Chapter 18: Jade

Dad and I walk in silence to the truck. Wow. I'm totally blown away. I'm speechless. It seems Dad is too. He takes my hand and holds it all the way home. Once inside he says “Jade, there is nothing on this earth that you could do that would be a reason for you to think you needed to leave me. I will love you forever no matter what. Do you understand me?” He has tears coming down his cheeks and mine break loose. We hold each other for a while just trying to get strength from one another. “I know Dad, I know. I would never run away from you. You’re stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere. I love you.” I look at him and he continues. “I thought that losing your Mom was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. But I now see that sometimes living is the worst thing that could happen. I don’t know how they did it, sweetie. How they lived like that for 15 years and are still the amazing people they are.” I shake my head, still unable to believe what we just heard. “I know Dad. It’s just beyond anything I imagined. You really did hold it together tonight. I was really proud of you”, I told him. “I admit Jade that I did have quite a few murderous thoughts tonight. But I'm in control. I need a good night’s sleep to prepare myself for tomorrow though. That was exhausting. I know you love them too Sweetie, and you did great.” He kisses me on the nose. I head to my room and throw myself on my bed. I just can’t stop the tears. I cry myself to sleep.

Dad and I both sleep in. We were emotionally drained. I cook us a late breakfast of bacon and eggs. I need protein. Then we head over to their house. Dad decides to pick up some flowers to bring Hope. He’s definitely a good boyfriend. Points for Dad. Raine answers the door and my heart flutters. I think I love him more today than yesterday. Is that even possible? I walk up to give him a hug. His arms automatically go out to me as well. But he quickly catches himself and gives me an awkward shoulder slap instead. Good catch “buddy”. Dad walks over to Hope who is entering the living room. I can tell she’s been crying. She wraps her arms around his middle and rests her head on his chest. He puts his hand on the back of her head and holds her close. I wish I could do that with Raine right now. I need it. Dad gives her the flowers, and she hurries to put them in water. Probably to hide her fresh tears. Raine turns to me and mouths, “I love you baby.” That’s what I needed. My heart melts a little more.

Dads is in the kitchen with Hope now. Raine and I sit down on the couch. He takes my hand. “Are you okay?” he asks. “I'm trying. This is really hard to hear. But I can handle it. I know when you tell me your story, it’s going to be even worse than yesterday.” He leans in and gives me a very brief kiss on the lips. “I'm glad to finally be telling you. I can’t keep it all from you anymore. I don’t want any secrets between us Jade. I want us to last. So, you need to know it all.”

Hope and Dad come back, and it’s time to start. Am I ready for this? I guess I better be. Hope puts the flowers on the coffee table in a clear vase. They ground me just a little. Something to look at while Raine’s story crushes my heart bit by bit. I take a deep breath. Here we go.

Raine starts speaking. “When I was really little, I didn’t understand the strange dynamics of my family. I didn’t know any different. But I knew it was all wrong. I was constantly asking Mom lots of questions. Why does he want to hurt us? Why doesn’t he love me the way she loves me? I never questioned all the other women because I never knew any other family than the one I had. All I did was schoolwork. Then some labor around the property so that I could eat. The outside work was my favorite. I could be with the animals for a while at least. Then I would get food. The harder I worked, the more food I could have. Sometimes if I worked really hard, Mom could have extra food. But if I didn’t work hard enough, or made a mistake, then I didn’t get to eat at all that day. Mom would hide some of hers and try to give it to me in secret. If we got caught, we both got beatings. If I outright disobeyed, I was beaten or whipped and then put in a dark room alone with no food. Ezekiel called it solitary. I learned quickly that working hard and behaving was a necessity. I was always relieved when it was time to go to Mom’s room. She protected me. She loved me. She taught me everything. She told me anything I wanted to know, even if it would hurt. I needed the truth. I needed to understand that this was not the way other people lived.

I did everything I could to make Ezekiel like me. I worked extra hard so Mom wouldn’t get beatings. But then I realized that if he spared her, he gave it to one of the other women. I couldn’t win. But protecting her was my priority. As I got older, his hatred for me was more pronounced. He couldn’t stand the sight of me. I would get a beating for just being in the same room as him sometimes. I knew I had to get me and Mom out of there. Then the other women began having babies. I took it upon myself to protect them as well. The girls weren’t very hard workers. They were all small and frail. They took after Ezekiel, I guess. So, I would help them do all of their chores when I was done with mine. He did seem to hate them less than me. I thought it was because they looked like him. I didn’t really understand that they were his blood, and I wasn’t.

I also started to realize that he hated the fact that I was getting bigger. And yet, he worked me like a slave, which guaranteed my increased bulk. He again decided to cut my food intake. Mom and the other women realized that I was helping the other kids, and they felt indebted to me. So, they all started saving me little pieces of their food allotment.” His Mom suddenly cuts him off. “Raine, they did it because they loved you baby. Not because they felt they had to. Those women adored you,” she insisted. That made him smile at her. It made me smile too. I can imagine this sweet little boy taking care of all the little kids, even when he was enduring daily beatings. He has such a good heart, my Raine.

He gathers his composure and begins again. “I spent a lot of time outside with the animals. So, whenever I knew I was totally alone, I would investigate the perimeter, the fencing, the security systems, and the cameras. I became very good at knowing exactly what spots I could go unseen. At night I would tell Mom everything I learned. But once I was sent to my own room, our time alone was decreased. I had to arrange it so we were assigned the same chores just so we could talk privately. It was too dangerous to do it during school time. Ezekiel monitored how much material we covered daily. I asked Mom to request more books that covered electronics. Ezekiel didn’t like that idea, but eventually got me some. They were old and outdated but would still teach me the basics. He left the property monthly for supplies. I remember that one day a month was everyone’s favorite day. All the little kids got to play outside. We didn’t have toys. But we would make things ourselves from things we found. I made a few little dolls out of wood and burlap for the little girls. At the end of that day, we would burry everything out in the woods. Ezekiel never found all the little things we had made. They were primitive. But the little kids cherished them.

As I got older, Ezekiel kept reminding me that my days here were numbered. That should have made me happy. But it didn’t. None of us actually knew what he meant by that. We realized that he wasn’t just going to let me walk out. Maybe he would kill me. That was Mom’s fear. I also had no intention of leaving this place without her. So, getting taller was almost a curse. I knew that the more I intimidated him, the more reason he had to get rid of me. I tried to appear smaller, less threatening. I hunched my back in his presence. But it was harder to hide as I got older. He would do things to test me. Like randomly throw a punch at my face to see if I would fight back. I never did. I let him brutalize me so that I seemed weak. Lull him into a false sense of security. But I wasn’t weak at all. I did everything I could to get stronger. I made a makeshift punching bag out of burlap and hay. I hung it from a tree way out in the woods. It tore my hands up, but it didn’t matter. I would wrap my hands in bandages before punching. But the hay struck like tiny slivers. I didn’t care. I had to get stronger and learn to punch and jab.

“One night when I was 14, Mom knocked something over in the kitchen, which in turn bumped the casserole dish full of dinner off the counter and shattering on the ground. We had all just sat down to eat. Ezekiel couldn’t hold back his anger. He just started beating and hitting her in the head and the face. The other women and children were crying. I couldn’t let it go on. I jumped him and easily tore him off of Mom. That’s the moment he realized my real strength. His eyes were wide and crazy. He put his fingers around my neck and started chocking me. I held out as long as I could. Mom was screaming and trying to pry his arms off of me. I was about to pass out when I simply put my large hands over his and removed them from my throat. The look of fear in his eyes was one I will never forget. He put that look on all of our faces on a daily basis. But this was new. I had never seen that fear on his own face before. He sent me to solitary immediately. I went willingly. Hoping it would calm him down.

“I could hear chairs and plates crashing. The screams of some of the little kids. There was nothing I could do for them. It was torture. I didn’t know if they would all survive the night. It was pitch black in solitary. So, it was hard to distinguish night from day. But I think I was in there for a total of two days without food or water.” Raine looks over at his Mom and she is nodding but not looking at him. She’s crying. Dad is holding her closely. My eyes are also filled with tears. But I’m trying not to let them escape. I’m holding back. I want to be holding Raine like Dad is comforting Hope. I have been avoiding his eyes because I didn’t want to see the pain in them as I listen to his deepest secrets.

He begins speaking again. “When Ezekiel let me out, I received another beating. He told me to never interfere with his punishments again. And the next time I did, he would kill me. He said that if I wanted to keep my Mom and all the other kids safe, I would do the smart thing and stick to my chores. He said the next time I required punishment, He would administer it to Mom instead and that I would be tied up to a chair to watch. He knew my loyalty lied with my Mom and that seeing her suffer was much worse than my own pain. I knew it was time to start moving on our escape plan. It would be long and tedious. But worth it if I succeeded.” I can’t believe all that they have been through. It was horrendous. But I'm amazed that they survived. I will forever consider Raine a hero. I don’t know how he got them out, but he did. Somehow he did it. They are here right now with us because he is so brave. Because he cared more about his Mom than he did himself.