Chapter 18 — Warning Bells

I CLENCHED my hands. I’d been practicing martial arts lately. I wanted to use it for self-defense, but more than that, I wanted it specifically for this moment. That was how badly I wanted to inflict pain on Eunice, too. My bodyguards were the ones who trained me. But I knew better now. Physical pain was nothing. That kind of pain could always heal.

I stared at my ex-best friend. I couldn’t believe that the root cause of all this was her jealousy. It wasn’t true that I was able to get the things I wanted so easily. If that was the case, I would have been successful a long time ago as an artist and would not have needed to surrender my pride and dignity to make a deal with a stranger.

Eunice used to get the second place in our class. But I never treated her as a rival. Then and now, my biggest rival was myself. When I was younger, I always thought my grades had to be better than the previous ones so I could get a full scholarship. When I was in college, I had a part-time job and became a waitress in a restaurant so I could provide for my own allowance.

Eunice was wrong. I never had it easy. I worked so hard for whatever I have now.

I treated Eunice as my real sister. At that time, I had nothing to offer compared to Eunice’s other friends who showered her with expensive things. But I treated her sincerely. That was all someone as poor as me could offer back then anyway.

I thought I had avenged enough. The Ricafortes had fallen. I was willing to stop now for the sake of my family, but after hearing what Eunice had to say, I couldn’t bring myself to stop. She didn’t feel even a little bit of remorse for what she did, especially to my father who treated her so well. Instead, she was looking at me with those arrogant eyes as if I was the one who should feel embarrassed here. I could never forgive that.

Eunice grinned when I remained quiet while staring at her. “What? I got you there, didn’t I? I bet you didn’t expect to hear those things because just like everyone else, you were so fixated on becoming Eunice Ricaforte’s best friend.”

My chest tightened. “You think so highly of yourself. I didn’t notice it before. But thank you for saying those words. At least, now I know that whatever happens next, I would have no regrets. You pushed me into this, Eunice. I was planning to go easy on you, but you changed my mind. For you to do this, maybe you are not broken enough.”

I smiled when I saw how anxiety crossed her eyes. But it was too late for that. “You are my visitor today, Eunice. But the next time we meet, you will become my enemy. The next time we meet, I will break you completely.”

I turned my back on her and this time, I didn’t look back, even if she kept screaming my name. I headed inside the building and went to the elevator. I pressed the button that would take me to the helipad. When I got there, I took a couple of deep breaths, hoping it would ease the heaviness in my chest.

But the heaviness remained.

I looked up at the night sky. My eyes hurt, but no tears were coming out. I didn’t know that a day would come when I would run out of tears, too.

“Ma…” I closed my eyes and spread my arms. “If you’re listening, can you please give me a hug? I can feel every bone of my body aching for rest.”

Not long after, I felt such strong and familiar arms embrace me. I faintly smiled. Maybe I was still lucky. I had someone who’d come for me even before I search for him. I had someone who would hold me tight at a time like this. Circumstances may have led this person to be with me now, but at least, in my darkest and loneliest time, I was not totally alone.

I embraced him back. I buried my face on Cain’s chest. His presence had grown on me. And so had his delightful scent. We hadn’t seen each other for three days because he was busy hunting. That was the longest time we hadn’t seen each other and the longest time he hadn’t fed on me. He was supposed to come back tomorrow.

“I thought you would still be in Austin. Why are you back early?”

“Because you are in pain.”

Cain was as blunt as the first time we met. “And how do you know that? I’m not even crying.”

“But your heart is. I can sense it.”

I was surprised. I had no idea that Cain was capable of sensing such a thing. “And it matters to you?”

“Well, I could choose to turn a blind eye to it. But I could not. It also bothers me that you are alone on a cold night like this.”

Cain was exactly who I needed: someone who would not look down on my feelings, especially on my pain. I heard the sincerity in his voice. His gentle voice always seemed to be speaking straight to the scars in my heart. “Thank you for coming here, Cain.”

Whether Cain was here out of pure coincidence or because it was his time to feed, none of that mattered anymore. What mattered was his strong arms around me; they were giving me comfort just when I needed it the most. It was true that our relationship was far from normal. In fact, nothing about us was normal from the very beginning. But I’d like to believe that we’re slowly getting closer to each other because in moments when I feel uncertain and didn’t know what to do, his arms would always catch me to give me strength. I didn’t know that he was capable of doing that for a mere mortal like me.

Whenever he was around, for strange reasons, I could feel all my difficulties melting away.

“How do I start again, Cain?” I asked in a low voice after a while. “You said you lived for centuries. Then maybe you know how to start again after falling so hard.”

“Starting again is never easy, Natasha. I have lived for five hundred years and whenever I wake up, I still find myself starting all over again. It is an everyday process. You need to find the will to begin again.”

When I opened my eyes to look at his face, our gazes met. When the wind blew, he gently put the strands of my hair beneath my ears.

“The will?”

“Yes. Sometimes, you can find that will in the smallest of things, Natasha,” he replied before wrapping his arms around my waist. His body was warm. I no longer felt cold because of him.

“It can happen when you see an old photo of yours with your family. And then you realize that you wanted to see that picture again the next day, because it reminds you of something, it reminds you of hope. And you want to keep feeling that hope inside you. And so, you begin wanting to live one more day. It could also happen when you see the most important people in your life. And you realize that you want to keep seeing them. It can also happen when you receive a phone call or when you hear something nice, and you want to hear it again the next day. The cycle goes on and on without you being aware of it. And suddenly, without knowing, you are beginning to live again.”

“Is it really possible?”

“It is,” he said as if he was pacifying a child. “And one day, I assure you, Natasha, a miracle will come that will make you feel glad that you stayed alive.”

How come that it seemed so easy to believe in Cain’s words, that I could almost feel my heart being swept away? Every time I'd look in his beautiful eyes, I tended to forget that I have trust issues. Whenever I’m with him, I feel tempted to think that it was still wonderful to be alive. I stared at him for a while. He looked so mesmerizing in his black suit. At a time like this, seeing his face alone could be comforting, too.

“A miracle?” I asked when I remembered his last word. “How about you? Have you found yours? Have you found your miracle?”

Cain didn’t reply. Instead, he smiled. It was the most dazzling smile I had ever seen. And he looked at me as if he had actually found it, as if he had found his miracle, as if… that miracle was me.

But maybe I was just imagining things. I was about to look away when he caressed my cheeks. Before I could say a word, he already claimed my lips. His kisses tonight were far from the kisses we had shared. This time, he wasn’t in a rush. He was kissing me as if he was taking his time, as if he was trying to tell me something important through his kisses.

My body moved on its own. Before I even knew it, I was kissing him back. I encircled my arms around his nape before closing my eyes. The first time I kissed him, I heard a siren, a warning bell, inside my head. And now, I could hear it ringing again. The siren was louder than before; it was almost deafening.

Yet, I could not push him away.

I could no longer stop myself.