Chapter 48
Nicol
He was right there was a very big difference between me leaving and him losing me, but it didn’t make the pain any less. So far, I think the conversation went well he didn’t leave yet he didn’t scream at me yet, he was just upset which was expectable. “Where does this leave us Nicolas?” “Us?” “Yes, us I still love you.” “Clearly I still have feelings for you to Nicol but come on we can’t forget about the last 12 years and what about Nikki, we need to tell her, I mean I’m still not sure I understand or even think it’s a good enough reason what will Nikki think if you tell her the same as you told me, for fuck sakes you told her her father was dead.” “I don’t know?” “Well, I’ll tell you. She will think she ruined your life she would think if you told me, you would have ruined my life.” “Well then I can’t tell her the truth, can I?” “Just another lie for you, is it that easy?” He asked very upset. “No Nicolas every lie I tell talks a toll on me but what do you prefer that I tell her the truth and hurt her do you think that will be good for her. I’m thinking about everyone else’s feelings except my own, can’t you see that?” “I didn’t ask you to do that Nicol I’m a grown man I could have made my own decisions.” “Fine if this is how you wanne play this. I was just having your best interest at heart Nicolas; I was thinking about your future not mine no one else just yours. Don’t you think the nights I slept on the floor hungry I would have liked to call you and ask for help or the night Nikki was so sick I didn’t know what to do and who to call.” The tears where streaming down my face and all Nicolas said was “You had my number.” “And you think after I left you you would have come to me if I called you out of the blue while you had one of your models in your bed and told you ‘Hi Nicolas by the way you have a daughter and I’m struggling please come and help me.’ You really think you would have helped?” He just sat there and looked at me. “See just as I thought you weren’t ready to have a child Nicolas you weren’t there yet. For heaven’s sake I wasn’t even there but I had to do it, I had to pull myself out of the gutter and do it, with no support and no help from anyone.” “You didn’t have to Nicol.” “What was the alternative to get an abortion?” “No never I would have never told you to do that.” “Well then I don’t see any alternative.” “Me I was your alternative.” “Please Nicolas please try to understand why I did what I did.” “I’m trying Nicol I’m really trying but you are going to have to give me time to work through this and get my head around everything you told me.”
“Nikki and I will go back to my apartment and give you time to work through it.” “I don’t want you guys gone Nicol I want time.” “I’m going to give you time.” “I don’t want you to take her away from me again Nicol.” “We have to go back to our apartment sooner or later.” “Why?” “Because we can’t live with you indefinitely, we are cramping your style.” “Says who?” “Well, if you are not in the papers with another model in your arm sooner or later the public will wonder what happened to you.” “You really think I care what the public says about me?” “Actually, I do.” “You really don’t know me at all do you?” “I’m just reacting to what I’ve seen on social media and the papers the last 12 years.” “You’ve been keeping tabs on me?” Shit I shouldn’t have said that “Maybe.” “Fine what about you and Nikki stay with me until the New Year maybe we can sort everything out.” “You sure you want me that close?” “Yes, Nicol if it means Nikki stays, I’m good with it.” “And you not angry with me?” “Oh yes, I am but I’ll sort myself out. I let Geoffrey take you home and I’ll Walk home, I need time to think.” “It’s cold outside.” “I’ll survive.” “When are we going to tell Nikki? And what are we going to tell her?” I asked him, he needed to feel in control of something. “Can I just processed what you just told me and then we can decide what to tell Nikki?” “Yes, off course.”
I left the restaurant in a haze; it went better than I ever expected I thought he would shout and be very upset but he took it as well as can be expected. Yes, he was angry and yes, I could see it but I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome than this. Maybe when he had time to process, he might feel different and have other questions which I would answer off course but I hope and I really hope he would see my point. Geoffrey was waiting for me outside the SUV “You, okay?” “He took it better than expected.” “Where is he?” “He said his going to walk home he needed to process what I said.” “That’s good give him time, he really matured a lot.” “I really hope so Geoffrey, it’s going to be awkward having him in Nikki’s live and we need to see each other but we don’t talk that wouldn’t be good for any of us.” “I’m sure that won’t happen Nicol.” “Let’s hope.” Geoffrey and I drove in silence the rest of the way to Nicolas’s apartment. I needed to re-do my make up to make sure Nikki couldn’t see I was crying she will have so many questions. When we got at the apartment Isabella was the first to get me in the foyer “You okay?” she asked very concern. “He took it better than expected.” “Good where is he?” He wanted some alone time to process. “Oh okay.”
I found Nikki where I left her in front of the TV, watching another movie, “Hi mom. Where’s Nicolas?” “He had to go into the office.” “Oh, you wanne join me?” “Yes, I’m just going to get into my PJ’s.” “Okay mom.” I went to my room washed my face and got in my PJ’s then I joined my daughter on the coach, Isabella brought a bucket of popcorn, “Thank you Isabella.” Nikki said. Then she looked at me “So how was the date?”