Chapter 72 Feelings for an Ex
Without thinking, I push myself away from the wall, my chest is so tight with every broken sound coming from inside the room.
I can’t listen to this anymore.
My hand trembles as I reach for the door, but before I can stop myself, I push it open.
Both Terry and Will turn.
Terry’s face is drenched in tears, her whole body is shaking just like mine. Will looks… shattered. Completely and utterly shattered. We stare at each other for seconds.
Then Terry sees me.
“Shiv…” Her voice cracks, barely holding her cheerful self together.
That’s it, I did all this.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, though I don’t even know who I’m saying it to.
Will lets out a hollow, humorless laugh, dragging his hand down his face. “Yeah,” he says roughly. “You should be, dear friend.”
Terry breaks completely at that, she can't stand it that she's hurt Will, so do I. I hear a sob tearing out of her as she stumbles toward me.
“I didn’t mean for this, Shiv, I didn’t,” she cries, clutching onto me like I’m the only thing keeping her upright.
I wrap my arms around her instantly, holding her tight as she falls apart against me.
“I know,” I whisper, even though nothing about this is okay. “I know…”
But knowing doesn’t fix anything.
Behind us, Will exhales shakily, and when I look up, his eyes are red, but it's red from pain, not anger anymore.
“Just… go,” he says quietly.
Terry stiffens in my arms.
“Will…” she chokes.
He shakes his head, stepping back like even looking at her hurts too much. “I can’t do this. Not right now. Just please. Go.” Will's final voice is unbearable.
Terry lets out a broken cry, her fingers gripping my shirt tighter.
I don’t give her time to argue.
“Come on,” I murmur softly, pulling her back. “Terry… come on.”
She resists for a second, like she might run back to him, but then another sob rips through her, and she collapses into me instead.
Together, we leave.
The door clicks shut behind us.
By the time we make it outside, Terry is still crying, her breaths are totally uneven, her whole body shaking too.
“I’ve ruined everything,” she gasps. “I’ve ruined everything, Shiv…”
Tears blur my own vision now, spilling over before I can stop them.
Because she’s right.
And I was part of it.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my voice breaking as I hold onto her.
And for a long moment, we just stand in the hallway, both of us crying, knowing with Will nothing will ever be the same.
It took as hours to cool down, Natte came to take me away while Denis stayed with Terry.
Natte and I spent the rest of yesterday in his suite. We got room service, watched a movie, and did other things, of course.
I called Vicky and explained everything that had been happening with Natte and Will. I thought it was going to be a really awkward conversation, but Vicky’s not stupid, she knew everything.
But I do, I don’t want to take liberties.
After I came off the phone with Vicky, I did start thinking about my influencer work and how it’s kind of weird that Natte and I are a couple, and I’m still going to be working with him.
I started to think maybe I shouldn’t be.
But I don’t know a part of me feels like it’s a conflict of interest. Then on the flip side, I don’t want to lose this great opportunity for my career, so I’m trying not to overthink it at the moment.
I called my dad too. He wasn’t surprised about Natte and me either. He must have sensed it when they visited.
And whereas my dad was absolutely delighted about Natte and me, my mum was, as I expected, a little more reserved about it.
I love her so much for her concern, but I know Natte will never break my heart. I'm not just any other girl to him. We’ve known each other a lifetime.
Yes, I know life with Natte will be bumpy, crazy, and a little difficult at times, but I don’t think he would ever truly hurt me.
I know because I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me, his love for me, and I wonder how I never saw it there before.
“Baby, can you pass me that charger?”
Natte and I are busy in our own work.
Steve is inside working in the living room, rearranging Natte’s documents on his resume as the new Alpine resort.
Natte passes over the charger, and as I’m taking hold of it, he catches hold of my wrist and pulls me forward across the table. Meeting me halfway, he plants a long, delicious kiss on my lips.
“You... you're crazy,” I murmur.
“So are you,” he winks, and my face instantly flushes.
Shivers run from my head to my toes at the memory, a heat rising fast in me.
I sit back in my seat, picking up my laptop again.
“So what do you want to do today after sorting out your work?” Natte asks.
Tim and Sal took the jet back to London, so there’s just the four of us, Denis and Terry, and Steve and of course Ben are still here around.
Despite everything that happened yesterday, everything is good, and I really want to go out with Natte today, but I don’t think I should.
I scrunch my face up in anticipation of what I’m going to say.
“No, it’s not that. I mean, I don’t want you spending ridiculous amounts of money on me, but I get that you’re rich and things are different when you’re rich, so I’ll have to get used to that… it’s just.”
“What?” His brow furrows.
“I just thought maybe we could stay in.”
“I know, and it was so awesome that I want to do it all over again.”
His frown deepens, causing a line to form between his brows, so I know he’s not buying it.
“Yesterday was a little bit tense, no doubting that, and last night and this morning too, but that’s not it, Shia. There’s something you’re not telling me. Why don’t you want to go out with me?”
“It’s just what?” His tone is so forceful that I give him a sharp look.
“Well, it’s just, I um…” I drag my fingers nervously through my hair. “I just know that if we go out together, it’s highly likely that we’ll be photographed together, because you’re, well, you. And because you’re you, and you’re out with a woman… those photos will undoubtedly end up in the tabloids at some point.”
“You don’t want people to know we’re together?” He’s still frowning at me. “Are you ashamed of me or something?”
“No! How could you think that?”
“Um.” He rubs his forehead with his fingers, giving me a hard stare. “Because you don’t want to be seen in public with me.”
“It’s not that. I do want to be seen in public with you. I’m so happy to be with you. I love you. It’s just…” How do I say this without causing a row? “I messed up someone's life and Terry and Will only broke up yesterday.”
“And I just think it would be really insensitive of me to go out in public with you and for those pictures to end up in the press for him to see that I'm happy while I destroyed his best hopes. It’d be like rubbing salt in his already raw wound, and I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.”
“So this is about Will. What a fuckin’ surprise!” He throws his hands up in the air. “All you seem to care about is his feelings. What about my feelings, Shia? Or are they still irrelevant to you?”
I look at him, shocked. “Your feelings were never irrelevant to me. I care about you, Natte, so much. I couldn’t bear the thought of you hurting. I love you, I’m in love with you.”
“You’re being irrational.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you!” I’m starting to get really annoyed now. “We had an affair behind everyone's back! I broke someone's heart only yesterday morning! I’m trying to spare causing him any more pain than I’ve already done!”
“I didn’t sleep with Will, I told you, he was just a fake boyfriend I introduced to you.”
“You think I’m talking about sex here, Shia?” He slams the cigarette packet back on the table. “I’m talking about the fact that you were lying in bed next to a man all night, when it should have been me. I should have been the one waking up beside you.”
“You have me now!” I yell, frustrated. “And every single day from now! Why are we even talking about this?!”
“I do!” I take a calming breath in through my nose. “I just want to wait a little while,” I say in a calmer voice. “Let things settle down.”
“So you’re telling me you won’t go out with me?” His gaze is fixed and determined.
I shake my head, no.
“Natte, please let’s not do this.” I stand up, reaching for him. “I don’t want to fight.”
“Yeah, well I do.”
He storms off into the living room.
“You’re being unfair,” I say from behind him.
Steve looks up from the laptop.
“I’m being unfair?!” Natte rounds on me.
Steve gets out of his seat and quietly slips across the room and out the main door. I don’t blame him. I wish I could leave too.
“Yeah, and you’re acting like someone who still has feelings for her ex! Are we really back there again, Shia? You stuck between me and your mysterious guy and friends again? Do you want to go back to them?”