Chapter 26

Out in the fierce winter storm, a gust gathered up a battalion of frozen flakes and hurled them against the window in one swift, wake-up call.

Eli sat up, out of their embrace, and a chill pervaded her. He pulled his heavy sweater on. “Weather’s vicious. Good night to be indoors.”

Normal talk, engaged in just for the sake of normalcy. In anything but a normal time in their lives.

And definitely not a normal Christmas Eve.

She wished this was their place, and they were fixing it up together. Laughing in all the rooms, decorating, putting up the dollar store decorations. Going out to the big Christmas Eve event Jack’s Bay held every year in the center of town. The town did all kinds of Christmas stuff together, called it The Eve. Everyone in town, and from the surrounding environs came, if they could.

Then coming home to their bed, cuddling.

Then waking up in the morning together, a day off. Opening presents. Him cooking breakfast, presenting her with a steamy cup of coffee.

Knowing they had each other. Stood for each other.

Instead, she had to watch him go away. Again.

Oh well, she thought. Suck it up, Buttercup. You’ve got more than many people, and you had it for years.

You’ve had true love, the real thing. Enjoyed it, basked in the abundance of it, grew fat on it. Then later, held it tight between your two hands after it left…knowing you’d had it, and in that sense? Was still yours. Would always be.

No one could ever take that away from you.

You’re lucky.

“I wish you didn’t have to go out into it. But I know you have to.”

He smiled, but it was sad. It hurt her heart, but she was working hard to erect the wall again. “I do. And once I’m gone, I can’t have any connection to my old life.”

She knew she couldn’t hide the dismay dance across her face, and that he saw it.

“You’ve always been my life, Tish. Once I met you, that’s just the way it was. We…fit. We always did.”

Yes. We always have.

“But it’s too dangerous. Maybe some could manage it, but…I have no choice. Those are the conditions, and I agreed to them. And they make sense.” He took a quick glance out the window, his gaze panning the length of the street both ways, hyper-focused, then with a brooding look, was back. He leaned against the wall, pulled on a sock. “You’ll probably hear I was in an accident and died. I’m guessing that’s how they’ll work it out.”

A sick look stole over her face.

He caught it, and she saw the tiny strain lines radiating through his face. “Yeah, I know. And you won’t know if it’s real or not. But know this, Tish. I’ll always love you.”

Pain unfurled within her, crept into crevices she didn’t know she had, yet joy filled her, too. Two completely opposite emotions, existing together at the same time, yet both full, both complete.

The newly built wall within her wasn’t working any too good at the moment.

“I know.” She paused, then said it anyway, no matter how melodramatic it sounded, or how much she was giving away. It didn’t matter anymore. Truth did. Emotion took over her body. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “You’ll always be the man for me.”

A raw look passed between them, the seconds lengthening. Then it gently morphed into a smile. Tender. As if their two hearts had reached out past the jumbled sheets between them and grasped each other. Squeezed. Held on tight.

Then the moment was done. A chill came over the room, and they continued dressing.

“Now would be a great time for something to fall on your head again, you know?”

“Huh?”

“It just seems like whenever we’ve needed anything—whatever it was—this old house took care of it for us.”

Tilting his head, he seemed to think, then nodded. “Yeah, you know, I did think of that, earlier. With the furnace thing.”

“The furnace thing?”

“When we really needed heat, when we got all naked, the furnace kicked up. Hot. That hadn’t happened before, no matter how much I fiddled with it. In fact, it was so cold, it made us need to get closer for body warmth. Until…we got naked.”

He grabbed a boot. Stopped with it in his hand and turned to her, considering. “By the way, what were you doing up here, earlier? It’s like you wanted to get rid of me to do something in this room. What was it?”

“It was just something I was looking for, something I’d come back for.”

Though it didn’t matter as much anymore. Nothing could change their current circumstances. It didn’t matter that they loved each other, or that she’d dressed the little tree downstairs up as Christmassy as she could.

There were some things that not even their almost-house, or Christmas itself, could put back together.

But he wasn’t listening to her. And yeah, she knew that look. The dog with the bone. He fixed her with a gaze. “What?”

“It’s fine. It’s…”

But Eli wasn’t letting go. He fixed her with a severe look. “What was it?”