Matt

I sat back against my headboard, listening to Renee and Jake talk quietly in the next room. After my announcement, in which I still wasn't sure I was devoted to, I'd crawled back to my room like a scorned puppy dog, wishing I hadn't embarrassed myself like that in front of Renee and Jake. I hated my best friend right now. I hated him for being there for Renee in a way that I couldn't be. I hated that he had her metaphorically wrapped up against him. I wanted to be her comfort, her hug, her shoulder to cry on. But I already knew I'd screwed that up. At this point, I was as bad as Aaron, and that was worse than being noting at all.

I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face before reaching over for a my glass of whiskey and a cigarette. I took a drink from the glass and slipped the cigarette between my lips, thinking briefly of my mom. She'd beat cancer a year ago, and even that hadn't persuaded me to be more active in her life. She was technically going to be a grandma, and I hadn't even spoken to her in months.

Downstairs, the front door opened and closed. I got up from my bed and pulled the curtains back from my bedroom window, spotting Aaron's car at once. Just thinking of my friend finally sneaking home after all these times of avoiding us pissed me off, and I took the cigarette from between my lips and tossed it back down onto my nightstand before leaving the bedroom to confront him. It was long overdue.

Aaron was headed up the stairs, presumably to his bedroom, when I stopped at the top landing, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Hey, man," he said, stopping on the step to look up at me. I could hear the nervous tinge in his voice, and for some reason that elated me. He should be nervous, the asshole.

"Long time no see," I said, and Aaron scoffed, shrugging it off like this was any old conversation. I half expected Renee and Jake to emerge from their cave and confront Aaron with me, but neither of them did. Oh well. I'd do it my fucking self.

"Yeah, man, I've been busy." Aaron ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair and forced a smile that wasn't sincere. "Work and shit, you know?"

"Too busy for Renee, too, right?" I asked, ascending the steps. Aaron bit his lip anxiously, looking away from me briefly before meeting my eyes again.

"Do you have room to talk?" he asked, and I fucking hated that I didn't; not really.

"I apologized," I said lamely. "What about you? When's the last time you've even talked to her or been in the same room as her?"

Aaron scoffed and looked away again before turning around and walking away, heading towards the kitchen. I shook my head and followed, feeling like I was in a fighting mood.

"Answer me," I demanded, taking a seat at the kitchen island as Aaron went to the fridge for a beer. He said nothing for a moment as he popped the top and took a long, deep swig. Then he met my eyes.

"I can't do it, Matty," he said quietly, and for the first time in weeks, I heard sadness in his voice, despair. I stared at him for a moment, caught off guard.

"Can't do what?"

"This." He gestured vaguely, taking a drink of his beer before leaning back against the counter. He wouldn't look at me, but I could read the sadness in his face. "I'm not father material, man."

"Don't be a douche." I scoffed and went to the fridge for my own beer. "None of us are father material. The kid is doomed no matter which way you look at it."

"Not with Renee as a mom, it's not," Aaron said with a small shrug. "She'll be amazing."

"Of course she will be. But so will we."

Aaron made a sound at the bottom of his throat and sighed, picking at the wrapper on his beer bottle. "What if we're not?" he asked quietly. "What if we suck and the kid hates us for it? Or what if it only likes one or two of us and hates the other? What if—?"

"What if this situation screws the kid up?" I filled in for him, and Aaron nodded.

"Yes, exactly."

"Okay, look." I folded my arms and shook my head. "We can't get through this pregnancy with a whole bunch of what-ifs, okay? It's not about what-if, it's about doing it the best we can in the way we know how. Period."

"Yeah."

"And that means talking to Renee," I said sternly. "That means being there for her like we're supposed to be, Aaron, and not hiding out like a fucking pussy at your art studio."

He looked down at the ground shamefully. "Yeah, I know."

"You don't know," I insisted. "You don't know because you haven't done it. You've avoided it. And I'm telling you now, it's done. You're done hiding, and so am I. We love Renee, right?"

"Of course." He didn't hesitate, and that made me feel a little better.

"Good, then be better," I told him. "Do better."

He nodded, looking up at me. "You, too, bro."

"I know."

"So I guess first thing is first," I said, frowning at him. "You need to talk to Renee. Like, yesterday."

Aaron sighed and took another swig of his beer before nodding.

"I know."

"Good. So do it."

"Is she home?"

"Upstairs with Jake."

Aaron scoffed. "Of course she is."

"Can you blame her?" I demanded. "He's the only one who has been around since she broke the news. Do we really have the right to be jealous?" It sounded nice coming out of my mouth, but the jealousy was real. Sometimes I hated how far Jake had come from the arrogant jock he'd been in high school and college. Now, the love of my life was leaning on him for support, and Aaron and I had royally screwed it up.

"Okay, okay." Aaron took the last swig of his beer, tossed it into the trash, and then headed towards the stairs. "I'll talk to her tomorrow," he said over his shoulder. Before I could argue with him, he vanished into his bedroom without a backwards glance.

With a heavy sigh, I took my beer out to the living room and sat down on the couch by myself, taking a sip to ward off the anger. I wasn't so sure Aaron would actually make his peace, especially not if that stupid job opportunity was still hanging over his head like a treat on a stick. Would he ever apologize and make things right, or would he say fuckitall and wander off to Chicago to start a new life without us? Even worse, what if the baby was his? Did he even care?

I ran a hand through my hair and rubbed my temples, feeling a headache come on. I had half a mind to march upstairs and kick Jake out of the bedroom so I could spend the night with Renee, but it was too soon. I'd barely just apologized, and I wouldn't blame her for a second if she hated me for coming onto her after I'd been nothing short of unsupportive. Besides, she deserved better than that.