Chapter 260 260

Chapter 260 260
I let him hold her in his arms and watch them walk away toward one of the few cabins left standing. Little Tharion comes running, seeking his father’s arms. Zerion lifts him up high and truly smiles, one of those smiles that reach the eyes and warm the soul. Azeroth appears at my side, as if knowing my mind is about to ask whether I could be holding my other daughter this way right now, smiling like that.

“Would it have been different? If I had completely mastered my gifts…”

“No. Bryelle’s soul was not complete—you wouldn’t have been able to bring her back.”

“Why wasn’t it complete?”

“I don’t know.” His eyes fix on the distance. “In this world, there are many things without explanation. Why does Cassian’s heart beat now? It’s another mystery I cannot give you a precise answer for. I can only speculate. Perhaps your gift brought more life than was possible. Perhaps a part of Bryelle will always be with her sister, and that’s why her soul is incomplete. I don’t know, and maybe we’ll never know.”

“If that was the reason… my soul finds comfort.”

“There is nothing you could have done that you hadn’t already tried, daughter. Don’t leave room for guilt in your heart.”

“Will you take care of her?”

“Always. I’ll be for her what I couldn’t be for you.”

“Now you are. That’s what matters.”

His eyes soften, visibly relieved, as if I had lifted a great weight from his shoulders. He looks forward again, lost in his thoughts. I’m about to move away to find Cassian and Evren, but his hand stops me.

“Someone wants to see you.”

I could ask who it is, but something tells me I already know. He clasps my hand with his, and in less than a blink, we’re deep in the forest. A woman with reddish hair stands with her back to us. As soon as a small breeze stirs her hair and announces our presence, she turns around. Her eyes first fall on Azeroth, and for a moment the resentment I still hold for her vanishes when I see the longing in her eyes as she looks at the love she is destined to leave over and over again.

“Call me if you need me.”

My father lets go of my hand and steps away, not without me catching the apparent pain that crosses his features. Silence settles between us. I twist my fingers in front of me, refusing to look her in the eyes. I doubt I could hold back my reproaches if I did.

She clears her throat.

“I know I haven’t been a mother, that you don’t want to hear that I regret your loss, but I’m here.”

It takes me longer than it should to lift my gaze toward her.

“For how long? How long until you leave again?”

If I didn’t doubt that she has true feelings beyond her love for my father, I might think my words had hurt her.

“As long as I can, even if when I return I have to burn again in the Underworld.”

“I will never forgive you for what you did to me. You made too many decisions for me.”

“Now you can choose. What bound you to Cassian has disappeared. There’s no manipulation of fate tying you anymore.”

“You don’t understand… It doesn’t matter now, because I’ll choose him always. My heart would recognize his even in a room full of people. What you need to understand is that, even if you gave me life, it was mine to live as I wanted.”

“I know.” She takes a step toward me, but the expression on my face stops her. “And I haven’t come to ask you to forgive me, only to tell you that I understand the feeling taking root in your chest with every second that passes. If you need to talk to someone who understands, I’m here.”
“I have the father who has also lost the same daughter I have, thank you.”

“It’s not the same. A mother’s bond is much stronger. We carried them for months, they lived inside us, fitting their limbs into our body causing us horrible pain but that we were grateful for every second if it meant they were alive, searching for the best position to be inside us. Right now you feel as if you’ve lost a part of yourself, your heart has died a little more, but you want it to keep beating because you have another daughter who is still here, and it would be too selfish to give up on her, wouldn’t it? Those are the thoughts eating away at your mind right now. I understand them, every one of them. I’ve lost so many children I can’t even count them on my fingers, and each time it hasn’t become easier.”

I know I don’t forgive her for everything she has done, but I suppose I also need a mother, so I can’t hold back my tears any longer. I break with a strangled sob.

At last she comes closer and places her hands on my shoulders to draw me against the curve of her neck. She strokes my back in comfort while my body shakes with every sob.

“I needed you,” I say with a strangled voice. “I’ve needed you all these years.”

“I know.”

“I can’t forgive you.”

“I know that too.” She keeps stroking my back. “I just want you to know that you are the only daughter born of my love and not of my pain. I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel how special you are.”

I keep breaking in Lilith’s arms, knowing this is not where I will find a way to be whole again. We don’t exchange more words, I just cry, letting everything out that I won’t allow myself to show in front of Evren. I need to be strong, for her. After what feels like hours, Azeroth joins us and, though this has been a good place to vent my pain, I feel I must leave them alone.

I brush my father’s hand, who seems to need a small squeeze to face another farewell. My heart could never endure having to part from my great love again and again knowing that in his departure he will face unimaginable pain.

I’ve almost left when Lilith’s voice stops me.

“If you ever need me… go to the garden.”

I know which garden she means without her going into details. I nod and head for one last stop before reuniting with the person I most long to be with right now. The sea breeze whips my hair and my bloodstained clothes, masking a little the metallic scent soaked into my skin. Every step toward the shore sends a shiver through me from head to toe. I don’t know if I’m ready to see again a face so consumed by evil and yet so deceiving.