Chapter 149: Weddings And Other Disasters

Rain

I am standing in a church, surrounded by people who say they are my family, wearing a dress that might as well be made out of chains. Today is the day they are forcing me to marry Sade. They have weaponized my kids to force me to cooperate, and I’ll hate them until I die for it. They have Bridgid back at their house watching the kids so they aren’t here today. That means I don’t have to worry about having to switch from blank piece of plastic to mom mode today; I can just be nothing but plastic.

I know there is a mirror in front of me as they fuss and move around me, but I don’t look in mirrors anymore. I haven’t been able to for a while now. There was a woman who came and did my hair, one for my face, and they even had one for my nails and shit. I just sat in the chair and looked at nothing. I have had several glasses of champagne; in fact, I don’t think they realize how many. Maybe I’ll be lucky, and I can throw up all over Sade and the priest.

They have finally learned not to talk to me or ask me questions. They talk to each other; I am nothing but a life-sized doll for them to dress up. The wedding planner is still nervous if she is in my presence. Today should be interesting with that whole dynamic. I wonder if the church might burn down or blow up and kill all of them; that would be a good time in my book.

The noise dies down, but I don’t move. Then Barnabas is standing in front of me. I stare at him blankly. He smiles, but it looks a bit sad. He has no reason to be sad; he did this, not me. He helped kill me; he has to see that by now.

“It’s time, lass.” I make no move, so he grabs my arm and pulls me along with him.

I stumble a bit, but unfortunately I don’t fall on my face. That might slow this shit down. Probably not though, they would still drag my ass down this fucking aisle. After all, they need to use their lamb for their precious alliance. It is rather depressing to understand just how little you mean to everyone in your entire life. I never want my kids to feel that way, and I have no idea how to make sure that happens. Is them having a woman who is dead, even though her body is still up walking around, as a mother, going to ruin their lives?

Barnabas hangs on tight to my arm, like he thinks I’m going to try and take off running. If my kids weren’t on the line, I might, but they are directly in the line of fire, so what happens to me is not as important as making sure they are safe from these psychos. If I thought there was a chance to make sure they had a better life, I’d take us all the fuck out. I am afraid of who they would end up with, though.

I hear music, but I am so removed from anything right now, I am not sure where it is coming from or if I even recognize it. I stumble a bit again when Barnabas starts pulling me along again. They put heels on me, and I don’t do well in heels.

Once again, I am pulled to a stop. I just stand here, not paying attention to anything. Then Sade is in front of me, taking my arm from Barnabas. He pulls me up onto a platform, and he supports my weight up the stairs, damn near carrying me. I guess he doesn’t want me to embarrass him by falling on my ass.

There is a man in front of us who is in some kind of robes. I think I remember him from the times they dragged me to mass with them. I look past him, though, and just let myself be blank. There is a time when my arm is grabbed hard, and I look down at Sade’s hand around it, and then I look up, and I realize the priest is looking at me.

“You have to say, I do, dear.” He whispers to me, and I can tell he’s looking at me funny.

“Rain, say it.” I hear an angry whisper from Sade beside me.

“I do.” It’s whispered, and I’m pretty sure no one else heard me, but they are close enough to hear my choked-out reply.

That whole thing is repeated when I am supposed to say something to Sade and put something on his finger. He is angry and growls at me, but I am too blank to really pay much attention. I think I fuck up most of it, but I think the words are spoken so softly that no one can hear me except those up here closest to me, so they brush it off and pretend I said what I was supposed to.

Then the priest is announcing something in a loud voice. Sade turns me to face him and kisses me, to which I just stand still and take it; then he is pulling me down the aisle back to the back of the church. Then there are people all around. They are shaking Sade’s hand, but I am still staring blankly.

I see Barnabas and my uncles speaking to Sade, and he nods; then he is dragging me somewhere else. There is a car he shoves me into, and then he’s in there with me. He buckles my seatbelt because I can’t be bothered to worry about it. He is talking to me, but I have no idea what he’s saying to me. I just zone out as much as I can.

Then we are standing with all of the O’Connors; Tomilino is there, and there are others with him. Sade is beside me, holding my arm or with his arm around my waist or my shoulders. There is another man there who I have no idea who he is, but he makes us stand this way or that way. He keeps telling me to smile.

Sade makes me dance with him, but it’s more that he puts my feet on his and dances us around. There is food, but I don’t touch anything. There is a cake, and he takes my hand and makes me cut it with him and makes me feed him a bite. He shoves some in my mouth as well, but I start to choke on it, so he makes me spit it back out after making me turn around away from everyone.

Everyone keeps talking to me today, but I don’t want to talk to them, so I ignore them. I have a feeling this will all end badly, but I can’t pull myself out of this. I am just broken. I do feel a tear slide down my face, but I don’t have the energy to wipe it away.