CHAPTER 71 - Is he being real to me?

The moment the door shut behind Jayden, the weight of everything crashed down on me. My knees buckled, and I sank to the floor, covering my face with my hands as the tears flowed freely. Is this the right decision? Can I really follow through with it?

I wanted to believe that I was doing what was best for Jade, but the doubt gnawed at me, sharp and relentless. My chest tightened with guilt, fear, and anger at him, at myself, at the circumstances that had brought us to this point.

Wiping my face roughly, I glanced at the tray of food Jayden had brought earlier. The coffee had gone lukewarm, and the eggs were cold, but I forced myself to eat. It was mechanical, each bite tasteless, but I needed the strength for what lay ahead. Jade needed me to stay strong.

The sound of Jade’s cry jolted me out of my thoughts. My heart leapt, and I was on my feet in seconds, rushing to her room. The cries grew louder as I approached, and when I pushed the door open, I froze.

Jayden was there, holding her in his arms. His movements were awkward but gentle as he rocked her back and forth, whispering words I couldn’t make out. Jade’s little face was scrunched up, her cries piercing the quiet room.

“Shh, Jade,” he murmured, his voice low, almost pleading. “It’s okay. Daddy’s here. Please, don’t cry.”

I leaned against the doorframe, watching the scene unfold. For a moment, I didn’t move, didn’t say anything. There was something so raw about the way he held her, his face lined with exhaustion and something else, regret, maybe?

“She needs her mother,” I said softly, stepping into the room.

Jayden turned, startled. His eyes met mine, and for a split second, I saw a vulnerability in them that I hadn’t noticed before or that I was too angry to notice. He hesitated, then slowly handed Jade to me. As soon as I held her, her cries began to subside, her tiny hands clutching at my shirt.

“I was trying to…uhmm… calm her,” he said, his voice rough, almost defensive while scratching the back of his head.

“I know,” I replied, cradling Jade close. “Thank you.”

He stood there, his hands at his sides, looking unsure of himself.

*Scoffs* I thought you always seemed so sure, so in control, now you're looking lost. I thought as little laugh escaped my lips.

“What's funny?" He asked, totally confused. I shook my head and sat in the rocking chair, humming softly to Jade and then pulled out my breast fro her to suck. She hurridly sucked and slurped on the breast as of it was gonna run away, taking short breaks to cry until her cries turned to little hiccups.

“You’re good at this,” he said suddenly, breaking the silence.

I looked up at him, surprised. “At what?”

“Being her mother,” he said, his tone quieter now. “You…you make it look so easy.”

I frowned, unsure how to respond. “It’s not easy,” I said finally. “None of this is.”

He nodded, his gaze dropping to the floor. For a long moment, neither of us spoke. Then, he took a deep breath and looked at me again, his expression unreadable.

“Daphne,” he started, his voice trembling slightly. “I need to explain something. I need you to understand why I’ve…why I’ve been the way I am.”

I stayed silent, my hands gently patting Jade’s back. He shifted uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair.

“I’ve never been good at…at trusting people,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Not after what happened with Julie.”

The name caught me off guard. “Julie?”

He nodded, his jaw tightening. “She was the first person I ever loved. We were young, and I thought she was everything. I thought she loved me too.” He let out a bitter laugh. “But I was just…convenient for her. A stepping stone. She left me the moment something better came along.”

I watched him, my heart sinking as I saw the pain etched across his face. This wasn’t the Jayden I knew, the one who exuded confidence and control. This was someone deeply wounded, someone who had built walls so high that even he couldn’t see over them.

“I told myself I’d never let anyone hurt me like that again,” he continued, his voice breaking. “I swore I’d never trust love. Because love…it’s just another way to get hurt.”

His words hit me harder than I expected. I swallowed hard, my fingers tightening around Jade. “So, what does that mean for us?” I asked, my voice trembling. “Was I just…another person you couldn’t trust? Another person you kept at arm’s length because of your past?”

Jayden flinched, his eyes closing briefly. “It’s not that simple, Daphne,” he said, his voice pleading. “I care about you. I care about Jade. But I don’t know how to…how to let myself believe in something that could fall apart. We happened. I mean I fell in love with you but tried to kill those feelings.”

I shook my head, the anger and frustration bubbling to the surface. “Do you even hear yourself, Jayden? You say you care, but your actions say otherwise. You lied to me. You manipulated me. You can’t expect me to trust you when you’ve given me every reason not to.”

“I know,” he said, his voice breaking. “I know I’ve messed up. I know I’ve hurt you. But I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to lose you.”

Tears pricked at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “You’ve already lost me, Jayden. Don’t you see that? Trust and honesty aren’t optional. They’re the foundation of everything. Without them, there’s nothing.”

He took a step closer, his expression desperate. “I’m trying, Daphne. I’m trying to be better. For you. For Jade. I don’t want to lose either of you.”

“You can’t just say that,” I said, my voice shaking. “You have to show it. And right now, all I see is a man who’s scared of his own emotions. A man who would rather hide behind his pain than face it.”

Jayden’s hands clenched into fists at his sides, and for a moment, I thought he might argue. But then his shoulders slumped, and he looked away, his face a mask of guilt.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” he admitted, his voice barely audible. “I don’t know how to fix us.”

I let out a shaky breath, my heart aching at the rawness in his words. But I couldn’t let myself be swayed by his vulnerability.

“I don’t need you to fix anything,” I said quietly. “I need you to be honest. With me. With yourself. Until you can do that, there’s nothing left for us to salvage.”

Jayden looked at me, his eyes filled with a mix of frustration and sorrow. “Daphne…”

I stood up, holding Jade close. “I need to put her down,” I said, cutting him off. “We’ll talk later.”

He didn’t stop me as I walked past him, his head was down and he was now leaning on the wall.

As I placed Jade back in her crib and watched her drift off to sleep, I could feel his eyes on me. He walked out, closing the door behind him slowly.

As I walked back to my room, I became so lost in thoughts.

Am I just overreacting? Is he being real to me?