CHAPTER 160
CHAPTER 160
Ciel sits outside the operating room, his hands locked together so tightly that his knuckles are turning white.
Sebastian sits beside him, he's silent but just as tense, and the hallway has suddenly become so quiet and still that it feels like it's holding its own breath.
Every second feels like a torturous hour that refuses to pass, dragging and sluggish.
The image of Xerxes, bleeding out, losing blood, and then his body going limp has refused to leave Ciel's mind. It's stuck there, playing over and over again. He clenches his hands further, his fingers almost digging into his skin, but he doesn't care, and he doesn't feel it, not even the ache in his head. All he can grasp at the moment is Xerxes, Xerxes, and Xerxes.
He looks up at the door again, hoping it will swing open now, his heart slams hard against its cage. What is taking them so long? Why is it taking forever? He has to be alright, right?
“Do you think he will be okay?” Ciel suddenly asks, barely able to recognize his own voice, which is raw and hoarse.
Sebastian doesn't immediately answer. He stares ahead, his jaw tight. “Xerxes has always been strong…” he trails off, but his gaze does not waver. “But this, I don't know, Ciel.”
Ciel bites his lips to stop them from trembling and looks up at the ceiling to get rid of the stinging tears. He's going to be fine. He has to.
The silence returns for another twenty years before the door finally opens. A doctor steps out, removing his bloody gloves and mask, displaying his serious and heavy expression.
Ciel immediately jumps to his feet. “Doctor, how is he? D-did the bullet hit something? He is going to be alright, right?” Desperation drips from each word that comes out of his mouth. Sebastian stands beside him, stiff, like he's ready for the worst, but Ciel isn't.
The doctor sighs. “The bullet missed his vital organs, barely. We were able to remove it and stop the bleeding.”
Ciel feels a tiny breath of relief coming up, but then the doctor speaks again.
“Unfortunately, the bullet isn't the real problem we have right now,”
Ciel feels his heart drop to his stomach. “What-what do you mean?”
“The poison,” the doctor proceeds. “It's been in his system for years, it's finally reached his heart, and his organs are failing. We've tried everything, but there's nothing more we can do.”
Ciel stares at him, frozen at his feet. “What?”
“He doesn't have much time left. A few weeks at most. With the support of the hospital equipment, his organs can not only function on their own. He can no longer leave the hospital. We will keep him comfortable, that's all we can do for now.”
“No, no…no,” Ciel whispers, his eyes wide and shining with tears. “That can't be, you have to do something. There has to be something. Please. You can't let him die!”
“I'm sorry,” the doctor says gently. “We've done all we can.”
The words echo in the hallway, and Ciel's knees finally give out, and he slides to the floor against the wall. He clutches his chest, feeling like his heart has just shattered into a million pieces, then the sobs come, loud, raw, and uncontrollable.
He cries like the world is ending, because at the moment, it is, the world is fucking ending.
Sebastian crouches beside him but says nothing. He places a hand on Ciel's shoulder, steady and quiet, letting him cry, and Ciel buries his face in his chest, his cries getting louder and louder, broken and shattered.
Time passes in a blur.
~
Hours later, Ciel and Sebastian sit at the hospital canteen. Ciel holds a bottle of water, untouched, his eyes red and his face without color; that's how his life is right now, dull and colorless. Xerxes isn't dead yet, and he already feels like this. What's going to happen when Xerxes finally dies, Ciel thinks he will probably join him later. He can't imagine a world where Xerxes doesn't exist. He can't live and won't survive in that world.
Sebastian casts him a long stare of worry and concern. “You okay?”
Ciel lets out a weak and broken laugh. “What do you think?”
Sebastian sighs. “I know.” he looks away, blinking away his tears and letting silence engulf them for a while before he breaks it. “I've known Xerxes since we were kids. He wasn't always like this. You know, cold and heartless, there was a time when he was normal, happier even because he had the support of his father,”
“So, his father wasn't just a homophobic and horrible monster?” Ciel raises a questioning brow. If his father was a kind man, why did Xerxes hate him so much?
“Nah, Mr. Laurent was a monster, but he was never one when it came to Xerxes. He loved Xerxes, but he died,” Sebastian sighs and looks at the table with a blank gaze.
“I know Liam said he killed him, but how did he die?”
“Poison,” Comes Sebastian's flat reply. “You see, Mr. Laurent specialized in making the deadliest poisons, and Liam learned from him. He was able to tell the food was poisoned, but it was too late. Xerxes was able to survive that day because Mr. Laurent gave him the only suppressant he had. Mr. Laurent died, and everyone pinned it on Xerxes since he was able to survive. It was at that moment, Xerxes realized his father was the only family he had. His mother, brother, and sister all wanted his downfall.”
“He became smarter,” Ciel whispers.
“Yeah. The poison has no cure, it was created that way. Once Xerxes was able to suppress it, he took the empire his father left behind and made everyone his enemy. He became cold and ruthless.”
Ciel sniffs. “I would love to see when Xerxes was normal. But what about Ethan? Did he really sleep with Xerxes' father?”
“Ethan was crazy. He claimed he was only trying to get closer to father and son, so he decided to seduce Mr. Laurent, which happened two days before they got poisoned. He made Liam his doctor just to keep him close to use him, who lied to him that it was a mere heart disease.”
Ciel snorts. “He didn't think Xerxes was that stupid to actually believe that bullshit,”
Sebastian nods. “Yes, Liam has always been a fool. If Mrs. Laurent hadn't talked him into it, he would have never had the guts to poison his own father,”
“So why did Xerxes hate his father?”
Sebastian's lips twitch into a sad smile. “He doesn't. He needed people to believe he was that ruthless to kill his own father. He was accused but decided to play the role of the villain anyway, just so nobody would dare to question his power again. It was all an act—a mask he never took off. Even he got so used to it that he forgot to drop it,”
“So, he's been waiting to die?”
Sebastian nods. “He gave up a long time ago. We were able to make more of the suppressants illegally. He just waited, lived each day like it was his last, took risks, pushed people away, and tried not to care. I never knew he made a promise to a broken kid he found in the alley. I believe that somewhat kept him going for a while, wanting to fulfill his promise,”
He stops his lips from trembling. “I didn't….I didn't know he was suffering like that. I don't want to lose him, Seb,”
Sebastian sighs. “I know.”
But there's nothing they can do.