Chapter 19 The Night of the Decision

Chapter 19 The Night of the Decision
Dragon Ironside
The night is too long.
I stay in the office after Nadja goes upstairs, trying to focus on the security reports, the Canadians' movements, anything that isn't the taste of her still lingering on my lips.
I like to feel that the taste of her choice was sweet on my lips, even if she had to go through something painful to reach me. When she kissed me, it wasn't out of fear or obligation,it was because she wanted to. I could feel in her trembling body a touch of curiosity. I believe she finally trusted me enough to take that first step.
The gratitude I feel is like a tightness in my chest that almost hurts. But behind it, there's something else: fear.
Fear of doing something that ruins everything. Fear that, no matter how hard I try, I won't be capable of being the man she needs or the man she deserves.
It's nearly three in the morning when I finally head up to our room. The house is silent, only the sound of the wind beating against the windows, a low, constant howl that is the soundtrack of Helena at night. During the days I spent in Belgrade, I couldn't get used to the city; I missed Montana, and here in Helena, there's a little bit of everything.
I pass by the guest room and stop for a moment. My agreement with her is that she would be in our room every night; I promised I wouldn't touch her until she was ready for it. Even so, there are still some of her things in that room.
I walk toward our room, open the door slowly, and see her lying with her back to the door. I believe it's the only way she can turn off her mind. She prefers not to see what's coming. Her breathing is calm, assuring me she is already peacefully asleep. I remove my clothes as I walk straight to the bathroom, wanting to take a quick shower so I can rest.
When I return to the room, wearing only underwear to sleep, I lift the covers and the little I see of her body is enough to set me on fire. The fabric of her nightgown is bunched up at her waist, and I can see all the skin of her bottom exposed.
"Shit, Nadja…" I murmur as I feel my erection swell.
I take a longer breath and lie down on the bed slowly. I place one of the pillows between our bodies and lie on my side, looking at her shoulder rising and falling peacefully. When I hear her murmur something, I smile, remembering how she kissed me today, but a worry starts to bother me again. The memory of how everything happened for her to be here in our bed, sleeping peacefully now, takes over my mind, taking me back once more to her country.
The rain in Belgrade is different. It doesn't leave that feeling of freshness in the air; it's different,it's as if it just leaves everything damp, gray, smelling of wet earth and old concrete. We've been in an empty apartment overlooking the Sava for two days, the muddy river reflecting the city's murky lights.
Leo boils water for another instant coffee, his face a mask of professional patience. He's good at that,at waiting, at planning, at the clean execution that I know should be done.
But I don't want something clean.
I want it dirty. I want it slow and very painful. I want Otávio to feel every second of the pain.
"Boss, the contact confirmed. He'll be at the casino tomorrow night. The route back passes by the coastal road. It's isolated, and we can make it look like an accident; it would be plausible." Leo places the cup of coffee in front of me. "His car is a Porsche. Speed, curves, and a rich, drunk, young idiot. The police won't even investigate properly."
I look at the river, but I don't see the water. I see her eyes, Nadja Mayer's, at that last funeral. She was wearing green, a color that should be vibrant, but on her, it seemed wilted and dead. Otávio held her arm as if it were a bag handle, his fingers white from the pressure he was exerting. She wasn't looking at anyone. Her gaze was fixed on some point in the infinity, an emptiness so deep it seemed to swallow the light around her.
And then, for a second, our eyes met. And in that emptiness, I saw something. It wasn't pain; it wasn't fear,she was already beyond that. It was pure absence. As if the person who inhabited that beautiful, young body had fled to a place even she could no longer reach.
It was in that moment that I knew. I knew I wanted her. It was a fact that I hated the man who reduced her to that. I knew that one day, I would kill him and do whatever it took to have her for myself.
"Dragon?" Leo's voice pulls me back. "An accident. It's the smartest move, Dragon. No complications with the Serbian family, no retaliation. And you get the widow afterward, no problems."
I turn to him. The fluorescent light in the apartment flickers, casting uneven shadows on his face. Leo and Tomas are the only ones who understand what I want; they comprehend my obsession with the woman held captive by a man who doesn't deserve an angel like her.
"I don't want an accident, Leo."
He sighs, rubbing his face. He knows my tone and knows what's coming next.
"Then, what do you want? A clean execution? We can kidnap him, take him to a warehouse, a bullet to the back of the head. Bury the body where no one will find it."
"You're not understanding," my voice comes out lower and more dangerous than I intended. "I don't want to be efficient. I want to be fair."
Leo stays silent for a long moment. He studies my face, reading the obsession I no longer even try to hide.
"Fair." He repeats the word as if tasting something bitter. "I know this is personal for you, Dragon. That it's not business like you and Mr. Reed told us…"
I look at him, surprised by his courage to express his thoughts so openly. I smile and glance at him from the corner of my eye.
"Everything is personal," I growl, turning back to the window. "The right question is: whose person makes it become personal?"
Marcus's authorization still echoes in my ears, spoken in his office with the scent of cigar smoke from the ones we had lit.
"Otávio is becoming a problem. He's disloyal. Too ambitious for his own good. And his father, that old man, is getting weak and incapable of controlling his own son." Marcus looked at me across the mahogany desk. "Handle it as you see fit to get what you want. But be discreet. His father still has allies."
Marcus knew my intention, since he asked me what I wanted for saving him once again. What he wasn't sure about was that my desire is to inflict on that bastard the same pain he caused in that Little Angel who is now extinguished inside her.
"She doesn't know, does she?" Leo asks, his soft voice breaking my thoughts.
I look at him over my shoulder.
"Who?"
"His wife. She doesn't know that you feel something for her and that you're going to free her from that marriage."
I look once more at the bodyguard who should only protect me, but who over the years and with his loyalty to me has gained the courage to speak his mind. I smile, feeling a hot, black fury rising in my chest.
Yes, I'm doing this for her. The sentence in my mind seems to sound wrong and weak. I'm not doing this for her. I'm doing it for myself, for the desire I feel to have her by my side.
Beyond that, the image of those empty eyes has haunted me for months. Because of the purple finger marks I saw on her wrist. Because of her silence, which was louder than any scream.
"She doesn't need to know," I say finally, my words falling like stones on the dirty floor of the apartment. "She will never know."