Chapter 8

I hear that Madison Dahl, the utterly charming and amazingly talented young star of “Family Style,” has her fingers crossed that she’ll land a small part in an action movie over her winter TV hiatus. Here’s hoping Santa brings her what she’s wishing for!

—Nicki Swift I practically flew over to Madison’s house after class on Sunday I was so buzzed. We’d just had our last all-day class until the following weekend, and Larry had wanted to make sure we were revved up. Nothing he said seemed to wow Jenna, who kept dozing off, but his lecture sure had an impact on me.

“You can’t have a good film without a great script,” Larry explained once he’d showed us how to format a script (which I already knew, thanks to BRRB). “And where do great ideas come from?” Larry thumped on his chest. “In here. What are you passionate about? What keeps you up at night? What makes you angry or happy or sad? That’s the puzzle piece, everyone. Write what you know.”

Honestly, I thought that seemed like a pile of bull. There were a lot of things that got under my skin, but none of them seemed like movie material to me, unless you liked really boring movies. But then Larry explained how you can use personal stories as the jumping off place for big dramas. Like, “Batman Begins” isn’t really a story about a guy who fights crimes. At its center it’s about how this one man deals with the loss of his parents (hello, no wonder I liked the movie). The other stuff with the bad guys and the cool outfits was just window dressing.

I thought about what my life had become after my mom died. I hadn’t started fighting crimes or anything (duh), but I had gone undercover in a way. I turned my back on all the goals Mom had had for me and focused all of my attention on Madison’s ambitions. No wonder I had such a hard time coming up with a movie idea. I’d never had any dreams of my own, not really.

So, driving over to Madison’s, I was borderline obsessed with figuring out what my dream was. I kept thinking about Mike’s line about the story in my heart. I kept trying to come up with something, anything, that seemed like a fresh idea, but every idea I came up with was either stupid or had already been done. By the time I got to Madison’s my head was killing me.

And when I walked inside, my head started hurting a lot more.

“You’re not going to like this,” Madison whispered in my ear after she opened the door. “It’s like Cardi B and Nicki Minaj bumping into each other at the same party.”

There in the living room Mike and Jeremy were sitting on opposite sides of the sofa screaming at each other. Or, actually, Jeremy was screaming, and Mike seemed to be cracking up. Opposite the demented duo, Benny sat in an armchair, watching them rant back and forth like it was a high-volume ping pong game.

“You’ve never seen ‘Pulp Fiction’?” Jeremy shrieked, staring at Mike as if the guy had admitted to molesting children. “Or ‘Fight Club’?”

“Nope,” Mike shrugged. “So? Have you ever seen ‘Thor: Ragnarok?”

“No! Who cares!” Jeremy yelled. “But ‘Pulp Fiction’ and ‘Fight Club,’ they’re, like, a requirement to call yourself a man!” He fell back against the sofa, exhausted. Finally, he noticed me. “Erin, he’s never seen ‘Fight Club!’”

I shrugged. “Neither have I.”

Mike smiled at me. “Hey, Erin.”

“You haven’t EITHER?” Jeremy looked like he might actually burst into flame.

“I’ve got to get an aspirin,” I said quickly, dragging Madison towards the bathroom.

“Jeremy asked him about your boot camp thing, and everything was fine, but then they started fighting about movies,” Madison explained once we’d escaped to the master bathroom.

I opened up the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle. “I really do have a headache, you know. How did Mike get here so fast, anyway?”

“The good news is neither one of them has been here long,” Madison explained. “It just feels like it.”

“This is going to be a fun evening,” I sighed.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Jasper called me. He said you’ve never contacted him about auditioning.”

I wanted to say I’d forgotten about it, but that wasn’t entirely true. “I’m not sure I want to be on camera,” I admitted.

Madison socked me in the arm, hard. Apparently working out with Benny had greatly improved her upper body strength. “This is a great opportunity for you, Erin! Why are you being such a pain in the ass?”

“Because maybe I don’t want to be the token minority on your show,” I replied, rubbing my arm. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Why? What’s wrong with being Korean?” Madison looked as confused as she ever had in math class.

“I don’t know, nothing. It’s hard to explain.” As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, Madison had to add my Asian angst to the mix.

There was a knock at the door. “Jenna is here. And the two boys on the sofa appear ready for a scrap.”

Madison’s eyes actually lit up. “As long as they don’t break anything, this could be kind of fun.”

***

We walked back into the fight, still in progress. Jenna, sitting cross-legged on the floor, appeared to be keeping score.

“You cannot be serious!” Jeremy yelled at Mike. “What kind of mouth breathing idiot are you?”

“What is going on now?” Madison asked Jenna.

“Oh, they’re still talking about their favorite movies,” she said with a shrug. “It’s like Ebert and Roeper, if Ebert ever told Roeper he was mentally retarded.”

“So I don’t like ‘The Godfather,’ so what?” Mike said.

“There’s no way anyone with an active brain cell would say ‘Star Wars’ is better than ‘The Godfather.’ That makes no sense.” I sat down next to Jeremy and stroked his hair to calm him down, but he hardly noticed me.

“Filmmaking is subjective,” Mike said calmly. “We can just agree to disagree.”

“Apparently, they’re not teaching you anything at USC,” Jeremy spat back. “Or you’re not listening.”

“Actually, our teacher told us that ‘Star Wars’ made great use of Joseph Campbell’s monomyth theory,” I pointed out.

Mike pointed at me. “Yes! Excellent point! Larry loves ‘Star Wars’!”

Jeremy lurched off the sofa, waving his arms. “That doesn’t make it BETTER THAN ‘THE GODFATHER’!”

“Anyone hungry? Movies about murder always give me the munchies,” I chirped, desperate to change the topic.

“We could order a pizza,” Madison suggested. “What would everyone want?”

“Erin and I like pepperoni,” Jeremy grumbled.

“I like everything except green peppers,” Mike added.

“And we know what excellent taste you have,” Jeremy snarled.

“Actually, I don’t like green peppers either,” I said. It was true, but I would have said that no matter what, just because Jeremy was being a jerk.

Mike glanced over at me, the dimples flashing in his smile. “They ruin a pizza, if you ask me.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re a Spielberg fan,” Jeremy grumbled. “He’s such a hack.”

Mike shook his head. “You just hate popcorn movies, dude. ‘Jaws’ was a great movie.”

“And I bet you cried during ‘E.T.,’ right?” Jeremy sneered.

“Maybe,” Mike said, winking at me.

“I know I did,” I admitted. I totally sobbed like a baby when E.T. got sick, and if that made Jeremy think I was borderline simple, fine.

“Me, too,” Benny said. “Though I was very, very young.”

Jeremy was peel-off-the-ceiling livid, but Mike seemed completely unfazed, as if watching the steam pour out of his opponent’s ears was funny. I wish I felt as laid back. I just wished Jeremy would shut up.

“Can we change the topic?” I pleaded.

Jeremy finally seemed to notice I was alive. “Sure.” He took a deep breath, and the color in his face dipped from bright red to a rosy pink. “Did you show Madison your necklace?” his asked, looping his fingers through the chain and pulling it taught around my neck.

“Huh,” Mike said. “My dog has a collar like that. No offense. The silver chain just reminded me of it.”

I grabbed the chain away from Jeremy. Feeling the silver links between my fingers, I realized Mike was right. It was like a dog collar, except for the pendant.

“Clearly, you know as much about jewelry as you do about movies,” he snapped at Mike.

Mike shrugged, smiling innocently. “You’re absolutely right. I just call them as I see them.”

“Do I need to separate you guys?” Jenna asked. I don’t think she was joking, either.

“Can we decide on a pizza?” I sighed.

Finally, we all agreed on one cheese and one supreme hold the green peppers (everyone was pretty flexible except still-pescatarian Jenna) and we started the movie.

“Why haven’t they colorized this?” Jenna howled.

I stuck my toe into her back. “You didn’t listen to one word Larry said in class, did you?” I still couldn’t believe the girl who’d gotten the biggest rave for her short cared the least about filmmaking. It was so not fair.

“I told you, I just wanted to skip out on Thanksgiving. Is that so wrong?”

“Shhh!” Madison hissed, curling up with Benny on the chaise lounge. “It’s starting.”

Amazingly, even Jenna and the dueling movie critics got sucked into the movie. It wasn’t a mind-blowing concept or anything (a story about this evil woman and an insurance salesman who plot her husband’s death to cash in his policy). I mean, you see that every day on Court TV. But it was the way the characters talked, especially the sparks that flew between the cheating couple. And even though it was totally tame by today’s standards, it was still pretty hot.

Halfway through, Madison unwrapped herself from Benny’s embrace on the chaise lounge and tiptoed over to me. “What’s her name, that actress?” she whispered.

“Barbara Stanwyck,” I said, remembering the opening credits.

Madison nodded. “She’s good. Really good.” I could practically see the gears turning in Madison’s head. Just as I’d hoped, the tough blonde on the screen had gotten through the thick skull of the one standing next to me.

When the end credits rolled, everyone stood up to stretch. Jeremy turned to Mike. “Don’t tell me you didn’t think that was a great movie,” he said, already sounding irritated.

“Great performances, and great plot,” Mike said, “But—”

Jeremy actually grabbed the hair on the top of his head and yanked on it, as if he was losing his mind entirely. “But? There’s a but? You can’t be serious!”

“Hear me out,” Mike said. “I just think it’s a really cynical view of human nature. And of women.”

Jeremy’s face turned completely red. “It’s film noir, stupid!”

“Don’t call him stupid,” Jenna scolded. But Jeremy just ignored her.

“What, would you prefer something cuddlier, maybe? With Noah Centineo? A light romantic comedy?”

“Romcoms are good date movies,” Mike said, nodding. “You should check them out.”

“Well, thank God I’m dating someone who can tell a good movie from total crap,” Jeremy hissed.

“Actually, I love ‘When Harry Met Sally…’” I said.

Mike grinned at me. “That is a funny movie,” he said.

“You know what I like? ‘To All the Boys I Loved Before.’ That’s a sweet movie.” Madison said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You can’t watch art films 24/7, you know.”

“Exactly,” I said. I’d seen more than my share of romantic comedies, and some of them had been really good. And even though I knew Jeremy would dismiss them as chick flicks, it had never occurred to me that he’d think less of me for liking them.

“I’m surrounded by pinheads!” Jeremy bellowed.

Benny glared at Jeremy, obviously tired of my boyfriend’s tirade. “Watch yourself, my friend,” he said in a gravelly voice.

That seemed to calm Jeremy down, but it didn’t shut him up. “This is what’s wrong with filmmaking today,” Jeremy muttered, shaking his head as if we were a bunch of children who had disappointed him. “No one has standards anymore. Movies are junk food, pabulum to sedate the masses. And Hollywood just wants to make a fast buck. No one cares about making good films anymore.”

Madison’s face flushed red, but she didn’t say anything.

“I think you’re wrong,” Mike said quietly. “Erin and Jenna and I just sat through a class specifically so we could learn how to make good films. Meaningful films. And I think there are good movies out there. You’re just too stuck up to notice.” A slow grin spread across Mike’s face, as if he’d just thought of something. “And I’m sorry, didn’t you mention that you work at BRRB Productions? They made that straight-to-video Scooby Doo sequel, right?”

“I’m getting my foot in the door,” Jeremy fumed.

“Wow, look at the time,” Jenna said, staring at a non-existent watch on her wrist. “Gotta go!”

Jeremy walked over to Mike and jabbed a finger in his chest. “And if stuck up is having standards and not being a drooling, passive idiot, then yes, I’m stuck up and proud of it. Why don’t you go watch some Disney movies and cry yourself to sleep?”

“I do like ‘Luca,’” Mike said with a grin. I swear Jeremy was ready to punch him, but if Mike was worried he didn’t show it.

“And ‘Finding Nemo’ is good, too,” Jenna piped in.

I was about to throw in my vote for “Raya and the Last Dragon” when Jeremy grabbed me by the hand. “I’ve got to get away from you retards,” Jeremy growled, turning to me. “Let’s go back to my place.”

I’d convinced my dad to let me come over to Madison’s without my babysitter by explaining I had to watch movies for homework, but my curfew was an entirely unreasonable 10 p.m. Not that it mattered. For once I didn’t want to hang out with Jeremy, anyway. “Nah, I’ve got to go home.”

“Yes, of course. So your babysitter can tuck you in. I forgot. Maybe you and Mike can watch ‘Lilo and Stitch’ together.” The look on Jeremy’s face was one I remembered from before we started dating. Back when we hated each other.

“Don’t be an ass, Jeremy,” I hissed under my breath.

Amazingly, Mean Jeremy melted away, at least for the moment. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I was only teasing you, I swear.”

“Well, don’t,” I muttered.

“I think someone’s a little cranky,” Jeremy said, shooting me an exaggerated frown. “Is someone a little cranky? Sounds like someone needs their nap.”

“Stop it!” I yelled.

I realized the room had gone quiet. Everyone else was standing around staring at their feet, trying to ignore our little spat. I think they were as embarrassed as I was that my previously perfect boyfriend was revealing himself to be a screaming jerk.

“Okay, I’ll be good,” Jeremy said, drawing a halo over his head.

“Well, it’s been… interesting,” Mike said, heading towards the door. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Yeah, same here,” Jeremy said, grabbing me by the waist to steer me to my car, like I was a lost little kid or something. “I’ll walk you out.”

“Erin, I forgot, I need to make plans with you. For my next short,” Jenna said quickly. “Can you hang out for a minute?”

“Sure.” I turned to Jeremy. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“I can wait,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“This might take a while,” Jenna said. She smiled at Jeremy sweetly, so I knew something was up.

We waited until Mike and Jeremy had closed the door behind them, then Jenna spoke. “Okay, that was a total lie. I just didn’t like the way he was acting. I hope you’re okay with that.”

“And if she hadn’t done it, I would have,” Madison piped in. “He was being completely rude, you know.”

“I know, trust me,” I admitted. “He’s not usually like that.”

“Maybe he’s usually on his best behavior,” Benny said, perching himself on the sofa.

I was thinking about what Benny was getting at when we heard yelling outside the house.

“They’re fighting,” Madison said. She ran down the hallway, the rest of us hot on her heels.

We cracked open the front door and peeked outside, and right there in the driveway were Mike and Jeremy screaming at each other again. They hadn’t come to blows, but I’m sure it was just a matter of time.

“Don’t even talk to me about movies!” Jeremy bellowed, inches from Mike’s face.

“What is your problem?” Mike said, laughing in Jeremy’s face. “Oh, I know! You’re completely intolerant!”

“I am not intolerant! No one thinks ‘Cats’ is a great movie!”

Jenna elbowed me in the ribs. “You know they’re not fighting about movies, right?”

“What? Yes, they are,” I said.

“No, they’re fighting over you,” Jenna said. “I may have slept through class, but I heard what Larry had to say about subtext.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re entirely out of your mind, Jenna.”

Mike was in the middle of a rant about either ‘Cats’ or ‘Titanic’ or something. I couldn’t hear all of it until the end. “And it’s a lot more entertaining than either ‘The Godfather’ or ‘Taxi Driver!’”

I think that was the moment when Jeremy slugged him.

“Okay, fun’s over,” Benny said, pushing open the door and running over to Mike and Jeremy, who were now awkwardly wrestling with each other.

Considering Benny was probably strong enough to bench press both of them at the same time, he pulled Mike and Jeremy apart almost instantly. Even so, Mike stood there with a shiner and Jeremy had a bloody nose.

Benny eyeballed the two of them with utter disgust. “This stops here!” he roared. I could tell why he was a good personal trainer because if he used that voice on me, I’d force myself to do one hundred push-ups or whatever the hell so he didn’t yell at me twice. “You get in your cars, you drive home, and think about what you’ve done. You should be ashamed, acting like children on the playground. Now go!”

Madison sighed. “Is he not the hottest?” she cooed, watching as Benny gave Mike and Jeremy each a push towards their cars.

Scowling, Jeremy trudged towards his beater Honda. He jumped in, revved the engine loudly, then sped away with a screeching of wheels like a criminal on the run. He didn’t even bother to look back.

Mike ambled over to his Prius Prime, fumbling for his card. Eventually, he noticed Madison, Jenna and me staring at him like he was a science experiment.

He laughed a little, then waved and smiled at us as if the fight had never happened.

I waved back, and so did Jenna and Madison. And we started laughing a little, too.

“Want a cold compress or something?” Madison yelled.

Mike shook his head, then waved again and drove away.

“You know, Mike’s pretty cool,” Madison said.

“Yeah, he is,” I agreed.

“Cooler than Jeremy,” Jenna said.

“Hey, that’s my boyfriend,” I protested weakly as Benny herded us all back into the house.

“True,” Benny said. “But now the question is, why?”

***

That was the question I was asking myself all the way home. I cared so much about Jeremy, and I felt such a connection to him. But when he went all batshit crazy like he had, it made me wonder why I liked him at all.

My phone beeped. A text from Jeremy full of emojis. A sweating one, and anxious one.

Was I over him yet? I texted back a shrug and a confused face emoji. I wasn’t sure how I felt.

“Call me later?” he texted, followed by a flurry of roses and kissy-face emojis.

I wasn’t about to tell him I loved him, too. But I still thought I did, even if I wanted to punish him a little. A thumbs-up was all I typed before turning off my phone.

When I got home, the house was dark except for a blue glow coming from the living room. I figured my dad was watching television. “Hey,” I said as I walked in.

To my surprise, the head sitting in the recliner was Miss Do’s. “Annyonghaseyo,” she said, struggling to stand up. “You sit?” She pointed at her chair. I guess in her mind I was allowed to kick her out of it, since she was the hired help.

I gestured for her to relax. “What are you watching?”

It looked like one of the Korean soap operas my mom would watch every once in a while. Miss Do handed me the remote. “You watch?”

I shook my head. I just wanted to sit down for a minute, but Miss Do’s handmaid routine was bugging me. I was about to get up and head to my room when she turned to look at me. “You sad?”

I shrugged. Sad wasn’t really the word. I searched my limited Korean vocabulary. “Hollansuroun,” I said. Confused.

Miss Do nodded and muted the television. “You young,” she said, as if that explained everything. There was something about her face in that blue light that reminded me, weirdly, of my mom’s. Maybe because she was relaxed. I think this was the only time I’d seen Miss Do sitting still for more than a minute. Usually she was cooking or cleaning or dusting. Whatever my dad was paying her, I doubted it was enough considering how hard she worked. “Life hard young.” Miss Do nodded earnestly, then smiled at me.

For whatever weird reason, I started talking to Miss Do. Okay, it was more like talking at Miss Do, because I really don’t think she could understand most of what I was saying. Even so, I didn’t give her any juicy details. I mean, I never mentioned a word about Mike or Jeremy. I just talked about how I didn’t know what I really wanted. I didn’t know what kind of movie I wanted to make for class, I didn’t know if I wanted to be on Madison’s TV show, I didn’t know the story in my heart.

Miss Do didn’t say anything, but she nodded and sometimes made “hmm” noises that seemed sympathetic. I don’t know how long I rambled on, but eventually I ran out of steam. Miss Do paused, as if she was trying to form the sentences in her head before speaking.

“You find dream, you try,” she said. “True to you inside.” Okay, I almost cracked up then, because Miss Do was sounding a little like Yoda. She didn’t seem to notice. “Be Korean hard here. Do not dishonor you. Try hard. Work hard. Find dream. U.S.A. place dreams come true. Disneyland.”

Miss Do gave me a big smile, and I swear I wanted to cry right then. That line about Disneyland was something my mom would have said: an upbeat catch phrase from a commercial. I guess almost everyone who comes to America learns English by watching television, but it was more than that. To come here was my mom’s dream, and maybe it was Miss Do’s, too. They both believed there was a better life to be had in America, one with choices and freedom and opportunities. And really, I had that life. As much as I fought it, I was a lot like my mom and Miss Do, just one generation removed.

My problem, if you could really even call it that, was that I had too many choices. And I had no idea what it was like to not have any at all. I thought of Madison and her plans to kick Miss Do out of the country, and I felt awful. I promised myself I’d tell her to put the kibosh on those and right quick.

I’m not really sure what Miss Do said after that, because this idea started to form in my head. It was kind of vague at first, but as little jigsaw pieces of plot started falling into place, I knew I had it, the bare bones of my next movie. It wasn’t a spy thriller, or a period drama. But it was still exciting, at least to me.

It was the movie in my heart.

I realized Miss Do was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I smiled at her. “Thanks for listening to me,” I said.

“You welcome,” Miss Do said, smiling back. She looked pleased. I thought of how uncomfortable it must have been for her, having Victoria and me silently loathing her, and felt my face flush red with shame. Good thing it was dark.

I stood up and stretched, feeling tired in a good way. “I think I’m going to go to bed. Good night, Miss Do.”

“Good night, Song,” she replied. And you know what? I didn’t even mind that she used my Korean name.