. "I thought we got married."
I smile and bend to gently kiss him. "I wish," I whisper.
He returns my smile. "Me too, though I would like to remember it." I crawl onto the bed next to him and his eyes close. "I need the bathroom," he whispers.
I quickly jump off the bed. "Let me help you." I grab his elbow to stabilise him as the nurse re-enters the room.
"Back to bed. You are too weak to be standing. When was the last time you ate, young man?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "Not sure." My eyes close in regret. He doesn't even remember eating-what in the hell has he been doing to himself? He lifts himself off the bed and scrunches his eyes closed in pain.
"What's wrong?" I gasp.
"Headache," he winces.
"That's normal," the nurse nods. I blow out a breath in relief.
"Ok," I reply shakily. The nurse and I get on either side of him and help him up as he gingerly walks to the bathroom. I have never seen him like this. It's frightening. So weak, so fragile. I can't believe he nearly died just ten hours ago. I walk into the bathroom behind him as he falls onto the toilet, and I grab him for support. He sits silently with his head down and urinates. As I stand silently beside him it occurs to me that Joshua, my Joshua, would be pulling wisecracks in this situation normally. No way would he sit down to go to the toilet, not without a joke anyway.
He finally finishes and stands. "I need to shower."
"Joshua, no, you are going back to bed," I urge.
"I'm taking a fucking shower," he snaps.
I beam a full megawatt smile. "That's more like it," I whisper. He raises an eyebrow in silent question at me. "There's my difficult man," I smile.
Half an hour later he is back in bed and I am feeling much better. After his little snap at me I know he is going to be ok-there isn't a doubt in my mind. He lies with his head facing me as I lie next to him.
"Thank you for coming for me," he whispers. "When did you find out?"
"At LAX airport." He frowns at me, not understanding. "I was already coming to you Josh. You did this while I was in the air." Should I tell him about the paternity?
His eyes widen. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again," he frowns.