Chapter 76 - Like a sinner on death row

My brows furrowed as my mind seemed to immediately close up. My eyes slowly blinked as I looked up to meet Sin's dark, beautiful eyes. He was watching me too, the same intensity in his eyes, the same coldness he always carried.

He held a soft edge now, however, his lips parted as he watched me. His thumb slowly ran down my cheek, and he slowly let his eyes leave mine.

"What?" I managed to croak out, my eyes blinking so a single tear ran down my left cheek.

Sin moved away, his eyes holding mine. He had always said that he didn't fear anything or anyone, and seeing him like this, like he was dreading what I would say next, it made me realize the sort of liar I was.

"What did you just say?"

He let his tongue part a little before he met my eyes again. "I answered your question, Annalise. I know... I know that Enrique did that to you six years ago. I took you and your father to the hospital. I..."

"Did you kill him?"

His lips pursed. "I couldn't save him. I want to believe it is different. But if you feel that it is the same, then..."

I got off the bed, my eyes wide. I could feel my tears beginning to choke me, I could feel my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. I felt stupid. Betrayed. I felt foolish for having trusted a man who killed others for a living.

"What are you going to tell me next? That you were the one who did that..."

"I would never rape you or any woman."

"Those are the principles I thought you had just a moment ago!" I suddenly yelled, pushing the lamp on the dresser with my hand.

It landed on the floor close to Sin and shattered into pieces that mirrored my heart. Sin barely even blinked, his eyes slowly lowering to the mess I had made.

"You were about to watch me kiss you! You were about to watch me forget my dignity, knowing you are the one who murdered my father!"

His eyes closed for a brief moment before he opened them again, and slowly stood up. I took a step back, unable to think or even say more. There was nothing to express the pain I felt, and I wasn't even sure if I was feeling the pain of my father's helpless death or if I was feeling the pain of having to hate him.

He looked down at the glass stained distance I had put between us, and he slowly got out of the shoes he had been wearing. I watched him through tear filled eyes as he slowly stepped on the glass, his eyes still neutral as they darted across mine.

"Sin," I said, my chest heaving as he stepped on the broken glass to get to me.

My eyes looked up to meet his, and he slowly brought his hand to cup my cheeks.

"I have made only two mistakes in my life, Annalise. It is marrying Larissa and not burning my brother along with that building. It is not bringing him to beg on his knees in front of you after seeing you that way. It was taking his side years ago."

My lips parted, and I swallowed hard, my chest heaving. "Is that why? Are you unable to do anything about him or take my side now because you know? Are you unable to reciprocate my feelings because you know what I looked like right after it happened?"

"Yes," he said slowly. "It haunts me, and I am unable to be a hypocrite."

I let out a shaky breath, my tears stopping me from talking. Sin slowly pulled closer to me, his eyes taking me in.

I could see storms beginning to form behind his orbs, storms that I would never be able to understand. Storms that I would never be able to relate to. I had my own storms to wade through. I had my own storms to feel.

"I know you will not be able to forgive me." Sin held my face softly, his eyes low. I couldn't tell how he truly felt or what was behind the strong layer he was putting up, but I could feel him break. "I can't lose you, Annalise. I can't let you go."

I swallowed as he pulled me into him, my head resting on his shoulder. I felt numb, my body weak, and my heart even weaker. It felt horrible. I wish I could be strong. I wish I could stay with him through this.

"You already did," I said, my hand gently moving to rest on his chest.

He let me move him back as if he was expecting it. As if he just wanted that one hug.

"Annalise."

"You lost me six years ago. You lost me in those flames. You lost me in that fire. You lost me the moment you took your brother's side when you knew what was right. You lost me before you even got me."

His eyes closed, and he sighed, his breath shaky. He slowly opened his eyes, then nodded, like he was accepting defeat.

"You should stay here, at least. You have nowhere to go."

"I have the house I was in. I have the place I ended up with after you destroyed my family home. Because of you and your brother, I have nothing left of my father. Because of you!"

He did not say a word, and I swallowed hard, then turned away. Without a word, I walked to the walk-in closet. I didn't have any clothes apart from the ones he had gotten for me.

I immediately wore one, then emerged, my hair falling down my back. He was still standing there, his eyes dark and rather unreadable.

"I will have this dress sent back."

He said nothing, and I removed the ring on my finger, then slowly dropped it on the dresser. I started to walk past him, my mind racing, my heart hoping he would stop me. Hoping he would beg me for forgiveness. Hoping he would really refuse to let me go.

I do hate my heart for jumping when he did hold my hand, stopping me right in place.

"At least stay till after Angel's birthday. Do it for me like a sinner's last meal on death row."

I turned to him, and he was looking at me. "Do it for me like I am the man you love."