Chapter 109 - Regrets

Hope POV.

When I woke up, I know the sun has just started to rise. I take a deep breath. I'm surrounded by the five men I love the most, and each in their way completes me. Even Marcus and Lestat had found a way to come to sleep here.

The bed is gigantic to fit all six of us, but it's quiet, nothing much happened during the night. We just slept, on my left side is Dylan and on the right side is Kendrick, the rest are around.

Carefully I disentangle myself from them and get up, without waking anyone, the smile on my face widens, they are sleeping so peacefully, their expressions are calm and their breathing rhythmic.

I have so much to thank my Father for allowing this moment to exist, I would never have believed that Marcus and Lestat would be like this, or that I could one day accept the bond of Fate so completely.

I took another deep breath, clenching my fists along my body as I felt the pressure of the curse. The closer we get to the battle time, the more intense this discomfort gets. I realized that this agitated the five, and I used my willpower to block out the information and the five calmed down again.

I turned my back on them and entered the bathroom, going to the sink and looking at myself in the mirror, my reflection seemed to mock me... I can see myself without the divine scars and that sneering smile, of who thinks he is superior and probably my past self was. The person who did everything to go against the Gods transformed into what I am now... Through my eyes, I can see that reflection start to laugh and I can hear that laughter echoing in my ear, I hold the edge of the sink tightly, but I feel the anger starting to bubble up and I simply raise my hand and break the glass. The noise along with the pain that radiates from my fist wakes up those five and soon they are by my side, not understanding what is happening. I just want this all to end.

Then I blink and shake my head, that was just one of the endings for the reflection that looks at me and ironizes me. I let out a long sigh and take my hands to the buttons of the pajama shirt I'm wearing, as I finish opening, I start to pull the left side away and see the ramifications of the curse start to appear.

The skin is so sensitive that just pushing the fabric away makes me wince, I bite my bottom lip to keep from letting out a groan of pain. The stain was more spread out and starting to seep through my arteries, around all those branches the skin was burnt and loosening, even the vines covering my current body couldn't get through that dark stain.

My only relief is knowing that Kaiden will stop me, even if it means killing me and I'd rather die than hurt any of them. This curse will not be broken even if I kill those who placed it on me. The Gods believe that if one of my Mates mark me, then the curse will be broken, but even they aren't 100% sure that will work.

"It's gotten much worse since yesterday." I heard Lestat's voice behind my back and saw the reflection that was laughing at me disappear, and it was just me, Lestat and Marcus who was at the vampire's side.

"You were too immersed in thought," Marcus spoke and I just shrugged, starting to pull up my pajama shirt and do the spell to disguise the curse.

"No." I felt Lestat's hand on mine to get me to stop, and I looked at him through the mirror. "Yesterday you showed it and let us feel only a tiny part of what you are suffering. I've already lost my two Mates because I didn't help them, I didn't listen to them, and I got stuck in my world... You need help, let us help you."

"You need to be strong and whole for the fight," I said seriously. "This curse is mine to bear."

"Yes, it is... But remember, I already managed to stop it once." Lestat kissed the left side of my face. "That dinner, at the time I didn't know I was fighting a curse and I still managed to control you."

I closed my eyes, and I know what he means, the day I almost killed Jenny.

"This is going to hurt, you know... I won't be able to control it..." I heard Lestat whisper and slide his mouth down my neck, stopping at a part where the stain wasn't so strong.

"That's why I'm here." Marcus' voice echoed and I opened my eyes the moment Lestat turned me around and left me facing my Angel.

"You don't have to do this... It will exhaust you." I spoke, trying to rationalize with those two.

"Yes, it will... But we have ways to restore ourselves by the evening." Marcus held my hands, and I can feel that feather-soft touch, warm and gentle.

Behind him appeared the silhouette of large wings and before I could say more, I felt Lestat's fangs pierce my skin. I screamed, or I think I screamed, the muscles and bones around the bite spot are being burned, it's like lava being injected inside me from my vampire's fangs. I try to pull my head away. I want to let go of this agony, for that power was beginning to fight the curse.

It is like feeling the sun collide against another star, even if that star was made of ashes. What at first was lava now became plasma. I can't keep my eyes open; the feeling is that I'm melting, that those two stars are going to consume me.

Something touched my lips, and it was like coming out of an ocean of plasma and lava. I managed to open my eyes and saw Marcus very close, with his lips on mine. His eyes met mine and I felt everything become bearable, it was still hurting, throbbing and melting, but I can breathe.

I squeezed his hands, indicating that it was better now, and my Angel pulled away, from his lips there are several black, red and yellow lines that go down to his neck, getting lighter and disappearing completely.

He is the one absorbing most of the pain I feel, and tears start to flow down my eyes. I don't want them to get hurt, not because of me... Even though I know they will be fine.

I can't say how long it lasted, but I know it took them to exhaustion, when Lestat let go and Marcus too it was Kendrick and Dylan who held them so they wouldn't fall to the ground, which they did was almost impossible, because the mark on my shoulder is no longer painful and has diminished and a lot, I can see in the corner of my eye the reflection in the mirror. The stain had become more contained.

As I turned my face to the door, I saw Kaiden, and it made me take a step back in fear. I had faced God and not for a second, I felt the fear I feel now, the look on his face is one of anger.

Kaiden is that kind of person who never gets angry, who never steps out of line, who has witnessed hundreds of things and yet it was hard to get angry or show anger and, in that moment, I know I have done something very wrong. I had seen a glance of him once and it had already made me wince and now I was his target.

"Get out."

It wasn't a request. It was an order... An order that no one wanted to disobey, not when the voice that spoke was so fearful and reminiscent of every nightmare they'd ever had. As soon as everyone left, Kaiden closed the door, without hurrying, without slamming it, and turned to me. It gets hard to breathe. Every step he takes towards me I take one back.

"Stop."

I immediately stop walking, swallowing dry and it's like the walls get smaller and the space that was between us isn't enough and in four steps he's in front of me. Despite his wolf being the one in charge, Kaiden's eyes don't glow any different.

"Kai..." I spoke in a string of voices, trying to turn my face away from his but unable to move.

His hand goes up to my left shoulder, and I feel something completely different from what Lestat had given me, it's simply as if my skin is being eaten from the inside, I experience the sensation of having several small, microscopic, teeth eating my skin.

Bile starts to rise in my throat and Kaiden covers my mouth with his other hand, making me swallow, tears form on the sides of my eyes, and I know he's not happy about it.

"You did this to yourself."

He says and that horrible feeling increases, this time it's like different kinds of bugs are entering my skin and walking inside my body. Tears start to fall. I know that the look on my face is one of despair, because I see myself in the reflection of his eyes.

In some corner of my mind, I feel like fighting it, but it's crushed by that chilling aura and instinctively I know that if I fight it will be worse, much worse. I close my eyes, trying to bear it.

"Open your eyes."

Immediately I obeyed the order and this time I found the wolves, they are not shiny, but opaque and little maggots are crawling through the flesh, feeding. I had seen him twice before, but never like this, never head-on and never this close. Instinctively I cringe, there is something wicked about it. Not even my encounters with enemies have made me feel this way.

With brutality Kaiden pulls me up and stands me in front of the full-body mirror that was attached to the wall, he was behind me, and his pajama shirt is completely in shreds, but what was striking is that the curse stain had almost disappeared.

"That could have been more pleasurable."

His voice echoes as he lets go of my body and steps away, unsupported. I fall to the floor, knees spread wider, ass coming to rest against the floor, head down, breathing heavy. Kaiden reaches out, and burrows into my hair, pulling my head up and back a little.

The red color starts to unravel, as those maggots and bugs come out of his fingers and digest the spell that changed my hair.

"No!"

I managed to find the strength within me to ask him to stop, and I watch as the spell snaps back into place while the insects are absolved by Kaiden and his wolf.

"Lestat and Marcus didn't have to suffer!"

His voice echoed loud enough to crack the glassware and porcelain around them.

"You had all the time to ask me to!"

I look away from him. There's no denying it, he's right, I could have asked for his help, I could have spoken up, but even after they had begged me to talk, I hadn't, I had only given them small crumbs to make them satisfied.

"I know you haven't forgotten my name or what I stand for."

He released my hair, and I just let my body lean forward and leaned my head against the cracked glass.

"Yesterday... I thought..." His voice faltered, as his aura diminished and almost extinguished, the anger now replaced by something else.

"I can't defend myself, because I have nothing to defend myself... I know I'm guilty." I spoke in a whisper, but I knew he was listening. "I can make a thousand excuses, like saying it was the curse, that my mind was thinking about other things, that I'm overwhelmed, but none of them are completely true and none of them fit. Because I knew it, I saw myself early yesterday and I felt it last night... So yes, I am to blame."

Kaiden's movement was quick, again he pulled me up, holding me tight to the point where I could see the marks of his fingers against my skin.

"I don't want to hear your apology or your plea for forgiveness!" Kaiden pushed me against the mirror, and I feel it finish breaking on impact. "What are you going to do to help them? What are your plans? Don't tell me we won't remember, because the important thing is to know that you spoke!"