Chapter Thirty-Four

For the first few days that Ford was home from the hospital, everything seemed perfect. The threat of losing his son was gone. Sure, Jaxon still had his insecurities, and it would take time, love, and therapy for him to fully accept he finally had a family he could trust. But he was so damn resilient, sometimes Ford could almost forget his son had gone through more than any child should have to.

Sitting on the porch, Ford kept his breaths shallow to avoid moving too much. He carefully leaned back in the rocking chair Akira had dragged out here so he could get fresh air. She’d laughed at him when he’d grumbled that the thing made him feel like an old man, then held back a grin when he’d admitted it was damn comfortable.

Out in the front yard, Jaxon was helping Cort rake leaves. He should be having fun, but this was one of those times Ford could tell his son was trying to prove he was good enough to keep. Most kids his age would be playing in the pile of leaves, throwing them around and having a blast.

Jaxon’s expression was serious as he gathered every stray leaf, then began picking them up and stuffing them in the compost bags.

“Hey, Jaxon!”

Looking up at Cort’s call, Jaxon let out a surprised yelp as Cort lifted him up and tossed him in the huge pile of leaves he’d piled up at the other side of the walkway. When Jaxon popped up, Cort already had an armful of leaves ready to dump over his head.

“Hey!” Jaxon laughed, shaking the leaves out of his hair. “You’re making a mess, man!”

“Me? Looks like you’re the one wrecking my pile!” Cort folded his arms over his chest, his lips quirking at the edges. “Time for payback.”

“Huh?” Jaxon’s lips parted as Cort headed over to the leaves he’d gathered. “Oh no you don’t!”

Dashing across the yard, Jaxon wrapped his arms around Cort’s legs. Cort toppled over as though Jaxon had actually thrown him off balance, which made Ford chuckle. Damn, his man was good with his son. He pressed his hand against his side, eager to be healed enough to join in the fun.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t supposed to be outside for too long for the first few weeks, because of the risk of infection. As the door opened and Akira came out, he stood slowly, hand on his side.

“I hate this for you.” She held the door for him, chewing at her bottom lip as he made his way inside. “I swear, if that bastard wasn’t dead, I’d hunt him down and kill him myself.”

Shaking his head, Ford ambled into the living room, settling in the chair closest to the window so he could continue watching Cort and his son play. “But he’s dead. And things are good.”

She watched him for a moment. “Are they?”

He stilled, turning to face her, but she’d already gone back out, carrying the tray she’d grabbed off the coffee table with three mugs of hot chocolate.

A fourth had been left on the table for him. He picked it up, taking a sip of the rich, creamy beverage that Akira had learned to make from scratch. She’d been doing that a lot lately, trying different recipes whenever she was home, telling him and Cort how much healthier home cooking was for a kid than all the instant meals with all kinds of preservatives. She’d been reading up a lot about raising kids, joining mom groups online and taking all the advice to heart.

Between her and Cort, Jaxon wasn’t lacking for anything. Which Ford was so grateful for, but part of him felt like he was on the outside, looking in. Everything seemed perfect.

But there was distance between him and his man and his woman. A distance he didn’t see between Cort and Akira. They were completely at ease when they were together. But the atmosphere in the room changed the minute he walked in. Akira still smiled, but there was a tension in her eyes. Cort’s bearing was protective as always, but guarded.

They were…waiting for something.

Probably for the other shoe to drop. Fine, no one could have predicted Kyle would kidnap Jaxon, but the hell they’d gone through for weeks before that was all on Ford. Because he’d handled trying to get custody of his son in the worst way possible.

And that wasn’t the only situation he’d completely fucked up.

Luke had called him the other day. Given him updates on Heath and Mackenzie. Seemed to wonder why Ford was so interested. Sure, Heath was part of the team, but Ford hardly knew the kid—as far as Luke was concerned, anyway.

He’d almost told Luke right then. But…he couldn’t. This wasn’t some small, shady shit he’d pulled that their tentative friendship would survive.

His relationship with Cort and Akira might not survive his stupid choices either. He’d been considering how to come clean to them for days, but kept talking himself out of it. They deserved a break from the disaster he’d caused. Only, was it really a break when they knew he still hadn’t been completely honest with them? That was the only thing that could explain their behavior.

I have to tell them. Let them decide if they can forgive me. Ford rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. It was so much easier to pretend life could go on, without dragging up his mistakes again and again. What if telling them ruined what Jaxon had now? He was getting comfortable here. If the truth came out, Ford might have to find a new home for them. Maybe even a new school.

The truth always comes out in the end. Better they hear it from you than from someone else.

Showered, teeth brushed, and ready to be tucked into bed, Jaxon stared up at Ford as he pulled the blankets up to his son’s chin. “Dad, is everything…okay? You were really quiet tonight. Are you hurting bad?”

“No, I’m all right, Jaxon.” Ford sat on the edge of his son’s bed. “I’ve just been thinking a lot.”

“About why Cort and Akira are mad at you?”

Ford cringed, glancing over at his son, who gave him an expectant look. “What makes you think they’re mad at me?”

“I don’t know. Just…” Jaxon sighed and shook his head. “Uncle Kyle was always mad, so I didn’t give a fuck, you know? But when I upset Auntie Andrea, it was different. I’d do something bad and she’d find out and would talk different. Like, she still loved me, but she was disappointed. I stole money from her purse once and it was like that for a week until I finally told her what I’d done.”

“Yeah, I can see that. And it probably took a while to earn back her trust.”

Jaxon nodded. “But she told me I couldn’t start earning it while I was still lying, you know?” He lifted his shoulders. “Now I don’t lie to her ever. She knows I fuck up, so—”

“Jaxon, we talked about the swearing.”

His son snickered. “But you hardly ever notice that I’m doing it because you swear all the time.”

“And I really gotta work on that.” Ford smoothed Jaxon’s hair away from his face. “We’ll work on it together, okay? And you need a haircut.”

“We gonna do that together too?”

“Sure.”

“Cool.” Jaxon rested his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. “G’night, Dad.”

“G’night, son.” Ford pressed a light kiss on Jaxon’s forehead, shut off the light, then left the room.

Leaving the door open a crack, he made his way downstairs, where Cort and Akira were sitting in the living room. Akira was on the floor in front of the coffee table, working on the music for the next few Ice Girl performances, earbuds in, head bopping slightly to the music as she chewed on the back of her pen.

Cort was sitting behind her on the sofa, running a soft bristled brush over her hair while watching a wrestling match on TV. He’d been doing that almost every night, a ritual between him and Akira that was soothing to watch. They both worked a lot, which limited their time together, but they managed to make sure every second counted.

Maybe now wasn’t the time to interrupt them with a confession.

There was always tomorrow.

The day after?

Never?

Ford’s throat tightened as he thought back on what Jaxon had said. If the kid had noticed the tension between them, it was only getting worse.

He slumped in the armchair across from the sofa, biting back a wince at the painful tug in his side. Then he did his best to sit up straight. “Let’s do this.”

Cort’s brow lifted.

Akira took out her earbuds.

“I…fuck, I don’t know how to say this, but I’ve gotta come clean.” He rubbed his hands on his thighs, lowering his gaze as they continued to stare at him. “You guys know this all started with my father. When Kyle told him about my son Anthony paid to have Kyle, Jaxon, and Andrea come stay with him. He had them there for a while before he even reached out to Oriana to set the ball rolling. Probably to get a feel for them. He realized Kyle would go along with his plans, that he was just as willing to use Jaxon for the right payoff.”

“But neither of your sisters would’ve accepted him dragging you into his schemes. So he didn’t tell you about Jaxon until they were gone. Until he could guarantee you wouldn’t expose him. Which he knew you wouldn’t, no matter how vile what he asked you to do would be.” Akira wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned back against Cort. In her white nightgown, she looked so delicate, but the way her jaw hardened, the way she held his gaze, reminded him of why she managed him and Cort so well.

There wasn’t much they could say or do that would throw her off. She knew who they were. And loved them anyway.

He breathed in, then nodded slowly. “I figured…fuck, Anthony isn’t above using his kids. He’d be on board with using someone else’s. All he wanted was time so he could put a plan in place to regain ownership of the team.”

“Speak plainly, Ford.” Cort kept his voice calm, but there was an edge of anger beneath it. He was running out of patience. “What exactly did you give him?”

“Nothing at first. I told him I had an idea. But I figured if I gave him a name, and didn’t warn the other person…” Ford’s chest tightened as the color left Cort’s face. He shook his head. “Cort, this was nothing like your situation. Warning Tim wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“You don’t fucking know that.” Cort eased Akira away from him, then pushed off the sofa. He paced over to the window, then turned, arms folded over his bare chest. “But after what happened, how could you possibly think it was okay to drag someone else into another mess with your family? To put a fucking target on their back?”

“Anthony isn’t Kingsley.”

“The bullet hole in your side would suggest he’s willing to work with the same goddamn type of people.”

Ford lowered his gaze. Inclined his head. “You’re right. And I didn’t consider that. I should have.”

“You think?”

“I fucked up. And then I kept fucking up. I asked Heath to make friends with Keane’s daughters. He’s close to their age and I figured Anthony would buy him working them.” Ford hunched his shoulders. “He’s a good kid. I knew they’d be safe with him.”

But once he’d involved Heath, things had gotten completely out of control.

He thought back to when Heath had come to his bar, sitting on a stool as Ford offered him a beer and they chilled there for a bit, discussing the team. And Ford’s plan.

“So your Dad has a way to keep the team from relocating?”

“He might, but there are other people working on it.” Ford took a swig of beer, eying Heath as he picked at the label of his own. “If you don’t want me to mention you, I won’t.”

“Which means you won’t get to see your son.” Heath’s brow furrowed. “Did you really think I’d say no, mate?”

Ford polished off his beer, choosing his words carefully. “I hoped you wouldn’t, but I want shit clear, you know? Keane’s kept his daughters away from the team for a reason. I don’t want them on the front page of some rag magazine. I don’t want this destroying your career.”

“But why would it? You asked me to meet them. What’s it gonna hurt to ask how they feel about the team moving?” Heath rolled his shoulders. “Maybe they don’t want it to either.”

At the time, he’d figured Heath was right. Ford had felt better about the whole thing, it seemed so fucking harmless.

But the next time Heath came to the bar to meet with him privately, things had changed.

“I’m dating Mackenzie.”

Choking on his beer, Ford stared at the young man. “What? Dude, that was not part of the plan.”

“I didn’t plan it. She says she likes being around me…” Heath looked completely drained. “I’ve never really dated a girl.” He lowered his voice, glancing around the bar as though afraid to be heard, even though they were alone. “I like her. She’s fun to hang out with.”

“Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?” Ford raked his fingers through his hair. “Do you have feelings for her or not?”

“I…” Heath groaned and grabbed his beer, draining it in a few long gulps. He tightened his grip around the neck of the bottle as he set it down. “You told me what you’re dealing with. I have my own reasons for doing this. I have a friend I’m trying to get on the team. He’s gay. My old team in Russia, they think he ‘turned me’. It’s hard to convince them otherwise when I never go on dates.”

“Jesus, Heath. You’re not using the owner’s daughter as a fucking beard.”

“A what?”

“A chick you date to convince people you’re straight.”

“I am straight.”

“Bullshit.” Ford leaned across the table, his voice low. “Like it or not, we’re in this together. And it’s my fault you’re involved at all. You really need a chick to be seen with? I’ll find you one.”

Heath’s lips thinned. “Mackenzie’s been talking to her father about the team. She thinks he might change his mind.”

“Don’t fucking push her, Heath.”

“I didn’t have to. I was honest with her. I’m scared the team moving will ruin my fucking life. My brother and sister’s lives.” Heath braced his elbows on the table and lowered his face to his hands, rubbing his eyes. “This might work. All I have to do is stay with her. Treat her right. I can do that.”

Ford should have ended things that day. Told Heath he was clearly fucking confused. He’d never try to force the kid to come out, not when he was obviously still struggling with his identity, but he should have reminded him how young Mackenzie was. That saving the team wouldn’t matter if her father found out and traded Heath to get him away from her.

Instead he’d decided that if Heath wanted to try out a relationship with the girl, it was between them. Except for reporting into Anthony that Heath had made progress, of course.

As he told Akira and Cort all the details, holding nothing back except his suspicions about Heath’s sexuality—that wasn’t his secret to tell—he realized he’d had many opportunities to make better choices. The biggest mistake was not figuring out why Heath had stopped reaching out to him. They’d spoken one last time, outside the forum after a game.

That night, Heath asked him for a cigarette.

“This is a bad idea, kid.” Ford felt like a hypocrite, considering he’d started smoking again after ditching the habit for months. But he had to discourage Heath from starting at very least. “Yeah, I do it. But I’m not making money off my body.”

Heath snorted at that. “You make me sound like a whore. Fucking fitting.”

Shit. That didn’t sound good.

“I’m not a kid. And I don’t need a lecture.”

“Fine.” Ford handed him a cigarette. Maybe he’d decide it was nasty and toss it. Ford took note of the shadows under Heath’s eyes as he flicked his lighter and let Heath light his smoke. “You doing all right?”

Shrugging, Heath took a long drag. As expected, he bent over, raggedly coughing and cursing. “Shit, this is bad.”

“Yup.” Ford grinned as Heath glared at the cigarette. “Which means you should stop.”

“Maybe.” Heath inhaled slowly, then took a smaller puff. “But doesn’t mean I will.”

Finishing the whole fucked up story, Ford stared at the floor, not ready to see the anger in Cort’s eyes yet. Or the disappointment in Akira’s. He let the silence drag out, wishing he could take back everything he’d done. Everything he’d let happen.

But he couldn’t.

He finally lifted his head. Both Cort and Akira were watching him.

Still waiting.

He wet his lips with his tongue. Cleared his throat. “I was wrong. So damn wrong and I should have…I don’t know. Maybe if I’d talked to you we could have found a way to get Heath out of this whole mess sooner. But I convinced myself it wasn’t so bad. Tried to focus on my son. And screwed that up too.”

“Yeah, you did.” Cort held up a hand when Akira frowned up at him. “And in no way does this excuse anything you did, but…Heath did have a relationship with Mackenzie. One he wouldn’t have been in if not for you, but he continued it because he wanted to.”

“Because he thought it would save the team.”

“There’s more to it. More you aren’t telling us, but I respect that there are some things you can’t share because they aren’t about you.” Cort rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I don’t like any of this, but I’m gonna be honest. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be.”

Ford blinked at Cort, not sure he was hearing him right. “You’re joking.”

“No. This was a stupid plan that blew up in your face. If you’re lucky, no one ever finds out. If you’re not, you’ll face the consequences.” Cort shrugged. “No one’s dead. Other than Kyle. I consider that a win.”

All right… Wasn’t expecting that. But maybe he should have. Cort had seen him through much worse.

So had Akira, but she didn’t look quite so forgiving. “Heath and Mackenzie broke up. Not many people knew they’d been dating, but there are rumors. We suspected as much when we saw the message on your phone.”

“When you…” Ford’s mouth went dry. He looked from Akira to Cort. Shook his head. “You already knew.”

“Not the details, but yeah, we knew.” Cort returned to the sofa, wrapping his arms around Akira and pulling her up into his lap. “I thought it would take you at least a month to come clean. Akira said the guilt would get to you within the first week. She wins.”

Akira smacked Cort’s knee. “This wasn’t a competition. And I don’t appreciate you making light of it.”

“I’m not. But I’m also more concerned with where we go from here.” Cort rested his cheek against Akira’s hair, holding Ford’s gaze with a hard one of his own. “Your father knew he could use you. What happens next time? Nothing’s changed.”

“Everything’s changed.” Ford moved to stand, but the wrench in his side kept him in place. He gripped the arms of the chair. “I know how close I am to losing you. How close I came to losing my son because I reacted like a fucking criminal, rather than a father who had rights. Akira showed me how hard I was making things, when I didn’t need to. But it was too late.”

“I’m happy to hear that, Ford.” Akira slid off Cort’s lap and crossed the room, standing over Ford, but not close enough for him to reach out and hold her. “And I’m willing to let this go, but…I need time. I need to see you’re really serious about doing better. It scares me when you do things like this.” Her gown brushed against her bare thighs as she stood there, looking down at him, her eyes filled with so much pain it broke his heart to know he’d put it there. “I hate that you don’t trust us enough to ask for help.”

“I won’t do it again, Akira. I swear.”

“I want to believe you, but like I said, it’s going to take time.” She gave him a sad smile, then reached out and cupped his cheek in her hand. “I love you, but I have to get some sleep. Thank you for being honest. It’s a good start.”

But it wasn’t enough and Ford knew that. He watched Cort and Akira leave the room, glad that he was staying in the guest room while he was healing. He needed to figure out a way to make things right. Needed the time alone to think.

He had a feeling he’d have plenty.