The call from her dad had come in just when she had let her mind dwell on her situation again. She had promised herself to put it off her mind and just do what she had to do. She had set things in motion already, and everything will all come out in the open pretty soon.
But she had been unable to prevent her mind from snagging on a thought that afternoon and holding on. Could she have pretended it? Could it all be her fault? Was she not enough?
His call came in at the right moment to distract her. She had been taking a much-needed break between her meetings then.
"Hey, dad"
"Hey, sweetheart. You don't sound so good. Are you alright?" her dad had asked instantly. Worry was evident in his voice.
There was a time Reyona wouldn't have cared if he was jumping hoops in front of her, but now? She had long come to accept that she probably did not just understand her parents truly. Grams was rarely wrong after all.
After she had put his mind to rest, they discussed other things. He shared the news of him being a grandparent with her. His stepson just had a baby. Reyona sent her congratulations to the new parents.
Then she asked what she had never asked before.
"Dad?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Your separation from mom-can you remember what exactly caused it? You once told me that you loved her, but to date, I still couldn't understand how you could claim to love someone, then decide to unlove them" or cheat on them. She completed it for herself.
"Rena," Carlisle Dexter said, "why are you asking this all of a sudden? Did something happen between you and Tom?"
"No, no. I just wanted to know. I know I blamed you two for a long time. I even blamed myself for a while too. Thinking that you two did not want me or...
"Oh, Rena," her dad sighed.
"No, no. I get it now. I am not blaming you or anything. I just wanted to know. That is all," she paused "You know what? Never mind; forget I asked that. I have to go soon anyway, so just...
"It was never about you, Rena," he said again, and she could hear him sitting up. She remembered that Milan's time was six hours earlier than that of Kayooma; he was probably still in bed.
"We messed things up, sweetheart. And none of us would ever forgive ourselves for that, you know. Especially for leaving you behind like that. No, we did not regret the fact that you were raised by mom. But the fact that we made you feel like we didn't want you. That was what we were most sorry about. It just..." he sighed again. "It just got too much. One time we thought we would be the best of families, and the next we were tearing at each other. I have tried to think about it, and I can't pinpoint how it all changed, but I think we were both young and too strong-headed to compromise. All in all, we loved each other but we were not in love with each other, Maybe we were a little at the beginning but we mostly love each other."
He sighed again, and Reyona smiled to herself as she pictured him running his hand through his hair, as she had seen him do many times when he was thinking about something.
"Your mom is a great woman, and we still love each other. I want to believe that was why we were still able to remain friends after all the mess we made back then. But it was not until I met Maureen that I realised the difference, Rena. Loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things, sweetheart. But I never regretted having Gladys in my life. Our union produced you, the best part of the two of us. You are the best thing that happened to the two of us, Reyona. I want you to never forget that. Nor the fact that you are the most beautiful, strongest woman I know."
Reyona blinked back tears as she thanked him for telling her. She knew that it mustn't have been easy for him to do. Carlisle was not big on showing emotions after all. Reyona knew he had given her a part of him that afternoon.
********
Reyona finally understood why her parents could remain friends despite everything. Their spouses knew each other. Whenever Carlisle and Maureen travel to Copenhagen, where Gladys and Reyona's stepfather, George, lived with their twins, they always stay in one of their homes. Vice-versa. She had never understood them. How was it possible to let go of the past to that extent?
Looking at her dubious husband, who seemed to be looking for a way to bring up whatever was on his mind at the moment,. Reyona knew that there would be no friendship left when she and Thomas departed.
Hearing her father's theory about love that afternoon gave her another thing to mull over. Was she in love with Thomas, or did she merely love him? Had he ever felt anything for her at all?
Reyona set her phone aside. She could check her messages tomorrow. She doubted that she would even be able to understand anything right now anyway.
Thomas was not done, though, as she had been expecting. He turned to look at her just as she was covering herself up to go to sleep.
"If you are no longer angry about that, Was there any other reason? Are you angry about something else?" He asked anxiously.
"Of course not. What would I be angry about? Should I be angry about something?" she asked with an engaging smile as she stretched her hand across the bed to touch his face.
Yes, she could do this now. She confirmed it to herself. Without feeling her skin crawl or tempted to bash his face in. She could touch him this way and feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. She could smile at him and know that he had lost her forever. It was as if there was a dome over her feelings.
Her emotions towards him seemed to have deserted her. The only thing she felt towards him now was pity. For the weasel that he was. It was his impatience that made him lose what she had planned for him.
He will pay. She thought as she kissed his cheek, bade him goodnight and turned to sleep.
She intended to have a well-deserved restful sleep. She was done wasting her nights overthinking about a man who deserved nothing of her time.