"Do you think I am pathetic?"
Toria turned to look at Reyona in surprise. "What? No! Why would anyone think that?"
"I do," Reyona said, turning to look at Toria and her eyes suddenly misted over. "Toria, I can't..." She looked away again and fisted her hand against her mouth as she unseeingly looked at the people going in and out of the supermarket, whose parking lot she had suddenly driven into on their way back.
"Rey? Talk to me. What is going on?" Toria said in a sad tone as she placed her hand on Reyona's shoulder. "What happened back there? Though I managed to toss that asshole the middle finger before you drove off, I still felt like a fool. Why did we suddenly leave?"
Reyona was silent for a moment, but then she turned to Toria and said it passionately.
"Because the girl was at the window watching us shove ourselves like two imbeciles," Reyona said with pain.
"What girl? Oh," Toria answered as she remembered.
The memory flooded Reyona's mind again and she couldn't help but feel ashamed that she had made a young girl witness an unpleasant scene like that.
Before her parents separated, Reyona had witnessed them fight once.
They had no idea she knew because they had the fight in their bedroom. Reyona was on her way to show her mom something, and she had witnessed the angry words they had tossed at each other.
As if her legs were glued to the ground, Reyona had stayed pressed against the door until the end of the fight.
As her mother opened the door that day, Reyona tumbled into their room.
She could see the pain on her parents' faces that day when they realised that she had heard them.
They didn't scold her for eavesdropping; instead, her mother had sat with her on her bed and tried to explain how adults sometimes fought because of the most silly thing.
It had not been so silly, though.
They had bundled her off to Gram's place soon after that.
Reyona had not thought of that scene in years, but as she looked up at that window and her eyes met Allysyn's, the memory came crashing back.
She felt so sorry that she was involved in tainting a kid's memory like that.
She was ashamed of herself.
As silly as it might seem, that was the most paramount feeling she was having at that time. Shame.
"Do you think it was for the best?"
"What?" Toria asked.
"I never had a kid. Maybe that was God's way of telling me I would have damaged any kid he gave me."
"Okay, that is just bullshit and you know it. Where are all these coming from, Rey?" Toria asked in exasperation. "God didn't stop you from having a kid; that motherfucker did. Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"Because…" Reyona shook her head as her voice got trembly.
She tried to hold back her feelings, as she had always done but it wasn't that easy this time.
She looked at her sister and said, "I don't think I can do it, Toria. I can't breathe the same air with him and not think of all our times together."
Tears dropped rapidly down her face as she looked at Toria. "You are right. I am a chicken when it comes to him."
"No, I am sorry. That was just silly talk. I didn't mean..."
Reyona shook her head firmly as she collected the paper towel that Toria gave her. "No, I know what I am talking about. I don't want to feel like this, okay? I don't want to be like this. But..." she firmed her lips as they tend to tremble. "I am like this. I have never been this indecisive in my life. Do you know what else I realised today?"
"What?" Toria asked as her own eyes filled and she reached out to wipe Reyona's tears with her thumbs.
"I just want him to be remorseful." Reyona let out a short, bitter laugh after that statement.
"Can you believe that? He had hurt me this much and all I wanted was for him to just admit for once that he was wrong. I just wanted something, at least to show that I wasn't entirely…naive but did you see him today? He called me a dry stick for God's sake."
She held her hands to her face to stem her tears, then let out a loud sigh as she sniffled.
She opened her wet eyes and looked back at Toria.
Unbidden tears trailed down the face she had just cleaned. "I loved him, Toria."
Her breathing came out in short, puffy breath as she tried to talk but she couldn't.
Toria's tears spilled over as she hugged her tightly to herself.
Reyona's body shook violently as she tried to keep the tears in but she couldn't.
"Let it all out, Rey. Please, let it all out. Don't harm yourself like this," Toria cried.
Reyona continued breathing heavily even as hot tears flooded her face.
Finally, her erratic breathing reduced.
She shook her head against Toria's shoulder and said, "I love him, Toria. How insane is that?"
"Nothing insane about that at all, Rey. This is you, Rey. You don't do anything halfway. You go all in for what you believe in. You couldn't have agreed to marry him if you didn't love him. The sister I know would not stay with someone for eight years without feeling so strongly about him. I am so sorry, Rey. This is not your fault. It is that asshole's fault for not seeing what a beautiful soul you are."
Reyona leaned back from her sister's embrace and wiped her eyes again as she leaned her head against her seat. "Thank you," she said with a watery smile.
"What are you thanking me for?" Toria said it with a grin to lighten the mood. "Moral support here, remember?"
Reyona smiled as she said, "Ah, yes. How could I have forgotten that?"
She sighed, closed her eyes, and opened them back before saying, "I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I don't think I can do it."
"Do what?"
"Stand in court and watch them put an end to it all. I..." she shook her head.
"Wouldn't that be better, though? A way of letting go?"
"Maybe, but…no. I don't want to."
"Okay, do whatever you want to do, Rey. That is the beauty of it. You can do whatever you want to do."
"I can, can't I?" Reyona said it with a dry smile and pulled out her phone.
She checked the email Gibson had sent her earlier. Her heart skipped for a moment as she muttered, "He came through."
"Who did what?"
"My lawyer. He got an earlier date. It is tomorrow. That must be what." She paused before she could mention his name.
Toria understood already, though, so she asked, "So you will be facing him in court tomorrow?"
Allysyn's face flashed through Reyona's mind again and her decision was made. "No, I would not be there."
"Whatever you want, Rey."
Reyona smiled in appreciation at her sister and typed out what she had to say to Gibson.
She looked over at Toria and asked, "You took a picture the other time, right?"
"Yes," Toria said eagerly. "Super sharp and clear"
"Send it to me," Reyona said with the corner of her mouth turned up.
Fast as lightning, Toria sent the picture. "There"
Reyona forwarded it to Gibson and added the instructions she wanted to pass along.
Then she set her phone aside as she looked out once again as families came in and out of the supermarket.
She drummed her middle finger against the car door as the sky darkened gradually while the lovebirds and perky families went about doing their thing.
Most of them looked so happy together and Reyona wondered if some secrets were lurking behind those happy smiles.
"I don't want to go back yet," she said just as Toria was about to talk.
She turned her head to face her sister and said in a weary voice, "I don't want to hear my own thoughts for a while."
"You have come to the right person," Toria said gleefully. "I know just the place. But first…"
She leaned towards the backseat and grabbed one of the bags.
She grinned when she saw the look on Reyona's face. "Where we are going, that take-me-serious wear you have on wouldn't cut it. You need some armour," she sang the last word while wiggling the bag in front of Reyona like it was a national treasure.
When Reyona only stared at her without moving, she tucked her hair behind her ear and looked away while saying, "But of course, if you are too old-school to wear something like this, we can just..."
Reyona snatched the bag from her hand.