Chapter 32

She'd lied.

For the first time in her life, she'd wanted a man so dearly, so completely and it was hopeless. She did feel it, the spark between them. She felt it so deeply that she'd fallen in love with him.

She was in love with Sebastian.

Of all the worse things to happen. Shit. If he knew she was to be someone's wife…

She'd stared at him as the words flew out her mouth, had seen the pain in his widened eyes and felt it in his grip. By God, she hadn't meant to hurt him but there were so many miles between them, they were almost detached. Numerous tie-ups put in place to thwart every plan they could possibly concoct. It was futile and even she didn't know the half of it.

Her father would shit hot stones. Her mother would brawl her eyes out and Matt would chastise her for going against their father. Grace would be complacent. Her sister had always been her biggest supporter.

Her fiancé-to-be…well…he could go fuck himself. She didn't care about him.

"Sebastian—"

"Don't—" He held up a hand, muting her words. His brows were squeezed so tightly Jane feared it would pop. "Don't say anything else. I completely understand. I won't bring it up again."

"Sebastian," She sighed, defeated, knowing that there was nothing she could do to make him stay.

He left the bed, throwing on his clothes with speed. There was so much she wanted to say. 'I'm in love with you but I'm to marry someone else' didn't seem like a particularly good start. Her heart broke when he got to the door and hesitated with his hand on the knob. 'Don't go' was at the tip of her tongue yet her mouth refused to utter the words.

What came after that? If she stopped him right now, what would she say next? She couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear, couldn't give him any part of her that required more than her body.

So she knelt on the bed and watched him leave as her heart shattered into a million pieces. It felt strangely like a goodbye. It wasn't a good feeling.

But even as the tears ran down her face like never before, she couldn't help but think. What was it with her and running from the people she loved?

***

When Jane woke up the next morning, she felt like shit. The thought of facing Sebastian didn't appeal to her especially when the hurt in his eyes from last night still plagued her memory. It was funny how she'd just turned twenty-five a few days ago her she couldn't make her own decisions. What was the point then? If she was just going to let her parents dictate her life forever, what was the point in running away?

Still, she wasn't entirely sure what she wanted when it came to Sebastian. She knew her body wanted him, called out to him but she didn't understand what she wanted.

Had he been proposing marriage last night it something else? A courtship, perhaps? Did she want anything sort of relationship with him?

Maybe the reason her father had dictated her actions since she was alive was that she had never set her foot down and taken control. Heck, running away had been the first thing she'd done without the man's permission. If she was being entirely honest, a part of her was afraid he would cut her off. Her job was the only thing she had. As tasking as it was, she loved it, lived for it. Where would she go if Alistair Hendricks decided her insubordination was too much to handle?

The money she'd withdrawn before leaving would only last her a few months, give or take. Her salary from being a lifeguard hadn't even crossed her mind. She'd only gotten the job so she didn't die of boredom.

If she went back, there was still the option of marrying whoever the fuck he was. If she stayed, there was no guarantee things wouldn't be harder. She'd be alone and rejected and cut off from the only people she loved. Either way, she was well and truly fucked.

A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts. It had to be Sebastian. She jerked upright, hurriedly arranging her hair and running her fingers through the voluminous disarray. It wouldn't do for him to see that she was still reeling from last night's episode.

"Come in."

The doorknob turned, and then pulled. Jane's palms became sweaty and she found herself breathing through her mouth. Jesus Christ. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this nervous.

When the door opened and she saw who it was, her breath hitched and her blood ran cold.

Oh, God. No.

"Grace." She whispered.