Chapter 32

Madison was unsurprised to see Tiernan at dinnertime, though she’d half-hoped he would stay away. What little appetite she had seemed to disappear when he sat down beside her. Blood on the cuff of his white shirt caught her attention, and she almost reached out to touch him as she asked, “Are you hurt?” Only knowing how ruthlessly he would rebuff her held the impulse in check.

He glanced at the shirt, grimaced, and began unbuttoning it to toss it over his shoulder. “It’s not mine,” he said with a haunted expression.

If things had been different between them, she might have probed gently for an explanation. In their new reality, she was no confidante, and she shouldn’t care about him appearing to be upset. It wasn’t her place to get him to talk. Let whoever was warming his bed now deal with his tender emotions. With that in mind, she didn’t try to make conversation, and dinner passed in silence.

Sheer stubbornness helped her overcome nausea, and she managed to choke down a decent portion of green beans, new potatoes, and venison steak. As soon as she had finished, she pushed away from the table to stand up, having no interest in lingering while Tiernan enjoyed a glass of dessert wine. She stiffened when he reached out to take her wrist. His hold wasn’t rough, and she could have broken free, but she remained still. “What?”

“Please sit.”

After a moment’s hesitation, she pulled her wrist from his grasp and returned to the chair she had just vacated. “What?” she asked again.

He regarded her with sorrowful eyes. “I’m sorry.”

She blinked. “You’re sorry? For what?”

“Everything.” He waved his hand as if to encompass the room. “I should have listened to you.”

“Which time?” she sniped.

He winced. “Every time. I most certainly should have paid attention when you swore you were innocent of the charges. I should have known you wouldn’t betray me, contrary to any evidence presented.”

“Yes, you should have.” She folded the napkin on the table into eighths. “You showed you have no trust in me.” Engrossed by the white linen, she refused to look at him. “It’s better to know where I stand, I suppose. I just wish I had realized how little I meant to you before getting pregnant.”

“Please, Madison.”

She lifted her head. “Please, what? Please don’t speak the truth? We both wish this baby didn’t exist, don’t we? I will take care of it and love it as much as you’ll let me, but I’m not happy to be having your child. You can’t pretend you’re happy to have a suspected rebel as its mother.”

“There’s no one else I’d rather be the mother of my child.” He tried reaching for her hand.

With a scoffing sound, she drew away. “Sure.” Madison leaned back, out of easy touching range. “If you had just let me go back to my family and hadn’t followed me, we wouldn’t be in this mess. I missed a few cups of tea, and here we are.”

He scowled. “If I hadn’t followed you, you’d be dead by now, after being raped.”

Madison held onto the ice lodged in her heart, refusing to bend at all. “After the last three weeks, that fate wouldn’t have been half-bad. I think I’d prefer it to a lifetime connection with you.” She tossed aside the napkin. “Or however long you let me be in my baby’s life.”

He held out a hand, giving all appearances of being sincere. “I want you to stay with us forever. The baby is going to need you. I need you.”

Madison shook her head. “No, you don’t. Our baby is the only thing between us. You and me—us—that’s over. Go find your current whore that’s kept you company for the past few weeks if you’re horny. This whore is done.”

His mouth tightened. “You aren’t a whore.”

She laughed harshly. “Funny, but I sure feel like one. You used me for everything you could get, and I let you. I willingly gave you everything you asked for, and some things you didn’t.” Like her heart and the baby. “That’s a good definition of whore, but I’m retiring.”

“I haven’t had a new companion,” he said softly. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you long enough to even consider the idea.”

At one time, his words would have moved her, but now, she was inured to them. Even if she had wanted to soften to him, she honestly didn’t think she could. There was a block inside her, one keeping her separated from him and the illusions of happiness he spun. Knowing how gossamer they were, how quickly the dreams could shatter, she couldn’t bring herself to trust in them or bridge the gap. “I’m going to bed.” When she stood up this time, he didn’t try to stop her. “I’d like to have my own room again please.”

“No,” he said in hard voice.

She shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to run away. How could I, with a guard at the door?”

Tiernan frowned. “Look, you aren’t going into another room. That will just set us back even more.”

A hard laugh left her. “More than what? Do you think we’re making any progress, that things will ever be like they were before? Excuse me, I mean as they appeared to be? All that time, you didn’t trust me or care about me. You were just waiting for me to screw up and give you a reason to run.”

He threw down his napkin, and it landed near hers. With the scrape of his chair, he stood up, towering over her. Anger emanated from him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know what you did. You believed the worst of me, had me imprisoned, and would have let me be executed if I hadn’t been pregnant. You didn’t care a thing about me. I was nothing more than a convenient bed warmer.”

Tiernan’s lips thinned. “I love you, Madison.”

She froze, and then blinked. Staring at him, she looked for a trace of artifice and found none. A few weeks ago, she would have been ecstatic to hear that declaration. Now, it was as hollow as she felt. “And I loved you, but I don’t anymore. Too much has happened.” Straightening her spine, she said, “Now, may I please have my own room?”

His expression slammed shut, and his shoulders stiffened. “Hell, no. You aren’t going anywhere now that you’re finally back where you belong. Get used to it.”

With a long sigh, she turned away from him. “Have it your way. It won’t change anything.” With those fatalistic words, she walked away from him to take care of nightly tasks in the bathroom. When she came out, she didn’t even glance at him as she slid into the spacious bed, deliberately turning her back to him.

He joined her a few minutes later, his body a solid warmth pressed against her back. For a second, she weakened, but then her resolve firmed. If she gave in and turned to him, she would be a willing participant in her own heartbreak once again. There was no love without trust, and neither of them had the necessary trust in the other to build any kind of future together. She had believed differently in the past, but her eyes were open now. He would reach the same conclusion soon enough. Once he did, he would grant her request for a room of her own and move on to his next conquest. The idea brought an empty sort of comfort that she hugged to her like a pillow as she drifted off to sleep, praying her body didn’t betray her in the night and turn toward her ex-lover. It would only prolong the time it took him to accept their relationship was dead if she gave him even an unconscious bit of capitulation.