LEVI'S POV
[Warning: SPG]
When I saw her tears fall, I felt how worthless I am. That I knew I could do something to get rid of all the pain he was feeling, but I didn’t.
“Astraea can love you more than enough but you crashed her. Add to what she is going through now,” Jaxon told me emphatically as soon as Lumiere left.
I want to be mad at him now but I can't because I know I was really wrong.
"What do you mean?" I asked him, I saw in the corner of my eyes Mari's stare at me.
"She lost her brother and mother… and now, you've also lost her."
That was the last thing he told me before following Lumiere out of the hut. I feel the burning anger for myself and the situation I entered. I don't even know why I'm here.
“Levi—”
“Fuck off, Mari. Leave me alone,” I told her tiredly as she was about to speak.
I got dressed and went back to bed. I sat there with my whole face covered. I want to punch myself for not explaining what really happened. I let her leave with a shattered heart. I let her leave devastated. I didn’t do anything. The pain I saw in her eyes earlier as she looked at me pierced my heart.
That even if she didn’t bother to utter any word, throw sharp words to me, she stayed silent. She always stays silent when hurting and I fucking hate it!
“Levi, please… I don't know either. I fell asleep while crying and… oh, no. Please, nothing happened— ”
“Nothing will really happen because I will never let it. You are not Astraea,” I firmly interrupted what she was going to say and stood up.
I looked straight at her. I saw pain all over her eyes while staring at me.
“I know what you’re doing, Mari, and I’m telling you to stop this. Stop it while I still have respect for you. I love Rae and you can never change that,” I firmly said to her and went on my way only to find out that she’s gone.
Thin air. She’s gone. With my cousin. Great, Levi.
After a week of trying to see and talk to her, I stayed outside the burial chapel of her mom. Jaxon and even her friends didn’t let me talk to her even for just a seconds because they were all so mad at me. What I just don’t understand is why this ‘stupid’ guy is getting into the situation.
“What is your role? Waiting for everything that is slowly disappearing from me?” I confronted him last time.
I know he likes Astraea. I just don’t know if it’s really true. I know Jaxon more than himself. I will never allow it.
He smirked at me and shook his head.
“Same old reason, Lev? You still can't move on?” He was making fun of me. I could feel my anger slowly rising in my head.
“I’m warning you, Jaxon. If you want to avenge your broken relationship with Hoseah, don’t ever use Astraea against me. I can forget that we are cousins,” I told him emphatically.
I waited for him to answer but he just smiled back at me so I was even more annoyed.
"Let's see if she still wants to take you back," he said proudly and left me there.
I just followed him with my gaze until he entered the chapel. Some time later, I almost fell to my feet when I saw Rae with him coming out. They stopped for a moment near the entrance and Jaxon seemed to say something to her. I wanted to cross right away between the two of us but I couldn’t. I felt like I was stuck in my position the moment I saw her.
Jaxon was left at the entrance.
Right after I saw her eyes, I felt weak. The emotion I see in her eyes now is varied. That with the sheer weight of those emotions I couldn’t while she just seemed to have nothing on her. She’s just deadly staring at me.
“Lumiere…” I uttered and almost touched her but she refused.
She looked away from me which made my heart sank. It was as if I was slowly being killed by the pain. Her eyes were full of disgust while looking at me. That if it wasn't necessary, she wouldn't really look at me.
“Hey… please, look at me,” I told her again and tried to reach her hands but she refused again.
She finally met my gaze again. I can see the anger and pain in her eyes but she gives me a cold look. She didn't look at me that way before.
"What are you doing here?" She coldly asked me.
When I tried to reach her hands again, she avoided me again so I could do nothing.
“Please… talk to me. I am now here, baby. I’m so… sorry,” I muttered but she only laughed at me.
“I don't need you anymore, Lev. Go away,” she told me emphatically and turned her back on me so I quickly took her hands and locked her in my arms.
“I’m so sorry... I know I was fucking wrong but everything you think is wrong. I was just comforting Mari when she got there from the hospital because she was having an asthma attack. I fell asleep and I... nothing happened, I swear to God,” I begged to her. I heard the crack of my voice.
She quickly and violently pushed me away from her and punched my chest. I let that go because I knew that was the only way she could alleviate the pain. Those punches were even missing because of what I did.
“I don’t fucking need your explanation! Get out!" She screamed in despair.
“Lumiere, please... I will not leave here until we are well. I’m so sorry— ”
“I told you I needed you here but you fucking ignored me! I need you here, Levi, but you didn't let me! Do you know what I went through while you were with her? My brother died while I was missing you so much!” She shouted while sobbing.
"Y-you didn't give me even a moment!" She added while almost kneeling down in front of me.
I told her I can’t fucking lose her but she refused again. If then she agrees with everything I do, now it is repeated and several times she has rejected me.
"You just lost me, Levi..." she whispered.
“I... I went there to see you because I miss you so much. While I was busy chasing you, I couldn’t take care of my own mother. D-do you know how painful it is? That... I put you first even though I know she was not in a good condition!” She told me as she pushed me again.
I couldn’t even stop myself from crying because I was so angry for myself. That even though I really want to take her back right now and calm her down like she did to me I think is wrong. I know this time I don’t have a choice anymore but I will never ever give her up.
“A-and now she’s gone... I-I couldn’t even say goodbye to her! I-I didn't get a chance to say I still needed her, that she wouldn’t leave me. I-I lost her when I wasn’t with her because I was chasing you! D-do you fucking know how painful it is? T-that you’re supposed to be my strength while I’m fucking here... at my darkest days…” she paused and sobbed harder.
Even when I was just looking at her, I could feel the tiredness in her whole being. And I can’t fucking accept it that I’m one of the reason why she’s so exhausted! That she should have rested on me too but I didn’t.
“L-Lumiere, please... don’t do this. I fucking love you. I’m so sorry...” I uttered on my crack voice.
She just shook her head and turned her back on me.
“I... I will always regret that we met. I should just let you remain a stranger to me,” she almost whispered to me and walk away from me.
I felt my heart die when I heard what she said. That in so much pain, I was no longer able to chase her anymore. That in so much pain, I never thought to insist any more. I promised to love her more than she deserves but I broke my own promise. I don’t know what should I do anymore.
-
"Do you know the news already?" Celine greeted me when I entered the Casa.
I just looked at her for a moment and went straight to the kitchen to get some water. I just came home from a business trip. It’s been a week since Astraea and I talked. I still wanted to go back to their house but this fucking trip happened at the same time so I lost time.
Never mind, I can go now.
"I think, not yet," Celine uttered so I looked at her.
"What is it?" I asked her.
She leaned against the door jamb and stared at me intently.
“Jaxon is leaving with Astraea. They’re… in a relationship, do you believe?”
I almost let go of the glass I was holding when I heard that. My jaw immediately tightened and I almost threw the glass back on the table there.
"Where's that fucktard?" I asked her in a quarrelsome tone.
“Well, he’s now packing his few things here. Maybe it will end because earlier p— ”
I didn't finish what Celine was going to say because I hurried to Jaxon's room which was still on the third floor. I almost ran into it because it might have gone away.
When I got there, I almost broke down the door just to open it. I was exposed to his frown and Celine was right. It's packing.
"Are you really not taking what I told you seriously?" I told him emphatically. I wanted to cross between us and punch him in the face because he had no respect.
It grinned.
"So, you knew? Did they tell you?” He asked and mocked me even more.
“Damn, Levi. With the two of us, you are still the loser. Astraea gave herself to me just to forget you, do you know how desperate move was that?”
My fist immediately flew into his face the moment I heard that. It fell to the floor so I rushed at it again and even punched him.
“You are an animal! You really have no respect! I already told you to stay away from her! I will kill you, you fucking beast!” I shouted and it was almost out of breath because of my choke. Fortunately Celine and Maxim arrived.
"Oh, my God! Stop it! Are you going to kill him?” Maxine shouted and held my arms.
“How thick is your face and how do you feel about Astraea being swapped? I wouldn't be surprised if you just fabricated what you said something had happened to the two of you. Astraea wouldn’t do that to me!” I shouted and was about to kick him again but Maxim stood up in front of me.
"Levi, stop it!" She shouted.
Jaxon laughed. He wiped the blood from his nose and lips as he looked at me.
“Come, let’s ask her. Let's ask her what I did to her that night— ”
“My god, Jaxon! You need to stop! Aren't you ashamed?!" Celine cut him off.
I catch my breath as I look at him. I was suddenly frightened by what he said. That even though I knew I only believed in Rae, there was a part of my brain that was in turmoil.
Because it's not likely that she made a way for me to forget right away. And that was my revenge so she gave in to Jaxon. I can’t believe her.
And just like that, I spent many years in my office trying to forget her while longing for her. I will never forget the lone woman who surrendered to me and gave me peace in just a moment.
I closed my eyes and remembered the first night something happened to us. We’re drunk that time but I was still conscious. She is no longer.
I touched her waist. Her skin was so soft and dammit, I am already turned on that fast! Even when I first met her, I already knew how soft she was because that screamed at her personality.
I know she already feels me. She turned and faced me. Her lips parted so my jaw tightened. Damn, she’s going to slap me hard if I try to kiss her right now. But her damn lips looked so delicious!
I caressed her on her waist. I could feel her slight shock. Her eyes widened even more. Apparently not used to this. That is true because I know her life is only home and work. She doesn't even have a boyfriend.
She’s probably a virgin still. I wonder if she’s wild in bed. I looked at her hip and looked up again at her lips. She bit it. I can’t take this. I need to be alone with her. I need to taste her so bad. It was her fault because she seduced me. She’s so innocent. No, it's alcohol's fault.
I’ve never been this fast with a woman. Even with the two women in my life, I didn’t do it. Normally it takes time for me to get turned on but this woman is too hot. Her innocence is too hot to deal with. I can’t wait to feel her skin. I can’t wait to kiss every inch of her. I can’t wait to hear her moaning or whimpering. I want her panting and sweating under me. Images of her sweat in between her collarbones made me dizzy. Fuck, Levi, get a hold of yourself. You can’t explode this early just yet!
And when I laid my hands on her, that’s not what I was thinking. I want her to moan in pleasure. I want her to whimper and moan in pleasure under me.
Those six years that she lost to me changed me. I can’t believe that in a span of 1 year, a lot has changed in me.
Astraea taught me to see good things in all people. That everyone has the ability to hurt and also has the ability to be kind. That is why she appreciate everything in this world like she’s more than contented.
Astraea taught me how shallow revenge is. Revenge cannot restore those who have been destroyed. So when I found out what Jaxon had done to our relationship back then, I ignored that but I still didn’t forgive especially Noah. I will never forgive the people who tried to take Astraea away from me.
She taught me about sacrifice. You hurt for the people you love.
And damn, for the last time, Astraea taught me how to love again. This time, I know it’s pure and innocent. She taught me to love without asking for anything in return. But why is it my love for her, in need of a replacement? Thinking about her not loving me in return can hurt me beyond fucking repair. I feel, when I don’t feel her again, I would bleed to death.
Her love soothed me from the monsters and demons that haunted me. She tamed me through her lips and her eyes. I become innocent again because of her whole personality.
“I’m going to her! I'll be there for a while!” I shouted angrily at her.
It laughed and stood up.
"Fine, it's up to you," she told me with a laugh and gave me the address.
“Thanks, Max,” I told her.
I didn't wait for her to answer and hurried to Astraea's condo unit. I couldn’t wait to see her. That even though I see her in the office every day, I still want to be with her every hour.
When I got to her condo building, I immediately took the elevator. A few minutes, later it opened. Before I could get out of there, my hair stood on end at what I saw.
Astraea holding hands with a girl that I think, five years old? I’m not sure. And I know who is this kid. She’s the same girl I’ve met on the cemetery.
I focused my gaze on her and to the girl. Who is this kid? Why are they together? What does this mean?
“L-Levi…” I heard her whispered.
"You!" The kid suddenly hissed and looked up to Astraea. “Mommy, that’s him! The one who gave me the hairpin!”
The girl came up to me. All the questions flooded my mind even more because of her call to Astraea. Mommy? Is this child her daughter?
"How old are you?" I asked her.
The kid smiled at me. "I'm five years old."
My whole being trembled when I heard that. Astraea left me almost five years ago. This is my child! We have a child! She was pregnant when she left me. That's why. This kid resembled me. Especially when I was young. We are the same color of eyes. She got everything from me.
This is my daughter. Why did she keep it a secret from me? What happened? Why hasn't she told me yet? My heart was squeezing as I thought I didn’t know. I didn’t know she was pregnant. I should have been there! She was taken care of while pregnant! I don’t know how she gave birth to it. Her first months? Did our daughter put her to sleep when she was a baby? Her first birthday. Her first everything.
I sighed and nodded. Damn, Rae. I can’t get enough of you. That even if you are pregnant, I still want to get you pregnant over and over again.
“Levi…” She cried my name again.
My movement became faster, harder, and deeper. More intense. I held her thigh tightly around my waist. She clutched the bed sheets tightly. He bit his lip and when he released it I could feel his weakness. Her body convulsed over me. I can feel her intensity. That’s it, Lumiere. I am the only one who can ever make you feel that way.
I applied my lip to her. She couldn’t kiss me back. She’s drained because of what happened and I can’t help but smile.
“Levi…” she called me again and kissed me back.
I filled her harder and faster again. I filled her to the brim, forcefully and frantically. Her hot and wet insides made me mad. I felt the lift of all the sensations I felt.
My body convulsed. I poured out all my frustrations, my longing, my love inside her. Because I can't take it anymore. I love every bit of her and I need her in my frigging lifetime.
I hugged her when my heartbeat returned to normal. I caught my breath as I lay down next to her. Beads of her sweat caressed my skin. I smiled. That’s for you, my love.
“I love you, Astraea Lumiere Laxamana. I’m gonna change your name and our daughter’s name…” I said.
She nodded. She turned to me. I pout.
“You don't want to be here in Batangas? Do you prefer Tierra Fima?” I asked her.
"It's not that big and we're just the three of us," she regretted.
“You have no choice. You’re marrying me so you have to deal with it. Asteria Lorraine Acuzar…” I said.
I kissed her again and hugged her.
“Thank you for bringing our daughter to this world, Lumiere. Thank you so much.”
She laughed. "I'm sorry that you're outdated though… I love you," she told me softly.
I feel like it’s a sin to be this happy.
“I am madly in love with you, Lumiere. Words aren’t even enough to describe it.”
The two of us looked at each other. I could clearly see the redness in her eyes. It was as if my heart was pounding as I saw her like that. I hugged her again.
“I love you so much, Astraea Lumiere. I’m so glad you came back to me. Thank you.”
THE END...