Chapter 30: Aaron

I was still wide awake when Matt ambled through the front door at around one in the morning. He kicks off his shoes and promptly goes to the fridge for a beer. He grabs me one while he’s there and flops down on the couch next to me. I grabbed the remote and muted the show I’d been watching.

“Do I want to know where you’ve been?” I asked. Matt shook his head, popped the top from his bottle, and took a long swig.

“Probably not.”

“Were you with Renee?”

For a second, I was sure he was going to lie. But he didn’t. Instead, he pursed his lips and nodded his head, unable to look at me for some reason.

“I had to apologize,” he said. “I am the one who hurt her the most.”

“We all did,” I told him, and while I desperately wanted to ask him if he had sex with her, I resisted. It doesn't really matter, does it? She basically hates all of us. “Do you think she’ll hear my apology too?” I said instead.

“I don’t know, dude. I had to break down the door to get into the house. Jake sleeping?”

“I guess. After his little meeting with Carly, he went upstairs, and I haven’t seen him since.”

Matt sighed, finished off his beer, and then stood up. “He’s got the right idea. I am fucking exhausted. You good, man?”

“Yeah,” I mutter as Matt turns to climb the stairs to his bedroom. “I’m great.”

Once Matt is gone, I fish my cell phone out of my back pocket and unlock it, wondering if I should text Renee and see how she is. But I couldn't, mainly because I didn’t want to think too hard about whether or not Renee and Matt fucked right before he came home.

Sighing, I clicked off the TV and trekked up to my bedroom. I felt emotionally exhausted like I’d been fighting a battle I knew couldn't be won. And as I fall asleep that night, tossing and turning, images of Renee poison my mind.

There’s no escaping it. There’s no escaping her.

I woke up early the following day to hit the gym. On my way to campus, I made a pit stop at the local coffee shop and took a detour to Renee’s house. Considering it was early Saturday morning, I assumed Renee would still be sleeping, but I caught a glimpse of her through the kitchen window as I walked up to the front door and knocked softly. I didn’t see Carly’s vehicle anywhere, but Jami’s car was there. She must still be asleep.

“Aaron?” Renee said as she opened the front door. “What are you doing here?” Her gaze falls to the Styrofoam cups containing lattes I have in each hand.

“Coffee?” I asked, hoping she didn’t slam the door in my face.

“Oh, I, um, sure.” Renee smiled, then stepped aside so I could cross the threshold.

Bingo.

“Here.” I handed her one of the caramel macchiatos and kept a hold of my own drink. Renee grinned and cradled the cup between her hands, inhaling the fragrance coming from the slit in the top of the plastic.

“Thank you,” she said. “This is really sweet. I can’t remember the last time someone brought me coffee.”

“Yeah, well, I know you’ve been having a hard time, and …” I trailed off, trying to find the right words to say so I wouldn’t offend her and get kicked to the curb.

“Aaron.” She interrupted me with a soft smile before I made a complete fool of myself. “It was okay. I deserved what you guys did.”

I flinched when she said, ‘you guys,’ shaking my head. “Ren, I disagreed with their decision, okay? I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know. But like I said, I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“It certainly made me take a long, hard look at how much I’d screwed you all over,” she admits, taking another sip of coffee. “It wasn’t right. You all have every right to be angry with me. So does Carly, for that matter.”

“I was not angry with you.” I set my own cup down on Renee’s coffee table and reached out to gently touch her cheek. Her skin burns hot under my fingers, and I have to fight the urge to push her up against the wall and kiss her hard. “We weren’t dating. We weren’t exclusive. You could be with whoever you wanted.”

“I didn’t know what I wanted, Aaron, and that’s exactly the problem.” Renee pulls away from me and walks to the kitchen. After a moment, I followed her and found her sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands.

“Renee, don’t cry.” I slid into the chair beside her, reaching out to pull her against me. Silent tears streamed down her face, and she sniffed and shook her head, wiping the tears away as though she could pretend they weren’t there to begin with. Watching her cry devastated me, but I didn’t know what to say to make things better. Nothing is better, not for any of us.

“I was so lost,” she sighed. “Honestly, Aaron, I was so taken with all of you. With you and Jake and Matt, too. And I didn’t know what to do about that.”

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t have an answer for her. All I could think to do was hold her against me while she cried. Be there for her. While all this was happening, I also couldn't stop thinking about the night we had sex … the feel of her warm skin, so soft, pressed against my own …

“Jesus.” I have to pull away from Renee to keep from losing my mind, and she stares at me with sad, remorseful eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t be around you without wanting you, Ren. All of you.”

She sighed and nodded, wiping the remainder of the tears away with the back of her hand. I wanted to keep my distance. I felt I had to, but I couldn’t follow through. Instead, I leaned into her and gently kissed her forehead, resting my lips on the softness of her skin. Renee closed her eyes and took a deep breath, but she respected the space between us and stayed there. I wanted to keep it that way until she decided what to do or who she wanted, but I couldn't. Instead, I pull her closer, and Renee melts into my arms, softly crying again.

We stayed like that for an eternity, an eternity I never wanted to end, until Jami woke up and came down the stairs, spotting us sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hi, Aaron,” she said, and her eyes darted from me to Renee, a slight brow furrow crossing her features. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is good,” Renee said, and I released her, even though I didn't want to.

“Yeah,” I murmured. “Everything is great.”

Everything was not great, of course, but I was not going to pile it on. Renee was clearly a mess, but she was not the only one.

“I was just leaving, anyway,” I said quickly, standing up to offer Jami my seat. “I just wanted to check and see how things were.”

“Thank you, Aaron,” Renee said, lifting the Styrofoam cup to tilt it in my direction. “I was delighted you stopped by. Seriously.”

“Of course.” I smiled as Renee stood and hugged me briefly. Her eyes were red, cheeks tear-stained, but she was still gorgeous, and it took whatever self-control I had left not to bid her goodbye with a throbbing hard-on.

As I shut the front door behind me and walk back to our house with my hands deep in the pockets of my jacket, I realize that every time I think I could get over Renee Lyon and leave Jake and Matt to fight over her, I see the girl’s face and we’re back to square one.