Chapter 8

“ I don’t understand what I feel anymore or what I think everything is just.. “

“ Moving too fast but so slow at the same time Ms Helena ? “

Just her responding with that brought me close to tears. Braelia always understood me so well she always made me feel seen like I was actually important. She was truly the best and most true friend I have ever had and will ever have. With a long sigh allowing all the air to escape my body I looked down at my hands and gave a slow, brief nod.

“ Ms Helena I would like to reassure you that it is all quite alright, you will be ok “

I look up at her and raise my hand to reach for hers.

“ I know, I know all will be well with you by my side “

We share a warm smile before the carriage came to a slow stop and the door opened for us to step out. Once we are both out of the carriage we begin to walk and allow our eyes to wonder over the trees and fences we passed. As we walked we passed adorable vendors here and there that offered various different things to fulfill your every material therapy need. Food stands decorated with fresh fruit or ready made food, stands with the latest newsletters or poems.

“ A new quill would be nice “

I whisper lowly to myself before Scanning my eyes over the various vendors, becoming only slightly overwhelmed by all the options, they light up as I find exactly what I’m looking for. I make a gesture to Braelia and proceed to make a bee line towards the beautiful quills and note paper that caught my attention.

“ Ms Helena wonderful to see you again ! “

I shoot a beaming smile to the adorable elderly man that so gleefuly greeted me, Mr. Fletcher.

“ Mr. Fletcher it is such a delight to see you as well! I was in search of a new quill and I just could not find it in my heart to take my business to anyone else “

He bows to me once more and gestures to the collection he had in back of him

“ Well don’t let me hold you madam please “

I give a small bow and excitedly turn to the quills and notepapers. Clasping my hands together I allow myself to look at every item individually giving them all the same amount of admiration before plucking one up that I choose 99.9% of the time and reach my hand out with my shillings to Mr. Fletcher who beamed up at me and repeatedly tried to refuse them

“ It is always a pleasure Ms Helena please- “

“ I respect you Mr. Fletcher and I will be back once more I’m sure soon so you either accept this now or double when I visit again “

Mr. Fletcher releases a chuckle and shakes his head as he reluctantly accepts my shillings bowing to me once more

“ You have a beautiful day ladies “

Braelia and I bow at him once more before continuing our stroll. The fresh air blowing in my face felt dream worthy. There was a slight breeze that was not too strong but also not too light, the temperature weather wasn’ttoo hot but it wasn’t too cold either. The sun was beaming happily sharing it's joyus light with the plenty of us. The day was just so perfect.

“ The breeze feels amazing does it not Ms Helena “

We take a deep breath in together I then nod to what Braelia said agreeing with her

“ I agree Braelia, It does feel amazing, this is just what I needed “

Smiling at each other once more we resume our walk and admiration of everything around us. It was so peaceful. Everything was slightly loud but completely quiet all at once. I didn’t want to think or worry about anything that clouded my mind before I just enjoyed the air and the distance from everyone and everything that was going on. That is everyone but one person..

..He is just so glorious, a grace by god to look at everything about that man..but he is sadly just not good for me nor am I or will ever be good enough for him, for anybody in fact...

I clench my jaw and tightly shut my eyes at what I just said to myself realizing I allowed my thoughts to cloud my mind once more. He is not a family man, he is not a sensible loving man I would want as a husband or for the father of my children...the children I yearn to have one day. I am just an undesirable that distracts herself from the harshness of the ton by keeping my nose in a book, or something new to study.

“ Ms Helena is everything- “

Before Braelia could finish her sentence we heard an all too familiar voice coming from behind approaching us.

“ Beautiful weather isn’t it ladies “

We both turn to be met by the one and only, Theo Sinclair. He bowed once we turned to him completely and we returned the gesture.

“ Theo, what a pleasant surprise “

He holds eye contact with me and gave me a wide smile straightening his posture squinting at me choosing to ignore my tone before opening his mouth.

“ Oh please don’t sound too excited about my presence Helena “

Theo chuckles at his own statement before looking around suddenly really interested in the trees and people walking around us. I look to Braelia and shrug my shoulders because I too was just as confused as she and had no clue what he was about to say or even do.

“ You look wonderful in the day light Helena “

“ Thank you Theo “

“ No I’m serious Helena “

He takes a step closer and looks deeper into my eyes. Completely caught of guard I furrow my eyebrows and slightly lean back in confusion, It was almost as if his ego and flirty charade had dropped instantly. He could tell I was puzzled but didn’t let it stop him.

“ You are a very beautiful woman Helena you bring glorious company, and you know the Churchill ball coming up.. “

He can’t be serious nor could this be real..

“ Yes I am aware of the Churchill ball coming up “

He shakes his head and smirks at my response, looking down at his feet and kicking what looked like well nothing. Is the Theo Sinclair nervous ? The same cocky, immature, snarky Theo Sinclair was standing in front of me, nervous. I stand still and wait eagerly for what he was going to say next as Theo Sinclair is not one to be nervous about well, anything now that I think of it.

“ Attend the ball with me “

He looks back up the same time he finishes what he says his demeanor completely switched and I could tell immediately he was serious. Switching his weight from foot to foot my eyes go wide at we just asked.

First I’m told I’m going to the ball with Charles Sinclair then in the midst of trying to escape from that here I am being asked to the ball by Theo Sinclair ?

“ Theo, I can- “

“ I don’t need an answer right away, think about it, There is nothing I desire more than to have a beautiful woman by my side and there is not another you Helena, there is no other more beautiful than you..“

His voice lowers and softens as he finished what he was saying and looks at me with pleading eyes waiting for my response. I just nod my head to him as quickly as I could to get out of this situation.

“ You will think about it ? “

“ Yes Theo, I will think about it “

A wide grin spread across his face instantly and he bowed the us once more before fixing his buttons and turning on his heels and walking away throwing his head up high in victory..

What just happened

I look to Braelia still in shock by what just unfolded infront of us

“ What just happened ? “