Not a Special Valentine

**Lily**

"That is it!" Victor rolls up his sleeves and begins to do movements that mimic taking off his gloves. He holds out his hand and scrunches it into a ball. Smirking, he throws the imaginary object on the ground. "I quit!" His mouth gets bigger at the corners, almost arrogantly.

"Okay." I shrug. I'm acting nonchalant but I want to beg him to stay. To help me in this war called parenting.

To triplets.

"Wuss." Megan snickers, her pointer finger stuck inside one of my baby's mouth.

"The hell you doin'?" I scrunch up my face in disgust.

"He's sucking my thumb."

Victor and I exchange a look. "Why?" We both ask her with our eyes.

"Do you have a better idea?" Megan frowns. "Your kids won't shut up. I had to do something." She glances at the baby with tender eyes.

"Get it out." I sigh. I'm too tired to beat her up.

Megan rolls her eyes but obeys. Sadly, upon taking her finger out of my baby's mouth, my baby lets out a wailing scream. The scream wakes up the other two. Megan's eyes judge me

I'm helpless.

I feel like a single mom. I know my friends are helping me but... Jeremy isn't. As soon as I got out of the hospital, I barely see him. And when I do, he's sprawled out on the couch.

I hold little Hayden against my chest, my only girl. Her wailing cries are deafening my ears. A part of me, the worst part, wants to lock her in the closet. Hoping maybe, that maybe I get a little peace.

My eyes water, watching little tears roll down her pink cheeks.

I'm a bad mom.

"Don't cry!" Victor bumps his shoulders with me. "Maybe they're hungry!" He rocks Jayden in his arms, my oldest son.

Megan cranes up her neck. "We just fed them, *idiot*!" She whispers yells.

"Do *you* have a better suggestion?!"

"What's going on?!" Jesse opens the door, placing his fingers inside his ears. "Have you fed them yet?!" He shouts, eye twitching.

"*YES*!"

I watch them go back and forth. My eyes trail down to the baby in Megan's arms, my little Zayden.

And a hiccup fights its way out of me.

My arms hold out Hayden in Jesse's direction. Confused, Jesse grasps her in his arms. Without looking back, I walk out of the room. My feet move towards the exit of my home. My fingers reach for the knob. However, I can't turn it.

"Lily."

My legs lose strength and I fall on my knees. A familiar hand wraps around my waist and a hand pulls my head against a sturdy surface.

"Lily! Lily?!" The hand tightens around my waist. "Are you okay?!"

I let my body relax.

"Hold on, baby. Hold on."

"I'm fine, Jeremy." I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "I - I'm fine." My elbow hits his side. "Don't I look okay?"

I let out a cry.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Where were you?! You've left me alone and I can't do it alone! I don't know what I'm doing." I pound my fists against his chest. "I hate you! I hate you!"

Jeremy's hands caress my cheeks. "I know, I know, I know."

"Die! Die! Die!"

I don't know how long I spent yelling curses and pounding my fists against his chest.

"I'm trying, I - I am."

I glare up at him, my eyes blurry with new tears.

"Jesse's got me running around training, working, papers and all this - "

"It's Jesse's fault?!" I will kill him!

"No. No." Jeremy hugs me to his chest. "I've been tired. And I know your tired. But it's no excuse."

"Of course, it's not!" I yell at his chest.

His arms tighten around mine.

I try to count the minutes.

Normally, I lose count. I get lost in the moment and enjoy his company and embrace. We talk about useless stuff or watch boring netflix shows while holding hands. But I want to count them because I don't know when it will happen again.

"You know today's valentine's day, right?"

"Whatever." My fingers play with his shirt. "Are you gonna help me with the babies?" Jerk.

Jeremy looks down at me, eyes peering down at me in confusion. "But... I have?" His head tilts down to look down at me in concern.

Oh, no. Tears, go back inside.

"At night. In the hospital, you told me you wouldn't wake up for anything so I said I'd do night duty. I haven't had the heart to wake you up so I just stay asleep in their room."

...It would explain his distance.

"Jerk." I look down at my hands.

*I* am a jerk.

"Let's do it together. We both do night duty and I take some time off." Jeremy smiles. "We'll let Victor step up."

"Victor?" I raise my eyebrow.

This pack will be no more if he becomes Beta...

I nod in agreement.