Chapter 3 Broken cont'd
I don't respond. Can't respond. My heart hurts too much. My body won't stop shaking. My brain keeps showing me images of Mason and me together—all the memories I wish I could erase.
I hear the door close softly as Damon leaves, and that's when I completely break.
I scream into my pillow. Scream until my throat burns and my voice goes hoarse. Let out all the pain and frustration and heartbreak I've been swallowing down for days.
"WHY?!" I sob into the fabric. "Why did she have to show up? Why couldn't we just be together? Why wasn't Mason MY mate?"
I've never cursed the Moon Goddess before. Never questioned her plans. But right now, I hate her. Hate her for not making me Mason's true mate. Hate her for bringing Stella here. Hate her for letting me fall in love with someone I was never meant to have.
But most of all, I hate myself. Because it's not the Moon Goddess's fault that I fell so completely, so desperately in love with Mason Grey. That's all on me.
I cry until I have no tears left. Until my body is exhausted and my eyes can barely stay open. Until the pain becomes a dull throb instead of sharp agony.
Maybe when I wake up, I think as sleep finally pulls me under, this will all have been a nightmare.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Maybe...
I wake to the sensation of someone nearby. Someone familiar. My eyes flutter open, and even though I can't see him, I know Mason is outside my door.
My heart leaps into my throat. Without thinking about how I must look—hair a mess, eyes swollen from crying, clothes still smelling like fish—I jump out of bed and race toward the door.
"You're a fucking idiot, River!" Wait, no. That's not Mason's voice yelling. That's Damon.
I freeze with my hand on the doorknob.
"Don't talk to me like that," Mason's voice sends electricity through my entire body. "I'm still your Alpha."
Even angry, even cold, his voice affects me. It's been days since I've heard him speak, and my body reacts like an addict getting a fix. I need to pull myself together before I do something stupid.
"I'm talking to you as your best friend right now, not your Beta," Damon shoots back. There's anger in his voice, but also a pleading quality. "Don't leave Sage hanging like this. Don't treat her like she's nothing."
My breath catches. They're arguing about me. Damon said he'd talk to Mason, and he actually did it.
"I don't know what else to do, man." Mason's voice sounds tired. Frustrated. "My mate is here. She's everything I've been waiting for. You know how long I searched for her."
The words slam into me like a physical blow. She's everything I've been waiting for.
Then what was I, Mason? What were all those nights you held me and said I was your everything? What were those promises you made? Were they all lies?
My hand presses against my chest where my heart is beating too fast, too hard. Like it might burst right out of my ribcage.
"He doesn't love us anymore," Luna, my wolf, speaks up for the first time in days. Her voice sounds as broken as I feel.
"Don't say that," I whisper back to her. "He promised he'd always love us."
"He also promised he'd never break our heart. Look at us now."
She's right. She's absolutely right, and I hate it.
"At least talk to her properly," Damon is saying outside. "You have no idea how much she cried last night after you abandoned her in the dining hall. After you let Stella humiliate her in front of everyone. Sage is your girlfriend, Mason. Or did you forget that?"
There's a long silence. Too long. Long enough that it hurts because it means Mason has to actually think about whether he should care that he broke my heart.
I want to scream at him through the door. Want to tell him that all I need is for him to hold me one more time. Promise me that even though he found his mate, I still matter to him. That he'll protect me from Stella like he used to protect me from everything else.
I don't expect him to reject his mate. I know the mate bond is powerful and sacred. But can't I still be important to him? Can't I still be his friend at least?
"Don't call her my girlfriend again," Mason says finally, and my heart stops. "And that 'other woman' is your Luna. You better show respect."
He's defending Stella. Not me. Never me.
"Fine," Damon snaps. "I'll go talk to her then."
"No, I'll do it," Mason says, and panic shoots through me.
I sprint back to my bed as quietly as possible, diving under the covers and turning away from the door. Pretending to be asleep. Because I realize with sudden, painful clarity that I was wrong. I don't want to see him. Don't want to hear whatever he came to say.
A hopeful part of me—the stupid part that won't give up—imagines he'll come in gently. Sit on the bed. Wake me with a soft touch or a kiss on my forehead like he used to do.
Instead, the door slams open so hard it bangs against the wall.
"Sage." My name sounds cold coming from his mouth. Clinical. Like I'm a stranger he barely tolerates instead of someone he once claimed to love more than anything.
I don't move. Don't respond. I'm not ready for this conversation. Not ready to hear him say out loud that he doesn't want me anymore.
"I know you're awake," he says impatiently.
Still, I stay silent. What am I supposed to say anyway?
He sighs like I'm being difficult. Like I'm the problem here. "Fine. You don't have to talk. I'll just say what I came to say."
Another pause. My fingers dig into the blanket.
"I'm sorry."
The words make my heart skip. Did he just apologize? Actually apologize? Hope surges through me so fast it makes me dizzy. Luna stirs inside me, alert suddenly.
Maybe Damon was right. Maybe Mason just needed time to process everything. Maybe—
"But we can't do this anymore," Mason continues, and hope dies as quickly as it came. "I can't be with you, Sage. Not like before. I'm sorry it happened this way, but part of us knew this was coming eventually, didn't we?"
No, Mason. No, I didn't know. I thought we were forever. I thought we were endgame despite not being mates.
I want to tell him that, but my throat has closed up. My fists clench so tight under the blankets that my nails cut into my palms. Blood wells up in my palms, but I barely feel it compared to the pain in my chest.
"Things change," he says, and I hear him run his hand through his hair. That familiar gesture makes my whole body ache with longing. "My mate is my mate. I can't change that, and I love her, Sage. I love Stella.