15 | knight in love-2

"Yes," the word came out in a rush. Never had any other word sounded more beautiful. "I told him I wasn't happy, never had been. And we talked things through – or tried to, at least, and came to several compromises. This was one of them." I pulled away, staring up at him inquisitively. "You mean there are others?" He laughed and the sound of it sent my heartbeat kicking up a notch. "Several. Some small matters, like him promising to have dinner with me every night. Or closing one eye to us dating – " Smacking him lightly on his chest, I scowled playfully. "Hey, that's a big matter!" "Big to us, small to him," Miles conceded with a smile. "And another big issue was my future, and whether I was going to stay at Riverton." The smile faded from my face fast and quick, and I sat down on the couch abruptly. "You're leaving Riverton?" "Honestly, Darcy, this all happened so fast I haven't quite decided yet. I'm not happy at Riverton. I thought maybe I'd pull out, find another college, one that I like and have a better time there. It's still undecided. But I do know that I want to do something for myself, for once." "As you should," I told him sincerely, "you deserve that much and more. What else are you planning to do?" "I was thinking of...travelling," he hedged, coming over to sit next to me. I felt the air rush out of my lungs. "All I know is that I've always wanted to leave this place for awhile. A breather sounds nice." It took me awhile to gather my thoughts. The idea of Miles leaving was always a constant one. I remembered talking about it with him, remembered the distant look in his eyes and how he'd said he'd leave if he could. I just didn't think that the idea would become a possible reality. It felt like the earth had been shifted from beneath my feet. But it was never really about me, was it? Some days ago, Marcel had told me about how I'd always protected Miles, shielded him from the harsh reality of the world. Maybe it was because I'd been sheltered all my life, and hated seeing anyone without a shelter to begin with. Nevertheless, somewhere along the line things shifted and it wasn't just about protecting Miles. He wasn't just a knight in distress and I wasn't always the damsel to the rescue. The knight could fight battles on his own and maybe the damsel needed to let him go and trust that he would return safe and sound. Inhaling a deep breath, I looked up at him. "I know," my voice was strained, "you've never particularly liked this place anyway. You should go if you want to." The expression in his eyes was soft. "I did think of asking you. You were the first person who came to mind, but – " he trailed off, a little absentmindedly, and I knew precisely what he wanted to say. "But you know that this place is my past, my present and my future. I know." Shutting my eyes, I pressed a gentle kiss to the skin under his jaw, felt him shiver and tense beneath my lips. "You should go." And in that moment, I wondered if perhaps I was beginning to learn something. Unlike Miles, I wasn't learning something big, like how to fight in the Durden or how to face terrifying monsters of the past. But I was learning to let go. Maybe all those people weren't wrong to ask me about my future. I was too caught up in the past and present to think about what lay ahead. Or maybe I was terrified because I was just some girl who couldn't do well enough for her SATs to get into a decent college. I needed to let go of the past and present, so I could see what the future held in store for me. "Thank you," I heard him say lowly. His voice seemed rather choked up, it was almost inaudible but I caught it anyway. "By the way," he continued, sounding lighter this time, "I wouldn't even dream of leaving until you're done with your exams." I shook my head. "That's still something you're doing for somebody." "Yes, but that somebody's you and trust me, I want to." I simply smiled and then we were both silent. It was the kind of silence that felt entirely comfortable, that seemed to stretch for days on end but time had come to a complete standstill so it did not matter. Then Miles broke the silence. "I told my Dad about it and although he allows it, he's not exactly warmed up to the idea. He said that leaving this place just because I can't seem to fit in sounds a bit to him like escaping." He dragged the word out slowly, as if testing it on his tongue, before turning to me, his expression apprehensive. "You don't think that's what I'm doing, are you?" "Of course I do," I returned swiftly. His eyes widened in surprise and slight horror. I caught the glimpse of hurt in his expression but I smiled. I wasn't done yet. "But you're escaping from the past and present, away to a better future. And that's the best sort of escaping." He leaned down and kissed me then, stealing my breath and making my toes curl. Unlike the previous one we shared, this one was light and languid, as though we had all the time in the world. His taste was intoxicating, and the way he shuddered when I skimmed my palms up his chest left me positively light-headed. When we broke apart, he paused and studied me for a moment, eyes mapping the contours of my face, as if trying to memorise me, etch every bit of me into his memory. "I have to go," he said softly, after awhile. "Where're you going?" "My brother's grave," he responded. His voice caught, and he paused to inhale shakily. "I want to give him this." A sliver of silver caught my eye under the light. It was a familiar looking ring that Miles always wore on his thumb, the one I'd questioned so long ago. With what seemed like a Herculean effort, not because it was physically difficult, but because it contained far too many ghosts of the past, he slid it off his finger. "It belonged to him anyway. Mom left it for him before she disappeared," he explained but this time there was no catch in his voice, and I knew his mother's leaving didn't affect him as much as his brother's did. I was proven right a second later when he continued, "Mom left when I was three. Hasn't seen us since. I don't really remember her. But he did." "What did she leave you with?" I couldn't help but ask. "My books," he said and my lips curled up in a smile that widened when he responded with one of his own. Now I knew why he loved reading so much and treasured each book like they held a piece of the past. Because they did. I watched him lift a set of keys from the counter before looking over at me. "Are you coming?" "Of course," I responded immediately, surprised at how quickly the answer came to mind. Then again, was there ever any doubt? "And if you ever leave," I added quietly, remembering our earlier conversation. "I'll be here waiting." "Really?" And there was that shade of hesitation in his eyes again, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing because things seemed far too good to be true. Closing the distance between us, I pushed myself up on the tips of my toes. Then I kissed him, sealing a wordless promise to his lips. "You know where to find me." He smiled. It was like catching a beam of sunlight, which was funny because I'd spent half my life on the beach under the sun, but never had it felt so warm as it did then. ▬▬▬ F I N ▬▬▬