Chapter 40 Made a Choice
Twenty minutes felt like an eternity. Nora sat on the couch in the dark living room, her heart pounding as she waited for Ben to arrive. She had pulled herself together enough to wash her face and change into clean clothes, though she caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror and barely recognized the woman staring back. Her eyes were hollow, her face gaunt from weeks of barely eating, her skin pale and lifeless.
When the knock came at the door, Nora jumped despite expecting it. She stood on shaky legs and walked to the door, hesitating for just a moment before pulling it open.
Ben stood in the hallway, slightly out of breath from rushing over. His hair was messy, and he was wearing sweatpants and a hastily thrown on jacket. The moment he saw her, his expression shifted from concern to something deeper, something that looked almost like pain.
“Nora,” he breathed, and then he was stepping forward, pulling her into his arms.
Nora stiffened at first, her body remembering Noah’s embrace, comparing this one to all the times Noah had held her. But then exhaustion won out, and she sagged against Ben’s chest, letting him support her weight.
“Come on,” Ben said gently, guiding her back into the apartment. He closed the door behind them and led her to the couch, sitting down beside her but maintaining a respectful distance. “Tell me what happened. What’s going on?”
Nora pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “He left,” she said quietly. “Noah left.”
Ben’s expression remained carefully neutral, but Nora thought she saw a flicker of something in his eyes. Satisfaction, maybe, or vindication. “When did this happen?”
“Three weeks ago,” Nora said, her voice breaking. “After I showed him those photos you gave me. We had a fight and he just… he left. And now he won’t talk to me. He’s blocked me everywhere. He changed his number. It’s like he’s disappeared completely.”
“I’m sorry,” Ben said, and he sounded genuine. “I know this must be incredibly painful for you.”
“I tried so hard to reach him,” Nora continued, the words pouring out now. “I tried everything. Different phones, different emails, I even went to places I thought he might be. But he won’t see me. Won’t talk to me. He’s just… gone.”
Ben moved closer, putting his arm around her shoulders. “Maybe it’s for the best, Nora. Maybe this is what was supposed to happen.”
“How can you say that?” Nora looked at him, tears streaming down her face.
“Because you deserve better than someone who would just abandon you like that,” Ben said softly. “You deserve someone who will fight for you, who won’t give up at the first sign of trouble. Someone who truly loves you.”
“He did love me,” Nora whispered.
“Did he?” Ben’s voice was gentle but insistent. “Because someone who really loved you wouldn’t just walk away. They wouldn’t block you out of their life completely. They would try to work through the problems, try to fix things.”
Nora wanted to argue, wanted to defend Noah, but she was too tired. Too heartbroken. Too desperate for comfort to push away the only person who was offering it.
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” she admitted. “I feel so lost.”
“You’re not lost,” Ben said, turning to face her more fully. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his touch gentle. “You’re finding your way back to where you’re supposed to be. Back to your family. Back to the people who really love you and need you.”
“The kids,” Nora said, fresh tears welling up. “I miss them so much, Ben.”
“They miss you too,” Ben said. “They ask about you every day. They need their mother, Nora. And I need my wife.”
Nora looked at him through her tears.
“I’m so tired of fighting,” she whispered. “I’m so tired of everything being so hard.”
“Then stop fighting,” Ben said softly. He cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away her tears. “Let me take care of you. Let me make everything better.”
Before Nora could respond, Ben leaned in and kissed her. It was gentle at first, tentative, giving her the chance to pull away. But Nora didn’t pull away. She was too tired, too broken, too desperate for someone to make the pain stop.
The kiss deepened, becoming more urgent, more intense. Ben’s hands moved from her face to her waist, pulling her closer. Nora felt herself responding, her body remembering this familiarity even if her heart felt disconnected.
They moved from the couch to the bedroom, their clothes falling away in a trail behind them. When they finally came together, skin against skin, Nora closed her eyes and tried to lose herself in the sensation.
But it felt wrong. It felt like she was with a stranger, someone whose body she vaguely recognized but no longer truly knew. Ben’s touch was familiar in theory but foreign in practice. It had been so long since they had been intimate, years of separation and pain creating a distance that physical proximity couldn’t bridge.
Ben whispered her name, told her he loved her, moved against her with an intensity that spoke of months of longing. But Nora felt detached from it all, like she was watching herself from outside her body. This wasn’t the passionate reconnection she had imagined when she used to fantasize about getting her old life back. This was mechanical, obligatory, something she was doing because she didn’t know what else to do.
When it was over, Ben pulled her close, pressing kisses to her shoulder, her neck, her hair. “I’ve missed you so much,” he murmured. “I’ve missed this. Missed us.”
Nora lay in his arms, staring at the ceiling in the darkness. She felt empty. Hollow. Like she had just given away something precious in exchange for temporary comfort.
But she was willing to be patient, she told herself. She was willing to give it time. Intimacy after so much separation couldn’t be expected to feel natural right away. They needed to relearn each other, rebuild what they had lost. It would get better. It had to get better.
“Stay with me tonight,” Nora whispered, surprising herself with the request.
“Of course,” Ben said, tightening his arms around her. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, and I’m staying.”
Nora closed her eyes, trying to find comfort in his presence, trying to convince herself that this was right, that this was where she belonged. But even as she drifted off to sleep in Ben’s embrace, a part of her couldn’t help but wish it was Noah’s arms around her instead.