Chapter 77: Me and Finn are real. This is real

River POV

"I hope this is okay, talking about her?" I ask him.

I don't want to bring up any bad memories and hurt him.

"I would love to tell you about her. It's been awhile since I talked about her, she would have really liked you Kitten. She had been on the streets for most of her life when I met her. She helped look after all the younger kids. She showed them how to protect themselves and how to stay alive out there. I had only been out on my own for a few months and I wasn't doing very well." He laughs softly.

"I was a lot smaller back then, I was a scrawny little thing. I had my scars and trauma as you might know, so I didn't trust anyone and I was starving out there on my own. She told me that she would never hurt me and that I would always be safe with her. I knew by looking in her eyes that she was telling the truth." He sighs sadly.

He clears his throat and continues,

"She's the reason we opened Alyce's place. It's a home for woman and children of the streets. We provide safe housing, medical support we also help get them back on their feet." He says proudly.

I smile, he's amazing.

"I'm happy she found you and she sounds like a great woman" I smile.

"Wow Pickle, I didn't know you do all that. I guess we don't really know each other very well yet. I would love to see all you do sometime, if that's okay?"

I ask hoping he would like to spend more time with me as well.

"I would love to show you everything Kitten and I will, I promise. Are you ready to talk a little about your dream now?" He asks gently.

My breath hitches a little.

"I don't want you to see me differently, I'm a huge mess Pickle" I start to cry a little.

"Kitten, I know exactly what you mean. I have scars like you do and I would never judge or look down on you for something you had no control over. I'm here for you and your safe talking about anything you want. What we talk about will always just be between us okay" he talks so gently.

I shouldn't be sharing these things with him.

I'm with Finn. I love Finn.

Finn makes me feel beautiful and seen and loved.

But Pickle, Pickle makes me feel safe and grounded and that's what I need right now.

I take a deep breath.

"Thank you Pickle, I appreciate that more than you know."

I take a few calming breaths.

"I was back in my old room at my old house. So I did what I always did and tried making it to the door without being noticed. Then I was flashed back to being attacked and assaulted." I sob softly.

I stop and take a few deep breaths just to clear my head.

I take a ragged breath before continuing.

"When my father caught me he told me this was my reality and Finn and everything here is just a drug induced dream." I let a breath out loudly as I hold my tears back.

"My father caught Finn and was killing him"

I try to hide that I'm crying more but a sniffle gets out.

"Kitten, your safe and this, me and Finn are real. You are safe and loved"

I let out a small sob "Thank you Pickle"

"I'm not sure what you heard already about my past." I say nervously.

"Not much just that the scars you have were from a attack a few years ago" He answers.

"I seen them last night and I spun out a bit" he says with some anger still in his voice.

"The attack left me in a coma for five weeks, I was in the hospital for 8 weeks. I still can't remember 5 months of my life before that" I try to catch my breath.

I don't want to talk about all that now in the bathroom when I'm alone.

"I hate that you even had to go through that" he says with sadness in his voice.

"I would like to tell you more just not over the phone, if that's alright with you? Tonight it was just the same crap, flashes of that night. I hate that he still has this much control over my life! I feel like I can never escape!"

I sniffle a little as I sigh in frustration.

"River your stronger then you think you are. We might never be free from the horrible scars and memories of our shity pasts but everyday we get up and do what we can to make our futures better and that's one more day that we take the power away from the evil. My best friend Wheels told me that once and it's always stuck with me"

"You have a friend named Wheels?"

"You got some cool friends" I laugh a little.

He laughs.

"Yes it's technically Brain but I call him Wheels"

"Oh Flame's boyfriend she told me about him. He sounds like a great guy maybe one day I'll be able to meet him"

"I hope so, he is a great guy. I think he'd like you, he's one of my best friends. Lucky is my other, he will definitely like you. He a flirt. He does alot with the younger kids. He helps with school clothes so the kids don't get picked on, he helps get them placed either with a nice foster home or a job. We give them room and board as long as they are going to school, working or going to group. Lucky is amazing with the teenagers" he sounds so proud.

"He sounds great, I can't wait to meet him"

A soft knock makes me jumps

"You okay Kitten?"

"I think Finn's awake so I'll let you go. Thank you so much for talking to me, and just so you know it goes both ways if you need to talk you know where I'm at"

"Thank you Kitten"

"I hope you have a great night Pickle thank you, bye" I says kinda sadly.

I wish I could have them both.

"Goodbye sweet kitten. I'll talk to you later" he says it so sexy and sweet.

"Bye" I whisper once more.

I miss his voice already.

I miss Finn too. I need his body against me.

Another soft knock.

Oh Finn! I need to get up.

I hurry and open the door, and see his worried face.