Chapter 23 Twenty Two
Howard.
As I listen to Alex's impassioned nonstop talk about Nora, I can't help but feel a sense of irritation. He's pushing me to reveal more of myself, to let Nora in, and it's a battle I've been avoiding. The weight of responsibility and expectation feels suffocating, yet I can't completely dismiss Alex's words.
"Do you even visit them?" Alex questions, his tone accusatory. I undo the buttons of my blazer, taking a seat in my office chair. I can already tell that this conversation is going to be one of those that drags on.
"I'm not a jerk," I retort, my response dismissive. I'm well aware of my responsibilities as someone that has to face the consequences of their own actions. But talking about personal matters, especially with Nora, is something I've been avoiding like the plague.
"When do you intend to tell Nora everything?" Alex persists, a hint of frustration in his voice. I continue scrolling through my phone, pretending to be engrossed in something else entirely.
"Tell her what?" I respond casually, acting as if I don't know exactly what he's referring to. It's a way to deflect, to avoid diving into a topic I'd rather keep buried.
"Howard," Alex addresses me with a more serious tone, making me look up from my phone. His expression is one of concern mixed with sternness, a combination he seems to have perfected over the years. I let out a sigh, dropping my phone onto the desk, bracing myself for what's to come.
Alex's words cut through my defenses, hitting a nerve. "She doesn't deserve to know anything about my life," I retort, my voice tinged with bitterness. The truth is, I've built walls around myself, ensuring that no one gets too close. And Nora is no exception.
"She's your wife, she has every right and deserves to know everything about you, Howard," Alex's voice rises, his frustration evident. "Quit all this bullshit and tell Nora everything she needs to know. The poor girl is confused. You've punished her enough for coming into your life."
I just stare at Alex, his words echoing in my mind. He's right, of course. But admitting that would mean facing my own insecurities, my own fears.
Deep down, I know I'm beginning to feel something for Nora, but it’s something that doesn’t go beyond physical attraction. But acknowledging that would mean confronting emotions I'd rather keep hidden. Emotions that could potentially unravel the carefully constructed walls I've built around my heart.
"Look, Alex, every day it's the same shit we talk about, which is Nora. And every time you bring her up, do I seem to give a fuck? Do I seem to change my mind? No—so, let go of this, man. And I'll handle Karen," I assert, my frustration evident. It's not like I'm angry with Alex; he's saved me from my own mess countless times, and he's my only friend. But this incessant prodding about Nora is starting to grate on my nerves. Besides, I have more immediate issues to deal with.
Alex's disappointment is profound, and it stings more than I'd like to admit. "So, you consider Karen as the only problem in your life?" He challenges. "You don't consider Nora's feelings?"
I let out an exasperated sigh, feeling the tension in the room grow. "Karen can ruin me within a minute, Nora is nothing to me but a burden that I have to deal with every day," I retort, my voice rising as my frustration peaks.
I'm not being entirely truthful, and I know it. Nora isn't just a burden to me, and that's part of the problem. I've been trying to keep my emotions in check, to treat her as nothing more than an object, but it's becoming increasingly difficult.
Alex scoffs disbelievingly. "Imagine Karen tells Nora everything first, and Nora tells your father. Can you now imagine the threat in this?" His words strike a chord, and I find myself looking away, avoiding his gaze. He's right, and I know it.
If Nora were to find out about my other life, the life I've kept hidden, everything could unravel. And if she were to reveal my secrets to my father, it would jeopardize not only my standing as an alpha but also my relationship with him.
"Your father loves you with Nora, and she's pretty valuable to him, you know that," Alex continues. "Imagine if you've made her understand the situation, and even after your father finds out, Nora would stand by you. But no, you're so stupid and stubborn to listen."
I clench my jaws, the anger building within me. I hate how Alex's words make sense, how they lay bare my own flaws and insecurities. The truth is, I've built this barrier around myself to avoid complications, to shield myself from the messy intricacies of love and relationships. But it's not as simple as I make it out to be, and Alex's words cut through the facade I've created. Whether I want to admit it or not, Nora is more than just an object, and the danger of my secrets coming to light is very real.
"I can't, Alex. I honestly cannot stand Nora. Looking at her just makes me so angry. I can't stand her…" I confess, my frustration simmering beneath the surface. Alex, however, isn't one to let me off the hook easily.
"You can't stand her because you can’t resist being around her?" he says with an infuriating smirk on his face, as if he's just unearthed some great revelation.
"Oh, fuck you, Alex," I retort, pushing my chair back and rising to my feet. It's time to put an end to this conversation, but I know Alex won't let it go that easily.
"You're just afraid…" he starts again, and I feel a growl building in my chest. The last thing I want is to have my feelings dissected by my best friend.
"The alpha is never afraid," I declare defiantly, pouring myself a drink as I make my way to the window. The view outside shows people enjoying themselves in the park, blissfully unaware of the chaos inside my mind.
"Who told you that fat lie?" Alex's words cut through the air like a knife. I turn to face him, leaning against the window frame with a mixture of frustration and amusement. "Just admit it, Howard. You avoid this girl because you're afraid you'd fall for her."
The laughter bubbles out of me involuntarily. The mere suggestion that I could fall for Nora feels preposterous. I scoff at the idea, shaking my head. "I will never love Nora Freda. Heck, I will never love any woman, especially Nora," I declare firmly, my tone resolute.
I've convinced myself that keeping my distance from romantic entanglements is the best way to lead my pack, to be the leader I should be. One-night stands and surface-level relationships are far easier to manage. I glance at Alex, who simply shakes his head in disbelief at my stubbornness.
I've said my piece, and I stand by my words. There's no way I'm letting Nora disrupt my carefully constructed world, even if that means denying my own emotions.
"I am only here to see Scott," I assert, trying to maintain some semblance of control, but Karen is relentless. Her arms snake around my neck, and I feel her lips trailing kisses down my neck and chest. I quickly push her away, creating distance between us. An exasperated sigh escapes me as I try to keep the situation under control. She adjusts her dress with an annoyed roll of her eyes before making her way to the kitchen. I follow suit, knowing that a conversation is long overdue.
"We need to talk," I begin, watching as she pours herself a glass of wine. Her nonchalant attitude irks me, but I plow ahead. "What?" she retorts dismissively, not even bothering to spare me a glance.
I don't let her indifference deter me. "I don't want you, under any circumstances, to approach Nora with anything about us," I warn sternly. Karen's boisterous laughter echoes in the kitchen, and I can feel my patience waning. She walks out of the kitchen, and I follow, my frustration growing by the second.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me, Howard," she vents, her irritation palpable. Her words cut through the air like a knife. "You really think I'd keep playing this game? Watch her have you and get away with whatever the fuck she wants, while I sit in this house taking care of your son?"
I look away, pinching the bridge of my nose in exasperation. Karen is always about chaos and drama. It's a mistake I regret—a moment of weakness that led me down this path. "I do everything you want me to, Karen. What more do you need from me?" I retort, my own frustration bubbling to the surface. She smirks, her gaze challenging, and in that moment, I realize I've given her the upper hand.
"We need a bigger house," Karen's voice breaks through the air, her tone almost casual as she takes a sip from her drink. I sigh inwardly, already dreading the conversation that's about to unfold. "The backyard is getting smaller for your son to play, and he's starting to complain about not being allowed to go beyond the backyard."
I avert my gaze, my fingers tapping impatiently on the armrest of the chair. Every interaction with Karen feels like a battle—a constant struggle for control. But I've learned that giving in to her demands only makes her more relentless.
"Preferably a house with a pool, you know… maybe your old house," she continues, her words hitting me like a sledgehammer. My eyes snap to her, shock evident on my face. "Karen…"
She dismisses my reaction with a roll of her eyes, her confidence unwavering. "Oh, please. You're the Alpha. You can do as you please. You can get any house you want in this pack. It's not like I asked for your father's house."
She walks away, leaving me standing alone in the living room. The weight of the decisions I've made bears down on me, each one taking me further from the path I had once envisioned.
The thought of Nora crosses my mind, and a pang of guilt tightens in my chest. If she ever finds out about Scott’s presence in my life, it might completely end me.
Frustration bubbles within me as I realize how trapped I am in this web of complications. The choices I've made have led me to this point, and I'm running out of options to untangle myself from the mess I've created.
With a heavy sigh, I quietly step into Scott's room, making sure not to disturb his peaceful slumber. The soft glow of a nightlight casts a gentle illumination across the room, revealing his small form snuggled up to his teddy bear. My heart swells with a mixture of love and regret as I gaze at him. He's just four years old, but his innocence and vulnerability tug at my heartstrings.
I've always loved spending time with Scott, even though it's often a bittersweet experience. Karen's presence looms over every interaction, casting a shadow of tension and unease. The pack's suspicions make it difficult for me to freely enjoy the moments I share with my son. I can only steal these precious visits during the quiet hours of the early morning or late at night when the pack's attention is elsewhere.
As I watch him sleep, a sense of tranquility washes over me. I wish things were different—for him and for me. I wish I could provide him with a stable and loving environment without the constant complications and chaos that Karen brings. I've contemplated moving them away, but Karen's relentless demands for control always stand in the way. She knows that if she's farther away, she won't have the same leverage over me.
A wave of regret washes over me as I reflect on the circumstances that brought Scott into my life. I don't regret having him, but I deeply regret the path that led me to Karen. If only I had made different choices, if only I had seen the signs earlier. But regrets won't change the present, and I have to find a way to navigate this complex situation while protecting my pack and those I care about.
Leaving Scott's room, I close the door softly behind me, hoping that one day, I can provide him with the stable and loving home he deserves, away from the chaos and manipulation that have plagued our lives.