Chapter 9: CHAPTER NINE

Dwight sat behind the desk in his large office, staring at the framed picture of Isabella. He was supposed to be working but could not focus. Last night, he had paced his bedroom floor, back and forth until he noticed the flattened threads of his carpet. He talked to Savannah for a while, suppressing thoughts and realities. What in the world was he doing? Heaven knows that in the short period that they had known each other, he had been through some drama with her. Any other time, he would have made his merry way off into the opposite direction. Who needed the drama? He didn’t pity her. No. She was strong in her own right, successful, loving, awesome as a mother. No. What he felt was stronger, deeper, unyielding… he was going to lose her.

He walked over to the large window. Dwight stared at nothing in particular, lazily taking in the blurry figures buzzing around beneath him, oblivious to the spiraling tension in his body. Cancer was beyond his scope of practice. He had no experience with it. No loved one or dear friend who succumbed to it. No precedent to refer to. He had no idea what was happening to her. For all he knew she would be diagnosed and die the next day.

He loved her, which was substantiated by the rapid, urgent pounding of fear in his chest. The headache nipping at the edges of his temple. He’d become attached. Lying awake at night, memorizing her last words to him, looking for things her boys might like and teaching them how to fix things at the house, encouraging Isabella and Savannah to spend time together, alone, while he entertained her boys. He was definitely hopeless. He sighed and turned when he heard a shuffle of fabric at his door.

Reginald W. F. Scott perched there, his immaculate suit clinging to every muscle. He was not as tall as Dwight, but his toned physique made him appear so. Not that Dwight stood around, admiring the muscles on the guy, but everyone in the office knew that Reggie, as he liked to be called, was a health nut. He exercised six days a week, ate a strict veggie diet, and walked around with Shaun T’s Insanity tee shirt on under his work clothes. His auburn hair was cut into a Mohawk, with thicker sides per order from HR. It looked weird and more suited to a college kid. He had been hired while Dwight was beginning his career there and they became fast friends, despite differing opinions of health.

“Well, who hung you out wet last night?” Reggie adjusted his tie and strolled over to where Dwight was standing. The shine and sparkle to his black loafers hinted that they were recently purchased.

“I went to bed late. I was working on a project.” Dwight shoved his hands into his pockets.

“What’s her name?” He leaned into him; his eyebrows raised with intrigue.

“Why do you always assume that it’s a woman? I have other things going on besides getting some.”

“I’m not assuming, I’m hoping. I haven’t heard you talk about a woman in a long time.” Reggie walked over to Dwight’s desk and snatched a mint from the dish near the corner. “You always have the best mints. And for the record, you cannot call balancing your checkbook “other things going on.’” Reggie laughed, his fingers doing air quotes.

“There is someone, for your information. I just met her, so there is no chance of you meeting her anytime soon. I know how you are around women. No shame.” Dwight sat at his desk and punched his password into the log in box.

“Ouch.” Reggie smiled, his white teeth shining. Most people would be self-conscious about a gap between their two, very large front teeth, but Reggie always had his mouth open. Always. “Ok, be like that. She must look like a troll. Are we still on for the track tonight?”

Dwight scanned all the stuff floating around in his head, thinking about events, dates, and times, looking for any reason to back out. The last thing he felt like doing was running around in a circle, but he had already rain checked twice and despite his issues with women, Reggie had always been a good friend. He was only going to call Savannah that evening, not visit, which was fine since he believed that he was wearing out his welcome. “Sure. I’ll meet you there.”

Reggie saluted and turned to leave. Turning his attention back to his computer, Dwight noticed a flashing envelope at the bottom of the screen. Clicking on it, he immediately saw a message from his boss. Moments later he was sitting across from him. The email was vague and attached to the report he had filed last week. And there was one from the week before that. In fact, every report Dwight had completed in the last few months was spread across the desk of Poindexter Davis.

Poindexter considered himself a reader, hence the three bookcases of books in his office. The pages of the book lying across his desk looked like they were well worn. He adjusted the bow tie at his neck and smiled at Dwight. “Thanks for coming to see me.”

“Well, you asked me to sir.”

“Yes. Right to it then. I want you to head up the office in Seattle.”

Inside, Dwight jumped ten feet into the air. He fought hard to maintain a simple smile. “Well, it’s sudden, sir.”

“Not for me. I’ve been looking at your work for some time now. Your one client alone, Mr. Dutes, brought in quite a bit of money with his investment accounts. I attached your reports with my comments so that you would understand where I was coming from.”

“I’m flattered. I really am. Now is just not a good time. I have some personal issues going on.” Dwight thought of Savannah.

“Hmm.” Poindexter nodded, while smiling at Dwight. “The office is not actually open yet. I want to send you out so that you can monitor how it is being set up, the ins and outs of everyday business. Stanley is there already, and he will walk you through everything. You don’t have to say anything yet, but just think about it hard. So, let me know when you can go.”

He reached across the desk to shake Dwight’s hand. “Hope everything works out for you.”

“Thank you, sir.” He stood to leave. “One more thing sir, is my title still the same?”

“Forgive me. That position will come with a different title and more money, of course. And we will pay for your living expenses for the first year. I’ll make sure that you have all the resources that you need there. Just let me know.”

Dwight practically ran back to his office and snatched the phone from its cradle. He was on the last number before he slammed the receiver down. His news was indeed good news, but Savannah would fight him tooth and nail to convince him he should go. She would feel guilty despite his decision to stay. No. He wouldn’t tell her. He logged back into his work; his whole body hummed with decisions.

***

It had taken her nearly three weeks to get an appointment with the guy. Savannah stared at the man sitting across from her. It was too difficult to get comfortable on the chaise he asked her to sit in. Her boss, Clarke, had given her the day off with pay. She was not sure where his newfound generosity and kindness came from, but she was not going to argue with him. Hopefully, he would make a full return to humankind soon.

She had awakened in Dwight’s arms to the sound of giggles. Peeking at them were three sets of eyes. It had taken them a while to get the kids calmed down. She pressed her fingers to her lips, which were still tingling from the kisses that Dwight had given her. Her body still hummed from how he squeezed her and rubbed her and made love to her as if he had never done it before. Savannah was hesitant about sleeping together when the children were near, but when he stepped out of the shower, his brown skin glistening from the water, his dark hair coiled tight and shining, his muscles popping with every movement, she could not contain herself.

After feeding the giggling group of rambunctious children, they got dressed and Dwight carted Isabella off to school. Savannah ushered her boys to their respective places and drove half an hour to Dr. Scott’s office. Dwight had wished her well.

Savannah looked around the doctor’s office. The walls were a steel gray, and his furniture was black and leather. Good thing for central air or she would have been stuck to her chair. She hadn’t even noticed she was sweating until she felt a liquid trail down the side of her neck.

Vases were placed in one corner and a large plant in the other. A few other things, like his lamp, bookcase, and a few pillows were red. Nice touch.

He was tall and obviously loved looking good because his clothes were immaculate. His shoes looked like he had bought them five minutes before she showed up. He did look nice in the dark gray sweater and black slacks he wore, and his bearded face looked well taken care of. He had kind eyes and he smiled at her with them.

“Whenever you are ready, we can begin.”

Savannah thought he would be more irritated. They had been sitting in silence for at least ten minutes, looking at each other. Perhaps therapists received training specifically around how to react when patients give you the silent treatment. “I’m not sure where to start.”

“How about telling me why you’re here.” He crossed his legs.

“I just recently found out that I might have cancer. My sister thought I should see someone about this process. Whatever may happen.”

He jotted something down quickly and looked back up. Savannah never liked the way psychiatrists wrote things down, with their judgmental notepads and pens. The way the top of the pens bobbed back and forth like the heads of elder church women as they whispered and condemned the other members to hell. She remembered sitting in the office of a psychiatrist around the time her mother died and instead of answering her questions, he would just ignore them and write things down.

“What are you feeling right now?”

“Anxious.” She wiped her nose with her finger.

“What do you think is the source of your anxiety right now?”

“Are you kidding?” Was this guy some kind of quack?

“I’m quite serious. In my line of work, you learn to make no assumptions. I am aware of your health scare and your new relationship and of course what you have going on with work. But those things are not here at this moment and even your cancer has not been diagnosed. So, I ask again.” He paused, not having asked anything. Savannah sighed.

“I do not like therapists. Nothing personal.”

“Of course not.” He smiled. “Let’s explore that feeling because in order for us to proceed and make the kind of gains that we want, we need to have an understanding.”

The last thing she wanted to talk about was her time in therapy.

“How old are your children?”

“Three and six. I have two boys.”

“Do they know anything about this cancer?” He took a sip from a large black mug sitting next to him.

“No. Nicholas wouldn’t understand. Jake is old enough to. I just don’t want to upset them.” She played with a string on her sleeve.

“Does that mean that you believe that you have cancer?”

“I know I have a lump. The doctor sent my results. I’m just not sure if it’s cancerous or not.” Her leg shook.

“So, you won’t tell your kids because you don’t want to scare them, but you aren’t sure that you do have it. So, you prepare yourself for the worse even if the worse won’t happen?”

Savannah looked at him. She hated shrinks. They always tried to make you seem like you were crazy. Like everything that popped into someone’s head made them loony. But Savannah rolled her eyes at him. “That’s right.”

He looked at her for a long time before lifting his pen. He scribbled a few things onto his pad and looked back up at her. “Let’s just do a worst-case scenario here. What if you do have cancer?”

“I’ll get really sick and then my boys will have to live without their mother.”

“Do you have a plan if that were to happen? Someone who would be able to take care of them when you get really sick. How about their father?”

“I wouldn’t be able to live with that. He isn’t responsible enough. There is my sister and her husband. They agreed to take them. But they don’t have any kids and it would just be selfish of me to toss my kids on them like that.”

“You’re worried about being a burden when you could very well have cancer? Even though your sister and her husband agreed to take care of them?”

“Look, I don’t need anyone to take care of me or my kids. I have it under control.” She crossed her arms across her chest and looked past him out the window. Inside she wanted to explode into a thousand pieces. But she had to keep it together. After a few awkward moments of silence, she began to talk about her childhood, mentioning her father who seemed to never want to be near his family. Her mother who was no nonsense and would fight and argue with their father until cancer had turned her into a zombie. Before long she was talking about a few of her relationships.

“Well, it has been quite an hour, Savannah. I have another patient coming soon. But, if you would like to, you can check with my secretary about what dates I have available.”

“Thank you.”

Dr. Scott walked over to his desk and sat his notepad on top. “Good. I’d actually like to see you next week.” He pressed a button on his intercom. “Melanie, come here for a moment.”

Almost immediately a young woman, no older than her early twenties appeared clutching a notepad to her chest. She was pretty, her long hair swept back into a ponytail. She wore a light gray pencil skirt and a white cotton button up shirt with a belt around her small waist. She had on a pair of black Mary Jane’s and only a silver bracelet and silver hoop earrings.

“Yes, Dr. Scott?” She replied sweetly.

Savannah could sense the emotion emanating from Melanie. She watched as the young woman’s eyes roamed all over Dr. Scott. He seemed oblivious to her vibes and went on with his orders for her. After her appointment was scheduled, she said another goodbye to him and walked out. Dwight stood up quickly.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. He looked good standing there in a white Polo tee shirt and blue jeans.

“I... um… wanted to see how things went.” He paused. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. He’s one tough cookie though.”

“Yea. Well, I have the day free, and Izzy will be in school until three.”

“You just have free days lying around? I wish.”

He fidgeted. “Well, I took the day off. It’s not like I was focusing on work anyway.”

Savannah smiled despite the weird feeling in the back of her chest. “I don’t have to get the boys until four.”

“Wanna grab lunch at my place?”

“Sure.”

***

Savannah looked around his living room. It resembled hers in terms of colors and furniture types. His layout was simple and functional, rather than aesthetic although it seemed to work either way. His curtains were dark, and she enjoyed how relaxing the dimmed area was. She could hear him tinkering away in the kitchen, probably making some fancy gourmet meal. Savannah kicked off her shoes and sat on the sofa as she was instructed to do.

The only signs that a child lived there were frames and frames of him posing with Isabella. She was a beautiful little girl. Cocoa skin underneath dark, curly hair. She had large deep brown eyes. She recognized some of Dwight’s features in his daughter’s face but had to acknowledge that of course she looked like her mother. She had no idea who her mother was, and it seemed too early in the relationship to ponder. Yet there she was, pondering.

Savannah curled her feet under her butt and let her body sink into the sofa. Dwight entered the room and sat the tray on the coffee table He sat on the couch next to her. He’d prepared a grilled chicken salad and had poured two glasses of wine. “I hope it’s okay. It’s really all the adult food I have here.”

“No, it’s fine.” She paused. “I didn’t know you could cook.” She chewed on a morsel of chicken.

“Don’t be fooled. I do burn things around here. Sometimes Izzy has to eat at my neighbor’s house. I can just scrape the burned part off, but Izzy doesn’t like to do that.” He smiled.

“It took me awhile to get used to cooking. When I first met Thomas, I didn’t have to really cook because he liked to. I just learned from watching him.”

“Yea. I understand.” He shoved a forkful of food in his mouth and before he could finish chewing it, he had another forkful going in. They sat and talked about their goals for themselves and their children. A little while later, Savannah pushed her plate away and sat back on the sofa. Her belly was satisfied, and she hoped she would be able to keep her eyes opened. Dwight stood and took their plates to the kitchen. Rejoining her on the couch, she realized that he had sat a little closer than last time.

Savannah moved her hand slightly and it brushed up against his. He looked at her out the corner of his eye. There was no denying the tension between them. She reached over suddenly; her trembling fingers pressed softly to his full lips. Their eyes were held together by the desire to look at nothing else. He pulled her to him and nuzzled her neck. Moments later she pressed her lips firmly to his and felt his body cling to hers. She sank down on the couch until she was under him and pulled him down over her. Soft moans escaped his throat as he pawed at her thighs and groped her bottom. Desire built within her as she fought hard to refrain from ripping him apart. She was suddenly distracted by his phone vibrating.

“Ignore it,” He whispered as he sucked on her neck. She closed her eyes again and allowed herself to slip into the heightened anticipation of being with him. She had thought about it long and hard over the past few weeks, but the commandments of her mother rang in her ear whenever the thought entered her mind. But she wanted him. And it had been so long since she had been with any man, so she was long overdue.

Dwight grabbed at her buttons and freed her breasts from her shirt. He rubbed them slowly until she felt she would burst, and their lips met in an explosion of pleasure. Dwight’s phone vibrated again but he did not move a muscle to indicate that he had any intentions of answering it.

“Dwight?” She nudged him. “You gonna get that?”

He shook his head no as he concentrated on kissing her. She pulled his shirt over his head and ran her hands up and down his strong back. She closed her legs over his back and pulled him closer. She could feel his desire pressing up against her pelvis. When his phone went off again, she pushed him back. Savannah did not miss the look that flashed across his face. He pressed a button on the side, which stopped the vibrating and put it back on the table.

“I’m sorry.”

Savannah felt a little uneasy but wasn’t sure if she had the right to get upset. She wasn’t his girlfriend or his wife, so if it was another woman, what could she say? But what if he was lying? And why would he feel like he had to lie? Why wouldn’t he answer it? As she looked up into his face, she could not help but to wonder if she was signing her soul over to another devil. She could see that he wanted her. It was all in his eyes. And in the way that he touched her. Lord knows she didn’t need another Thomas.

Shrugging her feelings off, she pulled Dwight to her once again and reached for his belt buckle. She struggled with it for a few seconds before Dwight took over and practically ripped it off himself. He stood up to take them off and Savannah watched with delight as he stood up to reveal exactly what he had in store for her.

“I… um...?” He made eye contact with her, an intense look on his face. She nodded and reached for him. He kissed her passionately, reaching for her jeans and helped her kick them on the floor. Moans and groans filled the dimly lit living room. As Dwight pressed into her, she released the breath she had been holding. He didn’t kiss her, but stared into her eyes, not blinking. With every thrust, he pulled her deeper and deeper into his stare.

She wanted to look away but didn’t dare break the connection. She pressed her legs further apart, making sure that he could reach every part of her. Savannah pushed her pelvis forward and thought she imagined his pupils dilate. He held her hips with his strong hands and pushed like he was trying to fall through her.

The banging at the door came abruptly and Savannah found it hard to focus on him sucking on her ear when the door sounded like it was coming off the hinges.

“Dwight. Dwight! Aren’t you going to answer that?”

He growled in her ear and sighed before hopping up, grabbing his pants, and running towards the door. Savannah rested her bare leg on the top of the couch and rubbed her stomach. If this is what it would be like with him, she was all for it. Finding out that there was a possibility she had cancer had affected her self-esteem. She thought about having to have a breast removed and even now touched one, trying to determine if she would miss it. In fact, she had been so vexed about it, that nothing outside of her kids and work amused her anymore. And she had hardly any time to feel sexy. She was hurting. The only person that she wanted to ease the pain was Dwight. She longed to have his hands caressing all the pain out of her body. To have his lips kiss away all the loneliness. Even if it was only once.

She ran her fingers up and down her moist skin, immediately feeling the absence of his warm body. Her pelvis throbbed and she fought back the beginnings of an orgasm. She had no doubt it would very possibly ruin her for anyone else, but God, it was worth it.

She sat up slowly as she heard heated whispers coming from the front of the house. Savannah stood up and crept to the entrance of the living room. Trying to avoid being caught, Savannah peeked her head around the corner and saw a shirtless Dwight holding the wrist of a tall slender woman. Even from a distance Savannah could see that the woman was beautiful. She was wearing a short bob, cut to her chin, and a denim shirt and jeans and gold sandals. She moved a little closer to hear.

“This is not a good time, Sandra.” Dwight whispered, looking back towards the living room. He hoped that Savannah had not heard them.

“You asked me to come over and now it’s not a good time? What is it? Do you have company? Is your little girlfriend back there? Does she know you called me over here?”

“You know why I called you over.” Dwight whispered fiercely. Sandra raked her fingernails down his chest, and he grabbed her hands and pulled her close to him. Sandra pretended to fight him off until she leaned in to kiss him. “Get out.” Dwight pushed her towards the door.

“I’ve got a right to be here. And you know you want me here. Be honest. You think about me every night, don’t you? I’m sure she hasn’t even given it up yet. I would have already.”

“Well, that was never really your issue, was it Sandra? And you leave her out of this. Izzy is not here. So, leave.” He grabbed her arm and moved her towards the door. He managed to get her out onto the porch.

“You’ll regret this, Dwight. I promise you. I’m taking her back.” Sandra warned and stormed off the porch. He slammed the front door closed and leaned against the wall. Pounding his fist into it, he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. ‘The nerve,’ he thought to himself. He shook himself and walked back to the living room.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that.” He looked at Savannah, who had gotten dressed remarkably fast.

“Me too.” She sat down on the chair to put her shoes on. She stood up.

“Savannah, listen. I should have told you, but I didn’t know how you were going to react.” He approached her. She pulled away from him and grabbed her bag from the floor.

“How am I supposed to react?” She laughed. “I have to get out of here.” She pulled her shirt over her head and made a beeline for the door. Dwight stood in her way.

“I said I’m sorry. But I didn’t think I had to tell you. I mean, that’s between me, her, and our daughter.”

He tried to suck the words back in, but it was too late. Savannah stopped and glared at him. Pushing him out of her way, she stepped out onto the porch.

Dwight followed. “You’re not being fair, Savannah. You have to at least let me explain.”

She spun around. ‘I don’t have to do anything.”

“Oh yes you do. I didn’t spend all this time with you just to waste it on seeing someone else. I told you I’m not that kind of guy. There is some baggage that I’m sure you have to deal with and that’s why you’re so upset now.”

“No. That’s not it. I just don’t like the way this went down. Like you were hiding something. I do have trust issues and that’s what made me appreciate your openness. But the secrecy with Sandra? Especially when you don’t even have to.” Stomping down the steps, she stopped abruptly and spun on her heels.

“I need you to take me back to my car.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

Dwight stared at her before he walked back into the house to get dressed and grab his keys. Her eyes were like looking down the barrel of a gun. There was no mistaking the glare was for him. He wished that his walk to the car would have been more purposeful and smoother, but it was hard to hide the erection still throbbing in his pants. He didn’t even want to risk an apology because she might ask him what he was sorry for and expect an answer. As hard as he tried, he had no idea why she was mad.

He saw the tears in her eyes as she sat next to him, frozen, a complete opposite of the fiery woman he held in his arms not moments ago. He wanted to touch her but when she sensed his hand coming towards her, she tried to pull her entire being away from him. His pounding heart told him that he had indeed fallen in love with her and the fear of losing her almost caused his chest to burst open. He wasn’t about to let them walk away from each other without him even trying. “I’m sorry.”

She turned to face him then, her blurry eyes holding him in full focus. “Do you even know why you are apologizing?”

‘Damn.’ He knew it. “I upset you. That’s all that matters to me.”

She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. “I don’t want an empty apology. You have to know what you did so that you won’t do it again.”

“But I’m not really sure what I did. But I know it had something to do with Sandra.” Dwight tried to keep his eyes on the road and watch Savannah but couldn’t. There were too many cars on the road.

“I just don’t feel like getting into it right now.”

He definitely didn’t understand women. They always claimed to want to be able to communicate and express their feelings. But when it came time to do so, they would just say that it wasn’t the right time. He was confused. What in the hell was he supposed to do? A few moments later he pulled up into the parking lot where Dr. Scott’s office was located and drove around until he found her car. He parked and turned to look at her. “I really am sorry.”

Savannah wiped at her eyes and glanced at him. “I know.” Before he could say anything else, she had left his car and gotten into her own. Dwight watched her pull off and felt completely helpless and pulled behind her. He didn’t remember having that many issues with women when he was younger. Girls fell all over him at school and even older women flirted with him. He would have several girlfriends at a time, not because he liked being a player but because he enjoyed women so much that he wanted to be around as many as possible.

He admitted that things were simpler when he was sixteen. Girls only liked inexpensive trinkets and a few hours of quality time a week. He wouldn’t call them for the whole day and if they got upset, he would apologize, hug her, and then present her with a flower he picked on his way to her, and all was forgiven.

Savannah was different. And his being in his thirties had forced him to grow up. The games he played when he was younger did not fly now. She was hurting, he could tell that for sure. What other things that had happened between her and Thomas, Dwight wasn’t sure of. But it went much deeper than she had let on.

He hoped that she wasn’t acting that way because she still had feelings for Thomas. It couldn’t be possible. Not the way her body accepted his. Not according to the way she stared back at him so intensely. He had been the jealous boyfriend before, and he was hoping that those days were long behind him. Because truth be told, he was in a mood to fight.

He stayed far enough behind Savannah so that she couldn’t see him, but close enough so that he was able to see her safely go in the house. Sighing, he headed back to his home, mentally putting together a plan to get her back.