Chapter 15 — Devastated

Mathias:

I clench my jaw as I contemplate how far things have gone. It’s time to pick up Cassia from school, and I’m still unsure as to how to handle our situation. Things have been very tense between us since the kiss. I don’t know how to fix this. The kiss continues to haunt me. It was perfect. No kiss had ever felt so right. Not even when Marael and I kissed, which makes guilt grind in my belly like a slithering snake.

Feeling suffocated, I step out of the council office and let my wings free. It’s late enough that no one would notice me flying around, and I stay close to the clouds just in case I’m needed. The wind rushes through my wings like a caress. I glance around the city, enjoying the beauty of the world until I finally land on a familiar rooftop. Retracting my wings, I make my way to the door with a hidden elevator. When Nevaeh and I found out that she was my daughter, she invited me to several parties in Azazel’s loft and rooftop. Azazel granted me access to it in case I ever needed it. After a moment, the elevator stops and opens up to the loft, and the door bursts open. Laughing, Nevaeh rushes into my arms. “Mathias, I’m so glad to see you. You have to get me out of here before I kill my two overbearing bodyguards.” I laugh at the murderous look she throws behind her.

A familiar crisp voice retorts, “Aw. That isn’t nice, love. Not nice at all. A bloke tries everything he can to protect you, and you show no appreciation. That’s bloody rude of you.” Azazel appears behind her, giving her a chastising glare before he turns back to me.

Undeterred, Nevaeh rolls her eyes, takes my hand, and pulls me into the room. “Don’t just stand there. Come on in.”

Azazel gives me the once over and extends his hand in greeting. “Good to see you, mate.” Smirking, I shake his hand. “You too, Azazel.”

Everyone takes a seat and leans back comfortably while Azazel makes his way to the kitchen. “Can I get you a pint, mate?” I nod my head. “That would be nice. Thank you. Where’s Mikhail?”

Nevaeh puffs out a breath. “Alex called him home for something. He’ll be back in a few.”

Nevaeh looks around me with a questioning frown. “Where’s Cassia?” I consider not answering. The mere mention of Cassia’s name puts me on edge, and I’m still reeling from our kiss. “She’s in school,” I answer evenly. Everything in me hopes that she won’t ask any more questions, but then again, this is Nevaeh. “What? Isn’t Lukan after her too?”

I take the bottle from Azazel and mutter numbly. “Azazel, can I talk to Nevaeh alone?”

Azazel narrows his eyes but quickly assents. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.” He gives Nevaeh a warning glare as if saying, stay put, which makes my lip quirk with amusement. I don’t know how Azazel does it. It’s obvious to everyone that he’s in love with Nevaeh, yet he maintains a friendship with her. And I definitely don’t know how Mikhail handles knowing that his best friend is in love with his mate. Suddenly, I’m struck by the irony of my own thoughts. This whole time I’ve been pushing my mate away because of my feelings for my long-dead wife.

Nevaeh moves closer, waiting for me to talk. “So what’s going on, Mathias?” I let out a breath, finding myself unsure of what to say. She must notice my discomfort because she places her hand on my knee and rests her head on my shoulder. “Something happened with Cassia, didn’t it?”

My eyes widen at her perceptiveness. “We…Cassia and I…we had a very intense moment.” She nods her head encouraging me to go on. “You have to understand, I wasn’t expecting it to happen. For so long, all I’ve thought about is Marael. But, since I’ve met Cassia, she has become all I can think about.” I release a frustrated breath, leaning back on the armrest. “I messed up, Nevaeh. I almost had sex with her, and then I told her that it was a mistake. She was so angry. I didn’t know what to say.”

Nevaeh gives me a pitying look. “Have you told her that you care about her?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m just so confused.”

Nevaeh’s brow furrows reproachfully. “You know, when it comes to love, we women want to know that we’re the only ones in our men’s life. When she met you, she knew you were hers, and she expected you to feel the same. I mean, isn’t that how it works with mates?”

I nod my head at her truth. “You’re right. I expected her to accept my love for Marael and gave her nothing in exchange. All I did was take from her.” Unable to contain my frustration, I rub my eyes. “I do care for her, Nevaeh. I just don’t know if I can let Marael go.”

Nevaeh looks down at her hands. “Look, Mathias, I don’t know if it’s right or not, but you need to make a choice. If you feel you can live without Cassia, then let her be. However, if you can’t imagine a moment without her, you need to forgive yourself.”

I look up, startled by her turn of phrase. “Forgive… myself? I don’t understand?” Nevaeh takes a deep breath and looks at me as if I’m a small child that needs something explained to him. “Yes, forgive yourself.”

She moves closer and looks into my eyes. “Mathias…you…” She releases another breath. “…I don’t think you still love Marael. I mean…you love her…but just her memory. I think what you feel is guilt that you didn’t save her. That you let her down somehow. And I think you use the love you had for her as a shield. Don’t you see Mathias, you’re punishing yourself. You are doing penitence for not being there when she needed you. What you need to do is ask yourself... What if it was you instead of Marael? Would you expect her to suffer for not being there for you? That she should never love another because she let you down?”

Her words strike a raw chord. Is that what I’ve been doing? Moments flash through my mind. The dreams I've had of Cassia and Marael. I think about how they began with Cassia and me making love and how they end with me finding Marael dead. My guilt over wanting Cassia and being unable to remember Marael’s face. I wince when I remember how sad Cassia looks when I mention Marael. Have I been punishing myself? Something inside of me says yes.

Nevaeh’s right. However, with the realization comes the horror of knowing that I’ve crushed Cassia. I’ve driven her so far away that she will never want to see me again. I’m such a fool. “You’re right, Nevaeh. I’ve been carrying this guilt for so long that it has become like a second skin. Then Cassia shows up, and my memories of Marael begin to fade, which makes me feel guiltier. For so long, all of my nights have been riddled with nightmares of Marael’s death. Then, I begin to have dreams starring Cassia. She’s beautiful and perfect, and she’s been waiting for me. I don’t know if I deserve her, Nev.”

Neveah shakes her head. “It’s not about deserving her, Mathias. Obviously, you care about Cassia more than you’re comfortable with. I think that it’s time to take that leap. It’s time to put your fears aside and love her.”

I nod my head, feeling calmer than I’ve ever felt before. “She hates me now. What do I do?”

Neveah clucks her tongue. “Seriously, Mathias. You’re how old now? I mean, you're really old, aren’t you? Haven’t you learned anything about women during that whole time?”

She gives me a big smile and rubs her palms diabolically together. It’s almost scary. “Look, she’s obviously pissed at you right now, and she will definitely make you suffer for it. But…she will also forgive you if you tell her how you feel. You have to put yourself out there, Mathias. No holds barred. You know she loves you. If not, she wouldn’t have waited for you. Now it’s your turn to humble yourself.” Her voice becomes serious. “The question is, are you ready for that?” Am I ready for that?

We both look up when the front door opens up. Mikhail walks in, looking agitated, which instantly puts everyone on alert. “What’s wrong, Khail? Did something happen at Alex’s?”

He shakes his head. “No, princess, I’m just frustrated that we still haven’t caught Lukan. Everyone is fine. Hey, Mathias, any word on Lukan?”

I shake my head. “No. Not yet. I have my men following a few leads. Actually, I wanted to see if you can assist me. Cassia is in school right now, and I’d like to check out the building Lukan attacked the girls in to see how he accessed it. I get the feeling that Lukan is somehow close to that area. Maybe we can dig something up.”

Mikhail nods his head. “Yeah, good idea.” He turns back to Nevaeh. “Stay here, princess, I’ll be back.” Nevaeh looks like she wants to argue but remains quiet. She hugs me goodbye before she kisses Mikhail lightly on the lips. “Hurry up. okay.” He nods, giving her a kiss on the forehead and utters. “I love you, princess.” Smiling sweetly, she stands on her toes and whispers. “I love you too.”

We decided to fly back to the school in hopes that we’ll spot something from the sky. Unfortunately, nothing stands out. The area is very quiet at this time. I land first on the roof of the art building, keeping an eye out for any wondering spectators. Mikhail lands next to me, and Cassia’s uncle Draco meets us on the roof. I asked him to stick around and keep an eye on Cassia while I worked.

“Is everything okay?” Draco nods his head hesitantly. “Everything is fine, but Cassia has a visitor.” I frown at his comment. “Who is it?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know, but she referred to him by name and invited him in to see her paintings.” Uneasiness crawls down my spine as I consider who it might be.

Nervously, I walk into the building and make my way to Cassia’s painting room. The door is half-open, which gives me a good view of what is occurring inside. Rage reverberates through my body at the scene before me. Cassia and another man are lying on a chaise, kissing and touching. My eyes glow, and my body swells with rage. Before I know it, I’m pulling the man away roughly from Cassia’s arms. However, the man is not a man. He’s a werewolf. His eyes are glowing, and his fangs emerge like large razors between his outstretched lips. Our bodies meet with a hard slap of flesh and bones as we fight. I strain when two strong arms wrap around my forearms and pull me away. The other man growls as he struggles to release himself from Draco’s hold.

I look at the man who was touching my mate, my jaw clenched with rage. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

The man’s lips curl with derision. “I don’t even know who you are, asshole. You came and attacked me, remember?” This enrages me further. All I want to do is break free and kill the man who touched my woman. “I ATTACKED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE KISSING MY MATE, ASSHOLE!”

The wolf turns towards Cassia with a scowl. “You’re mated?” My teeth grit in anger as she shakes her head fervently. “No, Conlan, Mathias rejected me. He’s not my mate.” I almost lose it when she begins to walk towards Conlan. My struggles renewing with every step she takes. Mikhail notices and halts her progress. “CASSIA, STOP! Do not move closer to him.”

Cassia stops giving him an incredulous look and looks back at Conlan. “I’m sorry, Conlan. I swear to you, Mathias rejected me.”

I take a deep breath relaxing my pose and keeping my eyes on Cassia as I say. “You can let me go, Mikhail. I’m fine.” Mikhail hesitates for a moment, then releases me, and Draco does the same to Conlan.

Moving close to Cassia, I whisper gently. “What are you doing, Cassia?” She looks at me solemnly and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I don’t need to explain myself to you, Mathias. You rejected me. I have a right to be with someone else.” She turns back to Conlan, who is still standing there. “I’m sorry, Conlan.”

My wings become agitated, and I release a furious growl when Conlan gives her an understanding look. Mouth tight, I point to Conlan. “So, because I hurt you, you decided to go out and screw the first man you meet?”

Her head snaps up at me, angry at my comment, and she slaps me—hard. ““You hurt me? You think you just hurt me? You selfish bastard. You didn’t just hurt me. You annihilated me!”

My heart quivers at the honesty in her words. I don’t know what to say. However, she doesn’t give me the opportunity when she turns around and walks out of the room.

Without hesitation, I follow her out. “Wait, Cassia…stop!” She turns to me, angry. “What more do you want from me, Mathias? What─” Suddenly, a form swoops down and grasps Cassia by the shoulders. Lukan! This time he’s flanked by hellhounds.

Cassia struggles against his hold, her face pale with terror. “Cassia!” I cry out as the hellhounds release their claws and attack. I duck their hands, trying to reach for Cassia. One of the hounds scrapes his claws down my back. Pain burns down my shoulders as my skin tears.

Growling, I tear through the hellhounds and unleash my rage when I see Lukan punch Cassia in the face and knocks her unconscious. To my horror, he lifts her into his arms and prepares to fly away. Fighting through the hounds, I retract my wings and follow him. The bastard is not going to get away with trying to take my mate.

“CASSIA!” I scream out as I try to reach for her. Unfortunately, the hellhounds somehow are able to grab ahold of my wings and push me down.

Mikhail, Draco, and Conlan join the scuffle and attack the hellhounds who are holding me down. With the unnatural speed that only a supernatural has, Conlan rushes towards Cassia, launches himself onto Lukan’s back, retracts his claws, and stabs Lukan in the shoulders. Screaming out, Lukan releases Cassia. Before her body hits the ground, I fly up and catch her. Seeing that he’s outnumbered, Lukan grips his wounds and flies away.

Glancing back to Mikhail, I lean on one knee, pull Cassia closer, and call out. “Don’t let him get away.” Mikhail nods and takes flight. Hopefully, he can catch up to him.

Conlan kneels down next to me, his eyes glazed with concern. “Is she alright?” He tries to touch her, but I give him a withering glare and pull her out of his reach. He focuses his eyes back on mine with a daring snicker. “Tell me now. Is she your mate? Because if she isn’t, I’m interested.”

My jaw clenches in anger. “If you touch her, wolf. I will tear you apart.” The bastard is not intimidated by my threat. To my chagrin, he gives me a smug smile and gruffly mutters. “If I touch her or not, it is up to her.”

Cassia stirs at that moment, halting my scathing retort. Thankfully, barring death, angels heal quickly. A soft moan escaped her lips as she rubs her sore head and rapidly blinks her eyes. Her dress clings to her body deliciously, her nipples are straining against the soft fabric, and one of the straps slid off her shoulder. As soon as she sees me, she becomes guarded. Back stiff, she tries to pull away from my arms, but I don’t let her go. Conlan quirks a questioning brow at my possessive move but doesn’t comment. However, I know what he’s thinking because it mirrors my own thoughts. You’re very possessive of someone who you deny wanting to be with.

Unaware of my thoughts, Cassia creates some space between us and whispers. “You can put me down now, Mathias.”

I know I should let her go, but everything inside of me revels at the thought. If anything, the way Conlan looks at her makes me want to hold her tighter. Licking my lips, I look into her beautifully sad face. “Are you okay, Cassia?”

Clearing her throat, Cassia nods her head and adjusts her dress. “Who was that? Why did he attack you?” Conlan asks.

Cassia bites her lip and hesitantly whispers. “That was my father. He wants to kill me.” Conlan winces at her heartbreaking tone. “You’re kidding, right?”

Cassia shakes her head. “I wish I was kidding, Conlan.” She looks around nervously, then focuses back on me. “I…I think it’s better if I stay with my mother.” Before I can refute her argument, Draco approaches. “Cassia, are you alright, sweetheart?” Cassia runs into her uncle's arms and holds him tight. “I’m fine, Uncle Draco. I want to go home. Could you please take me home?” She cries out with a broken sob. Draco’s eyes home in on mine as if waiting for me to take command of the situation. However, Conlan steps forward first. “I’ll take you home, Cassia.” He doesn’t look at me, opting to speak to Draco. “I can protect her. I’m an Alpha.” Clenching my teeth, I push him back with a warning growl and grit out. “She doesn’t need you to protect her. She has me.”

Conlan stares me down with a daring glare and thrusts my arm away, his eyes narrowing. “And such a great job you’ve done so far, angel.”

His retort hits me like a knife in the heart. He’s right. I haven’t done a great job protecting her so far, but I don’t plan on giving up. “Let me take you home, Cassia. We need to talk.” Cassia’s eyes darken with hesitancy. I guess I don’t blame her for her wariness, considering that every conversation we've had has ended badly.

“Please, Cassia,” I mumble modestly. Cassia shakes her head. “Look, Mathias, I just need some time to think. How about you meet me at my mother’s house tomorrow? My mom’s security will take care of me tonight. Please?” She pleads. I want to refuse, but I can see that it’s better not to argue. “Fine. We can talk then.”

At my reluctant agreement, Cassia turns back to Conlan and says. “Conlan, I…thank you.” Conlan nods his head. “You’re welcome, Cassia. You have my number if you ever need anything. I promise I’ll be there.” Her grateful smile sets my teeth on edge. Why won’t this damn wolf catch a damn hint and see that I want to rip him into pieces?

Taking her hand, Draco smiles politely and leads her to his vehicle.

Conlan’s jaw ticks as he gazes into my eyes with a narrowed glare. “You don’t deserve her.” He mutters before he walks away.

I hold my tongue as I watch his broad back disappear around the building, but every part of me wants to accept his unspoken challenge. Mikhail approaches a moment later, his gaze drawn to Conlan before he glances back at me. “Lukan’s gone. It’s like he disappeared into thin air.”

I nod my head, never taking my eyes off Conlan’s distant form. Mikhail takes notice and gruffly mutters. “You better get your shit straight, Mathias, cause that dude looks like he’s not going to give up easily.”

Giving Conlan one last scornful look, I run my hands through my hair and face Mikhail. “I know what I have to do, Mikhail. Just make sure you protect Nevaeh. Lukan is out for blood, and I don’t want him to hurt her.”

Mikhail stiffens. “Don’t worry about Nevaeh; I'll protect her, and Azazel is keeping an eye on her. But I will admit that I’m getting really worried. It looks like Lukan is stepping up his game.”

“Don’t worry about it. I had security cameras installed on the campus in case he showed up. We’ll find him soon.” Mikhail’s eyebrows go up in surprise. “Good, then it looks like I’m not needed here. I’m going to go home to my mate. Call me if you need me.” He says as he releases his wings and flies out of sight.