Falling deeper and deeper

"I'm fine and I hope so," I whisper.

"Just so you know, you're brave and strong," Serena says as she sits down on the other side of me and wraps her arms around me as well.

"I don't feel that way. And I don't think I ever will. I'm nothing but a failure..... My grades are at rock bottom and I'm so stressed out. I don't even know if I'll get into any of the colleges I applied to. Fuck, I'm about to lose my mind," I cry.

"Breathe, baby. We're here to support you. Besides, the storm won't last forever," he tells me.

"It might. I love storms, but not the one that's invading my life." I try to laugh, but it sounds hollow and dead.

"You'll get through it. Besides, you've got us on your side," he says matter-of-factly. "If that bitch ever touches you again, tell me! I'll fuck her up."

His words make me feel better and I let out a laugh. I can't imagine the guys letting her get into any kind of fight.

"Thank you both for always being here for me," I say to both Noah and Serena .

"What, I don't get a thank you either? And here I was, bringing treats for us," Rent says with mock indignation as he walks over to us along with Zack and Chris .

When I look at them I let out a laugh. I see they have brought the liquor, glasses, ice and even some weed for us.

"It's party time!" Zack smiles in satisfaction and I can't help the smile that escapes me. The boys and their antics always seem to snap me out of my funk.

"They're my heroes." I laugh.

"Don't tell anyone or you'll ruin our reputation," Rent says with mock seriousness, and we all laugh. Today has sucked, but my night is turning out good with this group.

Chris pulls out his phone and a small speaker. He starts playing music while Rent and Zack pour drinks for everyone.

"Here's to new friends who hate the shitty people in this town!" yells Srena , and we all clap before taking a sip of our drinks. I know he's saying it for me, but I thank him anyway.

We stay on the beach partying - drinking, smoking and dancing - until after midnight. I enjoy every moment. It's the most fun and liberating time I've had since I came to this horrible place, and it makes me appreciate my new friends even more.

They never judge me. We all have our vices and things we keep hidden and I love that about them. We all have our own demons and I think that's why we work. It shouldn't make sense, but somehow it does.

Serena and I have shared personal things, but the guys keep their stuff well guarded. I know Noah's secret and it's the fact that he has to keep his relationship with Taylor a secret. I hate that for them, but I guess sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

The Slim brothers , well, those guys are a mystery. I don't think I want to know what secrets they're hiding. It's best to leave them alone when it comes to them.

When one o'clock in the morning comes, I decide it's time to go. I've had enough fun that I don't have to think about the humiliating time I've had today, in front of almost the entire town, and I've been at peace for a while. No doubt that will all be over when I get home.

Serena and the boys drive home while Noah drops me off. When he arrives at the mansion, I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean over to give him a hug.

"Thanks for today and for tonight," I say, smiling at him as I let go.

"Anything for you, sis," he says, winking at me.

"I'll text you later," I tell her before getting out of the car. I watch him drive off before I get inside the house, barely managing to stay upright because of how fucked up I am from the booze and weed.

LIA

I'm definitely more fucked up than I thought I was. I almost fall on my ass twice while trying to get in the house. It's almost two in the morning and I'm surprised the place is empty. I thought rich people spent the night partying or something.

I'm glad because I don't want my mother to see me like this. I don't want her to see me falling apart and barely hanging on by a thread. I'm especially glad I'm empty because I don't want to face people after the embarrassment Rayan caused me . God, just remembering how humiliating it was is like a knife straight to the heart.

I'm sure my face is fucked up with the scratch marks Lily left on me . I guess I can put today down as another one of the worst days of my life. When the fuck is the move here supposed to get better? I wish I knew the fucking answer to that question.

I'm feeling weird right now. I shouldn't have mixed the pills and alcohol, but it's too late now. The stress of everything is getting to me and I feel angry.

Angry at Rayan for everything he's put me through and how unfair it is that he doesn't have to face any consequences for his actions. I stumble up the stairs. I don't know why I do it, but I walk into his room instead of my own.

Seeing how tidy and spotless everything is, I'm overcome with a surge of anger and start tearing his room apart. I start with everything on his desk, throw his computer against the wall and tear up all the papers on his desk.

This is not going to make things better, but I feel a little better. I'm destroying things that are his. I fill the bathtub in his bathroom with water and throw in books, journals and what looks like albums.

I go to my room and grab the hair dye, before returning to hers and spraying it everywhere. I target his walls, his blanket and pour some in the bathtub and all over the bathroom. I don't even think about the consequences, I just think about how good it feels to mess up something of his. He'll kill me for this, but whatever.

When I'm done, I stumble back to my room and grab something from the bathroom and one of my empty sketch pads, pencils and my phone before heading back downstairs.

Since the backyard is empty, I plan to go there and sit for a while. Before I do, I grab a bottle of rum to take with me. It's not a pity party if you're not carrying alcohol, right?

I know I'm going to need it, as the demons inside my head are active right now and alcohol seems to be the only thing that calms them down. Either that or when I cut myself or drown myself in pills, at least until they start up again.

When I walk out into the backyard, it's thankfully empty. The strings of lights are still on and cast a nice, intimate glow around the entire space. It's picture perfect, but I don't find the beauty in it because it represents things I hate.

With a sigh, I leave the area and make my way to the back of the property, where the tree is, and take a seat on the grass. It's a quiet place but, again, the scene doesn't help calm the chaos in my head.

I feel something weird in my chest and lean my back against the tree to try to calm myself. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Maybe it's because I've been drinking before and that's why my heart feels like it's going to pound out of my chest.