Chapter 29: Matt

The expression on Renee’s face was hard to read because it looked like she'd probably been crying, the tears were dry, and her brow furrowed in confusion when she met my face outside her front door.

“Hi,” I said.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. As I open my mouth to respond, she rattles on, bowling over me. “Are you here to fuck up the rest of my life?” she demands, face growing red with anger. “Sorry, Matt, nobody is here to help you and Jake take me out, okay? Try Carly. I’m sure she’d be happy to plan more revenge on me.”

I smiled because I couldn't help it. Renee was fucking adorable when she was angry. And if I focused too hard on the silky red hair that cascades down the front of her chest and the fiery, emerald eyes she was trying to burn me with from the inside out, I would get a hard-on and wouldn’t be able to focus on the real reason I was here.

“Why in the hell are you smiling?!” Renee shouts, seething. She glances back over her shoulder, and I realize she must have company. Is it another man? Jami? Jason?

“I didn’t realize you had anyone here. Sorry to interrupt.” I take a step back, my mind sparking with curiosity. But the stranger approached the door at that moment, visible right behind Renee.

“Who is it, honey?” the woman said, and I met her gaze over Renee’s shoulder.

“It’s nobody, Mom. He was just leaving.”

“Nonsense,” Renee’s mom said with a flip of her hand. “I was just about to leave; I have to take lunch to your father at work.”

“No, honestly, Mom, you could stay,” said Renee, and I was pleased to hear a hint of panic in her voice. As Renee’s mom shrugged her coat on, I stepped back to the door, smiling still. I recognize Renee’s mom—Cindy, I think was her name—but I highly doubt she remembers me.

“Matthew, right?” she said, stepping around Renee and onto the front porch. Under the warmth of my hooded sweatshirt, heat rises on my skin, making me itch.

“Yes, that’s right,” I said and offered my hand. “I’m surprised you remember me.”

“It would be hard to forget the little boy that drove my child to depression,” Cindy said quietly. But even with her words, there’s a kindness in her eyes. An understanding. Instead of taking my hand, she leans in and wraps her arms around me in a motherly hug. “It would be even harder to forget the men who called me the night it all happened, to tell me that you’d hurt Renee, and she might be upset.”

“What are you talking about, Mom?” Renee demanded. Cindy looked over her shoulder at Renee, pain across her face. “I never told you because I never thought it was relevant. You didn’t need more reminders. But we came home early from our date that night because the boys called me and told me what had happened. They said you might be upset, and someone should keep an eye on you.”

Renee looked from her mother to me, brow furrowing in confusion, bottom lip pulled between her teeth to chew on it.

“I didn’t know that,” she said quietly, and the pain in her voice was so overwhelming I thought I might be nauseous.

“Yeah, well, it doesn't matter, does it?” I mutter. “We were still the reason you did it.”

Renee said nothing to this, but Cindy stepped forward and rested a hand on my shoulder, squeezing.

“You’ve grown up, Matthew. I anticipate you’ll treat my daughter now like the woman she is and not like the little girl you all bullied.”

Hurt tightens my chest again, but I know her intention is not to spew hatred. She was willing to give me another chance.

But is Renee?

“Also, I am so sorry about your mom, Matt. I heard about the progression of her cancer.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Lyon.”

“Please, call me Cindy.”

“Jesus, Mom!” Renee throws her hands in exasperation behind Cindy. “Why don’t you just adopt him, okay? I’m sure Dad would love him.”

“He probably would,” Cindy whispered to me before she turned to hug her daughter. “Talk soon, baby girl.” Her eyes travel to me. “Play nice, you two.”

Silence settled over the front porch as Renee and I watched her mother drive away. I feel better about coming here, if only for that reason. Renee, however, looked like she’d rather throat-punch me than invite me in.

“Could I talk to you, please?” I asked, stepping towards the door. Renee’s lip curls in a sneer, freckled nose scrunching.

“Piss off, Matt.” She started to close the door in my face, but I was too quick for her. My foot shoots out and jams the door open, forcing her back.

“Please,” I said again, only because I knew it would probably be inappropriate to just barrel past her. “Let me explain myself to you.”

“There’s nothing to explain,” said Renee, trying to kick my foot out of the way with her own. “I know what you did. Everyone knows what you did. And everyone knows Carly only did what she did because of your big mouth.”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume at this point that smoke should be pouring from Renee’s ears. I didn’t move my foot, though; I only came closer.

“You’re right,” I told her, lowering my voice. “I did blab to Carly, okay? But I was not the one who had sex with her date—-”

“Bu—-”

I raise my hand to cut her off. “—-and his best friend.”

This seemed to quiet her down almost at once, and I know it was because she was feeling just as guilty about it as I had been. For a long moment, I didn’t think she was going to say anything at all. But then, after a few moments, she sighs, dropping her chin.

“Make it fast.”

I stepped through the open door as Renee stood back to let me in, then she closed the door behind her. The house is eerily quiet, and I kick off my shoes and head for the couch, much to Renee’s annoyance.

“I said we could talk. I didn’t say you could take over my house,” she said with a sneer, sitting down in the recliner across from me. I should have known she wouldn’t get too physically close.

“Are your roommates here?” I asked, trying to ignore the throbbing in my dick that seemed to be growing. Renee shakes her head.

“Jami’s in class, and we haven’t seen Carly since the night you came over.” She glared at me when she said this, and I almost felt the daggers in my skin.

“She stopped by the apartment last night,” I told her. “To talk to Jake.”

“What did she say?”

“I don’t know. They talked in her car.”

Renee sighs heavily, and her hands fall into her lap anxiously. “So, she’s forgiven him but not me?”

I shrugged. “You’d have to ask her that, Ren.”

“Don’t call me Ren.”

I smile, satisfied with her defense, and lean back on the couch, crossing my legs. “Why not? That’s what we used to call you, remember?”

“Only people I like get to call me that,” she snapped, gritting her teeth. “And I fucking hate you.” She got to her feet then and crossed the room, fuming, but I could see what she was doing from where I sat: she was pouring a glass of wine.

“You got any beer?” I called, watching Renee’s face scrunch up angrily. Despite her irritation, she grabbed a bottle of Coors from the fridge and threw it at me. Luckily I could catch it because it almost winded up all over the spotless wall on the other side of me. I popped the top off the bottle and took a sip, eyes on Renee as she sat down again, taking a long drink out of her glass.

“So why did you come here?” she finally asked. It was difficult for her to look at me, I could tell, and I couldn't figure out how I felt about that. Smug? Annoyed?

Hurt?

“I came here to see you, obviously.” I set my beer down on the table and fold my hands across my stomach, eyes still on Renee.

“Why? You don’t know me. I don’t know you. We’re not even friends.”

“I didn’t know you were going to school for nursing,” I said, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Renee scowls. “And I didn’t know you were a firefighter, but here we are.”

“Would you have seen me any differently knowing I was a firefighter?”

She looked up, meeting my eye, hesitating. “No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“What difference does it make?”

“It makes all the difference,” Renee said softly. “Because you’re helping people, aren’t you? You, Matthew Nelson, are an actual public servant.”

“You seem shocked.”

“I am, I guess. I didn’t know you could have that kind of compassion for others if I’m being honest.”

“Don’t kid yourself,” I tease. “I do it for the adrenaline spike.” That’s bullshit, of course, and Renee is right. I remember the first patient I dragged out of a burning building unharmed. It was what kept me going.

“If you’re a firefighter, what are you going to school for?” Renee asked.

“Fire science. I’d like to keep moving up in my position.”

Renee was looking at me now with a new expression of curiosity and newfound interest. But before I could say anything more, the expression was gone, and she was fuming.

“Why are you here, Matt? Did you come here to remind me what a slut I am?” she asked. “How I betrayed my roommate, not to mention the betrayal of your two best friends, right?”

“I don’t think I need to do that, Ren, because it seems you’re doing plenty of that yourself.”

“Yeah, well, you reap what you sow, right?”

“I guess.” I shrugged, looking around at the chic décor in the girl’s shared house. “But not forever, you know?”

“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” Renee said quietly. She was not looking at me, but I could see the emotions vivid in her eyes. “I fucked up, okay? I did something I’ve never done and never thought about doing before.”

“You’re not a bad person.”

“How could you, of all people, sit there and say that?” Renee jumped to her feet, scowling, and I thought she might come at me for a moment. “You’re one of the worst people I know, Matthew Nelson, as are both of your friends. But I am standing here now, telling you that I fucked up, and you think I am not a bad person?”

“You know what you did,” I told her, getting to my feet. “And you’re hurting for it. You’d only be a bad person if you knew what you did and didn’t care.”

“Everyone cares when they screw up.” Renee shakes her head, wiping a tear away. Her arms are folded across her chest, a protective stance. “Nobody is that heartless.”

“You’d be surprised.” I took a step in her direction and then another, expecting Renee to move away from me, but she didn’t.

“You still haven’t told me why you’re here,” she said, and she couldn't see my gaze. She was crying, just a little bit, and it was all I had in me not to pull her to my body and hold her until I physically couldn't anymore.

“I came here to apologize.” I take another step. Renee stays where she is. “Jake and Aaron reminded me that I was the only one who hasn’t apologized to you for all the shitty things I did in the past—-”

“And now,” she reminds me, and I smile.

“—-and now.”

Renee sniffles, shaking her head, but a tiny, nearly non-existent smile is playing on her lips.

“Thank you for the apology,” she said. “But if it was meant to make me feel better, it didn’t.” Her chin dropped to her chest, and I moved in, folding my arms around her. I expected her to fight, scream at me, even throw something heavy.

But she does none of those things. Not a single one. Instead, she breaks down and cries, her knees weak, and she lets me hold her, secure in my arms until the sun dips behind the mountain and the house settles into darkness.

And even then, we still hold each other.