Chapter 19: Raine

Telling this story is like ripping my soul apart. But now that I have started, I need to get it all out. It’s painful thinking about these things. But it’s even worse watching Jade listen to me tell it. I see the pain in her eyes. Then the fact that I can’t touch her. It’s killing me. I want to make all that pain go away. I take a sip of water and compose myself. This is almost over.

I clear my throat and begin again. “I had found a spot, near the electric fence on the south side of the property that was just between the angle of two of the surveillance cameras. It was about two feet wide at the most. If I could stay in that one spot, neither of the cameras could pick up my movements. A motion sensing alarm system also covered the perimeter. There was no chance of jumping over it. It was 7 feet high and 4 feet wide. I had hit it one day when one of the sheep had strayed. The dust I kicked up trying to catch him showed me the laser beams. But it was too late. Ezekiel had come out only moments later in a truck he used to check the property. He saw me trying to get the sheep. I finally got him and hopped in the back of the truck. Ezekiel said I would be punished for letting the sheep out of my site, but not for setting off the alarm. That was an accident. But I was thankful it happened. Because I was not aware of the laser beams before that incident.

I also knew that the fencing went below the surface of the ground. I just didn’t know how deep. He didn’t want any animals or people digging their way in, or out. The fence itself was over ten foot tall and electrified. So, I decided I had that two feet of space with no cameras, where I could dig down underground and hopefully get deep enough to get under the fence. I also had about 6 feet from where I was to the actual fence. Then I predicted that I needed to be at least 4 feet underground in order to pass the buried part of the fence. It would take a long time because I had to still complete all my chores, those of some of the kids, do my schoolwork, and be locked in my room by 9 at night. Now that I had a plan, I was excited to make it happen.

“I told Mom about it, and we discussed the logistics of it all. I needed some tools. And I needed to do it at specific times of the day when Ezekiel wasn’t near the perimeter. The safest time would be when Ezekiel was in the house. This would be a problem. I was hoping I could do it early in the morning, but Ezekiel was the one who unlocked all of our rooms in the morning. It was summer, and I told him that I was getting over heated doing my chores in the midday sun and that if I could start earlier, I would get more accomplished. I promised to even complete an extra assignment each day if he let me outside two hours early. So, I would spend an hour digging our tunnel while the rest of the household slept. Then I hurried and did my regular outdoor chores. A couple of times I had close calls with getting caught. But it mostly went smoothly. I would cover everything up each time with lots of tree branches and leaves. Once it rained hard all night and I returned to the next morning to a big water hole. It took a while for me to get the water out and then it had to dry up so that it wouldn’t cave in on itself. That’s when I decided I needed to cover it at night with something better. A tarp did the trick.”

“Digging that tunnel became my favorite part of the day. While I did it, I imagined freedom for me and Mom. It gave me hope for the future. When winter came, Ezekiel didn’t let me out early. So, I had to spend shorter times throughout the day trying to get over there and dig. The progress was slow. The dirt was very hard. And a lot of my time down in the hole was spent making sure that I wouldn’t be caught. When I got frustrated, Mom would realize I needed to talk about all the things we would do when we got out. She told me about the ocean, the beach, all the different foods I would taste. Things I could learn about when I got out. The other thing that kept me sane was my guitar. Ezekiel had bought it for himself. But wasn’t very good at playing. He ended up giving it to me in exchange for some extra chores and I gave up a couple meals. But it was so worth it. I played in my dark room alone at night. It kept me occupied and content. Mom asked him to get books on teaching yourself to play and some sheet music. She said I needed it for school time. That it would better round out my education. He hated to hear me play, I think because it made him feel like a failure. It took her three months to persuade him, but he finally brought a book home.” I love her so much for that.

Mom looks at me now smiling. I look across the room and see my guitar leaning against the wall. It’s not Ezekiel’s. We left everything behind when we escaped. This is one I bought myself after we were finally safe. I prefer it that way. I don’t want anything that reminds me of him. Jade touches my knee and gives me a smile too. It sends a chill up my leg. Just that simple touch. She quickly removes her hand. I continue on with our story. “It took months to finish the tunnel. I remember the moment I stepped up out of it on the other side of the fence. That feeling of freedom! But I had to wait until I could take Mom with me. I was almost 16. And Ezekiel had told me when I was little that I would never see my 16th birthday. I believed him.”

“We knew we had to go on the one day a month that he went to town. It was only 20 days away. We were doing everything we could to stay on his good side. If one of us got locked in our rooms on escape day, it would ruin everything. I could tell my days were numbered. One morning Ezekiel looked at me and said, “Boy, who said you could get taller than me?” Then he kicked me in the kneecap, and I went down to the ground. The next day he said that he didn’t need me anymore. That my usefulness was up. He said I should start saying my goodbyes to Mom and the kids. I would be sixteen in about a month. I was beginning to get nervous. I thought maybe we should just leave right away. I talked to Mom, and she agreed that we need to leave as soon as possible. We didn’t know how much longer he would let me live.”

“The next morning, we knew it was now or never. At breakfast Ezekiel told the others that I was taking a long trip and that they could say goodbye. The women looked terrified. They knew what it meant. Some of the kids started to cry and say that they didn’t want their big brother to go anywhere. I took the time to put each one on my lap and give them big hugs. I told them I would see them again soon. It was harder than I thought. Leaving should have been the best day of our lives. But I realized that there would be no one else to protect them. Two of the other women were pregnant again. So, If I was gone, more of the work would rest on the women’s shoulders. Guilt started to set in. Then Mom reminded me that I was better off gone, then dead. She’s always right of course.” I say glancing over at her. “Mom, do you want to tell the rest? I'm kind of wiped out.”