Chapter 129 129

Chapter 129 129
But to my surprise, Kolya pulls away and fixes me with a distant, incomprehensible look. “So why did you choose him?”

I frown, but in truth, I already know the answer. “Because we accept the love we think we deserve.”

He nods like a proud teacher. “And what do you think you deserve now?”

I look into his haunting blue eyes as his hand settles on my stomach, right on top of the life growing inside of me. “You,” I tell him. “I deserve you.”

We sit with that for a few moments. It feels good. A moment of hope in the midst of a storm.

Then his mood takes a turn for the wary once again. “Adrian’s not going to let you go easily,” he warns. “He will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. That includes destroying me.”

I exhale. “He will try, yeah. But he won’t win.”

Kolya’s eyes narrow. “What are you trying to say?”

“You told me that you didn’t want to hurt Adrian because of what it would do to me to see that. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, the next time you have a clear shot at Adrian… take it. I’ll just have to look away.”

46

KOLYA

I keep my head pressed against her chest and follow her heartbeat like the notes of a song. Each chord gives me a little more strength, a little more purpose.

She’s here. She’s alive. She’s safe.

And she believes me. More than that—she chose me.

Then I hear urgent footsteps approaching my office. June scrambles to her feet just before Knox walks through the door.

“Don Uvarov, the surgery’s over,” he says.

“And?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know how it went. I came straight to get you.”

I grab June’s hand without thinking and we rush towards the medical wing. Sara is standing outside the door when we arrive. She’s wearing blue scrubs, but they’re stained with blood.

Far, far too much blood.

She looks between June and me. It’s the look of someone whose hope bled out on the table.

“I’m sorry, Kolya,” she whispers.

“She’s gone?” I’m aware of everything. June’s fingers tightening in my hand. My breath, hot and sharp in my throat. The buzzing of the light overhead.

“Her heart is still beating,” Sara clarifies. “But… she slipped into a coma during the surgery. Given the extent of the damage, it’s unlikely she’ll wake up.”

June trembles beside me. “T-there’s nothing else you can do?”

“I’m sorry. I did my best for her. There was just too much damage.”

“I want to see her,” I say firmly.

“If you wish,” Sara says, stepping to the side. “Um… June?” We stop at the threshold and June looks towards Sara. “Maybe it’s best if you go to your room, get some rest. It would be wise not to put additional stress on yourself.”

I glance at June. It’s her decision. I’m not about to order her to do anything.

June shakes her head. “I want to see her,” she says. Then she stops short and turns to me. “Unless you want some privacy?”

“No,” I tell her. “I want you with me.”

She nods and stands tall, buoyed by my faith in her. “I’ll be okay, Sara. If it makes you feel better, you can examine me later today. Okay?”

Sara nods reluctantly and steps aside. The two of us walk into the operating room. Milana is lying on a bed, marooned all alone in the middle of the space. My feet slow as I stare at her profile. She might as well be sleeping.

Her features are relaxed, her arms hanging comfortably at her sides, hair sweaty but combed back with love. Beneath the sheet pulled over her chest, her skin is pale and bare and cold.

June doesn’t take her eyes off Milana. “It doesn’t feel real,” she whispers. “I mean, she looks like she’s just napping. Like she could wake up at any moment and call us creepy for standing here and gawking at her.”

That almost makes me smile. And then I remember that there’ll be no waking up for Milana. Her body may be alive for now, but her mind—who knows where that is? Who knows where it will go?

What have I done?

I’m the one who pulled June into the room in the first place, but she’s the one who leads me to Milana’s bedside. I stop about a foot away, refusing to move any closer.

If I could just see one smirk, one roll of the eyes, one graceful motion of her hands, it would be okay.

But there’s no motion. No sign of life.

She’s just so godforsaken fucking still.

June releases my hand and approaches on her own. She stops just beside Milana’s bed and takes her hand gently. “Milana,” she says softly, “I just wanted to—to thank you. For everything. But mostly for protecting Kolya.” Her words are laced with sadness and sincerity. She glances at me from over her shoulder. “Do you want to say anything to her?”

“What’s the point?” I ask. “She can’t hear me.” I know I sound harsh and angry and bitter. But I can’t rein in the monster that’s trying to claw its way to the surface. “Believing I can talk to her now, that she’s in there somewhere listening—it’s a fairy tale. A way to make myself feel better. It does nothing for her.”

“So what?” June demands. “Maybe she won’t be able to hear you, fine. But what’s the harm in saying what you need to say? Maybe it will help you.”

“Because I don’t deserve to feel better. I don’t deserve to have my conscience cleared.”

“Do you really think Milana would want you to spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for the end of hers?”

“Neither one of us knows what Milana would want anymore,” I snarl.

I can feel myself retreating into the outline of the man I was always supposed to be. The outline my father drew for me. You’re just like Otets, Adrian accused me. I told her you were our father reincarnated, and she believed me. He was right.

June stands for a moment looking at me, and I know what she’s seeing that man. The monster. The unfeeling beast.

Then something shifts.

Instead of recoiling from me like she should, June just takes a step towards me and grabs my hand. She brings it to her lips and kisses it softly.

“She was your best friend,” June whispers. “She knew you better than anyone else in the world. Which means you know her right back.”

I close my eyes as invisible things in my chest crack and crumble. “I can’t do this, June.”

“Yes,” she snarls with a sudden feral viciousness, “you can. You will. You have to.” She puts two hands on my side and shoves me closer to the bedside.