"I think we should try to get her to turn back," Adam says, worry entering his voice, "It can't be good for her body to stay a wolf this long."
"I don't think it’s harming her," Susan comments tossing uncooked meat at my feet.
Now I feel like the family dog. Everyone gets edible food regardless of their form.
Adam takes meat and drops it into the garbage. The look he gives his mother is confusing. I'm not sure if it is anger, hostility, kindness, or astonishment. He is hard to read and their relationship is even more complicated than I imagined.
"We need to be able to communicate," Adam states finding the venison from lunch, "This is new to her. She doesn’t know abnormal signs.”
Susan glares while Adam has his back turned, "Johnnie’s been here daily to check on her. He’s found nothing wrong." I do give her credit; he is here daily but what she forgets to mention is that he’s pleading, daily, because of my condition. "He knows more about our kind and our health than you do. If he can’t find anything wrong then I am sure you won't be able to find anything either."
Everything inside of me screams as the hair on my back stands on end. I don't know why Johnnie won’t stand up to her. Susan’s a matriarch but this is the difference between life and death. Why is he willing to sacrifice my life compared to talking to Adam?
“We need to make plans for Christmas,” Susan begins, her eyes twinkling with satisfaction.
“Whatever you think is best,” Adam quickly replies.
“We’ll have to text for her saying that her vacation has been cancelled.”
She’s naive to think that would work. My mom would never allow me to cancel Christmas through text messages. Little does anyone know that when I moved here, my family planned to visit for Christmas. In my present form, keeping that information a secret isn't hard.
"I’d like her to weigh in on the plan. She should have some say if she’s human.” Adam replies, “I’m going to stay the night.”
Susan and I glare at each other. I don't understand why she is bent on my death. What is it about me that makes her act like this? I wish I knew more about her or their culture to understand her motives.
"Honey, you’ve tried that the past five nights. Don't you think it’s time for you to sleep in your own bed," Susan says as the sap from her motherly voice slithers through the room, “Not that I don’t enjoy you spending time at the lodge but you haven’t been home in over a week.”
For once, Susan and I agree on something. Each night pulls at my core but I manage to remain a wolf. Adam’s disappointed in the morning but I must remain a wolf just a little bit longer if my plan has a chance of succeeding.
Every morning Susan gloats. She’s determined I will remain a wolf for the rest of my life. I never thought I had any animal instincts but ripping out a particular throat is making its way up my to-do list.
Adam strips off his clothing, "We're going for a run."
Taking the opportunity to get out of the house, I bound into Adam. Susan locks the doors and windows after everyone leaves for the day. I’m a prisoner and only Johnnie knows it.
An almost complete moon guides our path as the snow sticks to my fur. The forest animals shelter from the cold and are unobservant of our intrusion.
A howl diverts our course as Adam changes paths to follow the sound. The wolves know how to communicate but, to me, the calls sound pretty much the same.
Johnnie stands in front of his little cabin. Out of respect, Adam changes forms. Johnnie chuckles at my averted gaze as he tosses a blanket to Adam. My embarrassment over nudity is becoming a joke in the pack.
"Has she changed yet?"
Adam shakes his head. Johnnie’s jaw tightens, as the secret sits on the tip of his tongue. If it wasn't for Susan's control, he would blurt out everything. He is a devoted man who honors tradition and respect. The rules of this society really are pressing my nerves.
"I thought Addie could use a story or two," Johnnie states sitting in a warn rocker near the fire.
His eyes hint at more. He has a plan. Not wanting to disappoint, I stretch out on the rug.
"Does she know why she is special?”
Adam shakes his head.
"You know nothing about your own ancestry," Johnnie says leaning closer to me, "There is a reason why you are the only white wolf in the pack."
My curiosity peaks. Mostly grey and some black wolves fill out the pack. Everyone stopped tracking my family history after I changed.
"There is only one line that produces white wolves,” Johnnie begins picking up his cup, "Our myths focus on stories of how the white wolf conquered our enemies, kept the pack safe, and governed with a just hand."
Johnnie pauses and slowly stirs his strange concoction. I bark, not knowing how else to get him to talk.
"No one knows the origin of the white wolf. About two hundred years ago, the last female white wolf vanished just as mysteriously as the line appeared. It thrust our world into chaos."
Johnnie pauses, again and I look to Adam, "It’s true," he adds, "We learn of the great white wolves as children. No one thought you would be part of the lost white line. The smell in your fur is so strong. We assumed only a generation or two had passed since your wolf ancestor, not two hundred years."
"The knowledge of your existence has spread through the packs," Johnnie continues, "All of us have sought the white wolf. What happened to the last one has been our greatest mystery.”
Johnnie pauses in reverence of the white wolf. What’s so special about the color of my fur?
“All packs lived as one under the white wolf. Your lineage gives you the right to control any or all of the packs. There hasn’t been a full pack since my childhood.”
Now I know why Susan wants me dead. I could take away all her control even though I know nothing.
"Really? We were still one pack when you were a child?”
"It was a long time ago, but yes," Johnnie answers, "Without a white wolf to guide us, there were many who sought power and most who used that power for the wrong reasons.”
Johnnie smiles into his drink. The crafty devil. His little push is enough that if I didn't have a plan, I’d create one. Instead, I choose to wait, following my own incentive. This little wolf needs to learn how to play the game if I’m ever going to have an advantage over Susan.
"You two should be off. Susan doesn't like it when Addie gets too far away," Johnnie comments his eyes distant before he stands and opens the door.
Questions bubble but they’re stuck just beneath the surface. I want to know more about my family. One question burns above all else. If we were such great leaders, why did we give everything up?
It will be wonderful to share the knowledge with my family and finally learn which side hid the wolf. Too bad my father can't be here to see this. Unfortunately, death is a big obstacle to overcome.
I remember the longing in his eyes. His heart burnt for something. Maybe this is what we were both desperate to find.
#
Adam pleads with me to turn. I try to seem reassuring. It’s becoming increasingly difficult staying a wolf around him.
On the third night, I finally consent. By morning, I sprawl across the bed, letting my body expand, feeling the muscles pull and my toes curl for the first time in almost a month. My arms stretch over head as I let out a sigh.
"You’re human," Adam comments, his hand sliding against my forehead to check my temperature, "How are you? Does anything hurt?"
I shake my head. I can’t tell him about the slight throb in my temple.
"Addie," Sarah yells racing into the room and jumping on the bed, "How I have missed you," She yells hugging me, "I have so much to tell you. Get up, go shower."
She pushes Adam off the bed and wraps me in the sheet before shoving me into the bathroom. Slamming us into the room, she begins to speak before putting up her finger and opening the door, "Goodbye Adam."
He throws on a shirt, his hazel eyes lingering on us before leaving the bedroom. I don't see the point in making him leave, everyone in the house will hear our conversation. There is no privacy. Why pretend?
Sarah starts the shower and forces me into the hot water. It feels wonderful and has been too long that even I’m concerned with how I must smell.
"You said you have something to tell me," I ask as the apple cinnamon floods the room.
"Yes," She says near the mirror, "There is a boy."
The dramatic pause is so long that I pop my head out of the shower to make sure she’s still there, "I need more."
Sarah smiles and rushes around the bathroom, "There is a boy that I have been in love with since I was a child. He’s Isaac's best friend and he’s coming back for Christmas. I don't know what to do. The day before Sam left with my brother for their new job, I told him how I felt and all he did was stand there, like a stone statue. He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at me."
"He didn't say anything?"
"No, not one word. I stood there waiting for him to say something, anything. It was so embarrassing. He just turned and walked away and he was gone the next day. I tried to ask Isaac but it's a bit awkward."
I'm not sure how to give advice. I've never been in the wolf dating world and I don't know much about dating in general.
"I thought women choose their mates," I ask remembering Susan's earlier conversation.
"They do, well they can, but I haven’t chosen him. I’m a little young to choose anyone. We could end up going down that path but I don’t want that right now," Sarah rushes through her thoughts as her feet bounce across the floor, "Do you think he misunderstood me? Oh God, that could have ruined everything. I didn't want to sound like a little school girl with our whole future planned.”
Strangely enough, it sounds like Sarah already has that future planned out. My head spins. Even though I’m talking to a wolf, it sounds no different from my friends at home. The insecurity never leaves, no matter how old one gets.
"What should I do," Sarah asks leaving me flabbergasted about a response.
Maybe this would be a good subject for another wolf. With my track record, I wouldn't ask for my own opinion.
"Maybe explain what you really meant," I suggest knowing that I wouldn't do that, "What if you wait to see what he has to say to you? Maybe he understood exactly what you meant but didn't know how to respond when he was put on the spot."
"That's true. No one our age would ever consider a lifelong commitment. That’s something in the future, far future," Sarah adds as I continue to listen to her pace pick up, "Why do you think he didn't respond?"
Now that might be a good question for a man, "I have no idea. My mind doesn't work the same way as a guy’s mind.”
Silence follows and, again, I peak my head out of the warm shower to see Sarah mulling over the idea, "Do you think he might love someone else?"
"Since I don't know him, I can't say. Does he have any other interests?"
"Every girl wants him."
"Then I don't know?"
I feel like I tuned in to the middle of a soap opera and have no idea what’s going on.
While I get ready, Sarah continues to throw herself around, talking about her horrible predicament. When I have time, I’ll have to ask Adam about Sam. As pack leader and our age, he should know something about Sarah's love life.
Sarah and I join Susan, Adam, and Johnnie by the kitchen counter. Susan cooks as she hums. From my almost constant time with her in the past month, I figured out that humming is her sign of triumph. How I hate that smug expression on her face. It screams that she has conquered the world and everyone in it.
"Oh, Addie, I’m glad that you’ve finally changed. We were getting so worried," Susan’s warm voice says as she gives the most awkward hug.
The entire time I stare at Johnnie who rolls his eyes as he tries to bite his tongue. I’m glad at least one other person knows how unhappy she is that I turned back.
"You need to call your family. I know how devastated I would be if any of my children hadn't talked to me in a month," Susan begins turning back to the oven with the same superior expression.
"Do you think your family will be able to change their plans and come here for Christmas," Adam asks, genuine concern painted on his face.
"Don't be mean Adam," Susan snaps, "I'm sure it would be impossible for her family to change everything. If she cannot control her ability to shift, it would be too dangerous for her to go home. Besides, we already came up with a plan for Christmas.”
Right now, I would love to yell at her. Between the arrogance and the rude comments all month long, I don't know how I’m able to stay silent. If Johnnie won't oust her, then I won't either. There are rules and even though I don’t know what they are, it’s a good policy for me to follow everyone else’s example.
"I would go with her," Sarah says, "I wouldn't mind missing Christmas this year."
Johnnie chuckles. I guess Sarah's secret love for Sam really isn't much of a secret.
"I would go too," Adam adds, " I’d have no problem making the trip if it means Addie can see her family."
"Don't be crazy. What do you think would happen if Addie changed and couldn't change back? What would her family do? What would she do to her family? We’ve seen it before and it is heart breaking," Susan adds with such emotion that even I don't believe in her acting as she puts a plate in front of me and smiles.
I know I don't have fangs, but I’m still willing to bite her, at least once. She could use something or someone to check her attitude. When I grow more comfortable in my animal skin, I might have to assert my dominance as a white wolf, after I figure out how.
Adam begins quarreling with his mother, "Susan’s right," I interrupt, stopping the argument, "It could be dangerous if I went home."
"You may heal if your family is near you," Adam practically yells to me.
He doesn't understand my intentions, or his mothers. Johnnie silently waits. He wants to know if I can be a leader, if I have what it takes to best Susan.
"I know that it would help if my family was around and I want them to know their history too," I begin and watch Johnnie's eyes narrow, "Which is why we planned on having Christmas here this year and I made sure to confirm our plans last week."
Susan freezes before inhaling deeply and menacingly stabbing the sausage in the pan. Her eyes remain focused on the food as she tries to remain calm.
"How were you able to do that, dear," Her controlled voice ask as she remains over the stove, "I thought you were a wolf the entire time."
"I was but I used my free time to learn how to text. Autocorrect helped a lot," I smile through my answer, knowing my phone will probably mysteriously vanish in the next few weeks.
Johnnie laughs as Susan prepares his plate, "Isn't that wonderful, Susan," He asks with a look of triumph as his hands wrap around her shoulders.
"Where will they stay," Susan shrugs his hands off as she shoves the plate into his chest, "The entire pack should be here within the next few days."
"The pack can stay in the other cabins," Johnnie comments digging into his food, "It isn't like this is the first time we’ve introduces a family into our world. They will understand."
"I'll start making phone calls," Adam informs before rubbing my upper back and leaving the counter.
Susan might pull the strings but with Johnnie and Adam on my side, her power as puppeteer might be ending.
"Will she be able to last that long," Susan asks the corners of her mouth tugging up.
The fever’s returning faster than last time. I just need to make it until they arrive and then I can shift into a wolf. It might take every ounce of will power but I’m not going to let Susan beat me.
"I should call my mom.”
I know they can hear, which allows me the opportunity to rub salt into Susan's wounds. It isn’t right acting so nasty but if Susan is any indication of what pack life is like, I might have to get used to being a certain way.
"Hi mom.”
"You aren't dead. You haven't returned any of my calls."
She’s always been blunt but even I’m shocked by the coldness of her tone.
"I've been really busy but I did text."
"I understand. Do you know about your vacation days yet?”
"The company shuts down for Christmas. My vacation starts today. When are you coming up?"
"Your brother and I were going to leave tomorrow morning. We should be there around five," my mother states before pausing.
"Good. There’s been one change. Do you remember when I text you about a cabin by the lake that I thought was just gorgeous?"
"Yes."
"Well, I decided to rent a few rooms for Christmas, since my apartment is just so tiny."
"Honey, you didn't have to do that. We would have made it work," She says, instinctively worrying about how much I spent.
"So you and Tim wouldn't mind sleeping on a couch or the floor?"
"I was going to bring the air mattress.”
"The use of the cabin is one of the perks of the company. It didn't cost anything. No one else claimed it so they were happy to get anyone to fill the space," I lie hoping Susan is listening to my conversation, "You and Tim can each have your own room and there is a wonderful great room and floor to ceiling windows. It’s really beautiful. I can text the address and a picture."
"It would be nice to have more room. Did you decorate for Christmas? I know you mentioned wanting me to bring gifts back for the family. Have you finished your shopping?”
"No. I still need to get one last gift," I lie.
I haven't gotten a single Christmas present. It’s been impossible to shop while stuck as a wolf.
"Honey, I have to let you go. I'm at work. I'll see you tomorrow night. I love you, bye," My mom says and waits for her own goodbye before hanging up.
"Do you need to go shopping," Sarah asks, opening my door with her coat on and keys in hand.
Grabbing my coat and purse, I listen to her chatter the entire way down the stairs. In the living room, Johnnie places two boxes down to accompany the seven boxes already on the floor.
"You mentioned decorating," Johnnie states as an answer, "We haven’t really celebrated since Adam's father passed."
"It could use some Christmas cheer," Adam agrees walking in with two more boxes, "You two shop. We'll decorate."
A smile breaks before I can hide my excitement. Everyone is so wonderful and helpful, except the sulking Susan in the kitchen. I’m flooded with emotions and I don’t know how to express my gratitude.
The noise of paws hitting the snow-covered ground slowly grows louder, "Adam texted to see if anyone else would like to help decorate," Sarah answers my unstated question, "Everyone is thrilled. This is going to be a great Christmas. Do you think your mother will mind if we celebrate together?"
Climbing into the car, "She’s going to have to get use to the idea of large holiday gatherings, especially if she is a wolf.”
Every shop in town has something for my family or friends. Most of the storeowners are wolves and when they hear the white wolf is coming to their shop, they are very helpful and nosy. It seems that I really am a rare commodity and until the novelty wears off, I might have to avoid town.
After heading to the post office to ship a few gifts, it’s time to head back to the lodge. My fever is starting to wreak havoc and I could use a nap and a blanket.
Sarah almost drives past the cabin as we stare out the windows at the unrecognizable building. Green swag and lights cover the exterior as colorful lawn ornaments fill every available space. The inside decorations shine brilliantly through the giant windows.
"Wow.”
"Sometimes, we go a little overboard," Sarah answers as she watches my expression before turning towards the perfectly timed light show.
The smell of cookies wafts up the driveway. Inside a group is decked out in ugly Christmas sweaters.
"Addie," They cheer holding up their glasses of eggnog.
I awkwardly smile before noticing the twenty-foot tree in front of the window, "Wow," I state again, realizing how small the tree looks compared to the room.
"We found it this afternoon," One of the guys in the ugly Christmas sweater states, "It was a beast but we managed."
"Did you get your gifts," A girl who I haven't met asks. I respond with a nod, "Good, they should join the rest."
Mounds of presents engulf the base of the tree. The girl hurries forward, taking the wrapped presents out of my arms before tucking them neatly under the tree.
The amount of decorating they’ve done in one afternoon is shocking. I’ve never seen a house more adorned. I wonder what they could accomplish if they had a few days.
The night passes as the group shares stories. The only thing I can do is freeze and try not to let my teeth chatter too much. Everyone ignores my illness, not wanting to acknowledge what could happen if it persists.
“No more blankets,” Adam commands pulling my latest addition away from me.
A tremble shoots through my body. His expression is determined as he puts the blanket just out of reach. The cold is inside my bones.
“I just want to be a human when my family shows up,” I chatter as a chill course through my body.
“Come here,” Adam commands slowly pulling me and the mound of blankets across the couch, “I’ll try to help.”
Adam’s arms wrap around me. There’s a pull, deep within my abdomen. It calls to me as the trembling slows down. Readjusting positions, there’s really nothing I can do but rest my head against his chest. His heartbeat is constant as mine slows to match the pace.
As the fire dies down and the group leaves for the night, I’m left with Adam. I don’t remember napping but I must have felt comfortable enough to fall asleep.
“Do you want me to stay with you,” Adam asks as my brows knit, “You’re bound to me as your alpha. I can help you keep a certain form.”
I’d do anything if it meant not feeling each tense muscle or the pounding in my head. It isn’t the worst thing to sleep next to Adam. I nod as he helps me stagger up the stairs.
My body desperately screams to shift. Everything aches as the edge of my vision blurs. Nothing can warm me up. Adam keeps taking blankets from my frozen body as he holds me close. I just need to last until my family gets here. I can do that. It’s only a few more hours.
#
A runner bursts into the house, practically shouting that my family is in town. My dizzying and unsteady steps to the shower feel unnatural as I keep stopping to catch my balance on each piece of furniture.
The shower might revive me. The hot water falls against me as I sit in the bottom of the tub shivering. Just another hour, or two, and then I can shift into a wolf.
After exhausting the hot water, I huddle into a warm robe. Johnnie’s voice flows up the stairs as he greets my family.
I bounce off the walls as I pull myself down the hall. My confession is not going to go as planned as I look around the first floor. Since privacy doesn’t exist, I was hoping for an intimate experience but the room’s filled to the brim with people who want to share in the excitement.
"Hi," I hoarsely choke out.
My mother's face falls. Now I know just how haggard I appear.
"I need to tell you something," I state as Adam leads me to a chair, "I learned something about our family and I think you should know."
This is so hard. I can't even think of the words I should be saying, let alone say them. My head pounds, my vision blurs, my stomach flips and all I want to do is shift and fall asleep on the bright Christmas rug in front of the warm fire.
"We are werewolves," I blurt out.
Their mouths move but I can’t hear anything. The pounding in my head blocks out all other sounds. A hand rests on my shoulder but my vision is so blurred I can't make out the figure.
I give in and shift before awkwardly slipping out of the oversized robe. My fever vanishes. My mother and brother are in shock as the pungent aroma of fear engulfs the room.
I don't know what to do. Johnnie gives a small smile as he stands between my family and me. At least they aren't running. It isn't like they would get far. The pack would carry them back before they could make it to their car.
I inch forward, my tail hung low. I cry, as I sniff at them. My mother bends down, holding out her shaking hand. Carefully, I touch it with the tip of my nose. She’s actually handling this better than I did.
"How is this possible," My mother's trembling voice asks.
"It’s genetic," Johnnie answers bending down and roughly scratching the top of my head, "But Addie is having a hard time adjusting."
"What do you mean," My brother asks, squatting down as his wide, uncertain eyes continue to scan my white fur.
"It’s been generations since any member in your family has been able to change into a wolf. Her body isn't use to it and it’s killing her," Johnnie answers, not sugar coating anything.
"What?”
"We think that having her family, blood of her blood, may help her adjust," Johnnie quietly informs, "Addie is proud and her line, your line," Johnnie says his firm hand landing on my brother’s shoulders, "Is something we have been trying to find. The white wolf has returned to us and we want her to stay."
I stretch, feeling drowsy. My family isn’t going to run away and I can’t be involved in the conversation. Instead, I mosey to the Christmas rug.