Chapter 20—Emma

“Hey.” I smiled at him as I entered the room. I had every x-ray and blood test booked for him today. We hadn’t spoken since we’d landed in JFK and left the airport like strangers. I’d sent him a text telling him about today and he replied back saying, he would be here.

And he came.

Just like he had said he would.

I should have been happy, glad that he kept his promise. But I felt completely lost, because I didn’t know how to behave now and by his shyness, avoiding eye contact as I walked through the door, I had a feeling that he felt the same.

“I thought that you would be here when I got here,” he whispered as I drew closer to him as he lay on the examination bed.

“I just came in to make sure that everything’s set up for you. I just organized the tests, and besides, Wendy’s capable of doing them herself. I don’t need to be here.” I was rambling and looking down at the floor.

Pathetic!

“Besides Wendy explained everything, right?”

He corrected me. “You mean Sheryl.”

I nodded. I was crap with names and I really needed to sort that out. I had visions of talking to players and telling the coach that the wrong player had the wrong injury. At the hospital there were always charts but in this type of sports-medic role it was completely different. There was more one-to-one patient–doctor contact, which was one of the reasons that I liked it. The money was attractive, but I went into medicine to help people; not just for the money.

“Yep, Sheryl.” I nervously laughed.

We were like two lovesick teenagers in Vegas and now we were acting as if we were strangers. He had done things to me that I wouldn’t allow any man to do. I had completely surrendered myself to him. Now I had this big brick wall in front of me and I didn’t know what to do about it.

He was a young football star who was going through some changes in his life. He was letting off steam and I needed to get him out of my system. But as he grabbed my hand I felt something that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I had been putting it to the back of my mind the whole time, accepting that we had just been two lonely souls trying to let of some steam.

“How comes you never called?” he blurted out. His eyes felt as if they were looking straight through me.

I replied, “Why didn’t you call?”

He sighed. “You jumped off the plane so fast that I didn’t really have a chance to say anything. Then when we were there, I didn’t know what to say. Especially with all the guys there. It felt kind of awkward.”

“My job,” I blurted out. “We can’t be…I mean this can’t go on. I’m your physician and we need to keep it professional.”

I said it, but I knew that deep down inside I didn’t mean it. There was too much at stake: my best friend, my job, and, most of all, my heart. Sebastian had never been in a serious relationship. He hung around with guys that acted like big kids. Everyone was quiet about Kent, but it was clear that he didn’t mind being away from his girl and they’d been together since forever. That was their life: play hard and party even harder. I just wasn’t that type of girl. I tried to fit in back in college from that type of life, but I always backed out in the end.

He took back his hand. “’Course, sorry I just thought…”

We were interrupted by Sheryl, who came in to take his blood samples. She stood by his side with her trolley ready to take his bloods.

“Should I come back?” she asked, sensing no doubt that you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I felt uneasy. I should have let Sebastian speak first and let him tell me what was on his mind.

“Yes,” he spat out.

“No,” I said at the same time.

She turned her head from left to right and said, “No worries. I’ll come back in a bit.”

“Why did you do that? You said your piece, as you said you’re my doctor. Let’s just keep this professional.”

I nodded, unable to speak. I was crap at relationships; that was why I steered clear of them. They messed with my head and I thought too much about things all the time.

I had to focus on my work. The one thing that I was good at and confident about.

“Just call Sheryl in when you leave, Dr. Edwards. When you get the results, let me know and then we can take it from there.” He said it so coldly that I felt as if I needed a jacket just to stay in the room. He wasn’t looking at me, and he moved his hand away from mine. I felt like grabbing his, but there were people walking past his room. That was the problem. The main one, it wasn’t about Sophia or even the fact that he was my patient. He had a high profile, and was always in the papers. The press was always quick to write about which girl he was hooking up with and they never lasted long; just a week or two. I couldn’t be one of those girls and be his doctor.

Maybe I was kidding myself. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times like a goldfish, thinking of something to say. I knew chemical formulas, what made the body tick, but when it came to the functions of love I was completely lost.

Helpless.

I nodded my head and then went to look for Sheryl. I grabbed her and told her to take blood from him so that we can carry out the analysis. Once this was done I found myself with only one thing on my mind, and that was to go to the bathroom and cry.