Chapter 10

Nicolas

What am I going to do? Was Anton’s question and that is the question of the day, what am I going to do? “I really don’t know I want to have a conversation with Nicol for sure. I want to find out why she didn’t tell me? I want to know why she kept MY daughter from me for 12 years. Oh, and I didn’t tell you this when I asked Nikki where her dad was, she told me he died when she was just a baby. What the fuck Anton? She lied to her daughter and me. I would have never thought that Nicol was capable of that.” “I won’t jump to conclusions before you have a conversation with her.” “You’ve always taken her side.” “I’m not taking side’s here Nico I’m just saying you two need to have a conversation and preferable in a public place.” “Why?” “You just said your body still knows hers and are gravitating towards her what is going to happen when the two of you are alone here or at her place?” “I won’t sleep with her she hurt me too much.” “Okay if that is what you sticking with. What I will say is you need to figure it our for yourself first. You can’t come into Nikki’s life if you not going to be there for her for the rest of your life. She is not a toy you can buy and when you done playing with it, you throw it away.” “Is that what you really think of me?” “No Nico but you have a tendency to start something like that other company you just had to have and then you sold it when it wasn’t fun anymore.” “Fuck Anton I know parenthood is forever I will never do that.” “I’m just saying you should be very certain of your discussion that is all.” “Okay I will think about it before I do something rash.” “Good” We finished the last of the tequila and I could feel I was buzzing but I wasn’t in the mood for going out or finding other women to come and fuck the pain away. I want to sit in the pain today I want to think as much as the tequila allows me. “You think you will be okay if I leave? I actually have a date tonight.” “You going to rock up shit faced at a date?” “Yes, why not.” “Not a very good first impression.” “I’m to old to impress people, you like me or you don’t that’s it.” “Yes, I’ll be fine.” “Just don’t do anything stupid?” “Like what?” “Like go looking for her while you are drunk.” “I don’t know where she stays fucker.” “Well good, I’ll check in on you tomorrow?” “Thanks Anton.”

When Anton left, I went looking for another bottle tequila, I needed to get shit faced I actually need to pass out or else I will do something stupid. I put some music on and started to take shots one after the other I didn’t stop until that bottle was finished as well and then I passed out on my coach in the living room.

Nicol

I couldn’t believe it we haven’t seen each other for 12 years and now I saw him twice in one weekend. Just my luck or should I say my luck has run out. The genie is out and there is no way to get it back in the vase again. It was clear when he saw Nikki he knew she was his for a minute there I was scared when he pulled me towards him. I know he won’t hurt me he never hurt me before but this was something totally different I mean I kept his daughter away from him for 12 years. I was actually very impressed with how he kept himself together especially when Nikki told him her name. I could see the surprise on his face but he didn’t say anything and that is more than I deserve. But I also decided I’m not going to look him up to talk about this. If he want to talk to me, he can come to me. He knows where I work and Nikki told him I’m mostly there in the week so if he wants to be a part of her life or he wants to know why I left him if it isn’t obvious by now then he can come to me. I know I’m not playing fair it was me who ran from him but I can’t make a decision for him this is something he would want to know and with all the models he had in his bed every weekend I’m very sure a child doesn’t fit into that schedule. So maybe luck is still on my side and I can keep the secret from Nikki and he will just fade into the back ground. It’s very clear I’m not over him yet and I’m also very sure I will never be over him ever so if his not in my life I can survive having to see him every time he comes to visit Nikki will be torture. But then on the other hand I’m being selfish I’m keeping Nikki’s dad from her and she so wants a father. I’m not sure what is going to happen I just decided I’m not going to do anything I’m going to leave everything in Nicolas hands. He can make the decision for us.

All the way to dance classes Nikki was talking about the man she just met and how handsome he was and she couldn’t believe I knew people that can be so beautiful. If she only knew. Then she started to ask questions about Nicolas and the fact that he said I danced before “Did you really dance mom?” She asked probable for the 4th time but I was to busy in my head to hear her. She stopped and pulled me to stop to. “Mom, I’ve asked you for the 4th time now if you really were a dancer but you just ignore me. You keep on telling me how it’s rude to ignore someone.” “I’m sorry Nikki I was just very deep in thought.” “So, where you?” “Where I what?” “Where you a dancer?” “Yes, angel I was.” “Why haven’t you told me?” “It’s not important. You are what is important angel and your dance lessons not what I did when I was younger.” “Where you any good?” “I wasn’t bad.” That made her laugh.