Lost Girl (8)

The days I spend become much more enjoyable when I am with them. I forgot how to complain because there are so many complaints that I have to hear, I forgot how to cry, because there are so many tears that I have to wipe away. I forgot how to grieve, because there are many who need my shoulder to lean on. Because of them, I feel that my life is fine.

Yes, I forgot that no matter how strong I am, there are times when I can feel very painful.

"Lucia? Are you feeling better?"

I don't know how many times that question came out of Leo's mouth. It hurts, it really hurts until I feel like I want to die. But every time I accidentally showed my pain, Leo, Chris, Pierre and Bryan's faces immediately changed.

"I'm fine, Leo!"

"But you look so pale, it must hurt a lot, right?" Leo whined. Even though I was the one suffering from this pain, he was the one who overreacted.

I remember, he always held my hand tightly as if he was afraid of being left behind. His hands felt very warm and it could ease the pain I was feeling a little.

Leo always shows that he really needs me. I forgot, really forgot what I had done with them that made them so attached to me.

It feels like just yesterday I was walking alone in my dirty karate uniform through the park, where I saw them playing together without me. It feels like just yesterday the distance between us was so wide, but right now, they were by my side and crying for me.

How can I complain when I have got what I once wanted?

"Thank you, guys."

I tried to smile so that my tears wouldn't flow. I want them to believe that I am fine and no matter how painful the wound I am suffering right now, I will definitely endure it for the sake of them, my very precious friends.

All wonderful things went on as before, the relationship between the five of us became stronger and it was difficult for us to part. However, no matter how close we were, there was still a point where I started to feel strange.

"Are you okay, Lucia? Does your head hurt?" Leo asked, who was as attentive as usual.

I held my stomach which felt so painful that it was difficult for me to hold it.

"I'm fine, I just have a stomach ache." I said while looking for a place to sit and rest for a moment.

"Soon the tournament will take place, I'm sure this time you will win and represent England at the world level karate tournament."

"I am not sure,"

"Why? Usually you're always so sure!"

"My opponent this time will definitely be much stronger. It's not that easy being a country representative, Leo!"

"No! You will definitely win. I'm very sure. Your abilities are very great, even in a fight you can always beat other people who challenge you. You are very great, I really want to be as strong as you!"

Leo continued to praise me with a sparkling face. He didn't even realize his own abilities and continued to focus on me. Even though Leo is very talented and he has enormous potential to become a karate champion.

"You'd better think for yourself. Why did you refuse to take part in the competition?"

"I'd rather be your training buddy!"

"You idiot! Do you remember what Sensei said to you yesterday? Sensei said you were the most talented and potential student. You should train harder so you can take part in the tournament!"

"Is that so? Since you said so, I think I'll start training seriously. Maybe someday, I can beat you."

"Don't get a big head just because I praised you a little! You will never beat me, remember that!" I said irritably. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that most likely in the future, Leo will become much stronger than me.

But if that really happened, if he became stronger than me, would he still view me the same way? Would he admire me as much as he does now? Will his eyes look at me like now?

Somehow those thoughts made me even more angry. I feel that I am the strongest compared to my friends, I feel that it is impossible for them to be stronger than me.

"Ugh...it hurts, my stomach hurts so much!" I winced in pain and sat on the floor of my room. It felt so painful that I wanted to cry.

There's something strange, yes there's something strange happening to me. I felt liquid flowing from my genitals and when the liquid came out, I felt my genitals were very painful.

I ran to the bathroom just to make sure I hadn't wet the bed, but what I saw shocked me even more.

"Blood? I'm bleeding?" I panicked and didn't know what to do. I was 12 years old and this felt very strange to me.

I tried to guess what might have happened to me and I remembered when my older sister, Alexa, had a red stain on the back of her skirt when she was in middle school.

Mother came over to me who was sitting on my side in the corner of the bathroom, holding my stomach which felt like it had been stabbed with a knife. It hurt so much that it made me feel very uncomfortable. 

"What's wrong with you? Why are you still here? You should have gone to the dojo, right?" Mom asked, even though she looked quite worried about my condition, her mind was still focused on what I should do.

"Mom, I don't think I can go to practice today. My stomach hurts so much." I said in a trembling voice. I hate to admit it because it makes me feel like a weakling.

"Why not? A little pain can still be endured, right?"

"It hurts so much, I can't hold it in. Can you call sensei and tell him that I can't practice now?"

"But if your dad finds out that you don't practice, he will definitely be angry! Soon there will be a tournament that your dad been looking forward to, he wants you to be England's representative at international level this time."

"Just for today, Mom! I beg you. Please buy me medicine!" I begged.

"Stand up!" Mom said. It seemed like she was starting to suspect something happened to me. While enduring the pain, I was forced to stand up just to show her the white pants with blood stains that I was wearing.

"Oh you're menstruating."

"Is that bad?"

"No, all girls experience it and sometimes it hurts a little. Don't tell your dad about this!"

"Why?"

"He doesn't want to know and he doesn't need to know."

"But I-"

"Don't argue, Lucia! Just listen to what I say if you don't want your dad to be angry!"

"Yes, mom."

I don't know why at that time I so easily obeyed everything my mother said. I don't know if it's because I'm too afraid of making my father angry or because I don't want to lose the attention he has always given me over the past few years.

***