Chapter 40

With each step I begin to understand that my slippers are not made to be walked in. On the contrary. They are made to look good on my feet and that's it. Or at least, if I want to walk at all, they beg me to walk on flat, perfectly straight and smooth surfaces. The pavement destroys my ankles and it feels like an extreme sport to keep my feet straight. I have some demonic boots with a hard, high sole. Maybe it's also the fact that I've gotten used to these kinds of slippers in the last four years and that I've only been walking in sneakers lately. These slippers give me anxiety just because there are journalists at this party and even if I'm not exactly a star, I would still feel ridiculous if I fell and appeared in some newspaper all piled up on the ground. It's my biggest fear right now. A meteorite could hit the earth, that's fine, but if I fell then... Eh, then I would die of shame.

"Breathe," Athena reminds me. "Everything will be okay. Did you post about the party?"

I forgot that I've been promoting them online lately. I approve though because I posted a little earlier and because I can do it later.

"If you find it difficult or lazy, we can ask Mina to take care of it. Or Ares. Just leave them the phone."

Last time she wasn't the one paid to handle marketing.

"It's better this way, my mouth and body betray me simultaneously and I leave the phone with her. Tell me what I can do... I don't see why I have to do it to her," I confess.

"Because you're part of the Kassie family. And because you can, and if that's not enough, because I'm asking you to."

Kassie is part of the family. I try to push Artemis's voice out of my mind. To push her melody, her whispers. To stop haunting me. I ask for her phone back, go on Instagram and start talking, filming a story. I feel ridiculous, like a TV presenter. I tell them about the music, the atmosphere. The hotel, the family. I tell them about the slippers because that's all I can think about. I tell them about the anxiety. Then I go back to my family and the hotel. To Olympus and its legends. To Travis. Travis, who is sprawled on a bench in the gazebo with a book in his hand. Dante's Inferno .

"What are you reading?" I ask him anyway as soon as I stop filming and sit down close to him.

"A medieval fanfic," he mutters. "Or something like that. I think Dante had some kind of crush on this Virgil guy. Don't you think so? Uhh and apparently you end up in hell. All poets live in the first circle."

I feel like he's making fun of me.

"Why a crush?"

"Because he is imaginating that this poet is taking him on a date in hell. He is either a romantic or a schizophrenic... U get it, he's in love, otherwise how to imagine all of this shit?Ans he is mentioning Achilles. Achilles was gay. Sure, he is here with the whores but still. In the foot notes he says that he killed for some woman but you and I both know that he killed for Patroclus. His anger terrified the gods and shook Troy. That is how I want you to love me."

"Like Dante and Virgil?"

"Dante hasn't burned for Virgil yet. Love me like Achilles. It's cute, don't you think? How Achilles waits for Patroclus all the time and Patroclus doesn't expect it. I read that book too. Several times. You once told me that... What was it? I will kill you and eat you raw. Well, I reread the book. Several times. If you're capable of hating like that, you're capable of loving just as intensely."

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

"Shouldn't we be at the party?"

"You look good in red, ignore me. You look like a little slut but you look good. You have black lace, it gives you a more erotic air than the dress itself, no matter how short it is. I think he's trying to sell you cheap. You're Kassie Wade, he stands up and takes a box from beside him. I have something for you. I don't take no for an answer, he warns me before I speak. It was my mother's and I think it looks good on your neck. Just take care of it. It means a lot."

I feel the heavy necklace and yet I know that as expensive as it is, its value is more sentimental. I feel like I've just fallen into the second circle. I can smell his scent when he's close. Sandalwood and cedar. Vanilla and bergamot. I can't tell the scents apart. I find myself turning towards him to smell him better. I don't look at the necklace itself, no matter how beautiful it is. I take a deep breath, as if I were drunk, of the smell on his neck. He's a little sweaty. I adjust the collar of his shirt more tightly, Travis isn't a man who dresses elegantly every day. I feel like his effort today should be appreciated. I run my fingers through his hair and straighten it.

"We're going back to the party," I announce it because I feel like it's the best decision right now.

"The little coward, she smiles. We'll be back, she assures me. Just… Tonight? Are you going back to Gerald's?"

"I don't know. Ask me tonight. Do you want me to… I hesitate and follow him. Do you want me to go back to Gerald?"

He takes my hand. He squeezes for a few moments then relaxes.

"I already know you don't. You know that if it were up to me, you would move right away. I talked to David about the job. I mean, I convinced him this time. I'll see you every day."

"And we want this?"

"A lot of everything, he whispers softly in my ear. Oh…ahh… he hesitates and stops me from physically joining the party a few steps away from us already. They have a surprise for you, he warns me. I had completely forgotten. I want to… Remind you of the rooms okay? Of the fact that we are not alone."

"So you want me to react like a lady and not like a child? I giggle. You're implying that I'm immature."

"You are. Most of the time. Don't be today. The whole point of today's charade is to show that you've grown up. That you're not the little girl you were four years ago. That there's none of her strong emotions in you."

"So now you like frigid rates?"

"No. I prefer your passion. But they don't have to know that," he winks at me.

I'm heartbroken because I can't say or do anything. All I do is stare at him and sometimes I think even he thinks I'm crazy. Although he wouldn't tell me that. He'd let me figure it out. He'd let me...

It's ridiculous how I get so worked up, how I stop functioning as soon as I see her. Her back is to me and it makes my dad fidget. She has a glass of wine in her hand and her brown hair is tied back in an elegant bun. She's tanned, she's probably been to the beach or a tanning salon. Her back is bare. Rory comes up next to my dad and I don't need to hear her to know what she's doing. She introduces herself. Cheerful. Direct. My mom shakes her hand and I can see her hesitating. I can see her back tense when my dad fills in something. I know what she's saying and why she's so cautious. She tells him she's been to prison. I can read my dad's lips. I can recognize Rory's proud smile when she brags about the enormous sums she stole from the bank without getting caught. Harold and Athena are there too. I understand now that Travis wasn't afraid that I'd get too excited and act childish. He was afraid that I'd get angry. That I'm going to make a fuss. You're Kassie Wade, he told me as if it meant something. I'm Kassie Wade. But even that last name doesn't make me immune to her presence there. I don't know if I want to argue with her, cry or hurt her. To ignore her. If I want to hug her or take her by the arm and drag her outside. If I want to ask her why I'm coming back now or thank her for doing it. You're Kassie Wade, I read it in Travis's eyes. Kassie is part of the family, Artemis chirped once. Next to my mother, I see Hades. Hades is a Greek god, I remember. Delilah. I'm a terrible friend. No. She 's not even a friend to me. I remember all the guilt I felt for nothing. And what if it's the same now? What if I'm stressing out about nothing? I see Mina next to Ares, next to Artemis and next to Drako. Next to Grandma and I assume they've resolved their differences or at least are on the right track. I turn to my mother. No. She has no right to come to my party, to drink in my honor, and to have fun. No. I would have forgiven her for leaving my father if she hadn't left me too. And I'm determined to go over to her, grab her by the elbow, and tell her to get the hell out of here before I get her out. I would do all of that if that little piece of mucus hadn't been in my way.

"Who are you?" She asks me curiously.

She jumped out of Sara's arms and if I didn't stop at Timp I'd crash into her. Hera looks just like her mother. I recognize her first because of the pictures and then because she's the only child at the party. I want to tell her to move but I remember Travis's request. To remember the cameras. And then, of course, the fact that the girl is not guilty of anything.

"Kassie Wade," I hold out my hand.

"Kassie is part of the family," I hear Ted explaining to her.

He wants me to lose my mind.

"I don't know you," the curious girl hesitates.

"Kassie used to write your knight stories, Sarah whispers softly. Do you know? The ones you like a lot, they're from her. You know, I told you. Kassie was caught in..."

"You're the princess in the tower! She giggles. But you don't really look like a princess."

Not really!

"No, I don't."

"Travis saved you from the tower?"

I look at Travis and try not to laugh.

"And why wouldn't I have saved myself?" I ask softly and walk past her. Mom.

Lucille is looking at me. She's looking me up and down. I feel like I'm at the market. At a stall at a fair.

"Kassie!"