CHAPTER 185

CHAPTER 185
LILY POV

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the white box the doctor had given me. The second pill. The one that would seal everything. According to the instructions, I had a few hours to take it. After that, the process would be irreversible.

My hand trembled as I held the box. The plastic was cold, simple, almost harmless. But inside it was the end of something I still wasn’t sure I wanted to end. I kept imagining what would happen if I took it now. The bleeding. The cramps. The emptying. The silence that would follow.

I took a deep breath, a long, shaky sigh that didn’t relieve anything.

I put the box back in the drawer of my nightstand, pushing it all the way to the back, behind an old book. I closed the drawer hard, as if I could lock the problem away with it. I couldn’t take it. Not yet. Maybe never.

I went downstairs slowly, my body heavy, my mind even heavier. In the kitchen, Doug and Samantha were already at the breakfast table. The smell of coffee and toast filled the air. They were talking about something trivial — traffic, the weather, a meeting Samantha had scheduled for the afternoon. I sat down in silence, serving myself only a glass of orange juice.

I watched the two of them.

Doug laughed at something Samantha said, his face relaxed, almost happy. Samantha replied with that affectionate tone she used when she wanted to keep the peace in the house. They seemed… normal. Just an ordinary couple having breakfast. But I couldn’t stop imagining what they would be like as grandparents.

I already knew how it would be with Ashley’s baby. Samantha had been shocked at first, then took control — scheduling appointments, organizing everything, maybe even trying to bring Samuel back from Paris. Doug had gotten angry, grumbling about responsibility, but deep down he would soften once he saw his grandchild.

But what if it was my baby? How would they react if they found out I was also pregnant with Samuel? Would they kick me out of the house, like my father had threatened? Would Samantha look at me with disgust, knowing I had slept with her son? Would they even imagine, even for a second, that I could be carrying another one of their grandchildren?

And the worst part: did they have any idea where I had gone yesterday? Did Samantha, with all her contacts and private detectives, already know I had been to Planned Parenthood?

I poked at my glass of juice, my stomach churning at the mere thought of eating anything. Samantha suddenly turned to me with a smile.

“I’m ready to take you. Shall we?”

I nodded, stood up, and grabbed my backpack. Doug gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before we left.

In the car, the silence was dense. Samantha drove with one hand on the wheel, the other resting on her leg. After a few minutes, she broke the silence:

“So, how was the science project at Emily’s house yesterday? Did you manage to finish it?”

I felt a chill run down my spine. The lie Emily and I had rehearsed. The fake project that served as my alibi for spending the day at the clinic.

“It was… good,” I replied, looking out the window. “We finished it. It was more work than I imagined.”

Samantha nodded, but I could feel her watching me out of the corner of her eye.

“Good. You two have always been great at that. What was the topic again?”

I hesitated for half a second, trying to remember what Emily had made up.

“Environmental impacts in the Great Lakes region,” I answered, repeating the story we had agreed on. “There was a lot of bibliographic research and graphs. It took forever.”

Samantha stayed silent for a few seconds. The traffic light turned red and she stopped the car smoothly.

“You seem tired lately, Lily. Have you been sleeping well?”

“More or less,” I murmured.

“And your appetite? You barely touched your breakfast this morning.”

I swallowed hard.

“I think it’s school stress. End of the semester is coming up.”

She nodded, but didn’t look convinced. The rest of the drive was made in uncomfortable silence. I looked out the window, watching Chicago pass by, while my mind returned to the box hidden in the drawer. To yesterday’s ultrasound. To the tiny, fast-beating heart I had seen on the screen.

When Samantha parked in front of the school, she held my arm before I could get out.

“Lily… if there’s anything you want to tell me, anything at all, I’m here. Okay?”

I looked at her. For a second, I considered telling her everything. About the pregnancy. About the abortion I had almost gone through with. About the emails I had discovered. About the fear that consumed me.

But I couldn’t.

“Okay,” I replied, forcing a smile. “Thank you.”

I got out of the car and walked toward the school gate without looking back. Each step felt heavier than the last. I was carrying more than just a backpack now. I was carrying a secret growing inside me, a decision I still hadn’t made, and a paralyzing fear that soon, everything would come crashing down.



The cafeteria was noisy as always, but to me it felt like a distant world. Emily and I sat at our usual corner table, far enough away that we could talk without anyone overhearing. My lunch remained untouched on the tray — just a juice and an apple I didn’t have the courage to bite into. Emily, on the other hand, was also poking at her food without much appetite.

“So… how was yesterday? For real?” she asked quietly, leaning over the table.

I took a deep breath, looking down at my hands.

“It was… intense. More than I imagined. The ultrasound… I saw it. I saw the heartbeat. It was so small, but so fast. I almost couldn’t go through with it.”

Emily stayed silent for a second, her eyes full of concern.

“And did you take the second pill?”

I shook my head slowly.

“No. I still couldn’t. I left the second pill in the drawer, staring at it all night. I don’t know what to do, Emily. I keep thinking that if I take it, I’ll be killing something that’s part of me. But if I don’t… how am I supposed to raise a baby now?”

Emily held my hand under the table.

“You still have time. You don’t have to decide today. But we need to think of a plan. If your belly starts to show…”

I nodded, but my attention was drawn to the table on the other side of the cafeteria.

Ashley Cooper was surrounded by the popular girls — Madison, Harper, and two others. She was laughing loudly, showing something small and yellow in her hands. Baby booties. Tiny, cute, with white bows. Her friends were going “awww” and taking pictures, as if it were the most beautiful thing in the world. Ashley caressed her belly with pride, posing for selfies.

My stomach tightened.

“Look at her,” I murmured, my voice full of bitterness. “Showing off baby booties like she’s mother of the year. While I’m here, secretly vomiting and scared to death.”

Emily looked in their direction and frowned.

“It’s surreal. She’s acting like it’s a blessing. As if the father isn’t the same guy who destroyed you.”

I felt a sharp pang in my chest. The same guy. Samuel. The father of her baby. And mine.

“I hate this,” I whispered. “I hate that she gets to live it openly while I have to hide everything.”

Emily was about to reply when she stopped and looked at the clock on the wall.

“What time is it? My next class is biology and I forgot my book.”

“I think I have mine here.”

I automatically reached into my backpack pocket to grab the book.

It wasn’t there. Well, the book was, but my phone wasn’t.

I frowned and rummaged through the entire backpack. Nothing.

“My phone isn’t here,” I said, my voice already rising. “I swear I put it in my backpack this morning.”

Emily frowned.

“Did you leave it in your locker?”

“I’ll check.”

I stood up too quickly and felt dizzy. I ran to my locker in the hallway, opened it with trembling hands. I searched everything — books, notebooks, jacket. Nothing. The phone wasn’t there.

I ran back to the cafeteria, panic rising.

“It’s not in the locker. Emily, I’m screwed.”

Emily grabbed her own phone and handed it to me.

“Call your number. Maybe someone found it.”

With sweaty hands, I dialed my own number. It rang twice. Then someone answered.

“Hello?”

Samantha’s voice.

My heart nearly stopped.

“Samantha?” I asked, trying to keep my voice normal.

“Lily? Oh, good thing you called. You left your phone in the car this morning. I just saw it when I was parking.”

I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Pure relief.

“Ah… what a scare. I thought I had lost it.”

Samantha laughed softly on the other end.

“I would bring it to you now, but I’m in the middle of a very important meeting. I can leave it at home when I get back.”

“That’s fine,” I replied, trying to sound casual. “You can leave it when you get home. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Call me from Emily’s phone if you need anything.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

I hung up and handed the phone back to Emily, my heart still racing.

“It was with Samantha. I left it in the car.”

Emily let out a relieved sigh.

“At least that’s one less thing.”

“Yeah… one less thing,” I murmured.

But inside, I wasn’t relieved. Samantha had my phone. Samantha, who had been spying on us for months. Samantha, who knew about me and Samuel. And now she had access to all my messages, photos, and search history…

I felt exposed. Vulnerable.

Emily and I stood up and started walking toward the next class. As we walked down the hallway, I couldn’t stop thinking about my phone in her hands. About what she might discover.



The house was empty when I got home.

The silence was almost palpable — no sound of the TV in the living room, no noise from Doug in the kitchen, no scent of coffee or Samantha’s perfume in the air. I closed the door behind me and leaned my back against it for a second, taking a deep breath. The weight of the entire day felt stuck to my skin like a second layer of dirty clothes.

I went upstairs slowly, each step feeling harder than the last. I entered my room, closed the door, and started ripping off my uniform as if it were suffocating me. The blouse, the skirt, the socks — everything fell to the floor in a messy pile. Still in my underwear, I went to the bathroom, turned on the shower, and stepped under the hot water before it had even fully warmed up.

The water hit my shoulders, running down my body. I grabbed the soap and began washing myself mechanically — arms, neck, legs. Until my hand stopped on my belly.

There.

Still almost imperceptible to anyone else, but obvious to me. A slight curve. A presence. A life.

I smoothed the wet skin with my palm, feeling the heat of the water mixed with the heat of my own body. Tears mixed with the shower water. I no longer knew what I felt. Fear. Guilt. Anger. Sadness. Everything at once.

“I’m so sorry…” I whispered, my voice choked and almost inaudible under the sound of the water. “I’m so sorry.”

I stayed there for long minutes, caressing my belly, silently talking to that small life I still hadn’t named. Thinking about how everything had come to this point. About Samuel. About Ashley. About Samantha. About my dad. About me.

But I had made a decision.

The best thing was to move forward. Take the pill. End it before it turned into an even bigger disaster.

I turned off the shower, wrapped myself in the fluffy white towel, and left the bathroom, my hair dripping down my back. The room was dark, with only the late afternoon light coming through the window.

That’s when I saw her.

Samantha was standing right in front of the nightstand.

Standing. Motionless. Like a statue.

My heart stopped for a second.

“Hi, Samantha…” my voice came out weak, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

She turned slowly. Her face was serious. There was no usual smile, no affectionate look. Just a cold, controlled, almost clinical expression.

“I came to bring your phone,” she said, holding out the device with one hand.

I took a step forward, still wrapped in the towel, dripping water onto the floor.

“Thank you…”

Samantha didn’t release the phone right away. Instead, she turned fully toward me. In her other hand, she held the white box of pills I had hidden in the drawer.

My blood ran cold.

“And I would also like to know,” she said, her voice low but sharp as a blade, “what the hell you’re doing with this, Lily.”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. My entire body froze. Water from the towel dripped down my legs, forming a small puddle at my feet.

Samantha raised the box a little higher, her eyes fixed on mine.

“Don’t you dare lie to me. I know everything.”

The silence that followed was deafening.

I stood there, wrapped in the towel, dripping, exposed in every possible way. Samantha stared at me without blinking, holding the proof of my secret in her hand like a weapon.

And in that moment, I knew.

Everything was about to come crashing down.